So you met the person of your dreams. You spend a year or maybe less sulking up the love, affection and happiness that comes with most new relationships. Then it happens. Your kids and their kids have to meet at some point, they all get along great. The kids adore each other. The two adults adore each other. Parenting techniques were discussed beforehand and things were seeming to blend together well.
Then it happens.
Things don’t seem so easy anymore. The situation appears to be something that you didn’t realize it was.
Blended families are difficult. You are essentially combining two different families together under one roof. Two parents, who probably don’t parent the same exact way, and two sets of children who were parented differently. Something has to give and communication has to become stronger than ever before.
The key to any relationship, especially a blended family one, is communication as well as respect, trust and honesty.
I think when times get tough, people just walk away. Since so many talk about marriages failing because people give up too soon, often times couples will beat their relationship to death and in turn dislike each other for it. When a relationship hits difficult times you need to take into consideration a lot of variables; specifically what your long term goals are as a couple and individual.
I can’t stress enough the importance of knowing what your own personal goals are as a parent and human being. This will play a key role in whether or not the relationship troubles are simply difficult times or most certainly, without a doubt something that isn’t going to work in the long haul.
Stay true to yourself. Do not allow any relationship to make you lose who you are. There is always room for negotiation on some subjects and scenarios, but never should you have to negotiate to a point of being broken.
Be aware of the other person’s responses to parenthood trials and tribulations, as well as your own. Do they match up? Are you on a simlar page or are you two so far apart that a light has shined down saying “this isn’t going to work?”.
No one else can tell you what is right for you and your relationship, you are the only person living in those walls with this other adult and their child(ren). The decision comes down to you knowing yourself inside and out.
If you have weighed all variables and found they are not playing a factor in this feeling of difficult times and really truly feel that this person’s parenting style or lack there of are not a good fit for both you and your children’s future, then you need to leave.
Relationships are difficult, but not all relationships we get into were meant to be. Take each failed relationship as a new learning curve in life. Learn from the experiences and never be afraid to be a single parent for as long as it takes to be the parent your children need. Your kids well being is dependent upon your well being both emotionally and physically.
If you don’t take care of yourself and make big boy or big girl decisions that matter, then how will ever expect your children to lead a fully happy life both as children and adults? You are the example to those little ones and they can pick up when things are not working out for their parent.
As a recap – Difficult means communication and realistic negotiations can mend the situation for the long haul in love and life. This doesn’t work means no amount of communication and realistic negotiations can work to rectify things.
Listen. Speak. Discuss.
Make a decision.
Learn from the experience.