Friends With Benefits, Otherwise Known as What the F@#$

I admit, I had a friends with benefits situation before and I loved every moment of it. I personally could not sleep with anyone but him but it worked for us and worked for me at that time in my life. Note it was a LONG time ago, many many moons ago. I have walked the path of being the friends with benefits, the friend, the girlfriend and eventually the wife – not all with the same person!

Here is what I am seeing from the friends with benefits during this day in age; it’s more about what that man wants and needs physically or sexually versus what both need/want in the friends with benefits world. Back in the day when I had an awesome friends with benefits situation going on, we were friends above all. I could go to him for anything and we had a chill time even just hanging out with mutual friends, it worked back then and I have zero regrets in having experienced that with this person. I enjoyed it. He enjoyed it. We were supportive of each other and a friend when needed plus we got to have amazing sex when needed too. A total win/win.

Personally, I could not do the friends with benefits thing now, I have moved on from that and although I may have needs not being met, I can not feel comfortable with the idea of friends with benefits now that I am where I am in life. Also, I have been offered friends with benefits situations during my online dating ventures and let me tell you what; friends with benefits these days seem to be not what I had many moons ago, it seems to be a what the F@#$ type situation just waiting for you to catch the next STD going around. Condoms do not protect you against all STD’s – remember that! (random fact I learned on Twitter)

These days Friends With Benefits appears to be not much more than a man who wants to have sex, back rubs, shoulder rubs, oral sex and whatever they freaking need at that moment without regards to what the woman needs or wants. The friends part? Oh gosh, why is the word friend even used in Friends With Benefits – the way some men have defined friends with benefits to me makes me cringe and has absolutely NOTHING to do with any form of friendship.  To me, if you are feeling 100% secure with where you are at in life as a single person and you are okay with the idea of friends with benefits simply because it gets your needs met and gives you someone cool to hang out with laughing, chatting and what not – then go for it, but make sure that friends with benefits is not just benefiting you or the only the other person. To me, friends with benefits is all about both people meeting the needs of each other without the commitment attached to it. Meaning, basically you do not have to answer to each other, you do not have to live with each other, you do not have to raise each others kids and what not. It takes the serious commitment out of it and is much like the Friends with Benefits movie or No Strings Attached movie.

If you do choose to go friends with benefits route, make sure it’s something you are seriously okay with because more often than not one of the people start to have feelings for that person when in all reality it was truly friends with benefits for that person only, meaning they will not be able to return the love you feel for them. Friends with benefits may sound fun but it can destroy a person emotionally in the long haul of things and you could end up with a disease if either of you or both of you are engaging in sexual activity with another person too.


Milk for Free so Why Buy Cow?

You know the old saying “if they get the milk for free, why buy the cow” or something like that, right? Well basically that goes with relationships, sexual in nature. If you are allowing a man to get a piece of you and yet he never has to commit then why would he ever commit? I mean don’t get me wrong, I have read some stories about the lover turned spouse, however, those happy go lucky stories are few and far between.

With movies like Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached  as well as reality television glamorizing sexual only relationships it’s no wonder most young adults and teens think that sex is all you really need in life, don’t worry about the commitment part.  I am a firm believer that it comes down to parenting to teach children about relationships and sex without commitment but the media doesn’t help make parenting any easier.

I loved the movies I referenced, however, it gets to a point where some young, beautiful single woman start thinking how awesome that type of relationship would be. You can have the freedom to be classified as “single” yet get laid whenever you want essentially. The problem with this scenario is that emotions get involved, regardless of who you are or how strong of a person you are! Physical attention and emotions almost go hand in hand, unless you have been so severely hurt in a past relationship that you are almost dead to the idea of any commitment.

I think that eventually sex with no strings attached will deteriorate a woman’s self esteem. Yeah you may feel hot n sexy as well as wanted, but in the long run you will eventually feel as if you are not good enough for the commitment part and start wondering what is wrong with you. In all reality there is nothing wrong with you, everyone is worthy of true love and a committed relationship. Stop putting yourself out there in a sexual way to gain the sexual only attention. Make people realize you are wroth more and you want more. This isn’t going to be an easy task but you don’t want to be the home-wrecker or the person who people know they can get a quick piece of ass from anytime they want.

Make yourself held to a higher standard and realize that in doing this you will get more rejections than not but in the long run you will see closing your legs and standing your ground with what you want in life will pay off!