Words I Shall Never Forget & May Use My Own Self

When I was a about 12 or 13 years old, maybe younger, not quite sure exactly, my Mom had this boyfriend. He was new, he wasn’t my Dad and I didn’t like him much at all at first. I was that daughter, the brat who apparently didn’t like my mom’s boyfriends unless they spoiled us girls. That’s how kids think, right? It’s all about them, never mind their parents happiness mattering.

I didn’t take to this guy very easily as I really don’t recall I ever took lightly to any of my Mom’s boyfriends while younger, however, he soon grew to be accepted by me and someone to this day words will stick with me. I think he was the one person who taught me how I may want to parent, it wasn’t just him because I do parent a lot like my Dad too. I am the perfect mix of all I had around me growing up with a twist of who I am personally.

The words I shall never forget were said to me during my trying of parent’s patience years. The teen years when I knew all. I did all I wanted to do. And no one matter but me. Yeah those years. I used to sneak out of my bedroom window at night, I would climb out of my bedroom window on the second floor of house, shimmy across the shingles to jump up on roof. Then shimmy down the angled roof to the top of the porch and jump off down to friends, usually boys. To hang out, have fun and well do things I shouldn’t have been doing at that age.

We had two doberman pinchers back then who barked like crazy some nights and although that freaked me out, nothing could stop me from sneaking out. It was what I wanted to do and that is all that mattered back then. Well one day my Mom’s boyfriend, who I called my Step Dad later on in life (even though they never married and have not been together for years now), said to me “If I catch anyone climbing into this house in a window, in the dark, I will be sitting there with a baseball bat and beat whoever it is that is sneaking in. To me that is an intruder and when it’s dark I won’t be able to see who it is. Just so you know”

That was his way of basically calling me out on sneaking out. The thing I loved most about this man was that he could scare the ever loving crap out of me, but did it in a way that wasn’t intimidating to a teen girl who ” knew all”. I don’t know if I ever snuck out after that talk, maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. But I do know those are the creative ways I would talk to my kids if they were up to no good. Let them know that I am aware of what they are doing and will rectify the situation if it happens again, but in a way that doesn’t challenge their teen brains to do it more. Not sure i would ever basically say I would beat my kids with a baseball bat, but I would be creative and am today with the kids being 10, 6 and 4.

Those are the words I shall never, ever forget.

Whatever Shall I Do

My daughter is going to be nine years old in October, the same month in which I turn 30. My daughter has been going all hormonal on me. I get it, I get all hormonal once a month about one week before my period and it’s a time when I can’t stand being near myself let alone dealing with a child who has no clue what this is all about.

I decided that since my daughter is showing signs of being hormonal I would show her what pads are and take a moment to share with her what the lovely nonfriend of the month brings. The problem? She doesn’t want to hear a thing about it, but who can blame her, I mean this is serious business and gross at the same time for a little girl.

I am one of those parents who knows my children are listening even if they are grossed out or appear to not hear you. My child is listening to me and she is aware of what she has coming ahead. Hopefully she is 12, the same age I was when I had my period, but I have no clue because the hormones are raging and I catch her looking at boys a bit more than she ever did before. Please don’t let her be boy crazy is all I can think to myself.

We have discussed how I feel about boys and dating and all of that because apparently in her grade girls have “boyfriends” , well my daughter won’t be having a boyfriend any day soon. Sure she can do the whole immature in school I have a boyfriend thing where they don’t do a thing with them it’s some odd immature I have a boyfriend no I don’t stage. I had that stage but it was much later in life, or was it? We won’t go there, because I am not sure.

Either way, all I get from my father for advice is “Good luck girl I am rooting for ya”, and after all what can he say? He has two daughters, he has been here before and he probably still deals with the raging hormones from his two daughters often, but Dad deals well. I don’t deal well…. but I will find the secret to dealing with this hormonal stage of my daughter … I WILL.

If I Were to Write a Book


I daydream often about book ideas, even come up with whole pages of what the typed work would look like inside of my own head. The topics range from the most off topics that one would think I would write about to a more personal nature of my life growing up.

I do know that poetry has always been where my heart is with writing. Short stories for children is something that heavily interests me as well. I doubt I would be able to sit and write a great children’s book on my own that would utilize the correct word usage for young ones though.

Ideally if I were to write a book I would want it to be a more personal, life learning type of book. One in which people can love me, hate me and yet relate to me at the same time. I am currently reading a book that fits all of those feelings and those are the books that I can’t put down.

I can only assume that if I were to write a book about my life growing up as a teen girl that I would offend some people in my family because there is a lot that has happened in my life that clearly would be my side of the story. You see I am a firm believer in there is two sides to every story and should I start getting into my personal life I would dig up some subject matter that I have long put to the back of my mind in order to keep moving forward.

I haven’t completely forgotten all that I have gone through but I do think a little bit more clearly and openly about the situations because I am nearing 30 years old and have lived and learned on my own. I now can look back and understand why things happened the way they did and be okay with that.

