Online Dating Can Work, If you are Patient & Picky

I never really felt that online dating would work for more than anything but a fling, a fun fling and part time relationship maybe but all that aside, I never believed one could find true love on such a site. My experiences with online dating sites were pretty much all of that; finding people who wanted flings, friends with benefits, a commitment to them but not to me or even worse yet, people who swore we were meant to be together but really were not my type. It took a lot of trial and errors on my part before I finally met a man I never thought I would have met.

I had a profile on a variety of free dating sites, I even had  a profile on Match.com for free but soon realized that their free version doesn’t allow you to properly communicate with others in a way to get to know them. I decided that I would suck it up and pay for a one month subscription to Match.com and if no one interesting was found after that month I would simply cancel, but if I found anyone worthy of my time, I would pay more to continue communicating with them. It didn’t take more than a month, granted I was on their free profile version for a long time before upgrading to the paid version. I found a few select men who seemed interesting to me; the height was good, their likes were somewhat similar but every man had this like listed that wasn’t something I could ever see myself being “crazy” about. For instance, one man loved snowmobiling, I hate Winter. That wouldn’t ever work long term. Not for me anyways because I wanted to be with someone who enjoyed every season and near every activity together. I don’t mind having guy time and girl time, but I didn’t want to be with someone who’s main passion was something I could never enjoy with them.

Found my True Love Online Dating Can Work, If you are Patient & PickyThen it happened, a picture of a man, a cute man with a guitar. Something about him just made me want to learn more. Behind his eyes, his smile and of course holding a guitar just makes me swoon. I love guitar players, just something about having a musical talent is attractive to me, it could have been drums but in all honesty I associate drums with more of a rocker, crazy dude that wants to party, I don’t know why. Don’t judge me, that’s just my opinion of seeing a person who plays drums … I think of Animal from The Muppets. Every. Single. Time.

I documented the complete story of this man I met up with eventually and I cannot wait to share our story but for now I am reaching out to those who may be single, thinking that there is just no one out there for them. For me, all it took was saying “I am going to pay for this one month & if no one peaks my interest, I will cancel membership and be fine just being alone until the right person hops into my life”. Once I had that attitude, that is when the right-for-me person came into my life. We met for coffee and never stopped talking and seeing each other. It just made complete sense. When we hug, it’s as if I feel complete, a “sigh” almost comes about me and it’s so relaxing .. with just a hug!

It took me one failed marriage, although I can’t say “failed” per say as we have two amazing boys and my ex husband is close to my best friend as far as I am concerned, but we are divorced and have been since May 2009 or something like that. It took many failed relationships, and me feeling so low as if I was meant to just be a single Mom for me to find my man. It took me being fine with being alone, knowing that my children would be happiest if I am happiest. I no longer sulked about not having a man, I took time off from sex to ensure when I found that man I wouldn’t get lust confused for love. I did all of the steps to ensure I was 100% confident that when I did find a man, it would be for all the right reasons.

I firmly believe that if you can get into an honest, felt through the heart mindset that you are okay alone and that you do not need a partner in life then you will have that right-for-you person fall into your lap. My boyfriend and I think this very much so and I recently heard him advising his younger brother this same thought, why? Because my boyfriend and I fell into each others lives when we both were in that place; we both had come to the realization that being alone wasn’t all that bad and had accepted that we may be single forever. Some magic happened, be it God, be it coincidence, I don’t know, but we met and it just works. We balance each other so well.

I want that feeling for everyone out there, it’s the best feeling in the whole wide world. I know you can find it, just stop searching for it. Let true love “just happen” because that is how it’s suppose to be, forcing something for the wrong reasons with the wrong person will only cause more heartbreak and frustrations.

 

 Online Dating Can Work, If you are Patient & Picky

More than Just Personality Matters When Dating #dating #singleparents #onlinedating

Years and years ago when I met the person I ended up marrying, I was in a different mindset. I was a different person in general. So was he. Now, today, as I have sat back and engaged in conversations as well as meeting up for coffee or what not, I have realized that dating is not what it used to be to me. No longer do I feel that need of “oh my gosh I NEED A MAN”, nor can I just sit back and be comfortable with a man who can hold a fantastic conversation with me. For me, there needs to be a whole packaged deal – personality, communication, ability to be a family person and physical attraction. All of those things are very important to me and I flat out refuse to ever go without any of them, maybe you can go without some, but those are my special traits that are important, among a few others.

If you are a single parent looking to get out into the dating world there is so many things to think about before you meet a random online dating person. These days, with the Internet and online dating sites, the person you are speaking to could be anyone. They could be completely opposite from what they have portrayed to be online, both on their profile and in conversations with you. Do not give out your phone number too soon. Do not give out your email too soon. Do not do anything you are not feeling 100% comfortable with. Getting a background check completed on a potential online dating interest may be best too, in all honesty, but may not be feasible for all.

