Unconditional Love for Kids, Unconditional Love for Spouse.. Right?

In my opinion, a parent has unconditional love for their children because, well, they are born to them and we are somewhat of the animal species so our instincts shows u to protect, nurture and love them no matter what. With relationships, why would one not feel the same with the person they marry? I do. I feel that if I took the time to marry someone then I better think long and hard before getting a divorce.  After a conversation the other night, I finally found another person who feels the exact same about marriage; that you hang onto that marriage, two people that are married should work hard to try to fix whatever may be broken within their marriage, not just walk out.

While this is a great theory, truth will have that your children will always be unconditionally loved but to place that exact same love into a husband or wife seems difficult for many. It seems human nature tells us to note other peoples flaws and experience tells our heart to back off when that right for you person is part of your life. We are tricky humans, but I honestly believe that you have to unconditionally love your children. I think with your husband or wife that there is some level of conditional love, but overall it should be held just as high as the love for your children.

Marriage is a sacred vow between two people and that is not something I will ever, ever go into lightly, if I ever marry again. For now, my children are my world and I can see how one could unconditionally love their children but maybe not have that same level of love for their spouse. It makes sense to me, but it shouldn’t be that way!

Random Poem – Long to Have you Love Me


I long to have you hug me, let me cry
Be the one who doesn’t judge nor pry
I just want you to love me for me
Even if we sometimes disagree.

I want you to experience inner happy
To see the love I see without being too sappy
I long to feel as if you love me
without treating me unfairly.

I love you dearly, so much so
That I have moved on and let go
If people are meant to have a bond
Life will allow that to become.

Written by:
Brandy Tanner
April 17, 2013

For some reason sad poetry comes to mind when I am at my most challenging moments, for this instance I am having hormonal issues so that explains the sadness and longing in a female way. This poem is not written to anyone nor for anyone in particular – it’s simply words on paper (or computer screen anyways).


Sometimes We Hold Others at Higher Expectations

I am guilty of holding my own self up to this high expectation, I have always felt I am strong and can make it through anything – alone or not alone. That is who I am. As a close loved one told me earlier today, “Everyone can only be so strong. You’re stronger than most.”  The thing about me is that because I hold myself to such high standards, I tend to hold others to those standards and that really is not fair.

Everyone has a busy life. Everyone has their own inside demons to work out. Everyone has their own things that they have going on that maybe they are not as outspoken about like I am. That is one thing a lot of my current friends know of me and say often; “I have frustrations too but you are just more outspoken about them and passionate about getting them out verbally while I sort of hold onto it internally until I am ready to say something that makes sense”. That I am guilty of, when something is bothering me I ramble it out in writing or words just so that I can be free of it. Doing that means it doesn’t always come out correctly.

Sad thing for me right now is that there has been someone lost, while it may have been expected, I really needed a couple people who I hold very close to my heart there for me. Lately, as in the past few months, those who I held so close to me, they were my rock, my love, the only people I knew I could go to for anything, have disappeared. Or so I feel as if they have disappeared. I start to wonder what I did wrong, why don’t they talk to me anymore.

Then I realized, just today, that it doesn’t matter that they are not here for me in the way they used to be. That they do not seem to care to have my children and me in their life in a way I have tried to keep them. Sometimes, whether you are talking about family or friends, you just have to let go because people change, lives change and sometimes people just suck.

While I am not saying those I miss having around me “suck”, in all reality they are amazing people who really can sometimes get me to think in a different light, I am just sad that in their actions (or lack there of) that they seem to not want to be here for me when I really needed them. I would be there for them in a heart beat if I knew they needed someone, guess sometimes, it takes that down and out moment to realize just who is that important in your life. I have to remember that I can only be so strong just like others.

I have to remember that while I can love a lot of family and friends in my world, it does not mean we will always talk or always be there when the other needs us, but after going through what I went through last night into today, my eyes were opened as to who really is genuinely caring and not about me. It hurts. I’m sad about it, but at the same time, I shall move on and still continue to love those who were a part of my life and are not there anymore. I will not hold bitterness, rage and anger because that will only consume me to become who I used to be.

Getting this off the chest helped. Collecting my thoughts and writing down my rambles has really helped me to try to put others back down to normal expectations and realize that while others may not talk to me in that moment, they do love me and would be there in a heart beat should that situation call for it.

