I work every morning from about 8am until lunch time, from then on I am on, what i like to call “Mama Duty”, where I am not allowed to touch email, blogs, computers, nothing again until the munchkins are asleep. This wasn’t always the rule or the case in my home but ever since I stopped my virtual assistant business and focused on writing things have become more peaceful and fun in the house!

You see, I really only “need” a few hours a week to do all of my writing and in turn make enough money to support the family but getting my words of wisdom to the world are important to me and as with any self employed type of job, you have to take time to market yourself so that you in turn make money.

The four hours a day I spend online sometimes turn into me having 7 tabs open in FireFox with my brain on overdrive. You see, I want to write, stumble posts, digg posts and interact on Twitter as well as Facebook but instead of taking each task as one at a time, I try to do it all at once. Maybe it’s my multi-tasking personality or maybe I have Blog ADD, whatever it is, I can not seem to focus on one task at a time.

Every morning I swear this morning will be different, I will open only two tabs; email and one blog, but it never fails, before I know it I have 7 tabs open and although I get a ton done, I never leave the computer feeling fully “complete” in my tasks.

I am someone who gets this guilt;

I yelled at my kids today – Oh my gosh are they going to grow up with anger issues because I yelled one day out of thirty? Doubtful, right? Exactly.

Oh my gosh my kid has a sickness, could I have given them more orange juice or washed their hands more frequently or something to have avoided this horrible sickness? Doubtful, right? Exactly.

So  why is it so hard to believe that one of my three children could simply just have been born wired in a way to have a mood disorder? Why can’t I just realize this is who he is and I have been proactive in getting him into specialists for the past three years to ensure everyone was on top of his possible mood disorder.

I mean that is all one can do, fight as a parent for our child who can’t fight doctors and specialists for himself. I have done the best I can do and will continue to do the best I can do for my middle child.

After watching my five year old go downhill this past week and a half today is what finally hit me hard and made me want to just cry for hours. Instead I called @mommadjane and told her what’s going on and the funny thing is – she made me realize the good in what my son has and the good in the fact that I do have help and specialists are listening. Funny how I am usually the one trying to show MommaDjane the happy side of things and here I needed her on this day, but she came through and made me a little less sad.

So here we go again, I am wondering was it this or was it that? Is it how I felt when he was born? Is it the depression and how withdrawn from him I was when he was born? Honestly – NO – my sons counselor has assured me there is no way I could have caused a chemical imbalance for a mood disorder! It’s not possible! Even though that is relieving, I am still MOM and I still catch myself with those “what ifs” popping into my head every so often.

I just have to realize – this is not my fault just like it’s not my fault my sister has bi-polar – I didn’t cause my sister to be bi-polar although some days she would like to say it was me beating her up all the dang time as young children, it really isn’t my fault – no one “causes” a person to have a chemical imbalance which creates a mood disorder, such as bi-polar.

It’s not your fault, it’s not my fault — it’s just simply part of raising children – you take what you get and do the best you can with it!

Heading off to say that three times in the mirror so maybe I will believe it

I recently went to Type-A Parent Conference in Asheville, NC. I enjoyed my trip so much that it isn’t even going to be a question, other than finances, that I go next year! The only issue I had with getting to Type-A was that I had a choice to drive 18 hours there or fly a couple hours there.  I quickly started tweeting about my fear of flying & how I should get to Type-A when @mommycosm tweeted back at me. She is a NH blogger just like me and just like me she was heading to Type-A as a volunteer. Kim is her name and she told me she would be my flying buddy. This all happened via Twitter, I love the power of Twitter (shameless plug, I am @brandyellen so you better follow me).

I started panicking once the tickets for the flight were purchased. We would be in a plane down to NC for about four hours because the route was taking us from Boston, MA airport down to Atlanta, GA then back up to Asheville, NC. Had we gone straight and not out of the way it would only have been a two hour flight much like that of our flight back home from NC.

I felt a little nervous the morning of the flight but I had only gotten about three hours of sleep so my drowsy demeanor probably helped in keeping the anxiety down. I met up with Kim in Boston and she showed me the ropes. We got onto the plane and I sat near the window, a place I didn’t think I would like because I tend to be claustrophobic. I loved looking over the clouds and down to the main land. The view from the airplane window was so amazing.

I didn’t freak out once, not over air pockets, not using the bathroom, nothing. I loved flying so much that now I don’t think I will question driving versus flying ever again. The only time I think flying versus driving will come into play is when we travel with the kids, in that case driving may suit us best.

I am ready for a vacation ….  wonder where I will fly next without the munchkins?

Related articles

• The Trip to Type-A Parent Conference #typeacon (happilyblended.com)
• Soon To Be Heading Home (happilyblended.com)
• Heading to Type-A Parent Conference #typeacon (happilyblended.com)
• Flying Is Me, Off to Type-A Conference #typeacon (happilyblended.com)
• Flying To NC in Less than 2 Weeks (momsvacationland.com)

I love you all, I love being home with my kids but I also love writing and I love socializing and so it is my pleasure to say I am heading to Type-A Parent Conference on Wednesday to meet up and be roomies with my real life best friend, @mommadjane.

We had been “virtual” friends for about two years when we met for the first time and now it has been two years since we have been in real life together. I was lucky in that I won a contest for free tickets to the conference and free 3 nights at the hotel for me and a friend, the friend ended up being none other than the rockin’ MommaDjane who I love dearly!

We really seem like sisters, we have the normal ups and downs, lack of talking daily and such that you would have with sisters, but maybe sisters is a bit extreme. I don’t care what you call it, her and I have been through a lot and she is most likely the only person online that I have met who knows the MOST about me on a personal level and she best be keeping her mouth shut! haha!

So off I go to fly for the first time, have a conference for the first time and be away from my sons for four days for the FIRST time… my daughter and I have no separation issues but my sons and I  …. oh man I think I am as bad as them!

Read more at Type-A Parent Conference article on Happily Blended. (oh and see a pic of her and I at my father’s in VT)

Happy Week and weekend everyone!

My house has a swampy area in the woods which I can only assume brings on the major dose of mosquitoes we are getting this year. I can’t stand bugs, nor moths. Just ask MommaDJane, she was the one laughing hysterically while I had a moth in my ear a Summer or two ago and was freaking out. Oh yeah …. bugs and me we don’t get along and we are not friends at all!

Recently I had to go to my Mom’s house, okay a few times because I am helping her with some animals, but on this particular time I was looking for a metal shovel to fix my darn mailbox and put the post back into the ground. While I looked in the shed I noticed that my Mom has a bug zapper. Do you know what I am talking about? It’s one of those electric light things you hook up and it zaps bugs dead!

This has helped make mosquitoes and bugs just a little better. I no longer get attacked by June bugs when I head outside in the night time hours so I must say THANK YOU Mom for letting me use/have this item. It is getting great use here and I love having it, even if you need/want it back someday! For now I am loving this less buggy nights thing I have going on at my house!