If you are a single parent looking to date and find that “right for you person” then you not only have your best interest at heart, but you have your children(s) interest at heart too. There may be times during your dating days when you meet the most amazing person but they just do not mesh well with your family life, meaning with the kid(s) and you. If that person you are highly interested in does not fit well with the kids then, no matter how hard this decision will be, you will have to double think whether the person you are highly interested in is a great fit for your life as a whole. I am not saying let the kid(s) rule your life, but this is reality and if your life revolves a lot around being a parent, but that person is not on par with the parent side of life or does not parent remotely close to the way you do, then it will eventually be a failed attempt at having a relationship.

Like my best friend always told me, never waste your time or their time. To me, I never understood when she would say she didn’t want to waste the time of her own self or another person for various  reasons when it came to her dating ventures. I also remember laughing, thinking “oh my gosh, this girl is so funny and crazy”. I seriously thought that my best friend was wasting her time with dating because, after all, she wasn’t doing what I had done in the past {with failed relationships} – changing who she is, how she lives or clinging to the wrong man just to be with someone, she was doing it the right way. Now that I have found myself completely comfortable with being single, I totally 100% get where she was coming from and have to laugh at myself for thinking she was a bit crazy. Shhh don’t tell her.

Dating is serious business, it’s like having another job, so if you are not ready to take dating seriously then that’s fine, but if you are ready to take dating seriously please remember to hold your ground, compromise when compromising is okay and pick that “right for you” person, do not settle for anything less than what you deserve. The choice of person you make is  going to be a part of your life, hopefully forever, so make that decision with a knowledge of who you are, what you need and if they meet all of the criteria you have set for your “needs” in another person.  Sure that may mean many years of random dates with the wrong person and being single for many years, but if you hold tight and be patient, one day that “right for you” person will walk into your life and make you realize why you held out for so long.

Good luck with your ventures in online dating, I will keep sharing thoughts, tips and advice based on my dating ventures from time to time with you all and eventually share that “meeting my true love” story when the time comes. Hang on for this ride, it’s going to be an adventure!

 More than Just Personality Matters When Dating #dating #singleparents #onlinedating

The Big No-No’s in Online Dating

I tend to be pretty laid back, I can get along with anyone, I can flirt with anyone, and I can seriously go out and have a blast with just about anyone.  There are few things that bother me, or so I thought, in the opposite sex, but now that I’ve put myself out there as being single and am on a couple dating sites; I have found some shit that bugs me. I just have to share some of my new found “no no’s” to online dating …

The No NOs to Online Dating The Big No Nos in Online Dating

If You have Time to Message Me and Get Angry that I didn’t reply within  10 minuteswell then you clearly have more time on your hands and clearly have not a life of your own.

From previous mistakes with relationships, I have learned that if another person has enough time on their hands to get angry about lack in a quick reply, then they have no life of their own. If this person has no life of their own what is it that they can offer me? Not much. I do not need someone who has no passion in life nor none of their own things to keep them busy – let’s say maybe a job? So if someone gets mad that I am not messaging them quick enough, and then proceeds to show me anger in messages over my lack in quick reply – well then they are not going to hear from me. Anger over lack in quick reply translates to anger in other areas in life.

If you Call me a Whore, Tell me to Bend over, or any other rude message as a first or any future contact- well then you clearly do not know how to treat a woman

I can not make this crap up, calling me a whore for having a full body pic, seriously – it’s a fully clothed, no cleavage showing full body pic. That makes me a whore? I was floored at that random message. Clearly someone who has to tell a woman negative things, wishes to get a rise out of a woman for their own attention needs. I won’t give that attention back.  These days I refuse to believe that men or woman must setup a dating site to get laid, if that is the case then you surely are not the one for me.

Having No Profile Picture – not being superficial but seeing ones face is best when dealing with online dating, even if it’s not really your own face

I totally get that one can have a fake photo online, it’s easily done, but at least have some picture on your profile. I do not reply to non-picture profiles and certainly am not going to reply and give you my email address to email me a picture. If you can’t put your face on a dating profile, then there is clearly something going on that I want no part of.

No MOre Kids The Big No Nos in Online Dating

Height, Having Kids, Wanting Kids – people please pay attention to the person who you are about to write to.

For me, the man has to be taller than me. I am not one who wishes to be taller than my man. I would feel like I was towering over him and I like a manly man, a tall manly man.  I have listed a height range on all profiles and yet people below that height always message.

I clearly do not want to have any more kids but if I were to meet someone who had kids of their own, well that is perfect. I would gladly accept and love a partners child(ren). I just do not want to have anymore of my own. Which again, is clearly stated, but for some reason men do not glance to see that and those who want more kids or want kids at all still message me. We clearly are not a fit there, so why waste my time and yours?

Stresses in Online Dating The Big No Nos in Online Dating

Shake My Head and Grit My Teeth

For me, it’s so hard not to reply to some of the rude, dumb messages I get on these dating sites, and I am even talking about a paid dating site, people just baffle me. Why pay for a dating site if you are mainly seeking to get into a woman’s pants? Geesh people, there are free sites for that or maybe the bar downtown? I don’t know, couldn’t imagine paying for a site to meet woman just for sex, but to each their own I suppose.

