Why Do Humans, Specifically Women, Over Analyze

It is always fascinating to me how we, humans, over analyze things. Men tend to not have this trait as often as females do; it seems men live pretty simply. Men know this is how it is and they go with it, again, not all men but a predominant amount of them seem to live life this way. Why is it then, that most females tend to second guess their own self? Why do we make an educated, heartfelt decision and then beat it to death with our over analyzing gene?

There is one theory that states woman have a better connection between thinking and speaking; this means most of us woman speak during our thought process. Women take the time to discuss their thoughts, where they are coming from and verbalize it. Men tend to think harder, ponder and then speak when ready. I am not sure if I feel either way is right or wrong, but I do think the fact that most women speak while going through the thought process can lead to over analyzing. Essentially men do the same thing, but no one is aware because they are not as vocal about it.

As it pertains to relationships, many women will analyze a man and the relationship because she has gone through experiences that led her to a path where certain things are unacceptable. Most women, at a certain age or stage in their life, realize what type of man will last long term with her. If that man exhibits a wide range of traits she sees as red flags, she will move on. NO questions asked, because her future  matters to her. That’s not to say men don’t do the same thing, women tend to think further ahead I feel than men who live in today.

I have held many conversations with men who admit that they haven’t really ever thought about tomorrow, they live in today and go day by day. As a parent, I have become a more proactive person; I live for today but I think about tomorrow in a productive, positive way. As a women and mother of three, I have certain needs that must be met as a mother as well as a women. Due to the fact that my middle child has special needs, I tend to analyze a lot of areas in my life. I need to ensure I am living for full happiness, as a whole, to ensure my children are progressing and thriving for their happiness as a whole.

Analyzing things helps me, as a woman and mother, to determine if my feelings are derived from hormones, stress or realistic expectations. Sadly, I can analyze something to death when I don’t like the outcome of my initial report, so to speak. I wonder why that is, why we question our thorough analysis of a situation? Can’t we have faith and confidence in our final decisions and reports?

I think experience and self worth plays a huge roll in how much we analyze something. I also think our gender plays a role. What I can say is this; I wish I would stop letting what other people feel get in the way with what I feel confident about for my future. I need to stand firm with all that is important to me, whether others agree, disagree or understand, at the end of the day all that matters is that I feel confident in my decisions. I am the one who has to live with my decisions, as well as my children, but my children usually can see me happier as I don’t make decisions lightly. When my children see me happier, they are happier. Period. Point Blank. That’s it.

I suppose my final analysis (being a woman and all) is that I believe women analyze things to death as a means to second guess ourselves based on experiences, the crowd we surround ourselves with and the simple fact that we get more flack than the men do when they  make decisions.

 

 

 

What’s the Key to Great Relations? Using your Heart Felt Words

Something that I am guilty of doing, quite frequently, is broadcasting things. It seems a lot of the times, mainly when life is getting more challenging for me, I speak out in this tone of broadcast journalist, versus a human being with feelings. That’s not to say journalists don’t have feelings, but they tend to report versus feel and report. In our personal lives we need to feel and report. Not just report.

I get stuck in the report area. All. The. Time.

Far too often I can be found ranting and raving about something and then pause to realize, “wait, I don’t feel anything with what  I am saying”. Thankfully I am getting better at noticing the difference between an overwhelmed version of me and the heartfelt me. There is a lot of things in life and relations that I am trying to evaluate if they are from the heart issues, deal breakers or just simply me taking something out on a person who is right there ready to be the venting box.

I firmly believe the key to any good relationship or friendship lies in the ability to speak with emotion backing the words.

For someone who knows who they are inside and out. For someone who knows deeply right versus wrong. Gut instinct versus hormonal imbalance. Then they will be more apt to speak with emotions versus just broadcasting, yet no one is perfect. It is so much easier just to rant and spout off the mouth about something that is bugging you, instead of sitting down and having a heart to heart moment.

If more people would simply follow their gut instincts, there would be less divorce and more love.

I think the biggest area people can benefit from working on within their own self is the ability to speak with gut instinct emotions based words rather than hormonal imbalance spoken words or words that are just broadcasted out there with no emotions behind them. I believe this with all of my heart, sadly life isn’t all black & white though, we have a lot of grey areas to think about. This means when you do finally realize that maybe your words did have valid emotions somewhere underneath, that you have to face reality with the decisions that you made.

