Friends With Benefits, Otherwise Known as What the F@#$

I admit, I had a friends with benefits situation before and I loved every moment of it. I personally could not sleep with anyone but him but it worked for us and worked for me at that time in my life. Note it was a LONG time ago, many many moons ago. I have walked the path of being the friends with benefits, the friend, the girlfriend and eventually the wife – not all with the same person!

Here is what I am seeing from the friends with benefits during this day in age; it’s more about what that man wants and needs physically or sexually versus what both need/want in the friends with benefits world. Back in the day when I had an awesome friends with benefits situation going on, we were friends above all. I could go to him for anything and we had a chill time even just hanging out with mutual friends, it worked back then and I have zero regrets in having experienced that with this person. I enjoyed it. He enjoyed it. We were supportive of each other and a friend when needed plus we got to have amazing sex when needed too. A total win/win.

Personally, I could not do the friends with benefits thing now, I have moved on from that and although I may have needs not being met, I can not feel comfortable with the idea of friends with benefits now that I am where I am in life. Also, I have been offered friends with benefits situations during my online dating ventures and let me tell you what; friends with benefits these days seem to be not what I had many moons ago, it seems to be a what the F@#$ type situation just waiting for you to catch the next STD going around. Condoms do not protect you against all STD’s – remember that! (random fact I learned on Twitter)

These days Friends With Benefits appears to be not much more than a man who wants to have sex, back rubs, shoulder rubs, oral sex and whatever they freaking need at that moment without regards to what the woman needs or wants. The friends part? Oh gosh, why is the word friend even used in Friends With Benefits – the way some men have defined friends with benefits to me makes me cringe and has absolutely NOTHING to do with any form of friendship.  To me, if you are feeling 100% secure with where you are at in life as a single person and you are okay with the idea of friends with benefits simply because it gets your needs met and gives you someone cool to hang out with laughing, chatting and what not – then go for it, but make sure that friends with benefits is not just benefiting you or the only the other person. To me, friends with benefits is all about both people meeting the needs of each other without the commitment attached to it. Meaning, basically you do not have to answer to each other, you do not have to live with each other, you do not have to raise each others kids and what not. It takes the serious commitment out of it and is much like the Friends with Benefits movie or No Strings Attached movie.

If you do choose to go friends with benefits route, make sure it’s something you are seriously okay with because more often than not one of the people start to have feelings for that person when in all reality it was truly friends with benefits for that person only, meaning they will not be able to return the love you feel for them. Friends with benefits may sound fun but it can destroy a person emotionally in the long haul of things and you could end up with a disease if either of you or both of you are engaging in sexual activity with another person too.


Why Is Sex Such a Shun Topic?

Our media is so sexualized, commercials to movies and news coverage, yet when our children wish to learn more about sex we shun them and refuse to talk. Granted, this is not the scene in every household, but many parents refuse to open the conversation and even advertisers for blogs do not work with “non family friendly” bloggers. I am not sure what every business defines as “family friendly” but most deem a site non-family friendly if it addresses anything to do with sex.

I personally think that is completely messed up, sure I can see a highly pornographic blog not being the best place for a professional business that has nothing to do with sex products, but in the long haul is a mom talking about sex in a blog post really non-family friendly? I mean maybe this mom is reaching out about the topic of teen sex, because they don’t know how to address it with their children and need tips. You see, bloggers have a huge community – we all support each other, provide tips, feedback, love and support to each other virtually.

When visiting my sons pediatrician for his five year check up I was provided this sheet about what to discuss/address with my young child and guess what? Sex was on that list, yes it was recommended that a child around age four or five is learning about sex education at their own level. Sometimes you can find good books to address the topic then other times, if your child is open to listening – you can just talk to them and answer their questions on their level.

Keep it simple, keep it open and maybe just maybe our children won’t be trying to get a bit of that forbidden fruit behind our backs to learn about sex from friends and the internet or worse yet, through practice at an age when they are too young to truly understand the consequences of their actions.