Everything has a New Perspective #rambling #specialneeds

When you are raising a child with any special needs, it seems your world becomes quite a different place. You are usually less apt to judge another child or parent for what appears to be an ill behaved child. You are more open minded to the idea that children can have special needs without having a physical appearance the world has known to be what happens when a child is special needs.

Special needs or disabilities come in all shapes in sizes, they affect anyone healthy or not. Disabilities have no prejudice.

The only thing I have found is that those parents who have a special needs child tend to be more loving, more patient and more compassionate. I also find these parents of special needs children to be stronger, you would be amazed at what a parent who raises a special needs child can handle.

I would also have to say that those who have a special needs child has less tolerance for children who do not have special needs. With that being said, I simply mean that you may expect children to be more tolerable and have different expectations for those who are a part of your special need child’s life.

I am at the point where I just have a different perspective on things, life and other children involved in my child’s life. This is because I have gone through hell and back with my child and so has his siblings. This means, I have little tolerance for much beyond that. If you are without special needs and you still want to be ignorant than I get to that “I don’t give a crap about you” mentality. If I have spent countless days and hours trying to educate you on what my son has and how is best to play with him, work with him, interact with him and you just flat out ignore that? Well that’s your loss.

At this point, I just don’t let those who can’t learn get to me, but I will be damned sure that no one affects the growth of my children. My children have always lived in a happy environment with a positive lifestyle – that will not ever change. No matter What.

Picture a Day – Drawing is Fun

We are a creative family. We love the arts. By arts I not only mean drawing, coloring and such but as well as musicians, writers and dancers. We are a creative, artsy family and I am so thankful that we enjoy that type of time together. Below we were using black construction paper and white crayons for fun drawing with the kiddos…

White Crayon on Black Construction Paper

Teaching Kids that Mom Needs Time but Still Loves You

It’s easy for my kids to understand that Mama needs time away but still loves them. Why? Because they have lived it their whole lives. Take my daughter, for example, her Dad and I have been co-parenting in separate households since she was four months of age. This type of co-parenting situation has been her norm for many, many years and she accepts that this is how it is until she reaches an age of being able to make some visitation decisions on her own. My daughter has had a balance even with co-parenting visits all of her life so she understands that Mama needs time away too, and still loves her.

My son’s have learned through different aspects, even when I was married and living with my ex husband after our divorce, I would often take advantage of time away from the chaos of raising two hyper boys and enjoy peace and quiet alone. This is normal for every parent and because I took advantage of this from day one with my children, all three of them, they have an appreciation for what they need to ensure they stay on a happy path of being their own self and loving life.

In raising my kids to have time away from their parents they have learned that just because Mom or Dad isn’t around doesn’t mean they don’t love them. My kids know they are loved and never question that, well there may be times but I cannot get into that online. My kids know that no matter what they do, no matter how far away their parents are, that they will see them on whichever day it is to visit the other parent and that they are loved whether together or apart from said parent.

I think every child needs to feel this security but sadly with co-parenting that is not always the case, especially if the parents tried to shelter the kids from divorce as a means to protect them. Kids need to learn what the real world is all about, that it isn’t all candy and sunshine. That hard times can fall upon people, it is how those people work to move forward from it that can teach our children of the world how to properly move forward or to lead an adult life as a messed up adult thinking that everything should always be fine.

I would much rather watch children struggle through hard times than be sheltered, living in a bubble only to be tossed out to the wolves when they become adults. Let’s work together to teach our children that they loved even when you are away from them. Teach our children of the world the security to feel loved when all alone. That is how you build a secure child which leads to a secure adult more often than not.

Not Asking to Agree With me, Just Be There

I think with my past personality and my occasional head higher than it should be moments, many who were in my life on a more regular basis seem to confuse the fact that I am simply confident in my opinions with the idea that I want them to fit a certain mold, or always agree with me. I have zero interest in having a clone of me, I like to think I am unique. Heck I don’t even want my kids to be like me. I simply give them resources, tools, advice and ways to communicate and think on their own so that in turn they become their own unique, individual person. In all honesty, that is how friendships, parents and children should be.

I missed out on a lot of what my daughter already has from me in her life. A person who will be quiet when needed and not lend advice, opinions or anything into conversations that were simply meant for her to get crap out of her mind. It’s funny, for some reason I am so in sync with kids that I know when to listen and when to open mouth for advice or feedback on situations. I am just good at parenting, it’s about the only freaking thing in my life I have been confident in doing right.

