Because That’s Family

My daughter is at that age where she is starting to want to do what she wants and not want to do what the family wants to do. Although it’s a quick moment she feels this way, it is a new chapter in our lives where my first born is getting older and having two little brothers can sometimes be more annoying than it used to be. Combine the two little brothers with one having autism and really not getting the emotional side of things, more often than not, it makes it even more difficult for this tween daughter of mine to have tolerance some days.

I get it. I have low tolerance some days. I get it. I don’t like to play Mario Kart with our autistic family member either. I get it. I don’t always want to do what any of the kids want to do.

But I do it.

Why?

Because that’s family!

I am a firm believer that, within reason, a family unit learns to do things that each of us may not want to do in that moment because another family member wants to. We keep a balance in allowing each child to have some choice in what to do during the day. Being home all summer with three kids can make for a juggling act and my children need to learn how to balance and tolerate each other.

Because that’s family!

I teach my children the life lessons I want instilled within them through my own actions, leading by example is best in all situations in life. Sure I don’t much like to play Mario Kart, I never really used to like Minecraft, and I certainly don’t enjoy being chopped playing Ninja’s, but I do it. All of it.

Because that’s family!

With my example and ways of communicating properly to children, we have learned to become quite the unit together. As my daughter stated the other day, “we have a very understanding, compassionate, loving and accepting family anyone can blossom when they live with us because we accept and love everyone”!

Because that’s family!

Getting Kids Into the Work Force

I think it’s important to teach kids to work for their money, from a young age they can have chores assigned to them and earn some change for their weekly “allowance”. While I am not one to pay kids to do their basic chores, I have on occasion rewarded my children for a week well done. There are so many reasons to instill a hard working mentality into your child; the biggest being we are suppose to raise our children to be responsible, independent adults. Adults who are responsible and independent must have a job in order to succeed in that way of life. Those who don’t get instilled with this work skill from a young age, and have everything given to them, handed over by a parent who can afford to do so, doesn’t teach them a single thing. I do not believe in give, give give nor take, take, take. I firmly believe the world revolves best when there is a bit of both give and take.

I am a balance sort of chick. I like balance in my world and I believe that’s the best possible way for all to thrive!

I have slacked in the ways of teaching responsibility with my two sons, to be honest, I think every parent gets busy with life and fun that we lean off track for a bit, but we can get back on track at any moment we realize we are off track. This is my plan; to get back on track with my kids to ensure all three learn to work for a living and each strengthen their individual skills to pursue careers that make sense for them. My ideal mission is to ensure my children are able to work in some field that they love, therefore they never feel as if they have to work a day in their life; when you do what you love, you are a happier person.

With that being said, I will not raise my kids to only take on jobs that they love, sometimes we have to pick up odd and end jobs to push forward to our end goal of a job we love.

I started working at the ripe old age of 13 years old; my first job was in the pit area of a local race track. I worked in the food stands, where we made the food and served those coming in from the pit area at the race track. I honestly thought that was a great job to start with, plus back then I worked with my best friend at the time. It’s always great to be able to work at a place with friends!

As my oldest is now the age that allows her to take this local babysitting course and be a babysitting, I am saving money to pay for this class so that she can start babysitting for extra cash. At this time, my daughter mostly makes extra cash from just the sales of our book we wrote together, but that isn’t anything to live on for sure!

I plan to work each child into the job field as soon as possible, even if that means as teenagers I hire them to work for me and my websites. Whatever I can do to get these kids to start working as soon as they are old enough, I will do, it’s important to me and I feel it’s part of my Mom Job to do so.

More Thoughts From Brandy Ellen about Human Kind

I believe we, as human beings, need to step back and think before we speak {or post online}. That’s not to say I am not guilty of speaking, or typing, before thinking. It happens. We are all human.

What bothers me is when I see someone consistently getting up on this high horse of entitlement. People who choose to do certain things or live certain ways and want to diss others who may not be able to live that way or have any choice but to do what they do. Think about others before you speak, of course people are going to have hurt feelings. I am not talking about “all is fair in life mentality”, but more discussing those who look down upon human mistakes or inability for certain people to do certain things.

I’ve been that Mom. The single Mom who had to eat bread and butter, ramen noodles or mac n cheese or pasta and sauce on a regular. Yes, my child had to eat that crap too. On a regular. It wasn’t fun for me and I would have days where I felt like I was failing my child. If you have never been that Mom, then shut your mouth about what other parents should or should not do. Who are you to “know” them and how they live!