Life isn’t easy, it’s a long journey of trials and tribulations. If you follow your gut instincts, mind, soul and body as often as you possibly can, you will see that life doesn’t’ have to be as confusing as you make it out to be.

People Close to me Know this, So Why the Shock?

You first start dating someone. It’s fresh. It’s new. It’s exciting! I call this the honey moon phase, okay I don’t call it that, everyone calls it that. The term was created long before my little heart was born, I am sure.  The thing about me though is that I don’t really go through a full honey moon phase with people. I tend to be pretty outspoken in a private setting, I am very aware of who I am and how I work. This means that I am also fully aware of what I need to stay happy in a relationship and I am not afraid to let the person know before we venture any further into a commitment.

With that being said, I also observe anyone I am dating to ensure I get how they work and what makes them feel happiness and love as a means to ensure I could be a good match for them. I am not totally selfish.

All too often I find that the people I meet love to portray a different person than who they are. So a year later or so, it all comes out and you are all like WTF. Sorry for the language, but seriously, that is the only way to describe the way it feels. You are told that certain things apply or the person is a certain way but after a year of being around them, you realize, something isn’t clicking right. This isn’t the person who you thought you were getting serious with.

I didn’t change, okay maybe I got more confident in my world and became a bit more outspoken, but other than that? I am still the same person being the same way, I just am a wee bit more outspoken, but that’s not something the person wasn’t aware of. I think maybe they just didn’t realize the full extent of my outspoken nature, especially during highly challenging times. I just get into those no-tolerance moods where I am so sick of the ignorance. I can’t help but open mouth and not insert foot.

I love it when I tell people, privately but openly, about things I need to stay happy in a relationship and they are all like yeah totally I want and need that too. Or they say yeah that’s me, I am that person. I wish more adults were truly aware of their inner self, what it is about them that is worthy of being with another person. I wish more adults took the time off from relationships to really know who they are and own who they are, no exceptions.

I am not saying there is no such thing as give and take as well as negotiations in relationships; of course there needs to be that. I am simply saying that the core of a person needs to be there and the person needs to realize that part of them. The part that matters most in life and relationships.

I am at that point of frustration. So many things have been made aware to me that I am struggling with looking back and wondering if there were signs before. Did I realize this and just ignored it based on the scenario I was in? Because for me, I seem to make similar mistakes in relationships. Every. Single. Time.

Like I tell everyone, “I am great at parenting and being self employed, but this relationship stuff gets me flustered”. So why is it a shock that I am here, contemplating what the F happened?! You shouldn’t be shocked. Nor should I.  Truth be told: I have been single as a parent far longer than in a relationship. That truth in itself lends a lot of insight into why it’s difficult for me to share my family with another human being, beyond co-parents.

I firmly believe in the two year rule – it takes one year to really get to know the true person and it takes another year to determine if you both can live with each other. Follow it. Embrace it.

Having Less Tolerance for Environmental or Self Induced Situations

I was talking with one of my best friends the other day and she hit the nail on the head with how I’ve been feeling lately. Due to my son Aj having special needs, who will soon undergo autism evaluation but has always had special needs regardless of whatever future diagnosis he receives, I have found myself with zero tolerance for behaviors that are stemmed from environmental aspects.

Allow me to explain; raising a child that has special needs has opened my eyes to realize far too many adults place their children into unnecessary drama filled lies and in turn ruin their children. It’s an uphill battle every day for me, for the past seven years, to raise my son Aj who was first diagnosed ADHD, then later mood disorder with anxiety and now being evaluated for autism instead. I have had a long many of years working with my son to ensure he thrives at life, always has a positive home environment and the structure of his home is one he can thrive and grow in. I do not have any control on outside influences so I am sure to raise him in a way that allows him to blossom to the best of his abilities. I also raise my other two children the same.

Let's Raise our Children not Befriend Them

I have zero tolerance for children or even adults who know better. My son Aj doesn’t always know better in some areas of life. Aj struggles to understand social ques, that life doesn’t happen the same way every day and he struggles in ways that most of us take for granted. That means when my own children or other people’s children act amuck, I have zero tolerance for that behavior. I guess raising a child with special needs really opens your eyes to other families and people who create such drama upon their own self and their own children and it makes you sick to your stomach.

