I Believe Every Mean Person Can Change Up Until a Certain Point

We start life off as innocent, sweet little children so ready and willing to accept everyone, to trust without fear and to simply take life for what it is. No questions. No worries. It’s all about loving life and loving people. Then something happens, our environment we grow up in and our friends and our outsiders at school, eventually that sweet, innocent child turns angry. The anger builds when not given an outlet to talk to or such as what I do, write. That is one thing my Mom always told me I should do, write a book. My Mom knew that whenever I was upset with her she would be able to expect a long letter citing my issues or what not, even apologizes, came in the form of a letter. Writing has simply been a lot easier for me than talking when it comes to confrontational situations. I have worked hard to change that, getting better at verbally confronting situations but writing is still my number one outlet.

With that being said, since I went from a very angry person inside to this happy, positive minded person today, I have this firm belief that any angry, mean person can change. Heck, I believe any person can change if they want to, whether for the better or the worse. My Dad did make a good point to me recently though, once people hit a certain age that is who they are. There is no changing them. I do believe that to be true as well. Let’s say by the time you are into your 30′s and you still are that angry, bitter and mean person well then I do not believe you will come out of that, I think that person will go to their grave angry, mean and bitter.

I do have hope. Hope keeps me going. As it should most people.

I have seen first hand what a smile, a hug and a kind gesture can do for a person. When you see a person down and out, be nice to them. When you are being waited on by a grumpy cashier, be extra nice to them with a genuine smile. Tell them to have a nice day. Make it something automatic that each time someone waits on you that you are genuinely nice, no matter their mood. You will see that their mood will lift during that process. I have seen it and it warms my heart.

I believe if you have a friend or family member that is having a hard time finding their happy that you can show them the way back to a happy place. Back to trusting people again. Some may need therapy in addition to your positive friendship while others may simply take to your kindness, bubbly and happy attitude. Even though many take to who I am today, others still do not take to it 100% and I can tell they need deeper help than what I can offer as a simple happy person to be near, look up to and be friends with.

Mean people can change. Mean kids can change. Remember to be kind, but to not allow disrespect either and in turn you will see that even the meanest of the¬† mean … can change for the better if they have someone to help open up their hearts and see the world close to what they saw when they were that sweet, young, innocent child.

Memories Forgotten … Then Remembered

For so many years I held this anger inside of me and had turned to drinking as an outlet to deal with the pain and unloved feeling I had as a teen. Even into my adult years I still held this anger and grudge for things that can not be undone, not only did I feel anger towards others, I felt it towards myself. Now that I have become who I am today, I still struggle with lost memories as well as this guarded feeling at times.

Sure I can remember a lot of pain I have gone through but I try to hold close the happy times and memories that I can bring to the forefront of my mind. It’s just difficult for me to remember what I had for dinner yesterday let alone what happened many years ago, but then I had a wonderful experience.

I was able to have some of my old home videos transferred over to DVD by YesVideo and the memories flooded. One Christmas with two daughters, a mother and a father. The father was recording a mom with her two daughters playing Connect Four. Do you know I never remembered playing board games with my mom, ever, and the funny thing is when I told her about this DVD she didn’t remember either. Maybe I should show her, thought about uploading it somewhere and sharing but not sure my pajama mom enjoys being on YouTube as much as I do!

So, remember, no matter what bad times you have been through and no matter what people have put you through or you have put them through, always remember you made mistakes too and once you become happy within your own self, you will be able to rebuild those relationships and make them blossom beyond control! I am thankful for memories forgotten but then remembered!

What are you thankful for?

Non-Confrontational Personality

I am going to counseling with my ex husband, yes, it is true. This is something we had wanted to do before to try to open up communication. We both have our faults and things that we do that whether we are in a relationship together or a different relationship can cause issues.

Of course I tend to withdraw from some people and he tends to not be open with his thoughts and feelings as much as I am. I will tell almost anyone what I am thinking and how it is when I think it. I am outspoken and sometimes it’s not a great thing to be but I enjoy being that way. No one has to ever guess what I am thinking, ever!

One thing I learned about myself is that I am full of anger in a moment about something but then when I stand up and try to confront the person I no longer have that intense feeling of anger or frustration. I have been told by the counselor that apparently I have somewhere along the lines in my life learned that it wasn’t okay to stand up like that for my feelings.

Of course I could give you a million ideas on why I feel I am this way but I do recall my father telling someone once that if I hit them it’s for the last six things that bothered me and to not let them take it personal. Whereas my sister will punch you if she is mad in that moment. I guess I have learned to suppress the negative feelings rather than letting them out and slide away so that they are not accumulated inside of me and come out when they shouldn’t.

So … how do you handle frustration and anger? Are you non-confrontational like me or do you deal with it in that moment allowing your mind and body to be free and clear of the frustration?

Don’t Go To Bed Angry

I hate when people can go to bed angry. For me, it is all about the fact that you never know when you will see this person again. Today is a definite and tomorrow is a day you don’t know that will for sure come. Why go to bed angry or leave someone angry?

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I want to know that if this is someone I love that my last words to them were not that of angry or frustration because then I know who I am and I would feel so horrible about having those be my last words to them.

