Why Do Humans, Specifically Women, Over Analyze

It is always fascinating to me how we, humans, over analyze things. Men tend to not have this trait as often as females do; it seems men live pretty simply. Men know this is how it is and they go with it, again, not all men but a predominant amount of them seem to live life this way. Why is it then, that most females tend to second guess their own self? Why do we make an educated, heartfelt decision and then beat it to death with our over analyzing gene?

There is one theory that states woman have a better connection between thinking and speaking; this means most of us woman speak during our thought process. Women take the time to discuss their thoughts, where they are coming from and verbalize it. Men tend to think harder, ponder and then speak when ready. I am not sure if I feel either way is right or wrong, but I do think the fact that most women speak while going through the thought process can lead to over analyzing. Essentially men do the same thing, but no one is aware because they are not as vocal about it.

As it pertains to relationships, many women will analyze a man and the relationship because she has gone through experiences that led her to a path where certain things are unacceptable. Most women, at a certain age or stage in their life, realize what type of man will last long term with her. If that man exhibits a wide range of traits she sees as red flags, she will move on. NO questions asked, because her future  matters to her. That’s not to say men don’t do the same thing, women tend to think further ahead I feel than men who live in today.

I have held many conversations with men who admit that they haven’t really ever thought about tomorrow, they live in today and go day by day. As a parent, I have become a more proactive person; I live for today but I think about tomorrow in a productive, positive way. As a women and mother of three, I have certain needs that must be met as a mother as well as a women. Due to the fact that my middle child has special needs, I tend to analyze a lot of areas in my life. I need to ensure I am living for full happiness, as a whole, to ensure my children are progressing and thriving for their happiness as a whole.

Analyzing things helps me, as a woman and mother, to determine if my feelings are derived from hormones, stress or realistic expectations. Sadly, I can analyze something to death when I don’t like the outcome of my initial report, so to speak. I wonder why that is, why we question our thorough analysis of a situation? Can’t we have faith and confidence in our final decisions and reports?

I think experience and self worth plays a huge roll in how much we analyze something. I also think our gender plays a role. What I can say is this; I wish I would stop letting what other people feel get in the way with what I feel confident about for my future. I need to stand firm with all that is important to me, whether others agree, disagree or understand, at the end of the day all that matters is that I feel confident in my decisions. I am the one who has to live with my decisions, as well as my children, but my children usually can see me happier as I don’t make decisions lightly. When my children see me happier, they are happier. Period. Point Blank. That’s it.

I suppose my final analysis (being a woman and all) is that I believe women analyze things to death as a means to second guess ourselves based on experiences, the crowd we surround ourselves with and the simple fact that we get more flack than the men do when they  make decisions.

 

 

 

Are Some People Simply Meant to be Alone?

This is a question I have pondered for quite a many years. Why? Well because no matter how many times I end up in a long term committed relationship, within a year something is always missing for me. I start to feel weighted, I start feeling alone. I look at my life and see that I am doing as much as I would be doing if I were living alone, but now I have to deal with another adult being in the house. That presence of another person just drives me bonkers – this goes for room mates, visitors and a partner. I just don’t like being around the same adult every single day. I enjoy having my space, my freedom to just sit in my house without anyone being around.

Are Some People Meant to be Alone?Take my kid free weekends. If I have been with someone for about a year, I start to wish they had somewhere else to be. I want them out of the home so that I can spend two solid days in complete utter silence. No other person’s energy, words or presence to agitate me. I enjoy my alone time, but see I enjoy my alone time much deeper than just needing more time to me. Get a hobby, some will say. Get out of the house, go have fun. You deserve me time, some will say. I do that. It doesn’t help anything. I slowly start to feel suffocated by the existence of another adult in my world.

The funny thing is? I never feel that way about my children. Although I do know I need that break I get every other weekend from my handful son’s, I never feel suffocated or as if they are too much to have around all of the time. I also feel that same way with my oldest, and only daughter, she is a joy to be around all of the time and even on her rough days, I don’t wish she wasn’t around. The presence of my children simply calms me, soothes me, makes me feel happy. There has yet to be another adult in this world that I can handle sharing my life with beyond one year. That’s just a fact.

Going into relationships or even upon meeting someone at first; I am honest in that I say I am a free spirit, I like change. I am that type of person who usually has a different new-to-me vehicle every year if possible. I also have moved a lot since losing my first home, prior to that home ownership, I moved at least once a year for various reasons. I remember when I signed the papers to my home and moved in, I started to question why did I even buy a home? I was a single Mom of one back then and knew I didn’t do well with being in the same place for too long. It’s just who I am and maybe has to to do with me needing more alone time to learn why I am that way. I enjoy analyzing myself and learning why I do the things I do. I then work on making it better, but I can’t make it better when I am feeling constantly drained of all happy energy.

