Mental Health, Guns and Sadness

Let me be very clear here, I am in no way educated on all of the school shootings that have been happening. I do not know all of the details nor do I know all of the locations that these have happened at; what I do know is that I know enough to form my own general opinion …

Too many of our youth are being killed at gunpoint in a place where they should be safe from such harm. I also would like to say too many of our youth are being harmed sexually in a place where they should be safe from such harm too.

The society we are living in is heading down a crash course to crazy. The news reporters have to cover far too many sad stories of life taken away far too early, there is no need for this. Do I think guns are the problem? Not really. Do I know what the problem is? Not really, no one does for sure.

I have my own opinion on these matters, such as gun shootings in schools, toy guns and pretend gun play when kids pretend their finger is a gun, and I am about to share it. Please mind your manners if you comment, please have respect. I do not disrespect you for your opinions, so I except the same in return from you.

My father is a hunter, the man I dated in high school and into the earlier adult years was a hunter. I have been around many guns in my life, we don’t live in an area where we see them often out at a store, but guns are around here and there, more so during various hunting seasons. I have seen guns since I was a young child. I respect guns. I was taught guns are not toys. I was also taught that toy guns or using my finger as a gun was pretend and for entertainment or play time, never was I confused about toy gun play versus real gun play. Ever.

Once again, I have no clue the back story to these gun shootings at schools, well no back story that goes deep enough for me to form a valid, educational opinion directly about each shooting, my opinion is simply about this backlash, knee jerk reaction society seems to have when a shooting at a school occurs. We are all saddened, we are all hurt, and we want a solution as well as answers, now. Not later, now. I get it, I have kids, I feel the same way, it’s not easy sending your children off to school with this fear becoming a reality for so many families.

I do not think guns are to be blamed for these shootings. I think that a combination of things are to be blamed, yes, but not guns alone. Our right to bear arms is there for a reason, our history matters, what our Four Fathers created for our Constitution happened for a reason. Clearly, there was a reason for we the people to have a right to bear arms, we never will know the events that took place to put this into affect, but we must respect the Constitution, it’s there for a real valid reason; to protect We The People.

5 Thoughts about School Shootings

Here’s where I think our society goes wrong {in no particular order};

  • We lead very fast paced lives, in which we want things now not later, we hate to wait because technology allots us all that we desire immediately at the click of a keyboard button and so we have formed this mindset that things have to happen quickly, as if done within a snap of the finger. No good solution came overnight for any dilemma.
  • Children are raising themselves, and in some cases their siblings too. More and more parents must work in order to keep up the high cost demands of living. This has created a culture of children being left alone far too soon and far too often. Children raising children is never, ever a good idea, because they won’t learn necessary life skills and lessons that parents were meant to teach their youth.
  • Our children are having far too much screen time; i.e. violent video games, violent films and violent/degrading TV shows. Children who are spending an abundant amount of time in front of such violent and degrading electronic games or shows are being desensitized to the real harm in such violence and degrading behavior. Case in point: they confuse fantasy with reality.
  • Mental Health Awareness is not something many are educated enough on, many look to a disability as a physical impairment, but mental disabilities are just as much a cause for concern as a physical disability is {if not more}. Just ask someone who is bipolar how society treats them; as if they can control their own selves, but no they cannot. Many mental health issues are overlooked or not handled with proper medication and therapy, thus placing our society at risk with mentally disabled youth and adults walking our streets every day confused, bitter, depressed and having no where safe to turn.
  • Parents are not spending enough time raising their children, I mean truly raising them. It is our job, as parents, to teach life lessons, to educate them about various weapons they may see in their lives, to teach them about gun safety, to teach them ways to talk about problems, to teach them to open up, to know who they are and to be confident enough to know who to turn to when they are struggling in life for whatever reason. If parents were raising their kids more often, they may be more aware of their child when things start to go negative and thus get them the help that they need.