I really want to reply to some of the negative messages I get, after all I am a writer and in me I seek to have this long drawn out response calling these men out and if I were doing the same thing, “hey baby I like what I see, want to get together and bang?” I would expect someone to tell me how it is too. The issue is then you get into this big go around and each of you wants the last word, wasting the time of both of you. So I simply delete the message or block the person depending upon how awful the message was.

This is certainly a journey but so far I have learned through past mistakes a couple of things;

  1. Do not settle for anything less than what you need, want and deserve.
  2. Do not bring a love interest around your kids too soon, for they may get attached and you do not which can lead to heart break.

Wish me luck .. I feel like a fish in water with an alligator about to bite off my head or something like that…at least I am having a good sense of humor about it.

Image Sources (in order of appearance)

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Vlado/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Let the Online Dating Adventures Begin

I decided to vlog today a bit about my experiences with these people on the couple online dating sites I have placed my profile on. It’s so amusing, but at the same time I really hope females around here are not truly meeting up with some of these sexaholic idiots.

Now I normally would not be name calling, but honestly people there are some true characters out there online. Do people really need an online dating profile to get a piece of ass? I mean, seriously? Just hop over to the bar find a drunk chick that is lonely and wants a piece of your ass. Do not waste the time of those serious people online that are seeking real dating material.

I am not desperately seeking a relationship. I am just putting myself out there to see what I see, because I do not get out often enough in places that would allow me to meet more people who are at a similar place in life as I am.

 Let the Online Dating Adventures Begin

I Decided to Put up Dating Profile

I honesty was not going to put up any dating profiles for many reasons; I am extremely busy, I have tried the dating scene with a total fail and well I am just not 100% sure how to date in the real world. I have always fallen hard and fast for one person, never been good at dating people, getting to know them, basically what I think of as courting. I do not want to latch on to one person just yet, I love the idea of having someone to go out to dinner, movies, events on the weekends my kids are gone but the idea of latching on to a full time commitment, well honestly, I am not so sure I want that.

I obviously have not found the right for me person and I am finally at a point in my life where I am perfectly okay with being home alone. Sleeping in a silent house with no kids and no other adult around works just fine for me. I do not feel that need of having to have someone around, do you know that in my years of having had a boyfriend, I have never felt that okay with living without a partner? I am going to enjoy this feeling and take full advantage of it, but since I do not get out of the house very often, I decided the best way to try to meet new people would be to put up a dating profile.

I started with Plenty of Fish and OH MY GOSH, you can not pay me enough to deal with most of the men on that site. The typical “where are you from” question gets quickly answered with “ummm did you even read my profile”. I have a height limit of being taller than me, and it’s usually a 5’9″ or 5’10″  height limit at minimum for a man I wish to get to know. I get men who are below that height still contacting me, I am just like really? I do not even reply to these messed up messages because I do not have the time for idiots. No offense men, but some of you really need to read because asking such silly questions or contacting a woman who is clearly not interested in some of what you have on your profile makes you look like 1) you are not taking dating seriously and just want to get laid or 2) you are just dumb.

I now know what my best friend in Texas went through when being on dating sites. This is nuts. So I have my profile out there on a couple of dating sites, just to see what I see or who sees me, maybe I will make some new great friends. I am not actively looking for a full time partner, I am simply randomly looking and seeking friendship. If that right person came along obviously I would want them to scoop me right up but for now, I am really, really enjoying being alone. Even if I have lonely moments, this is a great new feeling and I refuse to give up on my new found independent nature for just anyone.

More dating site stories to come … seriously …. you can not pay me enough to deal with some of these messages. Hopefully you find humor in them and enjoy traveling along as I share some of my online dating experiences. One rule I have is not to blog about relationships, so I may not divulge into that part if I were to find someone, but I will have fun venting about these dating site messages I get for now.

 I Decided to Put up Dating Profile

Why Are you Being So Grumpy?

That is the question I asked my four year old son the other night when after two days of complete grumpies, I had to ask what was up. While we read a story and he proceeded to grump it during one of his favorite books and while we sat on the sidelines at his brothers soccer practice while he grumped it out, I just had to know …

Why are you so grumpy little dude?

His reply got me by surprise, here I am thinking either 1) he was going to deny being grumpy or 2) say a reason I would understand. Apparently what I got was something I never expected as an answer …

I hate the day Mama. I like the night because {while he looks up to the ceiling with a smile} I love looking at the night sky and the stars and all of the planets.

I started laughing because between the answer and his facial expressions he was too cute. This was a serious answer to him, because when I questioned if that really was a good reason to be grumpy he was 100% convinced that it was.

So off to bed grumpy butt went and hopefully the next few days will show a not so grumpy four year old boy!

 

 Why Are you Being So Grumpy?