Everyday Brings More Challenges

The past year has brought on so many changes as well as challenges, I survived another difficult winter season full of my own mood swings and sad times. It’s true, I suffer deeply in the Winter months from mood issues. With the lack of sunlight Winter brings upon us, I always find myself struggling. This scenario gets worse each year, based on what others say I think it’s called Seasonal Depression. You can imagine how difficult it is for a positive person to suffer from that, it’s like an extreme opposite of my norm and makes life hard especially while trying to remain to be a positive influence and example for my children.

Winter is over though. Each day I wake up to warmer days and the warmth fills my soul with happiness. I find each day I get happier and happier.

Then things happen. It’s like as the season changes my mood is better, more positive and I feel closer to who I really am. That part is wonderful, the part that is difficult is that each day I get closer to getting more work done, having a steady work schedule and seem to be making head way with life; my kids get sick. Like today, all three kids are home sick and I have a ton of work to do. Money is needed and today was my day to create a new website offering some unique business services and website content; a site selling myself and content in a way that I have always wanted to do – focus on marketing and content sales.

Instead I spend today sitting on my laptop trying to find some positive in today. The rain outside is making it dreary, the kids with fevers make me fear getting sick and I just wish I could curl up in bed to sleep. Winter was rough, I just would like to have a few weeks of Spring being happy with little to no stress, but that’s not how my life ever works. The reason I am strong is because I have to face new challenges every day, or at least every week brings a new challenge.

I will survive this, but I am struggling. I think time away will be beneficial for me. I long to have one night away, in a hotel or motel, away from the challenges life brings so I can just sit and be me. No one to answer to. No one to talk to. Just me. Alone. Reading a book. Singing to myself, sleeping. Whatever suits my fancy.

Cheers to getting some me time soon and kids getting better quick!

 Everyday Brings More Challenges

Socks Missing – The Dryer and Washer are Not to be Blamed

In this house if you have missing socks, it isn’t the dryer nor washer to be blamed…

photo e1390849837792 Socks Missing   The Dryer and Washer are Not to be Blamed

Around these parts if you are missing socks and it’s either my daughter, my fiance or me … chances are the daughter or I stole them. In this particular case of the missing socks – it was me to be blamed for stealing yet another pair of my fiance’s socks. I guess he should have bought me socks for Christmas.

 Socks Missing   The Dryer and Washer are Not to be Blamed

Planning a Spring/Summer 2015 Wedding

It’s official, I am engaged and with that comes the planning a wedding stage. Right now, all I long for is to celebrate my engagement. We want to have time to simply be happy and enjoy this wonderful time in our life, but other life responsibilities are keeping us rather busy. Originally we wanted to have a Spring/Summer 2014 Wedding but since we really want to ensure our special day is a reflection of things we didn’t have our first time around as well as a way to showcase who we are as individuals and a couple; the time is needed to ensure we have time to free plan. We don’t want to get stuck into this time crunch, after all, if we love each other we can wait.

IMG 2549 1024x1024 Planning a Spring/Summer 2015 Wedding

Both of us have been married once then divorced once, this time around we have all of the time in the world. We aren’t having any children together biologically, we have my three and his two that will join as one blended family in 2015 and we want it to be a special day!

For starters, we have no clue what the “wedding party” at a normal wedding entails; sure we know flower girl, best man, maid of honor and bridesmaids, etc but is that all? I guess we have to do some research. Hoping for time this weekend to get my tax prep done and then sit together viewing various wedding planning ideas so we can get a feel for the style of wedding we long for.

Of course we have a small budget, at the moment there is no “number” to it other than cheap as cheap can be while still keeping it special. I’m super excited but still think it’s sinking in, like I said, we have so many other external things going on to deal with that the engagement has been really something that we are happy about but haven’t had a chance to really breath and take in the reality of it!

Cheers to a wonderful 2014 with planning of  the joining of our families in 2015 as two people who deeply love each other unite under wedlock.

 Planning a Spring/Summer 2015 Wedding

And she has Gone Red

One day I was craving a change …. should I pierce my nose for the third time in my life Or maybe it’s the fourth time? Should I pierce my tongue again? NO. NO.

Should I cut my hair off short and layered again? NO.

Then I decided that no matter how long I had taken to grow out all of that dead dyed hair, that I needed a change…

photo 11 And she has Gone Red

While I love my naturally dark hair, and even those greys sticking out … I wanted to go with a different color, something that popped, sure I didn’t like idea of killing my hair with hair dye again after years of getting rid of that dead dyed hair, but again I NEEDED A CHANGE…

photo 21 e1387561994459 And she has Gone Red

So to the store I went because Rite Aid was having a crazy deal on the brand hair dye I enjoy using …. a red color is what I went with but …

photo 42 e1387562060864 And she has Gone Red

It went a bit of a deeper, brighter, nearly punk red to me … the above picture looks okay and probably the one I am showing below…

photo 13 And she has Gone Red

But when I look at the hair just right in that sunlight that appears every so often in NH Winter, I see a bit purple of a color …

photo 5 And she has Gone Red

Which, I guess, can be a bit of a cool change, right?

Well so that’s my story, I needed a change and so it was my hair that took a beating …. I am now a red head.