I’ve been that Mom who makes decisions that are best under circumstances I was living in. I always make what I feel is the best decision for myself but mostly for my children’s future. My children are always on my mind when I think of what to do next in life. They come first. Always.

I dislike watching people consistently point fingers and judgement when they have not walked in other people’s shoes. The only life these people know is the one they have, the experiences in which they have had in their life and who they are today. No two people have walked the same exact path. So think please before you assume you know all and think please before you judge a book by it’s damn cover.

I have been poor all of my damn life, I have used every last penny I have to make sure there is a roof over my children’s heads, food of some sort on their table, a ride to school for them to have an education. I make sure to put every last penny I have towards my children’s needs first. Always have. Always will.

With that being said, I don’t have anyone to pick up my pieces should things not go as I had planned nor hoped. I don’t have a family member I can move in with if the situation calls for it. I don’t have a relative with money to lend when times get tough. I have me. I have my children. That’s all. Sure, I do have a wonderful support system of both friends and family, but that doesn’t mean they can help me out of things I get into. They can be there emotionally and for advice, but beyond that – I am living an adult life that means I am unable to go back into my parents home or not work in some shape or form to support my children.

There are many parents who have certain luxuries I don’t have. Who cares. They are happy with their life and that’s all that matters. We need to start embracing our differences and stop pointing fingers in the name of trying to push someone else down to make us feel better. Give me a break, you should be uplifting yourself through uplifting of others – that my friends is the ultimate way to live.

This is just my opinion, you may disagree and I respect you for having that freedom to disagree.

Working from Home – Keeping Kids Busy

I have started a new job from home that requires me to work 2 hours a day five days a week. My current schedule entails me working 9-11am Tues thru Friday and Saturdays from 10am – 12pm. I am excited to be able to earn a weekly paycheck while still being at home. Summer is coming after all, so taking a job outside of the home wouldn’t be feasible. I also wanted to ensure I could continue with my business of making money online with all the other client obligations I have. This job is the perfect match for me and I am excited to be a part of a sweet¬† bunch of ladies!

Setting up Kids So You Can Work From Home

With that being said, I mentioned Summer break is on it’s way. This means kids home just about 24/7 and me having to still work the hours I am scheduled to work. This is no problem for my multitasking personality but it may be an issue keeping three kids busy, preoccupied while I work.

I decided to test out my preparations for work this past Saturday when the kids were home for my first Saturday of work. I took out all of the construction paper, markers and other crafty items to set up the kids with a craft area. I set it up on the dining room table, alongside my laptop where I would work from.

The kids were also allowed to have the game console on and play games during my two hour work period; again all in the same area of where I am working so I could still have one eye on them.

It was a totally awesome idea, or so I thought.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the time when the man of the house came home from work .. sigh.

I had not prepared my kids for that interruption, honestly it’s an interruption that has been causing much turmoil to me and I feel very scattered with my current living situation, but I am trying to work with it.

So the kids went haywire .. the youngest no longer had his brothers full attention because his brother wanted the big man to play a game on the game system with him, not his baby brother. It was a nightmare full of me yelling, me getting very upset and me crying eventually.

I hated this scenario and how it played out, but the kids and I made up for it by spending the remainder of the day, after my work was done together, outside of the home having fun.

One tip I have for all you work at home moms is this; prepare your kids for all things to happen during your work time and be working in the general area where your kids will be so you are easily accessed by them. But seriously, remember try to prepare them for ALL things, such as another person coming over at a specific time that may fall in between your working hours and totally shift the routine all around.

I have to master this scheduling of keeping kids preoccupied during my two hour work days for the full Summer, I think Saturdays will be my only big issue day, for now.

Be Sure not to Confuse “This Doesn’t Work” with “Difficult” #dating #blendedfamily

So you met the person of your dreams. You spend a year or maybe less sulking up the love, affection and happiness that comes with most new relationships. Then it happens. Your kids and their kids have to meet at some point, they all get along great. The kids adore each other. The two adults adore each other. Parenting techniques were discussed beforehand and things were seeming to blend together well.

Then it happens.

Things don’t seem so easy anymore. The situation appears to be something that you didn’t realize it was.

Blended families are difficult. You are essentially combining two different families together under one roof. Two parents, who probably don’t parent the same exact way, and two sets of children who were parented differently. Something has to give and communication has to become stronger than ever before.

The key to any relationship, especially a blended family one, is communication as well as respect, trust and honesty.

I think when times get tough, people just walk away. Since so many talk about marriages failing because people give up too soon, often times couples will beat their relationship to death and in turn dislike each other for it. When a relationship hits difficult times you need to take into consideration a lot of variables; specifically what your long term goals are as a couple and individual.

