She stepped outside on a cool crisp day, the humidity was low but still the stickiness from it was in the air. The cool breeze and sweet Spring air went into her nostrils as she breathed in, as she exhaled she felt relaxed. The day must begin whether she wants it to or not. Time does not stand still even when one needs it to stand still just for a few moments longer.

Life is full of trying times, there are moments when we feel as if there is no where to turn, no one to discuss what’s inside of our own mind, fear that we will be judged or worse yet shun for our thoughts of wishing for more or not wanting some of what we have. Human nature is funny, we try to teach our children to not judge and to be there for others. We teach our children to be kind, be honest and love one another.

She stands outside in the middle of the huge lawn wondering what she will do if she has to make a serious decision. She wonders where her strength comes from, for no matter how many times she has to make a difficult decision it is her strength that keeps her moving forward. The children know that she is mom and she will do everything in her power to ensure they are happy & healthy but what these children do not realize is that she sometimes questions if being honest and standing firm on her morals is really what works in this world?

All too often deceitful, lying people get away with things in life for they are good at manipulation and one must be extremely good at what they do if they never get caught.  She believes in Karma, she believes that the universe gives back to you what you put out there, but why do some people not seem to get what they put out there back? Does negative karma take more time? Will those close to her see that she is honest, loving and caring? Will being honest be enough? Only time will tell …. for now she just spends her mornings staring into the skies and breathing in that sweet Spring air.

I am a firm believer that every parent needs a break from their children, it’s healthy for both child and adult. What happens when you are a parent who never gets a break? There’s that child that no family will take, there’s that one child not yet in school all day and so it’s you and them all day long, 24/7 and you never seem to get more than a moments break when you go to the grocery store for a rare trip without this child.

Being around hyperactive children or moody children 24/7 means that you could in turn start to feel their symptoms too. Becoming ADD is something I swear has happened with me having to keep up with the boys who have extremely high energy levels. My three year and and I are always together and he is on high speed from the moment he crawls out of bed until the moment he falls asleep.

I can’t seem to keep my mind on one subject at a time, if I don’t speak when a thought enters my mind then that thought disappears forever. This means I tend to interrupt people and I don’t mean to be rude it’s just that if i don’t either speak or write that thought down then it will be forever lost in space. I am trying to find ways to keep my head on track but honestly the only thing that seems to help at any level is writing about my life, spreading positive thoughts and writing about ways I work to keep my mindset in a positive direction.

The weeks I can’t seem to get a moment to write make me even worse with ADD like symptoms where I can’t focus, I get sad, I start sulking and lose my positive mindset. Writing has become something that assists in keeping my bad thoughts at bay and believe me with all I have gone through and all I do go through on a daily basis, anger does appear in my feelings here and there.

Although I’ve learned ways to cope with my bitter feelings towards certain people who have come and gone in my life, when writing isn’t possible I can feel the symptoms of lack of focus, bitterness and anger as well as the question of “what if” or “why” enter my brain. The problem is my questions regarding what ifs or whys will never fully be answered so there’s no reason in thinking about them. So I have to wonder, is it truly possible for a parent to have the symptoms of a child diagnosis when they spend 24/7 with that child? I say yes.

Everywhere you look and read there are professionals and friends really pushing you to keep your own self and identity even while parenting.  The point is that keeping in tune with what makes you tick and allowing yourself to continue to be your own self while parenting makes you a better parent. The problem is, where do you fit in time to focus on YOU?

If you are a close family with relatives willing to watch your kids for free or take them for an overnight stay, then I could see how finding time for you would be so much easier. What if you are not that family? What if you have no one to take your kids and you are stuck trying to work around being a parent and juggling children? What do you do then?

Here are some ways you can fit YOU into the equation of parenting:

• Take a walk – let your spouse know you need some time away, that you are just going to go for a walk. Work out a time that works best for both of you and head outdoors for a walk with no guilty feelings.
• Read a book – if reading is your think, set aside an hour after the kids are asleep to indulge in a novel that suits your interested.
• Write in a Journal – journals are a great way to document who you are, how your day was and keep track of how your life is going. It’s also a great way to relax the mind after the kids go to sleep so you can sleep better and wake up more refreshed.
• Get a Hobby – if you have something that you have been passionate about for years but have not been making time for it, now is your chance. Kids sleep at some point, right?  Whether it be on a weekend night or week day night, set aside an hour each day to do whatever it is you enjoy.

