Nothing irks me more than parents who refuse to parent.
Okay, maybe I lied.
I am irked by parents who *think* they are parenting by allowing fits to determine if they say yes or no to their child.
Okay, I am sure I could elaborate, but pretty sure most parents and even non-parents, get what I am saying here.
If not …. Google it.
Let me back track here …. so what I don’t like is when parents, specifically co-parents, decide that they will create their own mess. The mess they created was one that they thought the co-parent would pick up the pieces from because, well, that’s what that co-parent was used to in the marriage.
Funny thing is with co-parenting … it means YOU ARE DIVORCED.
Once two people go through the divorce process, they may be guilty of waiting things out, keeping the kids schedules somewhat similar to what they were used to. This really is a bad idea, it leads the kids down a path of holding onto something that is no longer really valid. When two people get divorced, or start living apart, they really need to set up a schedule for the children regardless of how old the children are. Both adults and the children involved in a divorce have the right to feel the emotions, and cope with the changes as soon as possible after the divorce has happened.
If you allow the scenario to play out just as if the two parents were married .. you are only enabling your children to hang onto a life that honesty is no longer going to be life as they know it.
What’s so much fun about co-parenting is that you both have to get over yourselves. Both parents have to realize just because they are divorced doesn’t mean it is a “bring it on” competition between who is the better parent or not. It’s about two people, grown adults actually, working together for the mutual benefit to raise their children properly. Why then, do so many co-parents spend a majority of their children’s lives simply pushing the children away from one parent versus the other?
Earth to co-parents … you two adults already decided that you don’t work well together. That you don’t play well together. So why make the kids pick sides, they are suppose to love you both unconditionally irregardless of the fact that you can’t stand each other, the children are allowed to love both parents, even if you personally feel you are the better one.
Nothing is worse though, than watching as your ex spouse does everything in their power to speak ill of your moving on in life so that the kids eventually just take that side. After all, the parent who has the children the most will ultimately end up with the most pull on their emotional state and opinions regarding anything in their world. Sad really. That we don’t teach children to think for themselves, rather use them as a pawn for making your own insecurities become true.
Ever hear of the saying “you made your bed, now you can lie in it?” … well yeah that’s what happens when you work so hard to manipulate your children against the other parent. Eventually that parent realizes there isn’t anything they can do except sit back and watch this journey play out.
There is always hope that the children grow up, mature or what not and finally learn to think for their own self, but overall, there is nothing a co-parent can do to rectify the wrong decisions made by the primary parent. As with any parental situation, it takes two parents to be on the same page. Sadly many co-parents cannot suck up their pride and own internal issues for the sake of the children.
That means, the person who has created the wall between a co-parent and their children needs to deal with it, because sometimes the other parent simply cannot fix the damage one co-parent has done or continues to do.
It’s the-one-who-wrecked-havoc’s turn to step up and realize the mess they made. Hopefully they will choose the right direction to go from here.