I think the ultimate point I am trying to make here is that sometimes, some people are simply meant to be alone. I don’t mean forever. I am sure that each of us may have a special person out there, but I honestly enjoy being alone. I don’t mind it one bit. It gets lonely, sure. But what I am realizing, as I gain more female friendships, is that being alone isn’t all that rough. I would rather live alone than live with someone. I just don’t like sharing my world for long term.

Being in the same house with another adult is just too much for me. It brings on this feeling as if I am having the life choked out of me. The other odd fact I have found is that when I am a single Mom, living alone with three kids, I am better with finances than when I reside with another adult who has another income coming into the home. Go figure that one out? I haven’t figured it out.

I think time is necessary for me to truly come to a determination of what’s going on. I have spoken to a counselor and well he is pretty much in agreeance that due to me having a special needs child, it is going to be vitally important I have a partner {if I have one} that can fit into that. My middle child is going to require a lot of my attention and energy for the rest of my life. I need to be fully aware that I HAVE TO BE AT THE BEST OF ME in order to raise all three children, but specifically my special needs child. That is okay with me. I love my three children to the center of the Earth and back, I will always be their rock and love them unconditionally. Sadly, I just can’t ever feel that way for long term about another adult. I love people and I care for them but I am simply better off doing things alone. The rhythm gets messed up with another adult in the house, it really does and then I get off balanced which them makes the kids act amuck and then my life just spirals downward.

I refuse to do this. I need to rise above. I need to stop worrying about others and realize what is ultimately best for ME. For what is best for ME will be best for my KIDS and while change is always difficult, if it’s a positive change and I remind myself I JUST DO BETTER LIVING ALONE, then things will look up eventually. I don’t feel like I am broken, but maybe I do still have some things to work on with myself, and need time alone, living alone to work through them. I am okay with that, every day is about building on yourself …. and I can’t let my fear of hurting someone’s feelings keep me from being the best I can be and doing what I need to do to keep the best of me.

Many won’t understand, honestly most never do. But I believe that’s because most people I know don’t live life to ensure they are meeting their deepest inner happiness OR they were blessed to have met their perfect soul mate and couldn’t imagine life without them. I haven’t been there yet. I thought it was so, but again, after a year, it never sticks. And that says I need to work on me again, but first I need to place myself in a positive parenting position to ensure all of my hard work as a parent is going to continue to pay off. I have to be honest though, this time around, I am witnessing that a comfort zone has been approached and so I am seeing the person I am with in a whole new light, while I’ve tried to explain it to him, he doesn’t fully see where I am coming from. I do feel it’s not a 100% my issue, I think that I am me from day one and sometimes the people I meet end up being a far off version of who they portrayed themselves to be and since we moved in together at about six months of dating, this happened quicker than later.

I think most people need to follow that two year rule, 1 year to get to know each other and a 2nd year to figure out if that real version of the person works for your world. I don’t ever take enough time to remember that rule …. but I can’t live in sadness, anger and fear because I don’t want to hurt anyone, don’t want to be judged. I don’t mean judged by outsiders, either, I mean by family members. I have yet to live an adult life they seem to support EVER, except for a couple super close family members. I have to let go that I am not the person they want me to be and if they truly love me then being here, supporting me and my kids would be in the best interest of things. I can’t change others and others can’t change me – let’s learn to love and accept people for their honesty and commitment to being 100% whole inside and happy, whether you “approve” or not.

 

“Image courtesy of moggara12 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

Why is it So Hard for Many to Just Be Happy?

What others do is none of my business. In all reality, whether another person chooses to lead a life of happiness or sadness really shouldn’t bother me. The thing is, that it DOES.

I have had so many bad things happen to me, when I have been asked to share my story with others. The story of where I have been and come from based on my own experiences of life, my view of it. I am often praised for not having such a bitter, negative taste in my mouth about all of the crap I have been through. Some crap was my own fault, other crap was the result of my bad choices and other crap was just because of how I happen to view the scenario.

I make a conscious choice to be happy each day.

I make a conscious choice to live my life happy.

I make a conscious effort to ensure no one else can bring me down.

I make a conscious effort to uplift and help others when I can.

I make a conscious effort to walk away from those who have such deep wounds that I can’t help them.

You see, I love being happy and of course that means I want to do all I can to help others be happy. The truth is, just like I recently told someone close to my world – you cannot help others who won’t help themselves. It’s not our place to fix anyone else. We can simply be here for them but make a conscious choice to walk away if the situation calls for it.

