I was always taught at various classes and counseling sessions I have been to in my life that a child will always figure out the faults in a parent without the other parent trying to bring light to those faults. When a parent tries to bring light to another parents faults, as they see them to be, it only causes hurt, pain and sometimes anger within their child. The child may grow resentment towards the parent that is down talking the other parent and in turn what the parent thought was protection turns into a mess!

My parents divorced when I was around 11 years old give or take, and it was so hard being a child at that age with divorcing parents. I don’t have a lot of memories about how I felt back then or issues I may have had right away but in the long run I do know it messed with me having two parents who divorced and truly couldn’t get along. I remember it being so difficult, I didn’t want my parents being put down by anyone let alone by each other. Eventually I grew older and became a parent of my own two weeks before I turned 21. When I became a mother, it all clicked, I realized with the help of counseling and parenting courses that co-parents can get along at a level that is beneficial for a child. The co-parents don’t have to like each other, but they need to find that common ground to raise their child without making the child feel as if they have to choose a side.

When it comes to a child and their parents, they do not want to have to pick Dad over Mom or Mom over Dad, honestly that is all bullshit! A parent should never, ever want a child to choose one over the other, it is a ridiculous thought to me, yet so many co-parents pit their child against each other and it does nothing but ruin the future of that child’s life! The child will eventually grow to despise one or both parents and look for other places to find love. The options for a child to find love are not speakable to me, because I walked that path. I would never wish that life upon another child, whether the child is that of my own blood or not.

It’s extremely difficult when you do not like another human being to shut your mouth and not utter a word while your child learns the ins and outs of how each parent works, but you can do it! Believe me, if I can learn to do it, you can too, no matter how difficult. The best way to work with a child who has co-parents and is having a difficult time with one of the parents is to just take the high road and give them a hug, listen and do not judge. Allow that child the time to collect their own thoughts and make their own final decision regarding the situation or parent. If you are unable to listen and be as unbiased as you can, then maybe it’s time that child spoke with a counselor, seeing a counselor is not a bad thing, believe me…. I see a counselor every couple of weeks to assist in parenting techniques and it has been a blessing!

Whether you are struggling with co-parenting, keeping your mouth shut about negative adjectives regarding the other parent or just not sure what to do, believe me, there is help out there. Seek parenting classes, anger management, whatever resource you feel fits your situation, please take advantage of it. Making yourself a better parent is a daily job and it’s vitally important to your child’s future!

I would invite you to visit this common saying today and think about whether or not you fully think the grass is greener on the other side? For some the grass may truly be greener on the other side, these are cases when the relationship is simply dead and gone. The situations when a couple has just tried all possible avenues of making this relationship work  and it just doesn’t work. Many people who marry have the ability to grow together as a couple and individual but some simply are not good at growing together while still being an individual.

If there is a married person who saw a “hottie” and they spoke and seem to have clicked instantly, I would invite them to truly think twice before leaving their spouse for another person. It’s a dangerous situation to get into if you are truly leaving someone for another person, this would usually end up being a rebound situation and wouldn’t last long. Most who have left a spouse for another person had found that down the road the “magic” died and they were in a relationship much similar to the one they had thrown away for this “hottie”.

I get lonely and want to latch onto anyone for adult interaction, been there, done that. I truly understand what it’s like to feel alone whether you are married or single .. I have been in both situations. Hence the reason I am divorced, I didn’t get divorced for anyone else, it was what was best for my own self and children as well as my ex husband.

One never knows what the future holds and as long as you are living life for what you firmly believe in and giving your all – the grass will eventually be greener on the right side for you! Don’t give up and tread lightly when thinking about leaving  a marriage that was once healthy & vibrant, one must be certain they are thinking with a clear head before moving onto another path in life.

NO. Can you imagine setting up the perfect proposal and getting down on one knee professing your love to someone when you await her reply and she says no? Me neither. That would be so embarrassing, devastating and heart breaking, right? But this is what love is all about – taking a chance, going out on a limb. Modern technology has made it easier for people to lose that communication bond that holds so many 70 year anniversary couples together, you see those older lovely couples had to talk to each other. They could not hide behind a computer screen, a cell phone text message or run to hide away from their spouse in their home office to chat on Facebook with other friends. They only had each other.

When I see a picture of a couple celebrating a long anniversary or hear that my Great Grandparents are celebrating another year of marriage, I tend to get teary eyed. Thanks Single Dad Laughing – you made me cry with all those photos the other day, but only because one was of an older couple celebrating 70 years of marriage, and I only shed a couple happy tears.

It seems that fear of the unknown keeps some men at bay, they hide behind that fear and refuse to go out on a limb with the perfect, most sweetest proposal for the fear of the love of their life saying no.  Hell if I let the fear of the word no keep me from anything in life I wouldn’t be here working from home, supporting three children. Heck the reply no makes me stronger, you see if you take the time to go all out and propose to the love of your life and she says no, well now you realize that maybe you both are not on the same path, or maybe she just doesn’t feel ready for marriage quite yet.

You see, if you don’t go out on a limb you will live your life in question, surrounded by fear. The adventure of life begins when you go out on a limb and face your fears, do what you know in your heart is what you want and everything else will fall into line with that when the time is right.

