Sometimes We Hold Others at Higher Expectations

I am guilty of holding my own self up to this high expectation, I have always felt I am strong and can make it through anything – alone or not alone. That is who I am. As a close loved one told me earlier today, “Everyone can only be so strong. You’re stronger than most.”  The thing about me is that because I hold myself to such high standards, I tend to hold others to those standards and that really is not fair.

Everyone has a busy life. Everyone has their own inside demons to work out. Everyone has their own things that they have going on that maybe they are not as outspoken about like I am. That is one thing a lot of my current friends know of me and say often; “I have frustrations too but you are just more outspoken about them and passionate about getting them out verbally while I sort of hold onto it internally until I am ready to say something that makes sense”. That I am guilty of, when something is bothering me I ramble it out in writing or words just so that I can be free of it. Doing that means it doesn’t always come out correctly.

Sad thing for me right now is that there has been someone lost, while it may have been expected, I really needed a couple people who I hold very close to my heart there for me. Lately, as in the past few months, those who I held so close to me, they were my rock, my love, the only people I knew I could go to for anything, have disappeared. Or so I feel as if they have disappeared. I start to wonder what I did wrong, why don’t they talk to me anymore.

Then I realized, just today, that it doesn’t matter that they are not here for me in the way they used to be. That they do not seem to care to have my children and me in their life in a way I have tried to keep them. Sometimes, whether you are talking about family or friends, you just have to let go because people change, lives change and sometimes people just suck.

While I am not saying those I miss having around me “suck”, in all reality they are amazing people who really can sometimes get me to think in a different light, I am just sad that in their actions (or lack there of) that they seem to not want to be here for me when I really needed them. I would be there for them in a heart beat if I knew they needed someone, guess sometimes, it takes that down and out moment to realize just who is that important in your life. I have to remember that I can only be so strong just like others.

I have to remember that while I can love a lot of family and friends in my world, it does not mean we will always talk or always be there when the other needs us, but after going through what I went through last night into today, my eyes were opened as to who really is genuinely caring and not about me. It hurts. I’m sad about it, but at the same time, I shall move on and still continue to love those who were a part of my life and are not there anymore. I will not hold bitterness, rage and anger because that will only consume me to become who I used to be.

Getting this off the chest helped. Collecting my thoughts and writing down my rambles has really helped me to try to put others back down to normal expectations and realize that while others may not talk to me in that moment, they do love me and would be there in a heart beat should that situation call for it.

It doesn’t really help that this Winter has played a huge toll on my mood and well being. It doesn’t help that I am having my own health problems that no one knows about except those who are actually 100% part of my world. It doesn’t help that I am just ready for sunshine… but thankfully writing helps, seeing my kids smiley faces helps and having the love I have within my direct household helps. I am thankful for what I do have and have survived through worse.

Sunday Funnies for My Lovely Readers

Do you read the funnies in your Sunday paper? Well think of this blog post as your blog funnies  …. mind you, you may need a great sense of humor and open mind for some of these, get to know my humorous side while reading these cute funny images/quotes I found while surfing the web.

I can think of a couple of my girlfriends that this can be for …. we are like peanut butter and jelly with a hint of crushed red pepper….

Never had one of those nights …..

Now, I am  not a vodka drinker, but I do like to have an alcoholic beverage from time to time, mostly @twistedtea but hey … this sounds good…

Now this is the best rule ever …. love it…

I Will Get you, Bad Red Squirrel

One day I headed downtown to drop the little one off to preschool when my Dad happened to stop by to drop me some corn on the cob. I love corn on the cob. Anyways, I was not gone very long and when I came home to see the corn on the cob sitting on the steps of my deck I figured it could wait a minute before I brought it inside.

I had my hands full and I was lazy, not to mention I figured grabbing an old shopping bag would make more sense than trying to juggle all of those ears of corn by myself. So I went inside, got distracted maybe fifteen minutes and came out to see the corn had been eaten … just one ear of corn was all messed up as you can see in the image above.

I look over and who do I see? But a red squirrel who is happily staring at me refusing to run from me because he wanted my corn on the cob. I don’t think so. This is not the last sighting of Mr/Mrs Red Squirrel {whichever it is}. It has been known to be scratching around on the deck while I am in the kitchen making me look outside only to see it on the deck railing staring back at me.

This red squirrel is taunting me and I will get it. Some how. Some Way. He will be gotten.

