Getting Kids Into the Work Force

I think it’s important to teach kids to work for their money, from a young age they can have chores assigned to them and earn some change for their weekly “allowance”. While I am not one to pay kids to do their basic chores, I have on occasion rewarded my children for a week well done. There are so many reasons to instill a hard working mentality into your child; the biggest being we are suppose to raise our children to be responsible, independent adults. Adults who are responsible and independent must have a job in order to succeed in that way of life. Those who don’t get instilled with this work skill from a young age, and have everything given to them, handed over by a parent who can afford to do so, doesn’t teach them a single thing. I do not believe in give, give give nor take, take, take. I firmly believe the world revolves best when there is a bit of both give and take.

I am a balance sort of chick. I like balance in my world and I believe that’s the best possible way for all to thrive!

I have slacked in the ways of teaching responsibility with my two sons, to be honest, I think every parent gets busy with life and fun that we lean off track for a bit, but we can get back on track at any moment we realize we are off track. This is my plan; to get back on track with my kids to ensure all three learn to work for a living and each strengthen their individual skills to pursue careers that make sense for them. My ideal mission is to ensure my children are able to work in some field that they love, therefore they never feel as if they have to work a day in their life; when you do what you love, you are a happier person.

With that being said, I will not raise my kids to only take on jobs that they love, sometimes we have to pick up odd and end jobs to push forward to our end goal of a job we love.

I started working at the ripe old age of 13 years old; my first job was in the pit area of a local race track. I worked in the food stands, where we made the food and served those coming in from the pit area at the race track. I honestly thought that was a great job to start with, plus back then I worked with my best friend at the time. It’s always great to be able to work at a place with friends!

As my oldest is now the age that allows her to take this local babysitting course and be a babysitting, I am saving money to pay for this class so that she can start babysitting for extra cash. At this time, my daughter mostly makes extra cash from just the sales of our book we wrote together, but that isn’t anything to live on for sure!

I plan to work each child into the job field as soon as possible, even if that means as teenagers I hire them to work for me and my websites. Whatever I can do to get these kids to start working as soon as they are old enough, I will do, it’s important to me and I feel it’s part of my Mom Job to do so.

More Thoughts From Brandy Ellen about Human Kind

I believe we, as human beings, need to step back and think before we speak {or post online}. That’s not to say I am not guilty of speaking, or typing, before thinking. It happens. We are all human.

What bothers me is when I see someone consistently getting up on this high horse of entitlement. People who choose to do certain things or live certain ways and want to diss others who may not be able to live that way or have any choice but to do what they do. Think about others before you speak, of course people are going to have hurt feelings. I am not talking about “all is fair in life mentality”, but more discussing those who look down upon human mistakes or inability for certain people to do certain things.

I’ve been that Mom. The single Mom who had to eat bread and butter, ramen noodles or mac n cheese or pasta and sauce on a regular. Yes, my child had to eat that crap too. On a regular. It wasn’t fun for me and I would have days where I felt like I was failing my child. If you have never been that Mom, then shut your mouth about what other parents should or should not do. Who are you to “know” them and how they live!

I’ve been that Mom who makes decisions that are best under circumstances I was living in. I always make what I feel is the best decision for myself but mostly for my children’s future. My children are always on my mind when I think of what to do next in life. They come first. Always.

I dislike watching people consistently point fingers and judgement when they have not walked in other people’s shoes. The only life these people know is the one they have, the experiences in which they have had in their life and who they are today. No two people have walked the same exact path. So think please before you assume you know all and think please before you judge a book by it’s damn cover.

I have been poor all of my damn life, I have used every last penny I have to make sure there is a roof over my children’s heads, food of some sort on their table, a ride to school for them to have an education. I make sure to put every last penny I have towards my children’s needs first. Always have. Always will.

With that being said, I don’t have anyone to pick up my pieces should things not go as I had planned nor hoped. I don’t have a family member I can move in with if the situation calls for it. I don’t have a relative with money to lend when times get tough. I have me. I have my children. That’s all. Sure, I do have a wonderful support system of both friends and family, but that doesn’t mean they can help me out of things I get into. They can be there emotionally and for advice, but beyond that – I am living an adult life that means I am unable to go back into my parents home or not work in some shape or form to support my children.

