Random Thoughts Spinning in my Head Turned to Blog Post

Each night I sit down on my couch, thinking about the days events. Lately I have been facing a lot of challenging things, but in all reality I’m mostly feeling a tad weighed down because I hold the brunt of my children’s stress. While I do teach them to cope and handle as well as communicate their own stressers, I’m still Mom so I end up with the worrying stress of it all laid upon my shoulders.

The shoulders, that’s where my stress is held. Always has been. Always will be. Tight, tense shoulders that feel like boulders. As the tightness in the shoulders gets stronger, my neck gets weaker and on comes a headache. Thankfully a nice hard shoulder rub takes away all of the pain and weight so I can sleep better.

Lately when I sit down on the couch, at end of night, my mind wanders over to a place I try to avoid, that place where you question why you have who you have in your life. The kids, well you can’t pick them – they are yours always so never second guess having your awesome children around. The friends, the acquaintances, the users and the givers. In my line of work I have mostly acquaintances with a handful of people who are friends. It’s not unlike me to think of someone as a friend but in all reality we really are acquaintances. I need to start defining my relationship with people better so as to not get sucked into some major dilemma that could have been avoided if I had kept the boundaries of what the relationship really was or should have been.

I’m pretty good at reading who a person is, yes even virtually over the phone, internet or email. I am better at it in person but overall you can get a feel for who a person really is if you watch their daily talks; if you are at a point where you are questioning why you hang around to be pushed down by people who just can’t seem to realize it’s their own fault their lives are where they are at. If you are frustrated with trying to help people but all they do is want to point fingers and make excuses as to why they are the way they are, then just leave them.

I always say this; life is too short to be unhappy and life is also too short to be tied down into unhealthy relationships  that should be more like acquaintances. If the person you care about is someone who really needs therapy, professional help and they just cannot seem to get their own head wrapped around that idea and instead wallow in self pity, then walk away. You cannot allow anyone; relationship, friendship or what not,  to be a part of bringing you down too.

To me, I worked my ass off to be who I am today so I have zero pity and zero tolerance for those who don’t help themselves. I get it, it’s much like an addiction; you have to admit you need the help to move forward into a positive, happy place before you can get the help you need or even work to get to that place. Sadly, society makes it easy for us to be needy, greedy and loathe in self pity because we have been trained to be sheep, cowards and not think for our own self.

Stop that. Stand up. Be who you are. If you have issues, deep issues within, and you really are sick of struggling with them, get help. There are so many free programs, so many support groups out there that can assist you in getting away from the life you are being sucked dry of. You are not alone but you do need to first admit you want that positive change, because without you truly wanting it within your heart – the change will never happen.

It takes work to become a happier person, you will be challenged every single day of your life. Each day you will face something that tries to bring your mind down, do not allow anyone or anything to have such power over you. I just wish more people would realize they have deep issues and then take the step to get the help. I felt such a breath of fresh air when I released all that I needed to release and I would love to see more people release that and feel that relaxation that comes with getting emotional things sorted out. I love seeing people become better, happier and healthier within because they simply put a hand out to ask for help to be strong.

You can do it. Anyone can. You just have to want it bad enough and be able to admit the faults you have and issues you have within. Then move forward to Step 2…. seeking professional assistance to gain insight on how to deal with the issues that created the person you are today.

 

How Do You Find Local Friends?

Obviously I write a lot, it’s my therapy. Once I have written about something going on or bothering me, I am able to fully move on from it. I have zero issues any longer and it is as if a boulder has been lifted from my shoulders. The issue is that there are those who read these blogs I write on and sometimes they get annoyed with me. The thing is, that if you know me in person, then you know that during “that time of the month” everything bothers me, I get dramatic and life seems so freaking difficult for me. I am aware that I am like that once a month during my nonfriend visitation, the lovely menstrual cycle. I am human after all.

