I lack the personality type to stand my ground with how I feel inside. I used to be so good at standing my ground and sticking up for what I knew to be best for my emotional well being but somewhere along lack of sleep and running hoops for my lovely children to have their special activities I got too tired to stand up for me.
The positive part of my life is that it works, sort of. BUT if you talk to any of my close personal friends they will tell you it doesn’t work for me. Which is true. BUT I can’t seem to tell myself that in a way that helps me move forward & do something about it.
I tell myself that I am just too tired to make any logical decisions for myself. Sure I can parent and make decisions as a Mom in a logical way but when it comes to me and my emotions I just wonder if I make excuses to not deal with things.
I have so much on my plate already that I love and I just can’t handle one more decision to make. Not now. Maybe after the holidays I can but not now. So for now I focus on the awesome positive part of my life, I work from home to support my kids, I have more time for my kids and I get to enjoy the young years of all three children before they are teens and want nothing to do with me.
Okay so I am pretty outspoken, flirtatious and well a very passionate person. I mean no harm when I am like this, obviously I am not going to go hit on some married dude, nor do I really go out of my way to flit with men. The problem that makes females look at me oddly is that my personality is super bubbly most times and that type of personality, at least with me, comes off wrong, completely 100% wrong when speaking to the opposite sex.
It’s funny because I recall when traveling to an event that I had to remind some males that I am not hitting on them if I brush my hand on their arm or tap their shoulder or even give them a hug. I am not really that type of person to really think that because I just hugged you we have to go have sex now. I mean seriously, we are living in reality right?
I get it, I do love flirting with people and if they flirt with me I am bound to flirt back, but that’s it. I have boundaries and even though I am very deprived in the affection area I am not desperate. Even when totally 100% drunk off my butt, I still won’t give it up so to speak unless obviously I was planning on doing that in the first place. LOL
In all reality I have kids and I have a business to run, I don’t have room to go off running around with men. I have little interest in being with any man because I have too much to deal with without thinking about a relationship. I need my life in order before any major relationship issues are handled or even figured out.
Right now … I just am getting really sick of the idea that men seem to think I have “hit on me” written on my forehead, I guess when I am 80 I will miss these days of men thinking I am hot in Pajamas, no make up and hair a mess, but right now I just don’t have time for the pick up lines – been there done that.