Online Dating Can Work, If you are Patient & Picky

I never really felt that online dating would work for more than anything but a fling, a fun fling and part time relationship maybe but all that aside, I never believed one could find true love on such a site. My experiences with online dating sites were pretty much all of that; finding people who wanted flings, friends with benefits, a commitment to them but not to me or even worse yet, people who swore we were meant to be together but really were not my type. It took a lot of trial and errors on my part before I finally met a man I never thought I would have met.

I had a profile on a variety of free dating sites, I even had  a profile on Match.com for free but soon realized that their free version doesn’t allow you to properly communicate with others in a way to get to know them. I decided that I would suck it up and pay for a one month subscription to Match.com and if no one interesting was found after that month I would simply cancel, but if I found anyone worthy of my time, I would pay more to continue communicating with them. It didn’t take more than a month, granted I was on their free profile version for a long time before upgrading to the paid version. I found a few select men who seemed interesting to me; the height was good, their likes were somewhat similar but every man had this like listed that wasn’t something I could ever see myself being “crazy” about. For instance, one man loved snowmobiling, I hate Winter. That wouldn’t ever work long term. Not for me anyways because I wanted to be with someone who enjoyed every season and near every activity together. I don’t mind having guy time and girl time, but I didn’t want to be with someone who’s main passion was something I could never enjoy with them.

Found my True Love Online Dating Can Work, If you are Patient & PickyThen it happened, a picture of a man, a cute man with a guitar. Something about him just made me want to learn more. Behind his eyes, his smile and of course holding a guitar just makes me swoon. I love guitar players, just something about having a musical talent is attractive to me, it could have been drums but in all honesty I associate drums with more of a rocker, crazy dude that wants to party, I don’t know why. Don’t judge me, that’s just my opinion of seeing a person who plays drums … I think of Animal from The Muppets. Every. Single. Time.

I documented the complete story of this man I met up with eventually and I cannot wait to share our story but for now I am reaching out to those who may be single, thinking that there is just no one out there for them. For me, all it took was saying “I am going to pay for this one month & if no one peaks my interest, I will cancel membership and be fine just being alone until the right person hops into my life”. Once I had that attitude, that is when the right-for-me person came into my life. We met for coffee and never stopped talking and seeing each other. It just made complete sense. When we hug, it’s as if I feel complete, a “sigh” almost comes about me and it’s so relaxing .. with just a hug!

It took me one failed marriage, although I can’t say “failed” per say as we have two amazing boys and my ex husband is close to my best friend as far as I am concerned, but we are divorced and have been since May 2009 or something like that. It took many failed relationships, and me feeling so low as if I was meant to just be a single Mom for me to find my man. It took me being fine with being alone, knowing that my children would be happiest if I am happiest. I no longer sulked about not having a man, I took time off from sex to ensure when I found that man I wouldn’t get lust confused for love. I did all of the steps to ensure I was 100% confident that when I did find a man, it would be for all the right reasons.

I firmly believe that if you can get into an honest, felt through the heart mindset that you are okay alone and that you do not need a partner in life then you will have that right-for-you person fall into your lap. My boyfriend and I think this very much so and I recently heard him advising his younger brother this same thought, why? Because my boyfriend and I fell into each others lives when we both were in that place; we both had come to the realization that being alone wasn’t all that bad and had accepted that we may be single forever. Some magic happened, be it God, be it coincidence, I don’t know, but we met and it just works. We balance each other so well.

I want that feeling for everyone out there, it’s the best feeling in the whole wide world. I know you can find it, just stop searching for it. Let true love “just happen” because that is how it’s suppose to be, forcing something for the wrong reasons with the wrong person will only cause more heartbreak and frustrations.

 

 Online Dating Can Work, If you are Patient & Picky

The Ability to Be Honest and Understand Each Other

The love of my life  is someone I met about six months ago. After deciding that the town this man lived in shouldn’t hold me back from contacting him through Match.com we started engaging in long conversations. The conversations started via emails in Match.com then later turned to phone calls and text messages. We just could not get enough of talking with each other. I have seen this happen before though, I have met people that I can engage in a conversation with for hours, I am just good like that. It’s easy for me to relate to many different people and communicate well with them, but these conversations held a deeper value to me, they were simply different than other conversations with other people and I knew I wanted to learn more about this man.