That is what has been going on with me, my menstrual cycle combined with my bipolar son having mood swings, it’s just a recipe for dramatic-ness. I also do not have many in real life, local friendships. My support system is through my sites, where I write and people from all over the world read, then comment or private message me in support or with tips/suggestions/advice that I may not have thought about due to being so emotionally close to a situation. I appreciate that support and that is why so much of my life is set to be up live on site on my blogs. To get support. To get things out of my head. And to find others who can relate to some or all of what I am going through.

No matter how much online support I have, I still need that in real life support system. That friend who when I am at my worse can come over to me, hug me and let my tears fall so I can move on happily. I no longer have that. It’s been many, many years since I have had a local best friend, that one girlfriend who is there no matter what and I am there for her no matter what. My long distance friendships are falling apart, because I just need more than a virtual support system and am trying to find ways to gain local friendships.

Sure I could go to the local pub, but I do not drink and drive, also I have major anxiety with situations like that. I am not one to go walk into a pub alone and mingle, that would be a very rare occurrence for me, it’s not who I have been nor who I am.  I recently signed up for the Meetups website, but most of the local groups are over an hour away. I can not drive that far most times, I have work to do, I have a car that is falling apart. I have to stay more local. So if I have to stay within the 30 minute drive radius of my home town, how do I meet more people? How do I form friendships?

You see, it seems as hard as high school years may have been, there was always that chance to mingle and meet a new friend. As an adult you have to work harder to find those friendships, because everyone has their own adult life to handle, families and work too. I am reaching out to you all to find out what you think I can do to try to find more in real life friendships? I am seeking mostly girlfriends, as I have my fair share of males I have had as friends but it’s not the same as a girls night out or girls night in. I really am not sure where to start, I simply know that not having a social life in person with real adults is something that is missing from my world. When someone is missing something in their world, it can take a toll on them and make life difficult at times.

Friends With Benefits, Otherwise Known as What the F@#$

I admit, I had a friends with benefits situation before and I loved every moment of it. I personally could not sleep with anyone but him but it worked for us and worked for me at that time in my life. Note it was a LONG time ago, many many moons ago. I have walked the path of being the friends with benefits, the friend, the girlfriend and eventually the wife – not all with the same person!

Here is what I am seeing from the friends with benefits during this day in age; it’s more about what that man wants and needs physically or sexually versus what both need/want in the friends with benefits world. Back in the day when I had an awesome friends with benefits situation going on, we were friends above all. I could go to him for anything and we had a chill time even just hanging out with mutual friends, it worked back then and I have zero regrets in having experienced that with this person. I enjoyed it. He enjoyed it. We were supportive of each other and a friend when needed plus we got to have amazing sex when needed too. A total win/win.

Personally, I could not do the friends with benefits thing now, I have moved on from that and although I may have needs not being met, I can not feel comfortable with the idea of friends with benefits now that I am where I am in life. Also, I have been offered friends with benefits situations during my online dating ventures and let me tell you what; friends with benefits these days seem to be not what I had many moons ago, it seems to be a what the F@#$ type situation just waiting for you to catch the next STD going around. Condoms do not protect you against all STD’s – remember that! (random fact I learned on Twitter)

These days Friends With Benefits appears to be not much more than a man who wants to have sex, back rubs, shoulder rubs, oral sex and whatever they freaking need at that moment without regards to what the woman needs or wants. The friends part? Oh gosh, why is the word friend even used in Friends With Benefits – the way some men have defined friends with benefits to me makes me cringe and has absolutely NOTHING to do with any form of friendship.  To me, if you are feeling 100% secure with where you are at in life as a single person and you are okay with the idea of friends with benefits simply because it gets your needs met and gives you someone cool to hang out with laughing, chatting and what not – then go for it, but make sure that friends with benefits is not just benefiting you or the only the other person. To me, friends with benefits is all about both people meeting the needs of each other without the commitment attached to it. Meaning, basically you do not have to answer to each other, you do not have to live with each other, you do not have to raise each others kids and what not. It takes the serious commitment out of it and is much like the Friends with Benefits movie or No Strings Attached movie.

