I tend to drive people crazy with my fly by the moment sort of personality, but honestly that is what works for me. You see, I have always had anxiety, some years are better than others while other years are worse, it all depends upon what’s going on in my life. It seems when I am under a high amount of pressure my anxiety kicks in quickly making it semi-difficult to deal with life without that tension taking over from my anxiety disorder.

I do not take medicine for my anxiety, I used to, but haven’t in many years. I tend to find resetting my mind to focus on the moment rather than the future makes it easier and allows my anxiety to stay low key. When I get asked to go to various events it’s extremely difficult for me to plan that far ahead. In the moment I am all about it, sounds great, but then as I start to think about what will be going on in a couple of months I worry if I will be able to keep the commitment and my mind just goes into the “what if” mode making it difficult to live my day to day life.

This is why I am more of a fly by the moment kind of person, planning requires me thinking too far ahead and if there’s one thing I have found out living this life I lead, it’s that nothing is forever and you have to live in the now. Planning too far out in advance means I have to know what’s going on with the kids, myself and others in life which honestly, is never consistent enough to plan around. I feel more stable flying by the moment, I like surprises and I like just hopping in the car taking a long drive to wherever we end up rather than having to have a destination.

My destination in life is to simply be happy, love life and cherish each moment I have with my family. Why start planning now and get all worked up over the things that don’t matter? I say live life whatever way makes you happiest, because when you are the happiest, everyone around you can feel that happy energy & in turn they become happier, including your children.

Have you ever been so broke that you couldn’t pay for propane to heat the hot water or to use your stove? Have you ever been so out of cash that you had to live on kerosene being placed into your oil tank by the five gallon tanks you use for gas in your car or lawn mower? Have you ever lived on macaroni and cheese or worse yet Ramon noodles?

I have.

But no one knew.

I think the only person who has known the exact depths of my struggles I have faced since I first became a mother in 2002 is my father but beside him it’s really only me, because I don’t share this information with others. When I am facing a financial hurdle in my own life I rarely blog about it, talk about it or spread the news. Why? Because it’s far too personal and opens a door for pity.

I wouldn’t ever wish pity upon me, because I don’t even have any idea how to feel pity for myself or others. It’s not that I am not compassionate, I am an extremely compassionate person, it’s that I truly believe with a change in attitude directed such as the “I CAN DO THIS” attitude really helps make a change more so than dwelling in self pity or feeling pity towards another person.

With being poor, it’s not always visible and one can be poor one month and then bounce right back on track the next month while others may stay poor for an extremely long period of time. When a person is out of luck financially they don’t need your pity, they don’t need handouts because if they went from being completely self sufficient to needing help – handouts can usually make them feel worse.

What a person needs who is hard on their luck is some human compassion, prayers if that be your way of helping and some positive thinking. Maybe you know someone who has a business or a skill and they are having financial issues, one way to help this person would be to spread the word about their skill and help them gain clients to increase their income.

There are ways to help those down on their financial luck without giving handouts or feeling pity. Let’s try to help another person this year, let’s not pity them, let’s not make them feel any worse, let’s work together as a community to help lift them up beyond this temporary state of financial hadrship!

I know who I am, I am Brandy a workaholic and momacholic. I love to smile, laugh and make others happy. I am who I am, but when it comes to writing on my blogs who am I really, what message am I trying to send, is there a niche I should fall under and stick with?

These are questions I struggle with often because I know I want to spread happiness and smiles as well as positive thinking strategies others but I also love what my main blog has become. I get free products, I get to test out the latest and greatest sometimes even before it hits retail. My kids get a lot but not too much and because of my blog they have toys. Without my other blog they probably wouldn’t have many toys.

I am not poor by any means but I am your average person in the US today, living pay check to pay check and since I am self employed if money is short or an extra expense comes up I am online working to get in some extra income. I stay positive and focused and move forward it’s all anyone can do.

So what is it that I want to be online, what message do I want to spread and how can I use a blog platform to spread that message?

These are things I am working on and by January 2012 I will hope to be finished with my thoughts and taking real action. My biggest mission in life is to teach our children, the next generation, to live their life to the fullest, to smile more and laugh often. I want our children to not focus on the negative and get sucked into what media says or pushes us to be .. I want to help children be individual and unique and above all .. Happy!

What is your mission in life?

I am someone who gets this guilt;

I yelled at my kids today – Oh my gosh are they going to grow up with anger issues because I yelled one day out of thirty? Doubtful, right? Exactly.

Oh my gosh my kid has a sickness, could I have given them more orange juice or washed their hands more frequently or something to have avoided this horrible sickness? Doubtful, right? Exactly.

So  why is it so hard to believe that one of my three children could simply just have been born wired in a way to have a mood disorder? Why can’t I just realize this is who he is and I have been proactive in getting him into specialists for the past three years to ensure everyone was on top of his possible mood disorder.

I mean that is all one can do, fight as a parent for our child who can’t fight doctors and specialists for himself. I have done the best I can do and will continue to do the best I can do for my middle child.

After watching my five year old go downhill this past week and a half today is what finally hit me hard and made me want to just cry for hours. Instead I called @mommadjane and told her what’s going on and the funny thing is – she made me realize the good in what my son has and the good in the fact that I do have help and specialists are listening. Funny how I am usually the one trying to show MommaDjane the happy side of things and here I needed her on this day, but she came through and made me a little less sad.

So here we go again, I am wondering was it this or was it that? Is it how I felt when he was born? Is it the depression and how withdrawn from him I was when he was born? Honestly – NO – my sons counselor has assured me there is no way I could have caused a chemical imbalance for a mood disorder! It’s not possible! Even though that is relieving, I am still MOM and I still catch myself with those “what ifs” popping into my head every so often.

I just have to realize – this is not my fault just like it’s not my fault my sister has bi-polar – I didn’t cause my sister to be bi-polar although some days she would like to say it was me beating her up all the dang time as young children, it really isn’t my fault – no one “causes” a person to have a chemical imbalance which creates a mood disorder, such as bi-polar.

It’s not your fault, it’s not my fault — it’s just simply part of raising children – you take what you get and do the best you can with it!

Heading off to say that three times in the mirror so maybe I will believe it

I am curious how many of you have ever pretended not to see a person when out in public. You know the scenario; walking through a local store when you happen to look up and spot someone that you would really rather not say hi to and you look down and head in a completely different direction to avoid bumping into them.

Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have been guilty of both doing this and having it done to me. I actually have to laugh and I do {right out loud} when people do it to me because in all honestly most that do it to me are people I would so rather not have to pretend to be nice to. All the power to them for thinking they got away with avoiding someone who really could care less if they said hi or not.

I really can’t stand playing nice to people I don’t like. There are few people I don’t really like and those fall into the category of ; too into themselves, judgmental and sometimes even arrogant personalities.  I tend to flock to people who can benefit from my happiness and I can benefit from theirs. Don’t get me wrong, I am not always happy and I do realize humans are not always 100% happy, but if someone is going to simply say hi to me just to get the latest dish on my personal life or whatever well then in all honesty they can go fly a kite, or rather continue to pretend they didn’t see me at the store.

I will survive, because those are people who the world need not let into their lives. I thrive for positive, thoughtful and caring individuals who really enjoy company of happy, low drama people.