I can’t stress enough the importance of knowing what your own personal goals are as a parent and human being. This will play a key role in whether or not the relationship troubles are simply difficult times or most certainly, without a doubt something that isn’t going to work in the long haul.

Stay true to yourself. Do not allow any relationship to make you lose who you are. There is always room for negotiation on some subjects and scenarios, but never should you have to negotiate to a point of being broken.

Be aware of the other person’s responses to parenthood trials and tribulations, as well as your own. Do they match up? Are you on a simlar page or are you two so far apart that a light has shined down saying “this isn’t going to work?”.

No one else can tell you what is right for you and your relationship, you are the only person living in those walls with this other adult and their child(ren). The decision comes down to you knowing yourself inside and out.

If you have weighed all variables and found they are not playing a factor in this feeling of difficult times and really truly feel that this person’s parenting style or lack there of are not a good fit for both you and your children’s future, then you need to leave.

Relationships are difficult, but not all relationships we get into were meant to be. Take each failed relationship as a new learning curve in life. Learn from the experiences and never be afraid to be a single parent for as long as it takes to be the parent your children need. Your kids well being is dependent upon your well being both emotionally and physically.

If you don’t take care of yourself and make big boy or big girl decisions that matter, then how will ever expect your children to lead a fully happy life both as children and adults? You are the example to those little ones and they can pick up when things are not working out for their parent.

As a recap – Difficult means communication and realistic negotiations can mend the situation for the long haul in love and life. This doesn’t work means no amount of communication and realistic negotiations can work to rectify things.

Listen. Speak. Discuss.

Make a decision.

Move on.

Learn from the experience.

Sometimes You Just Have to …. LET IT GO

So many parents live in this fear of losing their child or children. I get it. I have anxiety that I cope and fight with often. I used to fear the world as it pertained to my children. I then woke up. I realized that if I fear the world then they are going to fear the world. Now what parent wants that for their child? Not me.

I have had some awful things happen to me; how my virginity was lost or almost lost is still a blur to me, but it was a scenario that made me more aware about the fact that bad things happen to good people. I was also made aware, looking back, of how lost I was as a child and in turn wanted to parent my children in a way that never left them feeling that empty. So empty that you would be okay and accept the love of a man who was way older than you. That happened to me more often than I can recall, but I often found myself being hit on and sexualized by older men from about age 13 or maybe 12 and forward. Never was it my parents, nor any blood relative, but it was people who I did trust or thought I could trust. Let’s just keep it at that.

You see, I could live my life as a parent in fear that the same things that happened to me would happen to my own children, I don’t wish to live that way. I much prefer teaching my children to have high self esteem, to have better decision making skills and to be able to have skills in conflict resolution. I also prefer to teach my children skills on trusting their gut; that whole “good touch vs bad touch” concept they teach in schools, I discussed with my kids long before the schools addressed it. I let my kids know that if a touch makes alarms go off in their head or even a person’s character makes an alarm, sick gut feeling happen within their own self that they need to listen to that.

Instilling fear into my children wouldn’t allow them to experience the world as fully as I want them to. Sure there are bad people out there and in all honesty, some are those we entrust with our children. That was me, I was entrusted with someone or at least to be around this someone and well, sadly it worked out that shit happened. Had I been more self confident, felt more loved and whole I bet that wouldn’t have happened. Who knows though, hindsight is always 20/20.

I have raised, specifically my oldest at this point in time, that if she feels a touch hurts, is bad or is unacceptable then it may just be that. It doesn’t matter if it’s a caregiver or a family member, we do not have to ever put ourselves into a situation that we are not comfortable with. I also encourage my children to overcome their anxious feelings with new situations and to learn what is a gut feeling versus hormones or anxiety. These concepts are not easy to teach through words, you have to lead by example when it comes to the kids.

I live my life free spirited, confident and happy. I live this way because I know I am giving my children a good role model to look up to. Note: I never said perfect role model. I prefer to be a real life human role model that leads her life for complete happiness within. I can only hope and pray these lessons are taught to my children through my example.

I think parenting is difficult, it isn’t easy to let go, knowing that there are so many harmful people in this world, believe me, I am aware of just how harmful people can be. I went through a lot that no family member knows about, because I didn’t have anyone to turn to back then, but as an adult, I have forgiven and moved on to better myself. Harmful people can hurt others but they cannot break them forever.¬† I just hope my children grow up to realize that bad things may happen to them, but if they keep their heart free of bitterness and open to faith and love then they can overcome any bad that happens to them, so as long as they want to move forward.