If you do choose to go friends with benefits route, make sure it’s something you are seriously okay with because more often than not one of the people start to have feelings for that person when in all reality it was truly friends with benefits for that person only, meaning they will not be able to return the love you feel for them. Friends with benefits may sound fun but it can destroy a person emotionally in the long haul of things and you could end up with a disease if either of you or both of you are engaging in sexual activity with another person too.

 

Facebook Friends vs Real Life Aquaintances

I have a crap ton of friends on Facebook and the majority of them are blog buddies and/or past/present clients, but some of them are locals. That means there are some that I went to high school with, some that were friends with others in my life that connected or reconnected with me on Facebook while others are simply under the category of “I don’t know why we are friends on Facebook”.

When my personal Facebook account was started, it was more for the fun of marketing my writing to people and keeping in touch with family. I can talk to a variety of my huge family on Facebook at any given time and feel as if I am part of their lives, all because of Facebook. The issue I have been having lately is that dreaded unfriend feature. You see, I don’t like to unfriend people on Facebook because it’s like this huge deal, sure I can restrict them to avoid the whole “why did you unfriend me” conversation, but why restrict when you really have no interest in being their friend or they yours?

I accepted friend requests from local people lately, more so in the past year, because I honestly need more local friends. Nothing is worse than raising kids and working from a home office while never getting out to have a girls night or anything, so I thought Facebook would be a fantastic place to start making true friendships or at least some form of acquaintances. Boy could I have never been so wrong.

There are a few people who requested friendship or I requested theirs, in hopes of connecting a bit deeper with them or maybe connecting on a level known as being acquaintances, but silly of me to think that small minds would truly ever want to be more than spies on my Facebook page or just another number to say they are “friends” with me while I won’t be friends with others in their “circle of trust”.

Whatever these people have for a reason to be my friend yet not even acknowledge me in public baffles me. I have no time for the small town bullshit drama, and I have no time for their silly little games. I don’t need to be friends with locals just to have a new number of friends on Facebook nor do I need their local drama. Some people never grow up. So if I unfriended you recently on Facebook, it has nothing to do with you personally … okay well maybe it does but not in the way of who you are as a person, simply because maybe you need to sit back and ask yourself the same question I did “why are we friends on Facebook if I don’t talk to them outside of Facebook when I see them?” I mean seriously people.

Facebook is sometimes very similar to the small town I grew up in and I live beyond that small town, I live inside the mind of a mother who is trying her best to be confident in a world where others would rather drag you down. I live in a world where my happy thoughts keep me going and no other person shall ever bring that down, because I would never do that to another person either. My real life friends must be somewhat on same level as me or else they do not fit inside of my life, that means Facebook too.

If I unfriended you and you really wanted to try to be friends, then look for other avenues of friendship people, such as acknowledging my presence and hello smile to you in public.

End rant.

The Cuteness of Young Friendships

I listen to my kids every night at dinner time as we sit around the dinner table to enjoy a nice meal. The conversations revolve around school if on a school day and if not the conversation revolves around random mumblings of the three kiddos. Each loves to share whatever they feel like sharing because they have my full 100% undivided attention.

As each child talks, I can tell the difference between not only genders but also ages. My youngest is friends with everyone and loves everyone. My middle child really prefers boys over girls but does love our neighbor who sits next to him in class, but he says that’s the only girl he loves.  My oldest is way opposite, at times she talks like everyone hates her. At times she talks like she doesn’t’ fit in then other times she only focuses on talking about her best friend.

Young friendships are so cute because they are fresh and new to the kiddos. Each has their own traits they seek out in friends; for my youngest I suppose he just enjoys the company of all his preschool friends while the other two children seem to flock to people that are like them or understand who they are as an individual.

I am having fun watching as each child grows and learns more about real friendships and of course it’s great to see that they love having friends over and enjoy the ability to have such get togethers at home with their friends.