I start looking at my belly fat and realizing my stress sticks to the belly and makes me thicker in the belly area. My shoulders become boulders, rock hard and my head can’t seem to get rid of this ongoing headache.

I never walk around saying I am stressed out, I do use the term overwhelmed at times for I do have a lot going on but sitting here thinking about what is overwhelming me is just not possible nor how I wish to live my life.

The problem is, more and more keeps getting added slowly each day. As each day passes I feel my health fading more and more. I don’t have health insurance so to go to the doctor is something I rarely ever do. I keep up with my OBGYN stuff through a place I can go for free but other than that I have zero clue if my high blood pressure is back, if my cholesterol is okay or even if my lower abdomen cramping that has been getting worse is a sign of anything bad.

I can apply for a grant through the county, maybe I should, but I feel my income wouldn’t qualify me for much of a break on health care costs. I just wish I had stayed married for health insurance reasons, haha! So while my body is telling me I am stressed, I can’t seemed to get my mind wrapped around that. I’ve been stuffing my head into my Kindle Fire at night reading books and not getting much sleep as we are weaning the five year old off of one med so that he can get on risperdal.

With every med change there’s a very stressful situation at home for my five year old is either extremely hyper happy or extremely angry aggressive hyper. This med change has proven to bring out my five year old’s happy hyper, so while it’s a wonderful happy thing, it’s also extremely difficult to deal with along side a 3 and 9 yr old who need their Mama just as much. School break has been spent mainly outdoors to avoid indoor conflicts with my five year old’s change during this med switch but I am so ready for a vacation because no matter how many times my brain doesn’t seem to realize I am stressed… my body and health is telling me I can’t handle one more thing right now for I may break down.

You may think you won and things are going your way
But when the light shines down at the end of the day
You have not won but rather shown your true character
Whatever truth lies beneath your lying exterior
Will come out to play when you are least expecting it
The truth lives on but lies only build a bottom less pit.

It’s not about winning and it’s not about losing
Life is about being honest and protecting those crying
I will fight for what I believe to be true
The lies will be uncovered and so will you.

Written by: Brandy Tanner

Guest post of the week by Brittany Booker

I love to travel, but unfortunately I don’t have much of a budget for it right now. I got a pay cut at work last year, so there went my yearly vacation. I’ve been trying to find ways to go on vacation and spend less money, and one of the ways to do that is to find a friend who lives somewhere interesting and go visit. It saves on hotel and food costs, which are a big chunk of every vacation. My roommate from college moved to Nashville last year, so I called her to see if there was a good time for me to come out. We set a date, and I planned all the things we were going to do. I don’t mean to be judgmental, but when I got there, I wash shocked at how horrible her neighborhood was. I was worried about her, so I suggested she research Alarm Systems Nashville to see if a home alarm system would be right for her. I feel bad because I think she was really offended, and that was not my intention. We had a great time while I was there, and I hope my comment didn’t ruin our relationship. Hopefully she will stay safe and everything will work out for her.

I was thinking the other day about how fast I talk, it’s usually about how fast I type which is around 110 words per minute. My mind just moves at this rate and it’s natural for me, always has been. I have been taking some time to figure out things about myself and realize things I need to slow down on or change or just work on making better. I also focused on things I love about myself of course, but this is a post about human defense mechanisms.

I think we all have that defense mechanism, meaning something we do when we feel threatened in some way. The threat doesn’t have to be a physical threat, verbal and non-verbal threats alike can put us into defense mode.  For me, I get super defensive when someone puts me down as a parent. The reason is, out of everything I have screwed up in my life from getting a DWI at age 18 to quitting my awesome office job in high school, to hanging with the wrong crowd and getting into drinking alcohol too much, parenting is one thing I haven’t seemed to screw up. I am proud to be a parent and I personally feel I am doing a fantastic job. I have given up a lot to raise my children but I have gained so much in return that when someone wants to say something negative about me as a mother or about my children I get majorly defensive. I call it Mama Bear coming out to play.

My defense mechanism is something I just realized that I do, and I am going to share it with you all….. when I feel threatened, annoyed by a conversation or just plain out disagree with what someone is saying to me I…

start talking really super duper fast and over them, I may even change the subject, but the key is that I talk so fast this person can not even get themselves back on track because I talk as if I have an unlimited supply of oxygen and I do not stop til I feel calmed again.

I believe I have always done this but I do it more so now because I get into this moods when someone upsets me to my core that I honestly do not give a shit about them in that moment. I ony care about one thing & that is to get out of the conversation as fast as possible or to make them feel the way they just made me feel as fast as possible. I am working on this because it is rude, but it’s part of me.

What is your defense mechanism?

I have been having a rough time getting into the positive vibe lately. Between finances and personal issues both emotional and financial it seems I have forgotten what makes me happy, some of my own faults I need to work on and that life is too short to think about the past. This is my video to share with you all my thoughts on life both personal and professional.

I ask you all this question, what have you learned about yourself looking back? Are there things you will be working on making better about yourself so that you can have a better future and life? Share with me in a comment below or do a video response on YouTube!