Practing Good Listening Skills

I all too often forget that I am not that great of a listener at times. I mean well and I try but I talk way too much and my lack of memory makes it so if I don’t say what pops into my brain at that moment then I will forget it. I do it all the time.

The great thing is that most of my friends know this about me and while they laugh it up making jokes about my short term memory and the fact that I can’t seem to hold things in when having a conversation, I do know it hurts them that I can ramble for hours but not listen effectively to them. It’s not nice.

Since I am trying to become more aware of my various “faults” I have noticed this is a big one, but I have lived so long in a situation where the other person wouldn’t communicate even if you gave silence to let them, it became habit for me to do all of the talking.

Now that I am trying to move forward and regain that positive in my life, I am working on remembering that having good listening skills will come in handy in all areas of my life but mostly in friendship ways; listening to someone else ramble on without interrupting them makes them feel good, as if whatever they are saying means the world to you in that moment.

What made me feel really good is that my friend, Sheila, the other night on the phone told me that she noticed that I am trying to listen more. If she can notice that I am trying then hopefully others will notice too and in turn I will have corrected this fault of mine so that I can be a better listener for all who walks into my life.

Sorry Don’t Need Anyone

How frustrating is the dating scene for others? For me, it’s a nightmare sometimes. It seems all men are physically attracted to me and feel it’s love at first site. I try to explain to them they are simply thinking with their “other head” and I’m sure you know what I mean but they are convinced we are meant to be and in love. I will admit there is one or two people I have feelings for in a way that I wonder what the future holds, if I am meant to be with one of them or not, but I don’t feel in love with either of them like that.

I don’t understand why men think they have to tell a woman they love them to try to get them in bed?! I would prefer if someone wanted to try to sleep with me that they be honest and upfront. I am a big girl and I can handle my self and handle the honesty. I will admit there have been a couple of guys I have talked to that are straight up about wanting “no strings attached” and they are good friends of mine but I won’t sleep with them.

Here’s the deal; growing up I always looked to men for sex to feel loved or whatever I needed back years and years ago. I got my need to sleep with people stage out of my system. I am now a happy, single mother of three who always puts her children and business first. That is what my life revolves around at this time; children and business. I don’t have time to play games, I barely have time for dinner dates and I quite simply just don’t need the smooth talking jerks to come into my life and waste any of my time or theirs.

Dating is fun, it’s great getting to talk to a ton of new people and with text messages it’s even easier to get to know someone virtually before ever meeting for a dinner date. Text messages have saved me from meeting a lot of dumb men since I’ve been back on the dating bandwagon! As much as I feel texts or even emails can be very impersonal I love that they have opened the doors to getting to know someone a little bit better before spending hours upon hours on the phone away from my busy life just to find out they are complete jerks!

Dating can just plain suck, especially when you do not need anyone else in your life but simply want companionship, someone to cuddle up with to watch a movie every other weekend when the munchkins are gone. That my friends is exactly what I need a good friend that I can snuggle up to watching a movie on the couch, trust with me when I have a few beers and someone who I can call if having a bad day. I know there is a man out there who would love to be that person for me, it’s just weeding out all the jerks before I find him.

If you are dating you really should read this:

Boyfriend Application

This boyfriend application idea stemmed from a joke text message I received yesterday. The blogger in me could not resist writing this.  Below you will see a series of questions and if you want your application to be taken seriously then you need to know that there is a one time non-returnable application fee of $5 that must be sent via paypal to admin{at}brandyellen{dot}com. The fee covers my time in thoroughly reviewing your application answers.

  1. Are you currently single, as in free to date legally?
  2. What is your first name?
  3. What is your birth order {youngest, oldest, middle}?
  4. Do you stress easily?
  5. Are you looking for a fling or the real thing?
  6. Are you fixed {sorry no techy words for me}?
  7. Do you have children? If yes, what are their ages?
  8. Do you have an amicable relationship with your children(s) mother?
  9. Do you work {ft or pt}?
  10. What is your ideal first date?
  11. Do you enjoy laughing and being silly sometimes?
  12. Are you social and outgoing?
  13. Do you like to drink alcohol occasionally, such as on weekends? If yes, what kind of alcohol?
  14. Do you feel it’s the woman’s job to keep the house tidy?
  15. Any additional comments that you feel will help your application be accepted? Please make note of them.

Disclosure: This is meant to be humorous and in no way would I seriously have someone complete an application to date me, although I have debated seriously using this method! LOL

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