Okay I want to hear it – have any of you proposed and she said NO? Maybe you are the girl who said no?  Please share your story with me, I may feature your story on my site! {with your permission of course}

I have realized that with all the advances in technology one can now flirt through text messages, no I’m not talking about sexting, which by definition of the Urban Dictionary is “the act of text messaging someone in the hopes of having a sexual encounter with them later; initially casual, transitioning into highly suggestive and even sexually explicit.” Wow, can you imagine setting up some blind date via sext message? I  mean geez what is this world coming to. I have been the victim of sext messages while being single and trying to get back into the dating scene, the majority of them came from people who I exchanged a few messages from online and then later gave my cell number to, needless to say most have been removed from my cell and some even were blocked, none of them ever had a chance of meeting me in person anywhere, anytime. Hey we live and learn, right?!

Okay back on track of my discussion about flirting via text messages …

I have found based on talking with other people and reading online articles from various places that many have turned to text messages as a quick way to let the love of your life know you are thinking about them during a busy work day or maybe even before the drive home. Just a simple “I miss you” or “I love you” via text message certainly makes this chick smile, so why wouldn’t it make others smile? Coming from a person of divorce who is now dating her ex husband, I know how hard it is to date a person or even be married to a person who is not so outspoken about their thoughts or feelings. My ex husband barely spoke a single flirtatious thing to me the four years we were together. That was one of our melting points. I love flirting and telling someone how you feel about them as well as showing them in unique little ways.

It’s so awesome that you no longer have to pick up the phone to quickly tell someone you love them or are thinking about them just to hurry off of the phone because you are on a short break at work. Now you can text message that special person and heck if you are even the owner of a cell phone with a camera and picture messaging service you may be able to send them a picture of you as a way to say hello.

Although texting is impersonal and should not take over the flirting completely, I am a firm believer that texting to flirt with your loved one during times away is a great new option to help further your bond and emotional connection with that special person in your life. If you are going to use text messages for flirting purposes, please remember to also flirt in person because nothing beats an in person flirting session … it could lead to good things later on that night, if you get what I’m saying!

If you read yesterdays post “Is There Such Thing as Soul Mates? Part 1“, you know that the story ended with my ex-husband professing his love so to speak via email to me.

Yes I read that email J sent me with tears forming in my eyes. The tears that formed were not that of happiness or anger, it seemed like they were more tears of sadness, simple wishes that he had sent such an email to me back before I had filed for the divorce, back when I was ready and willing to work on “us” without a question asked.

It’s just like J to come out and be open and honest at the last possible minute and sometimes way too late, but I read it and sat to cry a bit, ran outside to smoke a cigarette and clear my thoughts before replying to him. I will be honest, I wasn’t jumping for joy nor was I professing my love for him back on that first response. I simply told him how it was, that I had wish he said his feelings and fought for me back after our separation and before our divorce, now I am uncertain how I feel and if I would ever give him a chance to be a part of my life as my husband again.

I had to be honest, I wasn’t going to lie to him, after all we are divorced and yes I have feelings but I also am nervous because we spent nearly a year pushing each other away and there was a lot of hurt and deceit prior to that as well. I am the type of person that once you lie to me, I have a hard time gaining that trust back. It’s always best to be open & honest with me, because I can handle anything, and I mean anything, if you are a straight up & honest with me.

My ex husband wasn’t giving up that easily, he didn’t seem to give a crap what I replied on email, it’s like his mind was made up and he knew he had to win my love back. Mind you, this is a guy I never pictured to initiate a thing, he always seemed way laid back and a “go with the flow” kind of guy. So his pursuit of wining my love was sort of exiting and new. It made me feel really good about him and almost excited.

The reason for his first email professing his love and feelings? He had found an old poem I wrote him back in the day. It wasn’t necessarily the words of the poem that made this knowledge of his true feelings, it was the shape the poem was in. The piece of paper this poem was on had been wrinkled due to being moved so much and almost appeared to have gotten wet, so it was fading and weathered so to speak. Just the symbolism behind that poem and piece of paper it was on was enough for J to realize what I meant to him and it’s like all the love he ever had for me flowed into his veins and he knew that he had to give it his all for one last try to win my heart back.

Alright, so here’s the question some of you want answered:  Did my ex husband win my heart back?? Did the changes in him and his determined mind allow me to open my heart and fall madly in love again?

Oh yes everyone, it worked … not immediately, not as slow as I had hoped either, but this man I once married in May of 2007 and had broken my heart numerous times, won my heart back. With a simple space apart of about six months plus, he was able to become the “man” I had wanted him to be and with all the changes between us from this space apart, it’s like we are truly meant to be. I am a believer in soul mates, my situation with J has proved to me that there is that one special person out there for everyone and only a lucky a few are able to find that love. The love that no matter how hard you try to escape it, it always comes flying back in your face and no matter how many times to try to escape this person who is your soul mate, something or someone will always return you to each other.

So today, take a look at your life …  I am now a firm believer in soul mates and the fact that opposites attract for the best! J keeps me grounded and I keep him moving forward. We truly interlock like a puzzle piece. Although we are unable to reverse our divorce, we are together and moving forward to the next chapter in our lives.