Sometimes You Just Have to …. LET IT GO

So many parents live in this fear of losing their child or children. I get it. I have anxiety that I cope and fight with often. I used to fear the world as it pertained to my children. I then woke up. I realized that if I fear the world then they are going to fear the world. Now what parent wants that for their child? Not me.

I have had some awful things happen to me; how my virginity was lost or almost lost is still a blur to me, but it was a scenario that made me more aware about the fact that bad things happen to good people. I was also made aware, looking back, of how lost I was as a child and in turn wanted to parent my children in a way that never left them feeling that empty. So empty that you would be okay and accept the love of a man who was way older than you. That happened to me more often than I can recall, but I often found myself being hit on and sexualized by older men from about age 13 or maybe 12 and forward. Never was it my parents, nor any blood relative, but it was people who I did trust or thought I could trust. Let’s just keep it at that.

You see, I could live my life as a parent in fear that the same things that happened to me would happen to my own children, I don’t wish to live that way. I much prefer teaching my children to have high self esteem, to have better decision making skills and to be able to have skills in conflict resolution. I also prefer to teach my children skills on trusting their gut; that whole “good touch vs bad touch” concept they teach in schools, I discussed with my kids long before the schools addressed it. I let my kids know that if a touch makes alarms go off in their head or even a person’s character makes an alarm, sick gut feeling happen within their own self that they need to listen to that.

Instilling fear into my children wouldn’t allow them to experience the world as fully as I want them to. Sure there are bad people out there and in all honesty, some are those we entrust with our children. That was me, I was entrusted with someone or at least to be around this someone and well, sadly it worked out that shit happened. Had I been more self confident, felt more loved and whole I bet that wouldn’t have happened. Who knows though, hindsight is always 20/20.

I have raised, specifically my oldest at this point in time, that if she feels a touch hurts, is bad or is unacceptable then it may just be that. It doesn’t matter if it’s a caregiver or a family member, we do not have to ever put ourselves into a situation that we are not comfortable with. I also encourage my children to overcome their anxious feelings with new situations and to learn what is a gut feeling versus hormones or anxiety. These concepts are not easy to teach through words, you have to lead by example when it comes to the kids.

I live my life free spirited, confident and happy. I live this way because I know I am giving my children a good role model to look up to. Note: I never said perfect role model. I prefer to be a real life human role model that leads her life for complete happiness within. I can only hope and pray these lessons are taught to my children through my example.

I think parenting is difficult, it isn’t easy to let go, knowing that there are so many harmful people in this world, believe me, I am aware of just how harmful people can be. I went through a lot that no family member knows about, because I didn’t have anyone to turn to back then, but as an adult, I have forgiven and moved on to better myself. Harmful people can hurt others but they cannot break them forever.  I just hope my children grow up to realize that bad things may happen to them, but if they keep their heart free of bitterness and open to faith and love then they can overcome any bad that happens to them, so as long as they want to move forward.

Sometimes I Simply Forget Who I Have Become

Lately I have been in this funk, I keep saying my hormones are off. I cry at the drop of a hat and it’s difficult to find that happy thoughts place I always have been so good at finding. Then I had this lovely conversation with a Twitter friend, she reminded me what I have worked so hard to be all of these years, she reminded me that it’s simply a matter of taking back control of me.

You see, I do believe and have seen first hand, that thoughts can control you. Let’s say you think you have this illness, or maybe you think you are pregnant, if you keep thinking that way then your body will literally start to act as if you are sick or pregnant or whatever it is that you seem to think in your mind is going on.  That is the exact reason why I have been stuck in this hormonal rut, sure maybe something is going on with my body and I certainly will need to get to to a doctor, but I have fought off Generalized Anxiety Disorder sided with a cup of paranoia and horrible temper before, I can fight off the emotional roller coast my mind is taking me on for sure! No problem.

I can do this

I can do this, I can find me again and I can get back on track but in order to do so I have to do a bit of life clean up, this means removing once again any toxic friendships I have that help bring me down rather than up. I will succeed because I succeed at everything I put my mind to. I also need to start working out again, that really helps to boost the happy hormones!


Daughter Nominated me for President in Class

My daughter did some homework or it was school work, not sure which, but she nominated me as president. Me, the one who has anxiety attacks over public speaking but sure …. why not!

Either way, this was super sweet of her to nominate her “crazy” Mama for president, after all she is forever reminding me that I am a bit crazy.  What is one thing your child did to warm your heart recently?

Are you a Planner or Take Life by the Moment Kind of Person?

I tend to drive people crazy with my fly by the moment sort of personality, but honestly that is what works for me. You see, I have always had anxiety, some years are better than others while other years are worse, it all depends upon what’s going on in my life. It seems when I am under a high amount of pressure my anxiety kicks in quickly making it semi-difficult to deal with life without that tension taking over from my anxiety disorder.

I do not take medicine for my anxiety, I used to, but haven’t in many years. I tend to find resetting my mind to focus on the moment rather than the future makes it easier and allows my anxiety to stay low key. When I get asked to go to various events it’s extremely difficult for me to plan that far ahead. In the moment I am all about it, sounds great, but then as I start to think about what will be going on in a couple of months I worry if I will be able to keep the commitment and my mind just goes into the “what if” mode making it difficult to live my day to day life.

This is why I am more of a fly by the moment kind of person, planning requires me thinking too far ahead and if there’s one thing I have found out living this life I lead, it’s that nothing is forever and you have to live in the now. Planning too far out in advance means I have to know what’s going on with the kids, myself and others in life which honestly, is never consistent enough to plan around. I feel more stable flying by the moment, I like surprises and I like just hopping in the car taking a long drive to wherever we end up rather than having to have a destination.

My destination in life is to simply be happy, love life and cherish each moment I have with my family. Why start planning now and get all worked up over the things that don’t matter? I say live life whatever way makes you happiest, because when you are the happiest, everyone around you can feel that happy energy & in turn they become happier, including your children.

Do Young Children Suffer from Anxiety?

I often find my eight year old having troubles sleeping, she will stay in bed but wake mid night without realizing why it is she is doing this. It is as if her mind is full yet she can not pinpoint one reason why her mind is full. As a worrier and a concerned little girl I can see that she would possibly suffer from anxiety at a young age as she is so much like me in trying to please others, worry about others and take care of others, however, I do not wish for my daughter to suffer from anxiety the way I did growing up!


I spoke with my counselor I go see for the four year old and he did state that my daughter may have anxiety and as children get older it is common. Lately I have been noticing my four year old starting to suffer anxiety type of feelings, these feelings my four year old has often seem more about shadows, wild animals getting him and they seem to stem from dreams he has at night.

So why is it that young children can suffer from anxiety? Is it the idea of things unknown to them that would cause them such worry and concern and have your children ever suffered similar symptoms?