I am one who gets really mad and really over it fast. I don’t stay mad for long and I don’t hold a grudge. I am quick to get over it, even things that have been done to me that I should still be angry about or at least not like that person over, I find I don’ t care. I truly am over those situations.

I am a at peace with my past, present and looking forward to my future!

So are you a go to bed angry kinda person or would you rather make up in some way before bed?

Giving My All

One thing about me is that I am a very passionate person, this goes with life, love, parenting, and writing. Some people do not understand me, the passionate, positive, happy go lucky chick. Most wonder, can this person really be this happy ALL of the time?! I will answer you this … I am not always smiling and always happy, but it does take a lot to get me down.

I have found my strength and I have found my therapy. Growing up with a lot of anger and bitterness towards those I love created an angry young adult, one who occasionally had self destructive behavior without even realizing that is what she was doing until later in life. My family was not aware and probably still is not 100% aware of all I have been through.

I could sit here and share with you all of what I have been through and the mistakes I made along the way to becoming who I am today, but I feel they are not important stories to share. What is important is I am a firm believer that you can not live in the past, you can not hold yourself back … all you can do is smile, follow your heart, live life to the fullest and never look back!

Following your heart, never looking back and being a positive person takes a lot of practice, I always tell my friends it is in the mindset. You see, one can easily allow the negative in our world and our lives to take control, one can easily live a content life just for the sake of not hurting others, but life is what you make of it! Although it is hard to focus your mind on something more positive, I know you can do it, if I can go from being a negative, very angry person and such then I know you can work towards being a positive thinker!

So what are you waiting for? What is great about today? Leave a comment below!

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Self Esteem, Girls and Wow

It occurred to me yesterday that we allow my almost 8 year old daughter to have a say in almost every thing that comes into her life. She has a choice as to when she wants to visit, call or text her father. My daughter has a choice on whether or not she wants to do an extra curricular activity, she has a say in her clothes shopping for school. Pretty much the girl has had it really easy because she has always been pretty respectful and mature for her age. Yesterday, rather over the weekend, while she was at her Dad’s house it dawned on me …. Miss Ki gets to make decisions most almost 8 year old don’t have a say in. The girl has a say in almost everything we do as a family because Justin and I feel that a family makes decisions together. Mind you, we allow our children to have a say, as in share their opinion, but we, the adults, make the final decision.

This is where it gets a bit cloudy for my daughter because she is the type of child who shares her opinion and expects us to go with what she feels we should do. Not anymore, she has had a say and still will continue to have a say but it’s time I stand up and be the adult around here with her. Miss Ki has been able to do a lot of extra curricular activities and this year it seems they are going to overlap causing quite a stressful situation for her. I made a parental decision to pull her from one of her normal activities she did last year, we loved doing it together but over the Summer and even during the start of this school year I have noticed something with my daughter; her self esteem is down, her anger is up and she isn’t the spunky little girl I always known and raised her to be.

Miss Ki still has her soccer, after all her father is the coach and I feel I can’t make a decision on that without talking with him. Soccer is only a seasonal sport and not a full year thing that she is doing so much better at after playing since Kindergarten. Soccer is something she can play no matter where we move as she plays for a rec center and non-residents can play with just an extra non-resident fee. Which means should we move out of this town we live in, she and her father can continue doing their “soccer thing” no matter what.

I have been questioning myself and making myself¬† feel like I am making a mean decision to pull her from all other activities until further notice. I didn’t just do it on a whim, I actually sat down and spoke with my daughter expressing my concerns with her self esteem, her mood changes and how she seems to be unhappy about some things in her life. I told her I feel like her and I should work on building her self esteem back up and getting her emotionally okay as well as focusing on school. Miss Ki does great in school, however, we haven’t had a parent/teacher conference as of yet so I don’t know if her emotional behavior is playing out in school at any level yet.

What I do know is that my daughter is easily put to tears, easily throwing something and raising her voice at a whim to her family. In our house, we are a family and we do not speak to each other in such a tone, we take time outs and then come back to discuss any issues together as a family, yes my chidlren have a say, they have the right to speak up and tell me or their father/step father if we are doing something they feel is not okay, hurting their feelings or what have you. We are the type of parents our children can say something to us, in a respectful, polite way if they feel unhappy with a decision we made or with how we handled a situation.

No matter how much we let our children have a say in our family routine, the end result is that Justin and I are the adults and we are taking back some of our “adult rights” one of which includes the decision to pull children from activities should their emotional well being need to be worked on. Counseling services is next … because if I watch my little girl fall apart and do nothing to stop it, I fear for the worse! I feel like no one interfered when I was younger to get me counseling or anything and my teen life went spiraling downhill along with my grades. One thing I refuse to do, is let my daughter follow in my foot steps of low self esteem as a child, I will do everything in my power to build that girl right back up so she knows that she is the best and most loved little girl in the world.

My daughter says to me the other day “well Mama I would love for us to talk but I do want a counselor because after all, your expertise is not in that area”. Now do you all see what I am dealing with? An advanced, big word speaking, too big for her britches, almost 8 year old! Need I say more?!

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