Nothing Wrong with Loving your Family – Step Family and All #coparenting

Usually I am a really nice person but as of this past week or so my hormones have been raging and this means I have less tolerance for human beings without common sense. I have watched as a person who is suppose to be a Mother tear her kids apart for the past six months and then do a 180 and is Miss Awesome-Cool Mom. It’s mind blowing and the kids have paid for it, no one else pays for parents being this way other than the children. Mess your child up and you are one sick individual. Who would ever stoop to such a low. You know what? I think that some people are just that self absorbed that they don’t think about the future chaos it can cause in the mind of a child, especially an easily influenced one.

Parents who Peg their Children Against Other Parent Nothing Wrong with Loving your Family   Step Family and All #coparenting

Thank God my children have been raised to stand up to anyone, including me, when they feel something is not right. My three children have good morals, good character and a self esteem that assists them in standing firm for what they believe in, yes even if that means standing up to their parents. I never wanted my children to feel they don’t have a voice, I encouraged them to have a voice. Mind you, some days it’s not all that fun and I joke about why in the world I would have encouraged such things – but in reality it’s for the best that children have courage, self esteem and confidence to speak up for their own self. Especially when a parent is doing wrong.

Each day I watch my children chatting with each other, getting along, supporting each other then fighting and arguing. They are siblings, true siblings – they love each other one moment and the next it’s a free for all fight. With that being said, my chidlren wouldn’t ever let anyone else hurt them. My kiddos have been through a lot and my middle child continues to go through a lot with his mood disorder and anxiety, but they have always been raised with love. Love from their Mama and their Dad. Love from their family no matter what. I am blessed to know that my children will not be placed in a situation where another parent is going to try to brainwash them or turn them against me, and I would never turn them against their Dad’s either. It’s not okay. Ever. Period. To do such a thing!

I can’t understand why people do what they do. When I sit and think about it, I honestly just feel that some people are simply 1) selfish 2) never been held accountable for anything in their life and/or 3) lack self control and confidence to know that their children will always love their parents even if they develop a great bond with a step parent. There’s nothing wrong with having more family! The more the merrier, at least that’s how my kids and I think!

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Everything has a New Perspective #rambling #specialneeds

When you are raising a child with any special needs, it seems your world becomes quite a different place. You are usually less apt to judge another child or parent for what appears to be an ill behaved child. You are more open minded to the idea that children can have special needs without having a physical appearance the world has known to be what happens when a child is special needs.

Special needs or disabilities come in all shapes in sizes, they affect anyone healthy or not. Disabilities have no prejudice.

The only thing I have found is that those parents who have a special needs child tend to be more loving, more patient and more compassionate. I also find these parents of special needs children to be stronger, you would be amazed at what a parent who raises a special needs child can handle.

I would also have to say that those who have a special needs child has less tolerance for children who do not have special needs. With that being said, I simply mean that you may expect children to be more tolerable and have different expectations for those who are a part of your special need child’s life.

I am at the point where I just have a different perspective on things, life and other children involved in my child’s life. This is because I have gone through hell and back with my child and so has his siblings. This means, I have little tolerance for much beyond that. If you are without special needs and you still want to be ignorant than I get to that “I don’t give a crap about you” mentality. If I have spent countless days and hours trying to educate you on what my son has and how is best to play with him, work with him, interact with him and you just flat out ignore that? Well that’s your loss.

At this point, I just don’t let those who can’t learn get to me, but I will be damned sure that no one affects the growth of my children. My children have always lived in a happy environment with a positive lifestyle – that will not ever change. No matter What.

 Everything has a New Perspective #rambling #specialneeds

You Made Your Bed, But you Hurt Your Kids

On a somewhat wacko mission to hurt the relationship between a father and his children, a mother took the initiative to say and do bad things in front of her children. The mission of an ex, especially one who made the decision to leave the marriage, to break up a relationship between her children and their father due to her own insecurities and issues is so completely immoral and wrong. The problem is that television reality shows and social media accounts like Facebook seem to breed lack of common sense and good character. Sure you can blame society for the reason many people have started to enjoy drama over peaceful bliss, but in all reality we are human beings not sheep. We have the voice of reason inside of our brains and we have the ability to be better than what society may push upon us; be strong, stand up and be something more than what society portrays as the next big reality show.

