I am going to counseling with my ex husband, yes, it is true. This is something we had wanted to do before to try to open up communication. We both have our faults and things that we do that whether we are in a relationship together or a different relationship can cause issues.

Of course I tend to withdraw from some people and he tends to not be open with his thoughts and feelings as much as I am. I will tell almost anyone what I am thinking and how it is when I think it. I am outspoken and sometimes it’s not a great thing to be but I enjoy being that way. No one has to ever guess what I am thinking, ever!

One thing I learned about myself is that I am full of anger in a moment about something but then when I stand up and try to confront the person I no longer have that intense feeling of anger or frustration. I have been told by the counselor that apparently I have somewhere along the lines in my life learned that it wasn’t okay to stand up like that for my feelings.

Of course I could give you a million ideas on why I feel I am this way but I do recall my father telling someone once that if I hit them it’s for the last six things that bothered me and to not let them take it personal. Whereas my sister will punch you if she is mad in that moment. I guess I have learned to suppress the negative feelings rather than letting them out and slide away so that they are not accumulated inside of me and come out when they shouldn’t.

So … how do you handle frustration and anger? Are you non-confrontational like me or do you deal with it in that moment allowing your mind and body to be free and clear of the frustration?

I hate when people can go to bed angry. For me, it is all about the fact that you never know when you will see this person again. Today is a definite and tomorrow is a day you don’t know that will for sure come. Why go to bed angry or leave someone angry?

Image: nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I want to know that if this is someone I love that my last words to them were not that of angry or frustration because then I know who I am and I would feel so horrible about having those be my last words to them.

I am one who gets really mad and really over it fast. I don’t stay mad for long and I don’t hold a grudge. I am quick to get over it, even things that have been done to me that I should still be angry about or at least not like that person over, I find I don’ t care. I truly am over those situations.

I am a at peace with my past, present and looking forward to my future!

So are you a go to bed angry kinda person or would you rather make up in some way before bed?

One thing about me is that I am a very passionate person, this goes with life, love, parenting, and writing. Some people do not understand me, the passionate, positive, happy go lucky chick. Most wonder, can this person really be this happy ALL of the time?! I will answer you this … I am not always smiling and always happy, but it does take a lot to get me down.

I have found my strength and I have found my therapy. Growing up with a lot of anger and bitterness towards those I love created an angry young adult, one who occasionally had self destructive behavior without even realizing that is what she was doing until later in life. My family was not aware and probably still is not 100% aware of all I have been through.

I could sit here and share with you all of what I have been through and the mistakes I made along the way to becoming who I am today, but I feel they are not important stories to share. What is important is I am a firm believer that you can not live in the past, you can not hold yourself back … all you can do is smile, follow your heart, live life to the fullest and never look back!

Following your heart, never looking back and being a positive person takes a lot of practice, I always tell my friends it is in the mindset. You see, one can easily allow the negative in our world and our lives to take control, one can easily live a content life just for the sake of not hurting others, but life is what you make of it! Although it is hard to focus your mind on something more positive, I know you can do it, if I can go from being a negative, very angry person and such then I know you can work towards being a positive thinker!

So what are you waiting for? What is great about today? Leave a comment below!

It occurred to me yesterday that we allow my almost 8 year old daughter to have a say in almost every thing that comes into her life. She has a choice as to when she wants to visit, call or text her father. My daughter has a choice on whether or not she wants to do an extra curricular activity, she has a say in her clothes shopping for school. Pretty much the girl has had it really easy because she has always been pretty respectful and mature for her age. Yesterday, rather over the weekend, while she was at her Dad’s house it dawned on me …. Miss Ki gets to make decisions most almost 8 year old don’t have a say in. The girl has a say in almost everything we do as a family because Justin and I feel that a family makes decisions together. Mind you, we allow our children to have a say, as in share their opinion, but we, the adults, make the final decision.

This is where it gets a bit cloudy for my daughter because she is the type of child who shares her opinion and expects us to go with what she feels we should do. Not anymore, she has had a say and still will continue to have a say but it’s time I stand up and be the adult around here with her. Miss Ki has been able to do a lot of extra curricular activities and this year it seems they are going to overlap causing quite a stressful situation for her. I made a parental decision to pull her from one of her normal activities she did last year, we loved doing it together but over the Summer and even during the start of this school year I have noticed something with my daughter; her self esteem is down, her anger is up and she isn’t the spunky little girl I always known and raised her to be.