There are many parents who have certain luxuries I don’t have. Who cares. They are happy with their life and that’s all that matters. We need to start embracing our differences and stop pointing fingers in the name of trying to push someone else down to make us feel better. Give me a break, you should be uplifting yourself through uplifting of others – that my friends is the ultimate way to live.

This is just my opinion, you may disagree and I respect you for having that freedom to disagree.

People Close to me Know this, So Why the Shock?

You first start dating someone. It’s fresh. It’s new. It’s exciting! I call this the honey moon phase, okay I don’t call it that, everyone calls it that. The term was created long before my little heart was born, I am sure.  The thing about me though is that I don’t really go through a full honey moon phase with people. I tend to be pretty outspoken in a private setting, I am very aware of who I am and how I work. This means that I am also fully aware of what I need to stay happy in a relationship and I am not afraid to let the person know before we venture any further into a commitment.

With that being said, I also observe anyone I am dating to ensure I get how they work and what makes them feel happiness and love as a means to ensure I could be a good match for them. I am not totally selfish.

All too often I find that the people I meet love to portray a different person than who they are. So a year later or so, it all comes out and you are all like WTF. Sorry for the language, but seriously, that is the only way to describe the way it feels. You are told that certain things apply or the person is a certain way but after a year of being around them, you realize, something isn’t clicking right. This isn’t the person who you thought you were getting serious with.

I didn’t change, okay maybe I got more confident in my world and became a bit more outspoken, but other than that? I am still the same person being the same way, I just am a wee bit more outspoken, but that’s not something the person wasn’t aware of. I think maybe they just didn’t realize the full extent of my outspoken nature, especially during highly challenging times. I just get into those no-tolerance moods where I am so sick of the ignorance. I can’t help but open mouth and not insert foot.

I love it when I tell people, privately but openly, about things I need to stay happy in a relationship and they are all like yeah totally I want and need that too. Or they say yeah that’s me, I am that person. I wish more adults were truly aware of their inner self, what it is about them that is worthy of being with another person. I wish more adults took the time off from relationships to really know who they are and own who they are, no exceptions.

I am not saying there is no such thing as give and take as well as negotiations in relationships; of course there needs to be that. I am simply saying that the core of a person needs to be there and the person needs to realize that part of them. The part that matters most in life and relationships.

I am at that point of frustration. So many things have been made aware to me that I am struggling with looking back and wondering if there were signs before. Did I realize this and just ignored it based on the scenario I was in? Because for me, I seem to make similar mistakes in relationships. Every. Single. Time.

Like I tell everyone, “I am great at parenting and being self employed, but this relationship stuff gets me flustered”. So why is it a shock that I am here, contemplating what the F happened?! You shouldn’t be shocked. Nor should I.  Truth be told: I have been single as a parent far longer than in a relationship. That truth in itself lends a lot of insight into why it’s difficult for me to share my family with another human being, beyond co-parents.

I firmly believe in the two year rule – it takes one year to really get to know the true person and it takes another year to determine if you both can live with each other. Follow it. Embrace it.

This Sums up What I have Said to my Fiance For Awhile now

I always tell my fiance that I don’t wish for him to change, I absolutely love him for who he is. I just see things within him, things he is capable of that clearly have not been seen by him as of yet. In the past year I have watched my fiance change in such a great way. He is more confident, he doesn’t stand for bull crap anymore and he is much happier than he was the first day I met him.

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Rebuilding a Bond with a Family Member

I am an avid supporter of rebuilding bonds with family members. I am the daughter of a woman who gave birth to me as a teenager. At the age of 15 my mother was thrown into growing up fast so she could raise me, then four years later she gave birth to my sister. I cannot even begin to imagine how that felt, to become a mother to a child when you are a child yourself. That thought is honestly what kept me from becoming a teen mother as well, but that’s not the topic of today’s blog post.

My mother and I haven’t ever been super close, I know she cares about me and loves me. I know that she is and forever will be my only mother. I love her and care about her deeply. Those facts are not something that is negotiable, they are there and true. What also is true is that my mother and I have been disconnected for many years, I am not sure when it started or why but since becoming who I am today, I realize that I don’t care to know the why we never seemed to connect as a mother/daughter but prefer to focus more on working to move forward.