Co Parenting Gone Bad You Made Your Bed, But you Hurt Your Kids

I’m a blogger. I love attention. I personally prefer positive attention, but just like my five year old son, some people simply prefer negative attention or any attention they can get. This is fine, as an individual, but when you have become divorced and are to raise children together with your ex amicably so as to not ruin the children …. then that is where you suck it the hell up and grow up, bite your tongue and be the positive influence your children need during this time of confusion. It may be difficult, but it’s not impossible to do.

There are many woman out there, men too, that when they get divorced they seem to think it’s best to have the children pick a side. This constant battle of Mom versus Dad is more common when the parental unit has moved onto greener pastures. The ex will say anything he/she can to make it so the children feel obligated to be unhappy at the other parents home and in turn choose to side with the parent mouthing the most flack about the other parent. There are situations where the parent being a wacko and causing a ruckus actually ends up having the pages turned on him/her and then the children choose the more “sane” parent.

In New Hampshire, you are obligated to take a Child Impact Seminar when divorcing, separating or breaking up and have children together. This Child Impact Seminar is slightly messed up in some ways, because just like the NH “pro family” mentality, the Child Impact Seminar simply covers the “how things should go” when co-parenting, rather than covering the major percent of divorcees situations. That means, the Child Impact Seminar can assist those who have a positive mindset to move forward for the benefit of their children, but those who are Drama Kings or Queens won’t benefit from this course at all.

Sadly, with the children who are pushed away from one of the parents leaves that parent to make harsh, tough love type decisions. Always try to work things out without stooping to the other parents level, but if all fails and you are unable to get the children to see that Dad/Mom is happy and that you want them happy with you and their other parent – then you have some tough decisions to make. If you are a parent who has your children half of the time, correcting a wacko parent’s mistakes is easily done. If you are someone who doesn’t have the children half of the time or more often than just a few days a month, then you are going to have an extremely difficult time correcting the methods of your ex spouse.

In times when the ex has made a pretty comfy bed for your children to pretty much disown anything to do with you, yet the children still come to visit because they have no choice but to do so, it’s time to rethink what’s the best to do for the children in the long haul of life. If you have moved on and are in a serious relationship, that maybe also involves children beyond your own, it’s also time to rethink what is best for them. Sadly, when an ex spouse turns your child(ren) against you and all that makes you happy, you have to do whatever is necessary to ensure your sanity. If children don’t see a parent for years because they have decided to protect the evil ex spouse, their other parent, then there is nothing that you can do to change that. A child is only going to see the world and their parents, as the remainder of the world sees them, when they are mature enough to understand life in a whole new light.

So if you are one of those ex spouses who thought it would be totally cool to turn the children against their other parent because you are not mature enough to handle your own insecurities in life, then that makes you pure evil. A child is innocent, and should never, ever have to feel that they cannot be happy for both of their parents and with both of their parents. Do me a favor, now that you have made your bed, lie in it for a while and see for your own self just how much damage you did to your children. Then, take a moment and look in the mirror – do you see a good person or a downright evil person? If you still can see a good person and think all of the crap you put your kids through was okay, then you may just be more messed up than anyone else ever thought you to be.

Moral of the story is this; just because a marriage failed does not mean co-parenting has to fail!

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Everyone Parents the Best they Can – Celebrate That Love

I think of the Same Love song by that band Macklemore when I think of how competitive and judgmental parenting has become. Formula feed and you are the worse parent in the world. Breastfeed and you are the best. Co-sleep and you are a horrible parent risking your child’s death. Put your child in a crib and well you are putting them at a risk for SIDS. Is there not a thing a parent can do that is right these days? Parents live in this fear of what they should put out there because too many people judge and are “better than” the other parent. This is insane people. What happened to neighbors helping neighbors, parents supporting parents? No wonder so may parents are feeling so depressed because they are judged for their every move. Our country has become more about “who’s better than who” than just “co exist and respect each other as individuals”.

Celebrate Love Everyone Parents the Best they Can   Celebrate That Love

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Every parent has the Same Love for their child. Who cares if someone chooses to co-sleep, formula feed, give their kids food choices you don’t agree with – those are their children, not yours, deal with it. I am all for each parent educating other parents on rights versus wrongs. Educating on why some foods are truly not good for people or children. Share your personal opinions backed with facts and the other side could share their opinions backed by their own facts. It’s really as simple as; there is a truth behind every opinion you can share to defy what you are saying. When another parent is flat out putting their child in harms way, neglecting the, abusing them either emotionally or physically – okay step in.