I certainly cannot point fingers to parents only, and I can’t blame society as a whole no more than I can blame the physical object of a gun on all of these school shootings. I can only share my insight, the thoughts and opinions that have been racing through my head each time I see another school shooting. I always feel sad, for the victims and for the person who felt the need to grab a gun and shoot some people to solve all of their deep emotional scars. Hurting others will never fix you. Hurting others will only hurt more people and most of all, it will hurt yourself because this is a crime with high consequences.

Real guns are real weapons; a tool to use in time of protection of family, protection of self, war and hunting to get meat for the family.

There is nothing wrong with kids playing pretend cops and robbers with pretend guns, they played such games back in the day and no one ever thought to bring a gun into a school and shoot people up, right? So what has changed in society that has made children think it’s okay to do such a thing? Well …. I made my list of why I think children believe that’s the answer, now you should make your own and let’s work together to solve this issue, one step at a time. There is no one answer to this problem, we need a combination of education, awareness and proactive parenting to really get to the bottom of this devastating issue.

 

If You Could Hear You

If you could hear you

You would know

If you could hear you

You would go

If you could hear you

You would see

If you could hear you

You wouldn’t have me

If you could hear you

You would have peace

If you could hear you

You would be at ease

If you could hear you

You wouldn’t distress

If you could hear you

You would progress.

Call it Non-Confrontational, I Call it Being at Peace

I often tell people and people tell me that I am non-confrontational, it’s true. I am. Some like to say it as if it’s a bad thing, but honestly I do not think being non-confrontational is a bad thing. Due to my non-confrontational nature, I am at a place of inner peace. All battles worth fighting get fought … at the proper time. I don’t normally fly off the handle in someone’s face over an issue like I could have in the past when I was slightly more confrontational and hot headed. I truly feel as if I am at a place of inner peace, it’s calming to be non-confrontational.

I haven’t ever been the type to fight physically with someone, although I have had my battles with exes who will say I can be physical, that was way back in the day, and if they still look at me as that person well then they never got over it and came to a place of inner peace for their own self. People do change, not all of us, but many do grow. I have grown.

Why Being Non Confrontational Leads to Deep Inner Peace

Each day I work to better myself and each day I wake up feeling at peace because I no longer have any grudges, due to my non-confrontational nature I take more time to reflect upon topics that may get me heated. I think being more non-confrontational can assist others because;

  • it allows you to take time to reflect upon issues before addressing them.
  • it enables you to feel a deeper level of peace at the end of the day.
  • it teaches you to utilize your words in more successful ways.
  • it gives you a chance to make less mistakes when dealing with issues.

Overall I firmly believe that people who are non-confrontational can be more positive people, if only they learn how to hone in on that skill and utilize it to their own personal advantage. Not every conflict or issue needs to be addressed in the moment, not every situation needs to be addressed; life will go on if you just walk away from some confrontational situations. Believe me. I know if you can learn to be more non-confrontational like me that you will come to a deeper level of peace within.

At the end of the day all that matters is that you feel at peace, that you feel you have the closure you need and that you have let go of things you cannot control. Non-confrontational people can be self harming if they never solve the concerns they have, but if they learn to utilize words to come to peace and closure then they will honestly heal quicker than those who get hot headed and confrontational with others.

Random Happiness Thoughts and Pictures #familylife

I talk a lot about what brings me complete joy and anyone who is near me can feel the happiness radiate off of me when I am around all three of my children. I just adore my children, but not in the way that I am closed minded to their imperfections. We all have imperfections, we all have to work on our inner self each day. I feel that growing as a person, never stops.

With that being said, welcome to a glimpse into my true inner happiness….

Mom Loves Tats

The sun shined down and I was able to dress down a bit. Shown above is my first of three tattoos I have. This one is my first favorite because it’s a shamrock on my lower right ankle that is meant to be a tat for my first born. Some day, when money allows, I will add my daughter’s name to this tattoo. My daughter has requested that she be there when I have that done. Warm weather and the ability to show my tattoo side makes me happy.

Spending time with my Niece

No one could have ever explained to me the feeling you get when you hold your first born niece. I fell in love with this little bitty girl 15 months ago and she continues to amaze me. This is Livy, my niece, who is shown above grabbing my hair {gently} and turning to say MINE. I swear she was having hair envy in that moment. Spending time with my sister and her baby girl bring me happiness.