Eventually we met for coffee, I recall thinking it so odd that he likes black coffee; no sugar, no cream, milk or anything. I prefer my coffee quite a bit sweeter with hazelnut creamer and a couple spoons of sugar. We were both sort of shy at first, that is normal for me when meeting someone new but I did forewarn him that I am a hugger so when I snuck a hug while saying good bye or hello, maybe both, I forget now, his only reply in a shy voice was “guess you weren’t kidding, you are a hugger”.  Basically from this meeting day forward, we were hooked.

We began spending a lot of time together, well in between free time with him having his kids a lot and me having mine most of the time. While we didn’t have all of the same interests, we both have interests and passions that align, are similar, the same and he brings more to the table with likes and experiences whereas I bring my own likes and experiences as well. This is a great way to have a healthy, adventurous relationship because we both have certain ways to handle situations. I tend to be less of a worrier most times while he worries and can be a little more nervous about some things.

I parent with rules, boundaries and rewards, while he parented in a completely different way, I honestly felt he started to really lack any form of what I considered parenting but don’t mean that in a rude or degrading way. This man had a lot going on and even when I have a lot going on my parenting doesn’t align the way it should. We are all human after all. We ended up falling madly, completely and deeply in love with each other one day though and everything has just lined right up.

The thing that we both believe really helps us to have made it the around six months we have been together is that we both are willing to listen to each other. We both realize that spoken words don’t always come out the right way for either of us and we both give each other time to think of our words carefully when in a heated conversation. We also don’t judge or take offense when the other person says something that we would normally take offensively because we understand that neither of us is good with words at times of high emotions.

I firmly believe that this love of mine and me have a relationship built to last because we have patience, respect, understanding, trust, love and communication. Neither of us holds the other to be some perfect human, we both laugh at our faults while working to understand each other. I love that both of us are able to step back and almost joke at times to alleviate our imperfections when we may be handling a situation poorly. We seem to just connect in such a way that two people need to for the long haul …. cheers to a new chapter of our lives … living together & blending our families together!

Two adults… five children.. one house…. Looking forward to this adventure!

 

 The Ability to Be Honest and Understand Each Other

Plenty of Fish vs Match.com In my Experience

When I first decided that I would put myself out there on a dating site, I went with the free one, PlentyofFish.com. I have used this website in past years without much success, but figure maybe I will give it a shot this time. One thing I have learned from my long-term single friends was that you should not waste your time engaging in a conversation with someone who isn’t even the right fit for you. Basically, why spend time getting to know someone, for example, that wants to have children some day if you do not want to ever have children {or more children}. That is a waste of their time and yours.

Since PlentyofFish.com is free, I figured what the heck. Let’s give this a try and see what I see. So far I have only seen a bunch of people who 1) don’t match what I would even think about settling down with 2) are locals who I’ve known a long time & enjoy just friendship with them & 3) POF seems to attract people who are simply looking for a piece of ass.  My replies to this are; I do not need the internet dating site POF to find sex, I can find that if I really wanted it randomly anywhere outside my home.  Random conversations that seemed somewhat interesting on POF turned into dead air when we ran out of interesting topics. Then other conversations ended before they even began because they were completely inappropriate for me.

Match.com was my other choice for a dating site, I have heard great things about this site and I would only assume since you have to actually pay to do much more than wink at the person on the site, maybe – just maybe – there is someone out there seeking a more serious “get to know each other” situation. I decided to pay for a one month time period only on Match.com.  This is about $30, more money than I should spend, but hey I rarely spend money on myself and figured I deserved to give myself one month of seriously seeking new people.

Since Match.com is a paid site it seems I am watching as more suitable people contact me, do not get me wrong there are still those dead air conversations, those people simply seeking a piece of ass, but more importantly there are more of those who are seeking a real long term commitment to the right person. That is the key phrase “right person”, Match.com seems to have a wide range of people who are seriously wanting that “perfect for them partner in life” and that my friends is what I would ultimately enjoy having.  Match.com may not have a huge range of men that I drool over or are highly interested in, but they do have a couple that seemed interesting.

300x250 1 2 Plenty of Fish vs Match.com In my Experience Plenty of Fish vs Match.com In my Experience

Basically in a nutshell, if someone were to ask me if I recommend a free dating site over a paid dating site; I would honestly have to tell them to try to invest time and at least one month payment into the paid dating site. I would also recommend simply setting up a free profile first on the paid dating site, that way they can surf and look around without having wasted money if no one on that site seems interesting at all.

**the dating experiences on the websites noted are based on my own experiences, obviously not everyone will have the same experiences I am having or have had.

 Plenty of Fish vs Match.com In my Experience