For me, a story about the struggles I went through as a teen leading up to my underage DWI at age 18 would be a story worth sharing, one that would hopefully be shared with other teens, mainly teen girls, as a way to hear a personal story from someone who doesn’t regret & feel bad about what she had done but wishes to place a “what if” in the heads of teen girls to ensure that they try their best to realize how awesome they are and that drinking, drugs and sex isn’t going to resolve their own inner issues.

If I were to write a book, I guess a personal story would suit me best. That is where my passion would shine through my writing. Passion behind writing is what makes an incredible read!

P.S. Clearly if I wrote a book I would have to hire a great editor because I tend to ramble with run on sentences often ;-)

Dear “Can’t Get Over Past”

Of course there are things in everyone’s past. We all have a past, present and future. I firmly believe our past is so that we can make mistakes, learn from mistakes and figure out who we are. As teens many get rebellious, disrespectful and think they know all. I must admit I was a pretty rough teen, although I still got good grades and graduated.

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Maybe due to the fact that I have worked since age 13 and was great in school no one thought I was a party girl who loved her some hard liquor, I think it was Jim Beam and Pepsi for the most part. I can’t even smell that stuff now without feeling nauseous.

What I don’t get is how grown adults, elders so to speak are still so stuck on themselves and their children that they look down upon others who made mistakes as a teen. I mean have these particular elders never made a mistake? Have these elders raised “perfect” children? Because if no mistakes have ever been made and their children are perfect, I swear they MUST NOT be part of this world.

What annoys me the most in life is when people can’t get off their high horses and try to put themselves in another persons shoes, get over the freaking past and see the grown adult I have become. Obviously if they haven’t been a huge part of my life then they shouldn’t annoy me, but in all realty they do some days because I have it in my head that I want to be “nice” to everyone, but I am sorry I had to make a decision to agree to disagree on how some elders feel.

I can’t imagine missing out on someone’s life because I am still stuck on things they did nearly 15 years ago, that sounds silly to me!

Have you ever been in a situation where an elder in your life still passes judgement and refuses to get along with you because of your rebellious years?

Teens and Boredom

I recently read our local newspaper where it stated that our county in New Hampshire has the highest amount of teen pregnancies in the state, they said something like 49.1 per 1000 teen girls between 15 and 19 is pregnant or expecting. That is a sad number to me, not because they are going to give birth to a little one but because they are going to lose the chance to be teens. I think being a teen is an important part of growing up.

During the teen years you are so into yourself it isn’t even funny! I remember those days, I was the queen, I wanted to do what I wanted to do and I wasn’t about to listen to anyone. Although most of what my elders told me was true, I would not believe it. Something about teens and the need to find out for themselves, which is great if the teen actually finds out in a safe way. Becoming a parent is not the end of the world I have seen many teen parents struggle to survive but they did it. I have seen other teen parents hand their child off to their parents to raise, and I have also seen those “grandparents” complain that they were not ready to be parents and due to that they are unable to be real grandparents.

It is sad but we can all work together to change this situation, to make it so more teens in our county can have a chance to be a kid and grow up at the age they are suppose to be grown ups. I recall growing up too fast, really I feel I like I raised my sister being home alone all the time. I am surprised I didn’t get pregnant at a young age because I am the child of teen parents. I think being a child of teen parents made me see what my parents lost by having my sister and me at such a young age. My mother was 15 and then 19 when I was born and then my youngest sister, can you imagine? I couldn’t and that is why when I was young, at the ripe old age of 14 and started having sex I got on birth control pill.

Most people I know started having sexual encounters at age 14, it’s rare that I find anyone who says another age. I think teens in my county are bored and due to the economic situation of most families both parents need to work full and are unable to pay for daycare. I am not making excuses, but this is just what I feel and have seen. Young children walking the streets because even though we have a great rec center and other teen programs it seems the programs are not “fun” or “exciting” enough to capture the teens interest for long. We also need programs to educate parents on how most programs that are offered through the community have scholarship programs so that no kid is left out.

If I were to have it my way I would create a fun, exciting and “cool” place for teens to hang out. We had a “dance club” here in town once but honestly it got so run down that most people there were either high or drunk. That is what people do in this town, I have heard it all along growing up “there’s nothing to do but do drugs and drink”. To me that is a sad statement, truly sad! To think our teens in this area feel there is nothing better to do than get wasted and risk ruining the rest of their lives with crimes on their records or even worse felonies?!

I know that some day I will make more money than I need and when that day comes, no matter where I live I plan to give back to my hometown. I was born and raised here, I don’t like to see it run down but money talks and without money or funding there isn’t going to be the cool, fun place for teens to hang out and be themselves yet be drug free and safe.  I wish I could snap my fingers and have someone build a cool teen hang out where the kids have soda and fun, they could even paint the rooms to their likings. I don’t want some dorky hang out place, I was a cool teen once, I know that teens want an exciting place to hang out where they can have fun and the parents want it to be safe. Someday I will help create a place like this, you just wait!

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