She stepped outside on a cool crisp day, the humidity was low but still the stickiness from it was in the air. The cool breeze and sweet Spring air went into her nostrils as she breathed in, as she exhaled she felt relaxed. The day must begin whether she wants it to or not. Time does not stand still even when one needs it to stand still just for a few moments longer.

Life is full of trying times, there are moments when we feel as if there is no where to turn, no one to discuss what’s inside of our own mind, fear that we will be judged or worse yet shun for our thoughts of wishing for more or not wanting some of what we have. Human nature is funny, we try to teach our children to not judge and to be there for others. We teach our children to be kind, be honest and love one another.

She stands outside in the middle of the huge lawn wondering what she will do if she has to make a serious decision. She wonders where her strength comes from, for no matter how many times she has to make a difficult decision it is her strength that keeps her moving forward. The children know that she is mom and she will do everything in her power to ensure they are happy & healthy but what these children do not realize is that she sometimes questions if being honest and standing firm on her morals is really what works in this world?

All too often deceitful, lying people get away with things in life for they are good at manipulation and one must be extremely good at what they do if they never get caught.  She believes in Karma, she believes that the universe gives back to you what you put out there, but why do some people not seem to get what they put out there back? Does negative karma take more time? Will those close to her see that she is honest, loving and caring? Will being honest be enough? Only time will tell …. for now she just spends her mornings staring into the skies and breathing in that sweet Spring air.

There is a pair of ducks that frequent our pond and they are just lovely but lately they have been getting spooked out of the pond and flying off shortly after landing. I hadn’t quite figured out why until over the weekend I spotted this lovely creature at the pond…

This is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen, the thing is I have seen geese before, but they were honking flying in a V up in the sky. This is one lone goose that hung around the pond all day over the weekend.

I am not 100% sure but it appeared that this goose was making his or her home by the pond, looking like maybe there’s a nest around this area of the pond for the goose kept hanging around one area looking like it was making a nest area.

Now I don’t know what this goose was doing for sure, but I do know it would not leave. I ventured as close as I could to it thinking maybe it would get spooked and fly off but all it did was waddle into the pond and swim a bit further away from me. Even with all the hussle and bussle of the kids, this goose did not fly off all day.

I wonder what it was doing and if I will see it again?

Watching the kids roast marshmallows for smores….

Enjoying the sunshine beaming down on me while my feet are up in a chair…

And watching the ducks swim around in the pond, love watching their landing in particular…

Having family time on the weekends is what warms my heart the most but relaxing outdoors? The best pass-time ever!

I was on the telephone with my father having one our many normal conversations about how I am going to lose my mind one of these days and joking about all of the wonderfully challenging, but semi-funny, things my children have done that day when a Jeep pulled into my driveway. Mind you, I don’t ever have visitors so for someone to be pulling into my yard it’s either a delivery person, mail carrier or someone for the neighbors who pulled into my driveway quite by accident.

SO I am outside on the deck having a cigarette chatting away with my father, laughing and just making fun of my stressful moments that hit me daily when I forget I am even on the telephone with my father and start cursing and freaking out. Quite literally, freaking out verbally. I put my cigarette out in the butt can and proceeded to drop F bombs like I was a sailor and it continued on for a moment until sanity must have come into my mind and I said “oh I ordered dinner”.

Just like that I made my dad crack up and I cracked up at the same time. I was shaking, scared that some stranger was in my driveway, totally forgot I had ordered delivery food. I don’t like random people showing up, it drives me bonkers. My life is too hectic for pop in visits and so I usually do freak out when someone pulls in, but nothing like I did this particular day.

It came at a time when I was just telling my Dad that one of these days the boys Dad is going to come home with me sitting on a chair going “coo-coo, coo-coo”, apparently I proved that the mind is a bit frazzled these days, but thankfully it’s only me and my adult acquaintances and family that realize this for my children think I am always happy and never stressed out.  The kids may think I am a tad bit coo-coo but that’s just because I am a silly sort of Mama.

Needless to say, I need to start realizing and taking action when I need time away, so I am resolving now to ensure I get ME TIME more often so my mind can come back down to Earth and not climb so far up into the clouds that I do silly things such as freaking out on a delivery person.

No delivery person was hurt nor verbally harassed during this situation, they were still well inside of their vehicle pulling into a parking place in my driveway during my memory lapse.

Everywhere you look and read there are professionals and friends really pushing you to keep your own self and identity even while parenting.  The point is that keeping in tune with what makes you tick and allowing yourself to continue to be your own self while parenting makes you a better parent. The problem is, where do you fit in time to focus on YOU?

If you are a close family with relatives willing to watch your kids for free or take them for an overnight stay, then I could see how finding time for you would be so much easier. What if you are not that family? What if you have no one to take your kids and you are stuck trying to work around being a parent and juggling children? What do you do then?

Here are some ways you can fit YOU into the equation of parenting:

• Take a walk – let your spouse know you need some time away, that you are just going to go for a walk. Work out a time that works best for both of you and head outdoors for a walk with no guilty feelings.
• Read a book – if reading is your think, set aside an hour after the kids are asleep to indulge in a novel that suits your interested.
• Write in a Journal – journals are a great way to document who you are, how your day was and keep track of how your life is going. It’s also a great way to relax the mind after the kids go to sleep so you can sleep better and wake up more refreshed.
• Get a Hobby – if you have something that you have been passionate about for years but have not been making time for it, now is your chance. Kids sleep at some point, right?  Whether it be on a weekend night or week day night, set aside an hour each day to do whatever it is you enjoy.

Remind yourself that you matter as much as your children on a daily basis. It’s all too easy to get consumed in the every day parenting rituals and wake up one day to find your kids are grown and you are lost. Do not make it so that you have to work harder after the kids are grown to find your own self, make it easier by taking a tiny bit of time each day to focus on you.