 And she has Gone Red

Every Winter I Gain 20lbs – Refusing to Let That Happen #weightloss #getfit #workout

It occurred to me that last Winter was very difficult for me; my moods were unstable due to having less sunlight. As I get older, I notice my body and mind doesn’t handle things quite as strongly as it used to and that is why today, December 10, 2013 I decided to make a plan and must stick with it. I lack follow through when it comes to sticking with a workout. My last results to a steady workout, happened quite a few years ago. I kept up with my Wii EA Sports Active 30 Day Challenge and lost a great amount of inches and weight. I went from 220 to 180 lbs. I could eat whatever I wanted, but I’m not a huge junk food fan anyways, as long as I did my workout five days with two rest days somewhere between that seven day term. I was so pleased with my body, but still wanted to tone up. Somewhere life happened and I stopped that whole routine; a move, a break up and what not – made me stop working out.

Weight Loss Dec 10 2013 Day 1 Workout Starts Front View Every Winter I Gain 20lbs   Refusing to Let That Happen #weightloss #getfit #workout

I went down to 206lbs some how in a month but now I am back up to 223.2lbs and wearing size 16 pants. This is my starting point … excited to see where I am at each week and results for end of month. I would like to see me lose 2lbs per week minimum, which places my goal weight for end of 30 days at about 214.5lbs.

Weight Loss Dec 10 2013 Day 1 Workout Starts Side View Every Winter I Gain 20lbs   Refusing to Let That Happen #weightloss #getfit #workout

Let’s see …. I must also measure inches, but for now I cannot find my tape measure that I use for inches measured. Today I leave you with the following stats and must report in every 7 days with you all. I am going to set an alarm on my clanedar so that I know which day to report here with new pictures and stats. For now, this is the workout I am using for the next 30 days via YouTube on my PS3. Excited to see how it works for 30 days.

Stats for today:

Weight - 223.2
Height - 5’6″

Pants Size – 15/16

All workout posts will be Pinned to Pinterest too, alongside anyone else doing workout updates. So please Follow my Board on Pinterest. My Weight Loss Journey Board is a group board so feel free to request to join the board, I will add anyone to keep us all motivated!

 Every Winter I Gain 20lbs   Refusing to Let That Happen #weightloss #getfit #workout

Random Thoughts Spinning in my Head Turned to Blog Post

Each night I sit down on my couch, thinking about the days events. Lately I have been facing a lot of challenging things, but in all reality I’m mostly feeling a tad weighed down because I hold the brunt of my children’s stress. While I do teach them to cope and handle as well as communicate their own stressers, I’m still Mom so I end up with the worrying stress of it all laid upon my shoulders.

The shoulders, that’s where my stress is held. Always has been. Always will be. Tight, tense shoulders that feel like boulders. As the tightness in the shoulders gets stronger, my neck gets weaker and on comes a headache. Thankfully a nice hard shoulder rub takes away all of the pain and weight so I can sleep better.

Lately when I sit down on the couch, at end of night, my mind wanders over to a place I try to avoid, that place where you question why you have who you have in your life. The kids, well you can’t pick them – they are yours always so never second guess having your awesome children around. The friends, the acquaintances, the users and the givers. In my line of work I have mostly acquaintances with a handful of people who are friends. It’s not unlike me to think of someone as a friend but in all reality we really are acquaintances. I need to start defining my relationship with people better so as to not get sucked into some major dilemma that could have been avoided if I had kept the boundaries of what the relationship really was or should have been.

I’m pretty good at reading who a person is, yes even virtually over the phone, internet or email. I am better at it in person but overall you can get a feel for who a person really is if you watch their daily talks; if you are at a point where you are questioning why you hang around to be pushed down by people who just can’t seem to realize it’s their own fault their lives are where they are at. If you are frustrated with trying to help people but all they do is want to point fingers and make excuses as to why they are the way they are, then just leave them.

I always say this; life is too short to be unhappy and life is also too short to be tied down into unhealthy relationships  that should be more like acquaintances. If the person you care about is someone who really needs therapy, professional help and they just cannot seem to get their own head wrapped around that idea and instead wallow in self pity, then walk away. You cannot allow anyone; relationship, friendship or what not,  to be a part of bringing you down too.

To me, I worked my ass off to be who I am today so I have zero pity and zero tolerance for those who don’t help themselves. I get it, it’s much like an addiction; you have to admit you need the help to move forward into a positive, happy place before you can get the help you need or even work to get to that place. Sadly, society makes it easy for us to be needy, greedy and loathe in self pity because we have been trained to be sheep, cowards and not think for our own self.

Stop that. Stand up. Be who you are. If you have issues, deep issues within, and you really are sick of struggling with them, get help. There are so many free programs, so many support groups out there that can assist you in getting away from the life you are being sucked dry of. You are not alone but you do need to first admit you want that positive change, because without you truly wanting it within your heart – the change will never happen.

It takes work to become a happier person, you will be challenged every single day of your life. Each day you will face something that tries to bring your mind down, do not allow anyone or anything to have such power over you. I just wish more people would realize they have deep issues and then take the step to get the help. I felt such a breath of fresh air when I released all that I needed to release and I would love to see more people release that and feel that relaxation that comes with getting emotional things sorted out. I love seeing people become better, happier and healthier within because they simply put a hand out to ask for help to be strong.

You can do it. Anyone can. You just have to want it bad enough and be able to admit the faults you have and issues you have within. Then move forward to Step 2…. seeking professional assistance to gain insight on how to deal with the issues that created the person you are today. Random Thoughts Spinning in my Head Turned to Blog Post