It doesn’t really help that this Winter has played a huge toll on my mood and well being. It doesn’t help that I am having my own health problems that no one knows about except those who are actually 100% part of my world. It doesn’t help that I am just ready for sunshine… but thankfully writing helps, seeing my kids smiley faces helps and having the love I have within my direct household helps. I am thankful for what I do have and have survived through worse.

Life will Move on, Love Yourself & Others Will Too

I wish I may, I wish I might

Have this dream I dream tonight

Full of laughter, Full of love

With a white flying dove

Life is simple, so they say

Smiles and laughter fill each day

Til a storm cloud looms above

And there goes that white dove

Falling down, down, down

No one is around.

Life is what you make it

Life will move on, and so will you

Love yourself and others will too!

The True Feeling of Confidence

I have been venturing outside of the house more often lately and seeing what’s around the local area. I have this clear mind about being more involved in the community and attending family friendly type events. I also am more comfortable socializing with random people around here, more so than I have been in the past. This is of course a wonderful feeling.

The other day I saw this gorgeous girl, she was tan, make up on, not too skinny and not too large, hair straightened .. she was just simply beautiful. In the past I have been able to admire other beautiful people, whether male or female, as I do enjoy people watching. The thing that occurred to me on this particular day was that I no longer found myself feeling unworthy of my appearance. No matter how confident I have become in comparison to my younger years, I still struggle with weight gain and keeping up with good eating habits, so that means sometimes I struggle to truly 100% love my whole body with and without clothes on.

This day, I realized that this other woman was beautiful but she was beautiful in her own way. I would never be that way, the straightened hair every day, the make up and the figure for I am not that person. I was not born with their genes and I don’t want to be a clone of someone else’s body structure; I want to be me. I look a lot like my family, we have big hips, small legs and a mid section that most would probably love to have disappear. I am top heavy, which does not run fully through my family but does with some relatives.

I have curves, and I have beautiful eyes and a wonderful smile that is contagious! I am happy and I love me, but to truly remind myself that I do love who I am I had to see this woman, so beautiful and tan, to realize that I don’t want to be her, I want to be ME. I love my body and am thankful to realize with 100% confidence that I am not envious of a smaller than me body, better than me tan, for no one else can make me feel less worthy unless I allow myself to have those feelings. I refuse to feel inadequate any longer when around people who I feel are much more beautiful than me. I don’t even have to second guess it, remind myself or anything; I simply know that I am and feel more confident and happy with my body structure. I love me without any doubts and because of this new found realization after a somewhat trying Winter time, I am standing taller and smiling more again.

So remember, whether you are like me and people watch just to find that you feel, even if only for a moment, that another person is more beautiful than you; that you are not to think that way. You are unique, you are beautiful in your own special way and that is what makes the world an awesome place to live in, that we can all appreciate each others uniqueness!

A Romantic Comedy I Loved “Better Off Without Him”

I am one of those stubborn independent woman who also has a bit of attachment type issues when it comes to relationships. I have the ups and downs of feeling stronger when I am single yet getting attached easily to the person I am with, making my strong willed nature disappear slightly. The book, Better Off Without Him written by Dee Ernst, touches on who I am almost 100%. The main character, Mona, is the one person in this novel I related to the most.

Mona is a best selling romance novel who finds her own life a bit of something she would see in her stories. A married mother of three who simply enjoys the job of being mom and doing it all. Mona has,what she perceives to be a typical marriage where the husband works a big job leaving the mom to not only tend to the kids but also put a bit of her career on hold. When Mona’s husband leaves her, she wonders what she will do now.

At first Mona decides that her life story needs to be written, this is a great way for her to cope with what has happened. Mona sits down to work on an anti-romance novel and works to sell her idea to her publicist. Although an anti-romance novel isn’t greatly accepted by her publishers, they allow her time to work on this novel. What Mona never expected was that this anti-romance novel is what may just help her move forward in her life and find out that she was indeed much “better off without him”.

Where will this book lead us during the journey of Mona’s life? Will Mona take her ex husband back? What will Mona teach us, mothers and woman, that we didn’t realize we had within us? Whatever you learn from reading this book, I know one thing for sure is this; you will find yourself laughing and quite possibly relating to the characters within this book.

Available on Paperback or Kindle.

“This is NOT a review. I picked this book on my Kindle Fire as a vacation time read while the children were fast asleep and just had to share my love of Better Off Without Him.