I have no time for the excess drama. I have no time for people who wish to live in a way that belittles their children, that brings their children down and confuses them thus creating a very negative childhood. I much prefer seeing adults who can lead their family by example, sucking up issues they have within their own self, or better yet adults getting help for their issues. Sadly, most adults won’t acknowledge their inner deep issues so therefore they “have none and it’s all you”. I beg to differ.

I am the strength for my children. I have always been and I will always be. That won’t ever change. I am who I am and I worked damn hard to get here today. I worked on my inner demons, I accepted things I couldn’t change and I sucked things up to be the parent and co-parent I needed to be and still need to be for my children. With that being said, it doesn’t mean my life is full of awesomeness and great days, happiness is not about always feeling happy. Happiness is a place you get to within your own self, a place of inner peace and with that comes the ability to work out any challenges.

I, however, also know when to back away from something that is out of my control. I also know when enough is enough and I realize this isn’t benefiting my children nor myself. One thing that my bestest of friends will remind me is this; no matter what happens in your life, no matter how much you may love certain people, if those people and their situations bring you down and change who you are, then it’s time to rethink and find a way to resolve and/or move on from the situation. I am not scared to do what needs to be done in order to continue living a fulfilled life of happiness. I will not allow myself nor my children to fall prey to those who wish to stem more drama in their lives. I don’t do drama, it literally makes me sick to my stomach.

What I do do, is raise my children and keep myself moving forward. My children are very important to the future and so should yours be.  I have a zero tolerance policy for lack in parenting that has resulted in a display of ill behaved children later in life. I cannot say my children are perfect but I can say they learn from their mistakes, always, because I have raised them and parented them – not been their best friend. Being a parent is all about balancing the treatment of children as individuals, teaching them consequences will happen for their actions and that they are respected, trusted and loved regardless of whether they don’t think so in the moment of a parent having to discipline them. I have heard it all, but at the end of the day, my children no matter how upset from a decision I make, love and respect me and still to this day come to me when they need a shoulder to lean on and an ear to vent to.

“Image courtesy of jscreationzs / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

Why is it So Hard for Many to Just Be Happy?

What others do is none of my business. In all reality, whether another person chooses to lead a life of happiness or sadness really shouldn’t bother me. The thing is, that it DOES.

I have had so many bad things happen to me, when I have been asked to share my story with others. The story of where I have been and come from based on my own experiences of life, my view of it. I am often praised for not having such a bitter, negative taste in my mouth about all of the crap I have been through. Some crap was my own fault, other crap was the result of my bad choices and other crap was just because of how I happen to view the scenario.

I make a conscious choice to be happy each day.

I make a conscious choice to live my life happy.

I make a conscious effort to ensure no one else can bring me down.

I make a conscious effort to uplift and help others when I can.

I make a conscious effort to walk away from those who have such deep wounds that I can’t help them.

You see, I love being happy and of course that means I want to do all I can to help others be happy. The truth is, just like I recently told someone close to my world – you cannot help others who won’t help themselves. It’s not our place to fix anyone else. We can simply be here for them but make a conscious choice to walk away if the situation calls for it.

There are so many of my online friends who make similar choices to me; to lead a happy life, to be happy based on our own person. Happiness is found within and so many of my online friends agree. Yet, there are a small few who don’t see it that way. It’s like they say they are trying to be happy but “everything goes wrong” or they are trying to be happy but “everyone doesn’t get them”.

I mean seriously …. if you are honestly trying to work on yourself, then like a close friend on Facebook stated the other day, you cannot be completely happy until you work to heal wounds deep within yourself. It’s one thing to choose to be positive and lead a happy life, its another thing to be completely, deeply, spiritually happy within. To be completely positive and happy you must face demons within, move forward from the hurt inside and YES a lot of times this means therapy.

If you cannot face your past hurts then you are not going to be able to fully move on in life. Make a concsious effort to work to heal those wounds, you won’t regret it! It will be difficult and you will shed a lot of tears but the end result will be so worth it ….

This Sums up What I have Said to my Fiance For Awhile now

I always tell my fiance that I don’t wish for him to change, I absolutely love him for who he is. I just see things within him, things he is capable of that clearly have not been seen by him as of yet. In the past year I have watched my fiance change in such a great way. He is more confident, he doesn’t stand for bull crap anymore and he is much happier than he was the first day I met him.

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