SPending time Outside

Watching my middle child, who rarely enjoys the great outdoors, play at the local playground while waiting for his sister the other day was such fun. I enjoy seeing this child happy because out of all three of my children, he is the one who doesn’t waste emotions. This son of mine is happy if he’s happy and sad if he’s sad, mad if he’s mad. Period. That’s it. There is always a pretty reasonable reason for his feelings too. Very simple and I love him for it. Spending time outside with my children, just being a kid with them brings me happiness.

Spending time with my Daughter

Last but not least, spending quality time with my children is important and nothing makes me happier than when my children jump up to sit on this counter top while I am doing dishes or dinner and chatting it up with me. The simple fact that I am still important to them, even my oldest, makes me smile from inside out. Spending time listening to my children speak about what is going on in their world, brings me happiness.

I suppose, you can gather from this post that most of what brings me happiness is a side of me with a main course in parenthood. I hope you find happiness in your world every day!

 

Are Some People Simply Meant to be Alone?

This is a question I have pondered for quite a many years. Why? Well because no matter how many times I end up in a long term committed relationship, within a year something is always missing for me. I start to feel weighted, I start feeling alone. I look at my life and see that I am doing as much as I would be doing if I were living alone, but now I have to deal with another adult being in the house. That presence of another person just drives me bonkers – this goes for room mates, visitors and a partner. I just don’t like being around the same adult every single day. I enjoy having my space, my freedom to just sit in my house without anyone being around.

Are Some People Meant to be Alone?Take my kid free weekends. If I have been with someone for about a year, I start to wish they had somewhere else to be. I want them out of the home so that I can spend two solid days in complete utter silence. No other person’s energy, words or presence to agitate me. I enjoy my alone time, but see I enjoy my alone time much deeper than just needing more time to me. Get a hobby, some will say. Get out of the house, go have fun. You deserve me time, some will say. I do that. It doesn’t help anything. I slowly start to feel suffocated by the existence of another adult in my world.

The funny thing is? I never feel that way about my children. Although I do know I need that break I get every other weekend from my handful son’s, I never feel suffocated or as if they are too much to have around all of the time. I also feel that same way with my oldest, and only daughter, she is a joy to be around all of the time and even on her rough days, I don’t wish she wasn’t around. The presence of my children simply calms me, soothes me, makes me feel happy. There has yet to be another adult in this world that I can handle sharing my life with beyond one year. That’s just a fact.

Going into relationships or even upon meeting someone at first; I am honest in that I say I am a free spirit, I like change. I am that type of person who usually has a different new-to-me vehicle every year if possible. I also have moved a lot since losing my first home, prior to that home ownership, I moved at least once a year for various reasons. I remember when I signed the papers to my home and moved in, I started to question why did I even buy a home? I was a single Mom of one back then and knew I didn’t do well with being in the same place for too long. It’s just who I am and maybe has to to do with me needing more alone time to learn why I am that way. I enjoy analyzing myself and learning why I do the things I do. I then work on making it better, but I can’t make it better when I am feeling constantly drained of all happy energy.

I think the ultimate point I am trying to make here is that sometimes, some people are simply meant to be alone. I don’t mean forever. I am sure that each of us may have a special person out there, but I honestly enjoy being alone. I don’t mind it one bit. It gets lonely, sure. But what I am realizing, as I gain more female friendships, is that being alone isn’t all that rough. I would rather live alone than live with someone. I just don’t like sharing my world for long term.

Being in the same house with another adult is just too much for me. It brings on this feeling as if I am having the life choked out of me. The other odd fact I have found is that when I am a single Mom, living alone with three kids, I am better with finances than when I reside with another adult who has another income coming into the home. Go figure that one out? I haven’t figured it out.