There are so many of my online friends who make similar choices to me; to lead a happy life, to be happy based on our own person. Happiness is found within and so many of my online friends agree. Yet, there are a small few who don’t see it that way. It’s like they say they are trying to be happy but “everything goes wrong” or they are trying to be happy but “everyone doesn’t get them”.

I mean seriously …. if you are honestly trying to work on yourself, then like a close friend on Facebook stated the other day, you cannot be completely happy until you work to heal wounds deep within yourself. It’s one thing to choose to be positive and lead a happy life, its another thing to be completely, deeply, spiritually happy within. To be completely positive and happy you must face demons within, move forward from the hurt inside and YES a lot of times this means therapy.

If you cannot face your past hurts then you are not going to be able to fully move on in life. Make a concsious effort to work to heal those wounds, you won’t regret it! It will be difficult and you will shed a lot of tears but the end result will be so worth it ….

Making Sure Insecurities Don’t Play out in a Relationship

No one is perfect. Everyone carries some form of baggage from one relationship into another. It’s a matter of fact. Whether that baggage is harmful or productive; that’s another story. I think that we spend a lot of years as youngsters being prepared to know that we must commit to someone. A relationship is necessary so they seem to push, but is it really necessary before you are ready?

While I have a boat load of mishaps in relationships, including one divorce, I learned something from all of the situations I have been in my life; that I am to be happy because as long as I am happy then my children are happy. I spent a lot of years thinking happiness was something I could gain from an external source but that isn’t the case. I spent time being that insecure girlfriend and even now at times, usually that week before my menstrual cycle arrives, I get a little insecure. Hormones are no fun to play with.

I am a firm advocate for listening to your gut instincts, but it’s not always easy to determine if your gut instincts are being driven by insecurities or a rational feeling. If you are a secure individual and have a decent self esteem then usually your gut instinct is correct. I had a scenario way back in the day where my gut was telling me something wasn’t right yet I didn’t listen because “I had to have proof”. I couldn’t walk away from the relationship with just a simple gut feeling.

That scenario taught me to always listen to my gut. I have spent many years since that moment ensuring that I understand how I work and who I am to the fullest. Being that in tune with yourself allows you to think clearly and acknowledge what may be insecurity driven feelings or justified feelings. I personally would advise people to spend at least a year single, getting to know who they are before committing to another human being but let’s face it, few people do that these days.


If you don’t spend time, even during your relationship, getting to a place where you are secure and self assured then you are carrying excess baggage that will ultimately ruin your relationship. If you do spend time getting to know who you are and what makes you tick, then eventually you will find that “one for you” that understands when you are hormonal vs thinking logically. Someone who gets you completely and loves you completely for who you are. That will happen, but only once you are secure with your own self.

People who don’t get their securities in check and their self esteem to a healthy level, will probably keep repeating the same relationship mistakes. That is not something I would advise you to do, check out Charles Orlando, he has a lot of great tips for both woman and men to move forward and demand a better relationship; one full of love, compassion and understanding.

Sometimes I Simply Forget Who I Have Become

Lately I have been in this funk, I keep saying my hormones are off. I cry at the drop of a hat and it’s difficult to find that happy thoughts place I always have been so good at finding. Then I had this lovely conversation with a Twitter friend, she reminded me what I have worked so hard to be all of these years, she reminded me that it’s simply a matter of taking back control of me.

You see, I do believe and have seen first hand, that thoughts can control you. Let’s say you think you have this illness, or maybe you think you are pregnant, if you keep thinking that way then your body will literally start to act as if you are sick or pregnant or whatever it is that you seem to think in your mind is going on.  That is the exact reason why I have been stuck in this hormonal rut, sure maybe something is going on with my body and I certainly will need to get to to a doctor, but I have fought off Generalized Anxiety Disorder sided with a cup of paranoia and horrible temper before, I can fight off the emotional roller coast my mind is taking me on for sure! No problem.

I can do this

I can do this, I can find me again and I can get back on track but in order to do so I have to do a bit of life clean up, this means removing once again any toxic friendships I have that help bring me down rather than up. I will succeed because I succeed at everything I put my mind to. I also need to start working out again, that really helps to boost the happy hormones!

 

I Refuse to Go Back to Sleep

I made a vision board, just a simple little one with various things on it and I have been staring at it each day I sit in my office. The other day I realized that one of the things on there has come true,another has come true in a way I wasn’t really expecting and others should follow soon.

It’s amazing how your mind can truly change things around you. I keep going back to the idea of The Secret which shares the Law of Attraction; the universe really does give you everything you want if you truly can envision it in your world.

I know that my mind is rested and my shoulders less tense because the power of my thoughts has come back full force and I refuse to let it go. Being sick for four days really changed my attitude and outlook on things in life, it seems it awakened me again and now I refuse to go back to sleep.