Me and Mom

My Mama and me

I have this balance in my world and so many who knew me way back when don’t dare give me a solid chance it seems and well they are the ones missing out. No matter what negative I have been through with anyone, family included, my heart is open and I firmly believe that forgiveness heals all wounds. It’s okay to forgive, but you do need to remember somewhat, that helps for you to remember the signs of when crap is hitting the fan again. You see, you don’t want to repeat past mistakes in trusting people to be part of your life. BUT giving a second chance to rebuild a relationship that is important to you, may be worth your time and effort.

I personally hope to have a relationship with my Mom. I love her so much and I used to have all of these grudges against her. I was an angry woman for many years and even now that I have moved on and forgiven or understood why she is who she is or understood decisions she has made … I still struggle with getting close to her. I do hope that can change, and once I get settled into a new place I plan to work on that, however, it is a two way street.

Remember that just because you want a relationship to be there does not mean that you are the only one who works on it, as with friendships, love life and family – any relationship takes two people trying with open arms and an open heart. I love my Mom and can only hope that we get to a place that we have only had once in awhile most of my life. My Mom loves me, I know this, so do not think she doesn’t. It’s just that for some reason my Mom and I have struggled often to hold onto a relationship of mother/daughter but that doesn’t mean we never will have it! <3

I Give Up On Understanding People

Seriously.

As a Mom, I would never in a million years prefer my children be with some other person other than their other parent if need be than me.

I can not for the life of me understand any mother who would ever want their child to be taken care of by another woman that is not their mother when the ability for their mother to care for them is there.

Seriously.

As a woman, I personally catch myself if I am about to judge a situation by it’s cover. I have learned that you cannot look at the outside of a situation and know 100% the story behind their way of life and paths they have crossed.

I can not allow myself to pre judge anyone or any other lifestyle choice without having first lived it myself and even then it’s not any human beings place to judge another.

Seriously.

As a human being, I cannot understand why people will fight over “parenting planning” when going into a co-parenting situation.

Kids are equally that of the Dad and the Mom, split it fairly if that works for you or do whatever seems best for your family and your children. You all may not be together anymore, but the kids do always matter first and foremost.

Seriously.

Last but not least, I just cannot understand a parent who would much rather have time without their child than with their child. Ever. Can you imagine how that child is going to feel towards said parent when they are old enough to look back and realize that parent wanted little if anything to do with them? Sad. Just sad.

Seriously.

I give up on trying to understand people and I am just going to call it how I see it and move on with my damn life. That is all one can do or else I would spend all day stupid slapping people on the forward to try to knock a tad bit of common sense back into their brains.

The Sad Reality of Happiness

It almost sounds like an awful title, how can happiness be sad? Seriously?! Alas, it can be people. Your true deep happiness within your own self can mean sadness in other ways. Such as the idea of being divorced, two parents who were great friends but just couldn’t get the relationship to work, see each other extremely happy as an individual after the divorce but are sad because their children have to grow up in that “two homes” environment that they had so worked to avoid.

That is the sad reality of this world, so many people made the decision to marry and so many get into a divorced situation without working their butts off at trying to keep the marriage working. While my ex and I worked to keep our marriage going, I am realistic and know that some do not. The end result for a divorce situation is that their children are going to somehow benefit from the divorce.

You see, the two parents need to be at their happy place in life and within their own self in order to share that true inner (and outer) happiness with their children. This sometimes means raising your children apart. I have seen my children blossom having their mom and dad divorce, it works for them and it works for us, but that does not mean there are days where I do miss having that “family” type environment for my children.

A single parent environment does suck. Parenting wasn’t meant to be done alone, but I am doing it the best I know how because this is my true happy and I think I see that refection of my inner happiness in each of my children every passing day.  Sure I am going to be a work in progress for a long time, I still have things I struggle with and things that I need to work on to better myself, I think everyone has those things, but overall I am extremely happy with my own self and where I am at in life today, which means I smile more, laugh more and love more.

Children thrive on laughter, love and smiles – all they need is attention. This true inner happiness will be something that someone else, maybe a man? Will enjoy one day about me, but for now I am just taking it one day at a time and hoping that everyone who is in my life at this moment enjoys the person I am today, tomorrow and years ahead. I know I am and I will.