Sometimes We Hold Others at Higher Expectations

I am guilty of holding my own self up to this high expectation, I have always felt I am strong and can make it through anything – alone or not alone. That is who I am. As a close loved one told me earlier today, “Everyone can only be so strong. You’re stronger than most.”  The thing about me is that because I hold myself to such high standards, I tend to hold others to those standards and that really is not fair.

Everyone has a busy life. Everyone has their own inside demons to work out. Everyone has their own things that they have going on that maybe they are not as outspoken about like I am. That is one thing a lot of my current friends know of me and say often; “I have frustrations too but you are just more outspoken about them and passionate about getting them out verbally while I sort of hold onto it internally until I am ready to say something that makes sense”. That I am guilty of, when something is bothering me I ramble it out in writing or words just so that I can be free of it. Doing that means it doesn’t always come out correctly.

Sad thing for me right now is that there has been someone lost, while it may have been expected, I really needed a couple people who I hold very close to my heart there for me. Lately, as in the past few months, those who I held so close to me, they were my rock, my love, the only people I knew I could go to for anything, have disappeared. Or so I feel as if they have disappeared. I start to wonder what I did wrong, why don’t they talk to me anymore.

Then I realized, just today, that it doesn’t matter that they are not here for me in the way they used to be. That they do not seem to care to have my children and me in their life in a way I have tried to keep them. Sometimes, whether you are talking about family or friends, you just have to let go because people change, lives change and sometimes people just suck.

While I am not saying those I miss having around me “suck”, in all reality they are amazing people who really can sometimes get me to think in a different light, I am just sad that in their actions (or lack there of) that they seem to not want to be here for me when I really needed them. I would be there for them in a heart beat if I knew they needed someone, guess sometimes, it takes that down and out moment to realize just who is that important in your life. I have to remember that I can only be so strong just like others.

I have to remember that while I can love a lot of family and friends in my world, it does not mean we will always talk or always be there when the other needs us, but after going through what I went through last night into today, my eyes were opened as to who really is genuinely caring and not about me. It hurts. I’m sad about it, but at the same time, I shall move on and still continue to love those who were a part of my life and are not there anymore. I will not hold bitterness, rage and anger because that will only consume me to become who I used to be.

Getting this off the chest helped. Collecting my thoughts and writing down my rambles has really helped me to try to put others back down to normal expectations and realize that while others may not talk to me in that moment, they do love me and would be there in a heart beat should that situation call for it.

It doesn’t really help that this Winter has played a huge toll on my mood and well being. It doesn’t help that I am having my own health problems that no one knows about except those who are actually 100% part of my world. It doesn’t help that I am just ready for sunshine… but thankfully writing helps, seeing my kids smiley faces helps and having the love I have within my direct household helps. I am thankful for what I do have and have survived through worse.

Let’s Just Say .. Life is so Much Fun

From playing with Kre-O blocks ….

Kre-O transformers

To dressing the dog for negative degree temps only to realize her coat is too small…IMG_20130123_175543

To finding out that Beat the Parents is an amazingly fun game, even when you are playing with with five kids who are 12, 11 10, 6 and 4. Totally fun time laughing, I laughed so hard I cried.

Beat The Parents

To getting my butt whooped at chess… a 12 year old got me in check mate, what can I say – I suck sometimes at chess. {or all the time}

Check Mate Chess

To letting the four year old paint a masterpiece art design on an old cardboard box ….

And everything in between. I certainly can say that I love my life, even if at times I am wishing I could rip my hair out or bang head against wall. The times I have with my family could never, ever be replaced by anything or anyone else ever. The nights of laughing so hard I am crying, to the point where my stomach hurts but I still can not stop laughing. To the times when the kids tell me they love me. Every moment of life is a blessing and even though some moments are challenging – at least you get to experience them.

Be thankful and grateful for what you are blessed to have!

Learning the Perfect Angle of Yourself for the Perfect Picture

When I see pictures that others have taken of me, off guard or on guard, it’s never looking as great as a photo I have taken of my own self. You see, even after losing 14lbs I am still aware of my belly and no matter how much weight I lose the breasts I own will always be larger than I wish them to be. Having a large chest makes for one to look top heavy and in some pictures, larger than she really is.

With photographs of your own self, that you take, you are able to take the picture, look at it and erase. This makes for you to learn your perfect angle and just the right smile to ensure you look wonderful in that picture. Seen above I put together a cute collage of pictures I have taken of myself recently. Which one is your favorite?

Enjoy the Simple Things in Life

When you look around the world you will see humans making life more difficult than it really is.  A friend once said that life is pretty simple “do what you want and harm no one”, this is rather simple but I have to admit it’s true.

So when you are feeling like life is too much to bear, you can’t handle another thing. Take a moment to enjoy the simple things, such as a walk in the quiet woods.

A stroll down the edge of a river.

Or check out the odd mushrooms growing in your backyard. Just don’t eat them or touch them unless you know which mushrooms or good and bad.

Whatever it is that you do, just do it. Enjoy the simple things, life really is that simple. Happiness really is that easy to come by.

I Refuse to Go Back to Sleep

I made a vision board, just a simple little one with various things on it and I have been staring at it each day I sit in my office. The other day I realized that one of the things on there has come true,another has come true in a way I wasn’t really expecting and others should follow soon.

It’s amazing how your mind can truly change things around you. I keep going back to the idea of The Secret which shares the Law of Attraction; the universe really does give you everything you want if you truly can envision it in your world.

I know that my mind is rested and my shoulders less tense because the power of my thoughts has come back full force and I refuse to let it go. Being sick for four days really changed my attitude and outlook on things in life, it seems it awakened me again and now I refuse to go back to sleep.

Did She Not Have Television?

My pug is a sweetheart, I love her dearly. I mean who wouldn’t love a dog that sleeps as often as you would like to, eats twice a day whenever you feed her, goes out to pee whenever you feel like letting her out and to top it all off she lets the kids do whatever?

This dog rules…

Usually that is, until something happens to make her bark and this is just a small list of various situations that make her bark {a lot}, like all disturbed, ruffled up, hair on end .. barking:

  • Tom & Jerry, you know that cartoon? Oh yes indeed. Woof Woof Woof!
  • Me opening the door to enter, after she just watched me walk out of the door. Woof Woof Woof!
  • Wii games – any and all. Woof Woof Woof!
  • The wind blowing outside. Woof Woof Woof!
  • My typing on the keyboard, in my office – one room away from her, like right now! Woof Woof Woof!

It’s crazy, never seen a dog so disturbed by so many things. The television really gets me, because she barks at it so often I have to wonder if her previous owners ever watched television? Love my Pug, dislike the startled nature she is starting to have all of a sudden.