Miss Ki still has her soccer, after all her father is the coach and I feel I can’t make a decision on that without talking with him. Soccer is only a seasonal sport and not a full year thing that she is doing so much better at after playing since Kindergarten. Soccer is something she can play no matter where we move as she plays for a rec center and non-residents can play with just an extra non-resident fee. Which means should we move out of this town we live in, she and her father can continue doing their “soccer thing” no matter what.

I have been questioning myself and making myself  feel like I am making a mean decision to pull her from all other activities until further notice. I didn’t just do it on a whim, I actually sat down and spoke with my daughter expressing my concerns with her self esteem, her mood changes and how she seems to be unhappy about some things in her life. I told her I feel like her and I should work on building her self esteem back up and getting her emotionally okay as well as focusing on school. Miss Ki does great in school, however, we haven’t had a parent/teacher conference as of yet so I don’t know if her emotional behavior is playing out in school at any level yet.

What I do know is that my daughter is easily put to tears, easily throwing something and raising her voice at a whim to her family. In our house, we are a family and we do not speak to each other in such a tone, we take time outs and then come back to discuss any issues together as a family, yes my chidlren have a say, they have the right to speak up and tell me or their father/step father if we are doing something they feel is not okay, hurting their feelings or what have you. We are the type of parents our children can say something to us, in a respectful, polite way if they feel unhappy with a decision we made or with how we handled a situation.

No matter how much we let our children have a say in our family routine, the end result is that Justin and I are the adults and we are taking back some of our “adult rights” one of which includes the decision to pull children from activities should their emotional well being need to be worked on. Counseling services is next … because if I watch my little girl fall apart and do nothing to stop it, I fear for the worse! I feel like no one interfered when I was younger to get me counseling or anything and my teen life went spiraling downhill along with my grades. One thing I refuse to do, is let my daughter follow in my foot steps of low self esteem as a child, I will do everything in my power to build that girl right back up so she knows that she is the best and most loved little girl in the world.

My daughter says to me the other day “well Mama I would love for us to talk but I do want a counselor because after all, your expertise is not in that area”. Now do you all see what I am dealing with? An advanced, big word speaking, too big for her britches, almost 8 year old! Need I say more?!

My middle son is often so angered that he is extremely violent to his whole family. I don’t know how many times I have been washing dishes or sitting on the couch just to be slammed by his closed fists. We have spent two years trying to get help for him but at age 2 they were obviously reluctant to diagnose him with much more than “ADHD tendencies”. The neurologist came to that conclusion based on seeing that our other two children were relatively “normal”. I am not saying my middle son isn’t normal, but you can quite obviously see there is a different volatile personality than any of my other children or even that of myself or Justin.

It seems bi-polar runs in my family pretty heavily and having my four year old adopted we don’t know much of his health history on the biological father’s side. I was only in that family for a little over a year therefore based on my observations of what I heard or saw I can only say it does seem that family may have some anger issues and possible mental health issues. The poor little dude has it from both sides. AJ is his name and he has skin issues, had ear issues and seems to be the only one of my three who lives in the pediatricians office.

AJ has trouble sleeping too, but his emotional well being doesn’t seem to change based on sleep. Back when he was two and three we saw that lack of sleep made him more aggressive but between 3 and 4 we thought he was actually getting better. This is so stressful not only for him but for us as a family. We are a very loving, affectionate family and to have one child who is just so angry makes it hard to be loving and affectionate.  When AJ is angry sometimes, very rarely, you can actually talk softly to him and kind to “wack him out of it” so to speak. There seems to be no solution and the pediatricians are not helping us. Pediatricians want to wait til he is in school so the school can code him and that I feel is just stupid. We are the parents and everyone in this house can speak for the loving family we are but no matter how loving we are it doesn’t change the fact that AJ is a very angry little dude.

I am one frustrated and sad Mama when I see my four year old son be so upset and angry. I love him dearly and hope someday someone will listen to it before I get a black one of these days.