If a child is happy. The parents are happy. Then why be such a meanie about it? I say kids are the meanest in this world to each other but lately I see adults acting just as mean to each other. It’s almost as though we have done lost our minds. Case in point; I have been an on and off again cigarette smoker for many years. I never smoke a cigarette in the home my children reside in. I have not smoked cigarettes in the vehicle with my children. These are healthy choices I have made for my children, who shouldn’t have to have lungs filled with crap just because I have an addiction I keep going back and forth with. With that being said, I try my best not to pass judgement on parents who do choose to smoke in households and cars with their own children. It’s not healthy but those are not my children. I am not the boss of other parents.

When my children ask me why other parents do things that I do not do, I simple say ” every parent is different. I choose to do or not do certain things while others will do those things and it’s okay because that is their life and their family. It’s not my job to judge nor tell others what to do with their children or life”. By having that mindset it has taught my children to judge less and accept more.

I think that as parents we all need to come together and celebrate the fact that we all have the Same Love for our children. That is what this world needs more of; love. So why  not pat a parent on the back today and tell them you are happy that they are doing a great job, after all every parent does the best they know how and just hope something clicks with their children so that the children grow up to do their best as well!

 Everyone Parents the Best they Can   Celebrate That Love

Suck it Up and Grow Up – it’s Really That Simple

I had this vision in my head of what I would be as a co-parent to another person’s child. How I would handle being that “other parent” figure in their life. All of those visions appeared to be with little conflict and two mothers working together in a sense for the positive well being of their child. The issue is that I have been told on more than one occasion that I have a rare personality type. My co-parents and I get along fine. We don’t always agree, heck sometimes we probably don’t like each other but we do not ever allow our children to bear witness to that.

Co Parenting Drama Suck it Up and Grow Up   its Really That Simple

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One of the biggest things that New Hampshire stresses, being that they are a PRO FAMILY state, is to work together. Overcome the reasons you are not together. Get over it. See for me, I was cheated on and well even to this day this particular ex swears he never cheated, I had proof and the girl he cheated with even spoke with me kindly about it. It took me a couple years to fully get over it but never did I place our daughter in the middle of my own personal feelings. Granted, there were situations I could have handled better but our daughter was never placed in the middle whereas I would threaten her to not see her Dad over my own personal issues with our break up over ten years ago.

Happy Parents, whether together or apart, make happy children. Every. Single. Time.

Thankfully with my ex husband and I there really wasn’t a huge drama fest. Neither of us cheated. Neither of us did anything wrong to each other. All too often its’ difficult to explain why we got divorced other than that we are great friends but two people who when living together and actually trying to have a relationship – don’t work. This makes co-parenting our boys super easy usually because we have a respect for each other. There is no drama and if he wants to take the boys extra so be it. It’s all about giving and taking.

I figured that when I met another man that he would have some established relationship with his ex, to the point that we all could get along and be civil. I would do what most co-parenting sites advise you to do; introduce yourself to the Mom of the children and talk kindly. Eliminate that motherly threat some feel about you taking “their spot” in their child’s life. That isn’t what moving on is about. Co-parenting isn’t about being competitive, who is better than the other.

I get that we are wired to be so damn competitive, but give it up when it comes to the kids. You don’t like your ex, they don’t like you. Who gives a crap. You had a child together so to me it’s pretty simple, grow up, suck it up and work together to compromise. The issue is that some parents just want that meal ticket a child provides to them, I have seen this very often. All too often. What’s even more sad is when the child doesn’t see it, at least right away. One thing that NH pushes in their Child Impact Seminar is that “you are not to put your ex down to your child, that is THEIR parent and THEY LOVE THEM. They have a right to LOVE both parents. If that other parent has a true flaw that screws with the children, those children will eventually see their own truth behind who their parents are.” The sad thing is that this can take well into adulthood before a child realizes what kind of parent they had.

When it comes to co-parenting on one is “right” except the children who need to be given a chance to grow as CHILDREN

All you can do is co-parent to the best of your abilities and stay positive because without that, what do you have? Working with a hostile, bitter, unhappy co-parent isn’t easy, but then again neither is parenting. So do your best to ensure that you are abiding by what you feel to be morally correct and move forward. Eventually the path will lead in the best-for-the-kids direction! Thank God my children do not have to deal with drama, for one – my body cannot handle drama, I literally get sick to my stomach with pains and can’t function properly and for two when co-parenting is a positive experience the children benefit fully from both parents and step parents in each household.

Spread the love, not the hate. Show your children what it means to be a respectful adult, so that they can grow up to be respectful adults too!

 Suck it Up and Grow Up   its Really That Simple