A New Year and Still Me

I wanted to write something like “a New Year, A New Me” but I am not new, I am still the same old chick. I have had tons of time with the lack of sleep in this household to really think about where I am at in life and business so that I can make some changes in both areas that I am actually 100% okay with doing. I feel more relaxed and focused, maybe it’s the lack of sleep giving me no choice but to think about my to do list and such, who knows.

I am excited that we are now in the year 2013, so many changes this year for me and while some are super scary, all feel so wonderful! I am excited to be moving forward in a positive direction both as a person and as a family and entrepreneur.

Now if winter will be over already I would be even more happy.

Is it Hormones or That Time of the Year

For the past month or less I have been really struggling with hot and cold changes in body temperature. Ups and downs in moods and crying at a whim. I am not that person. I am usually happy and if not happy per say, I am rarely ever sad or depressed. As the days grow shorter and the sun is around less and less, I find my body shutting down on me.  I am losing energy, losing spirit and simply just want to sleep.

Irritability set in at one point, but I think that was due to some pills I was trying for review on my other blog. I stopped taking them and do not feel as irritable. I do feel like crying more often than not. Honestly, if I had to peg what is wrong with me based on past experiences, I would say I was pregnant. No worries people, I am not pregnant, which is why this is even more mind boggling for me.

Never having gone through such hormonal mood swings and ups and downs it has me wondering what is wrong with my 31 year old self. Is it age getting to me, hormones changing due to having a hormonal daughter in the house? Is it simply that I have been working too much to support the kids? Is it simply due to lack of a good nights sleep due to the little one waking mid night often?

I am not sure what the answer is, but I do know lack of sleep and lack of sunlight may be playing a huge toll in the hormonal mood swings I am feeling. I just don’t want to go back to having mood swings, anxiety and paranoia like I did in my teen and young adult years. I wasn’t a good person back then and having these feelings brings back memories I have moved on from with therapy and would rather keep them there. No matter how much therapy one has had, the memory of who I was, keeps me from becoming that person again.

These hormones are really killing me, in an emotional way.

I haven’t ever been bothered by the change in seasons, other than I hate cold weather and snow, maybe my body is just growing older and lack of Vitamin D from living in New Hampshire all of my life is finally getting to me. I suppose, I should try to see a doctor soon because I am in control for now, but these hormones are really giving me a run for my money lately.

Tend To Be Positive But ….

I lack the personality type to stand my ground with how I feel inside. I used to be so good at standing my ground and sticking up for what I knew to be best for my emotional well being but somewhere along lack of sleep and running hoops for my lovely children to have their special activities I got too tired to stand up for me.

The positive part of my life is that it works, sort of.  BUT if you talk to any of my close personal friends they will tell you it doesn’t work for me. Which is true. BUT I can’t seem to tell myself that in a way that helps me move forward & do something about it.

I tell myself that I am just too tired to make any logical decisions for myself. Sure I can parent and make decisions as a Mom in a logical way but when it comes to me and my emotions I just wonder if I make excuses to not deal with things.

I have so much on my plate already that I love and I just can’t handle one more decision to make. Not now. Maybe after the holidays I can but not now. So for now I focus on the awesome positive part of my life, I work from home to support my kids, I have more time for my kids and I get to enjoy the young years of all three children before they are teens and want nothing to do with me.

Life Can Move So Fast

Lately while dealing with lack of sleep I find that I have little patience for life. I have become more outspoken, although usually polite but not always, about life and ideas and standing up for what I believe in. Usually I refer to this situation as growing a back bone, because really I have, but I think it has a lot to do with lack of sleep and getting older. I really have no patience for people who don’t use common sense and can’t appreciate another persons opinion. I don’t know how many blogs I read daily but there are a ton and I bet I don’t agree 100% with what they all have to say, but I still leave a comment and I still respect their opinion and open my eyes to understand their side.

Life is way too darn short to be sitting here dwelling on crap that happened yesterday let alone what happened years ago. I have let go of the anger I held for so long against some people in my life and have moved on to acceptance. The day I became a parent I realized that we all do the best we can with the life we have and now that I am pushing 30 years old I am an avid promoter of parenting how you want to parent, being who you want to be and not worrying about the rest of the world. When the day is over it’s you and your family in your home so make sure the decisions you are making will only make your family better not worse.

I feel like my children are growing up before my eyes and I can’t slow down the pace of life. My middle child will be in Kindergarten next year, seems like just yesterday he was the little baby we called Chunk. My daughter, first born child, is amazing and so smart, the girl can debate and actually make valid points no matter what come back you have! My youngest is still my baby but I do see that yes, he too, is growing up and trying to step out and find his true self.

All I wish for in my life is to spread happiness and optimistic thoughts to all in this world but most importantly to my children. I want my children to have a smile on their face as often as possible, respect others, and use common sense as they start heading off to school and away from their parents to be individuals.

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