Remind yourself that you matter as much as your children on a daily basis. It’s all too easy to get consumed in the every day parenting rituals and wake up one day to find your kids are grown and you are lost. Do not make it so that you have to work harder after the kids are grown to find your own self, make it easier by taking a tiny bit of time each day to focus on you.

Growing up we learn through those who surround us in our child years, such as adult caregivers, our parental units and so many others, eventually as we get into school we start to learn things from our teachers and peers. Here are some things that I learned to think while growing up that I eventually changed my mind about:

What I used to think….

Having kids with more than one man meant you are a loose woman

What I think based on life experiences…

Life is too short to get caught up in stereotypes, I have different dads for my kids and am not a loose woman.

What I used to think….

Being on welfare, also called TANF, meant you are a low life crack head, drug or alcohol addicted parent.

What I think based on life experiences…

Being on welfare is a blessing, if used for it’s true purpose – to assist you in getting back on your feet from financial downfall.

What I used to think….

Girls are all about pink, dresses, being clean and frilly fun.

What I think based on life experiences…

Girls can be just as boyish as your sons and get just as dirty while finger painting, playing outside or similar.

What I used to think….

Working from home is just another way to be lazy.

What I think based on life experiences…

Working from home is 10 times more difficult than working an out of home job with a “real” schedule.

I am talking about children, this is a question oh so many people ask when I am with three kids running wild or rambling on and on with this look on my face stating “how can I answer three kids at once?”. It’s funny that no matter how many kids you have, this age old question of “when are you going to have more” is asked to us parents.

As if the fact that three kids rambling on and on with their bouncy high energy level isn’t enough for us parents, we are prone to having to answer silly questions like when we are going to have more. Come on people, why ask such a silly question?!

The only time I think to ask one that question is when they seem to be venting about having their hands full and the question is clearly meant as a form of sarcasm, rather than a realistic question at that time. To be honest with everyone, the day my first born came into this world, watching her grow and having a blast being mom to her, made me want to have like six more.

My first born was and still is relatively the “easy” child, helpful, smart and usually very well at behaving. Sure my oldest tests limits and does all the normal kid things, but it’s no where near the challenges I face with my two sons. My second born wasn’t planned and I wasn’t really ready nor into the whole idea of having another child at the time. It wasn’t the right time, I was single, etc etc. I have to be honest though, I love him dearly and wouldn’t change the unplanned pregnancy for the world.

I had my second son two years after the first son and he was a joy just like his sister. An easy baby and that was the case until about the age of two when he became a wild child. High energy and always on the run, but still relatively “easy”, just like his sister. My middle child has had a ton of surgeries such as those ear tubes when younger, surgery on his penis and even deals with mental health type issues that are currently being looked into by a psychiatrist.  Counseling every two weeks really helps us parent this child and work with his unique personality.

I can be honest, there will be no more children for this Mom. Having the troubles that have arisen with all three of my kids here & there, the constant scheduling for appointments for three kids. The juggling of having two in school and two in sports. It’s all enough for me, because soon enough my last born will be in school and possibly into sports, so there will be three different schedules to make work well together.

I am happy with my three children. Wouldn’t trade a thing that goes wrong with them for the world. I love my happy chaos and do not wish to add another child to it. So the answer to “when are you having more?” is a flat out “never” people. No way in heck do I want another. Sure there are days I am down the middle road and think a baby would be great to have, but in all honesty, my kids are at that fun age and I can’t imagine going back to taking care of a baby who I would breastfeed and have to carry around. I enjoy holding hands with my kids & walking with them, I enjoy watching them gain their own independence and no way could I share myself just one more time with another child.

The three I have are my world and the three I have will have my undivided attention for the rest of their lives, well that is until they grow into adults and start families of their own – well then, and only then, will I have another baby to hug and love, but in the grandma kind of way!