The type of mother/daughter bond I yearn for won’t exist between my mother and I. My mother and I are two different people with few similarities between us, the one thing we have to go on really is the love that we have for each other. I know that my Mom doesn’t always understand why I make the decisions I make and I am sure she has thought or thinks from time to time that I make some awful decisions. With that being said, I believe that I learn from the decisions I make and each day I grow stronger and better as an individual. I want nothing more than to have my Mom support me and love me for who I am, not wish for me to be or do something else

For a little over a year, I rented my Mom’s home. Basically I paid her mortgage and was able to live at the home I grew up in while she lived in another town with her husband. Living in that home brought back a lot of challenging memories for me, we have all been through a lot in that home and it was sometimes very difficult to live in that house during the time I rented it. There was something positive that came from renting that home for a little over a year, I felt like I was forced to speak with my Mom more and she was forced to speak to me more. You see, we both have busy lives and don’t seem to reach out to each other the way I feel a mother and daughter should.

I firmly believe that my Mom and I have grown closer in the past couple of years, I accept who she is and am happy that she is happy. My Mom seems to accept who I am and tries her best to show me that she’s happy that I am happy. My Mom has also worked better at talking to my children and engaging with them a bit more than I felt she ever did before. I notice a smile on my Mom’s face more often than not these days and I know I can text or call my Mom to talk about near anything. While I am still slightly guarded because I felt very hurt over the years and confused about the relationship I had with my Mom, I am trying my best to reach out to my Mom and be a part of her new married life.

I am that person who always tries to tell people, life is too short to not speak to a parent or loved one. I could never go years without speaking to my Mom, even though our relationship is still being built on, and there are days I feel hurt that she didn’t call me to see how my week went, I know that my Mom loves me the best she can. For me, as a 32 year old adult, that is enough for me. Just knowing that my Mom does love me the best she knows how and she does try to reach out more often than in the past, means the world to me.

I can only hope that my Mom knows just how much I do love her, even if, on occasion, we have a hard time showing each other that love.

 

Nothing Wrong with Loving your Family – Step Family and All #coparenting

Usually I am a really nice person but as of this past week or so my hormones have been raging and this means I have less tolerance for human beings without common sense. I have watched as a person who is suppose to be a Mother tear her kids apart for the past six months and then do a 180 and is Miss Awesome-Cool Mom. It’s mind blowing and the kids have paid for it, no one else pays for parents being this way other than the children. Mess your child up and you are one sick individual. Who would ever stoop to such a low. You know what? I think that some people are just that self absorbed that they don’t think about the future chaos it can cause in the mind of a child, especially an easily influenced one.

Mothers turning kids against Dads is so wrong and unhealthy for the children

Thank God my children have been raised to stand up to anyone, including me, when they feel something is not right. My three children have good morals, good character and a self esteem that assists them in standing firm for what they believe in, yes even if that means standing up to their parents. I never wanted my children to feel they don’t have a voice, I encouraged them to have a voice. Mind you, some days it’s not all that fun and I joke about why in the world I would have encouraged such things – but in reality it’s for the best that children have courage, self esteem and confidence to speak up for their own self. Especially when a parent is doing wrong.

Each day I watch my children chatting with each other, getting along, supporting each other then fighting and arguing. They are siblings, true siblings – they love each other one moment and the next it’s a free for all fight. With that being said, my chidlren wouldn’t ever let anyone else hurt them. My kiddos have been through a lot and my middle child continues to go through a lot with his mood disorder and anxiety, but they have always been raised with love. Love from their Mama and their Dad. Love from their family no matter what. I am blessed to know that my children will not be placed in a situation where another parent is going to try to brainwash them or turn them against me, and I would never turn them against their Dad’s either. It’s not okay. Ever. Period. To do such a thing!

I can’t understand why people do what they do. When I sit and think about it, I honestly just feel that some people are simply 1) selfish 2) never been held accountable for anything in their life and/or 3) lack self control and confidence to know that their children will always love their parents even if they develop a great bond with a step parent. There’s nothing wrong with having more family! The more the merrier, at least that’s how my kids and I think!

“Image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.