I think time is necessary for me to truly come to a determination of what’s going on. I have spoken to a counselor and well he is pretty much in agreeance that due to me having a special needs child, it is going to be vitally important I have a partner {if I have one} that can fit into that. My middle child is going to require a lot of my attention and energy for the rest of my life. I need to be fully aware that I HAVE TO BE AT THE BEST OF ME in order to raise all three children, but specifically my special needs child. That is okay with me. I love my three children to the center of the Earth and back, I will always be their rock and love them unconditionally. Sadly, I just can’t ever feel that way for long term about another adult. I love people and I care for them but I am simply better off doing things alone. The rhythm gets messed up with another adult in the house, it really does and then I get off balanced which them makes the kids act amuck and then my life just spirals downward.

I refuse to do this. I need to rise above. I need to stop worrying about others and realize what is ultimately best for ME. For what is best for ME will be best for my KIDS and while change is always difficult, if it’s a positive change and I remind myself I JUST DO BETTER LIVING ALONE, then things will look up eventually. I don’t feel like I am broken, but maybe I do still have some things to work on with myself, and need time alone, living alone to work through them. I am okay with that, every day is about building on yourself …. and I can’t let my fear of hurting someone’s feelings keep me from being the best I can be and doing what I need to do to keep the best of me.

Many won’t understand, honestly most never do. But I believe that’s because most people I know don’t live life to ensure they are meeting their deepest inner happiness OR they were blessed to have met their perfect soul mate and couldn’t imagine life without them. I haven’t been there yet. I thought it was so, but again, after a year, it never sticks. And that says I need to work on me again, but first I need to place myself in a positive parenting position to ensure all of my hard work as a parent is going to continue to pay off. I have to be honest though, this time around, I am witnessing that a comfort zone has been approached and so I am seeing the person I am with in a whole new light, while I’ve tried to explain it to him, he doesn’t fully see where I am coming from. I do feel it’s not a 100% my issue, I think that I am me from day one and sometimes the people I meet end up being a far off version of who they portrayed themselves to be and since we moved in together at about six months of dating, this happened quicker than later.

I think most people need to follow that two year rule, 1 year to get to know each other and a 2nd year to figure out if that real version of the person works for your world. I don’t ever take enough time to remember that rule …. but I can’t live in sadness, anger and fear because I don’t want to hurt anyone, don’t want to be judged. I don’t mean judged by outsiders, either, I mean by family members. I have yet to live an adult life they seem to support EVER, except for a couple super close family members. I have to let go that I am not the person they want me to be and if they truly love me then being here, supporting me and my kids would be in the best interest of things. I can’t change others and others can’t change me – let’s learn to love and accept people for their honesty and commitment to being 100% whole inside and happy, whether you “approve” or not.

 

“Image courtesy of moggara12 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

Has Spring Actually Sprung?

My backyard is starting to have some brown grass show through the snow that was dumped upon us over this long Winter season. Slowly but surely I am realizing that maybe, just maybe we do have a backyard. I am really loving the warmer days, mind you today has a bit of a chill undertone to it, but I will take it. It’s still the 40′s which is way better than the many days of below zero we had to endure this past Winter in New Hampshire.

With Spring time here, or coming slowly anyways, many are getting that itch to start cleaning and to find some household item deals. Maybe you are on the look out for some fun things to do outside after Winter had you all cooped up. If you subscribe to Living Social by clicking the link below, you will get email alerts with deals and specials for your Spring and Summer season. I recently saw a fabulous hotel deal for Maine, but couldn’t take advantage of it just yet. I have to wait til we get a little bit closer to June.  So click on over to Living Social and sign up to get email alerts for fabulous deals, great way to boost the spirits as the weather climbs to meet our warm weather temperature preference.

As a first time home buyer, my fiance is thinking about ways to save on electricity. This is why I feel like sharing the following information with you all, because I firmly believe saving on our electric bill can be a somewhat easy task to complete. Save up to 70% in some cases with solar power, simply click the banner below to visit HomeSolar 101 and see how solar power may be able to save you some cash.

Saving money and getting deals for the Spring season are so vitally important. I know I have a huge pile of yard sale items that is awaiting for our snow to melt and a nice warm weekend to unveil for our locals to stop by and name their price. I cannot believe how quickly children outgrow toys, clothing and accessories. Surely a yard sale will give us some extra money too, which is always fun to have on hand!

What are some things you start doing once Spring has Sprung?