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Enabling … Good or Bad?

Published on September 20, 2010 by in Children, Relationships

I am a firm believer that if you enable a person then you are setting them up for failure. This goes with addictions, living life and raising children. Enabling almost seems to me to be a form of denial, the decision a person has made to ignore the fact that a particular person has a problem. Sometimes I swear I sound like a mean Mama who would rather my child fall down and get back up than have them live in a bubble or world with padded walkways.

I have seen from friends to family how people grow up to be when they have been enabled all of their life or even a portion of their life. I wasn’t enabled by my parents, I fell hard many times, I have failed, I have tripped and I have not always been free and clear of trouble. The reason I am who I am today is because no body enabled me to do the things I did, no one made excuses for my behavior and no one allowed me to make excuses for my behavior or actions. I have always had to face the consequences of my actions, due to this I have learned to have morals and common sense.

I feel that enabling a friend or child is easier than actually stepping back and telling them you love them dearly but can not help them. It is very hard to simply say no to a loved one no matter if blood related or friend, but sometimes doing that will create a better person in the end. This person may dislike you, they may not speak to you forever or many years but when all is said and done that person will look back and thank you for what you did for them.

When you make a decision to allow a person to pick up their own mess and simply be an ear to listen, you are creating a stronger individual person and that my friends is the best thing anyone can do for a person. Thank you to everyone in my life who told me how it was, let me fall on my face and pick myself back up and for those who listened when I needed someone to vent to. Without those people who have come and gone in my life, I would not be the person I am today!

Enabling ... Good or Bad?
 
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Life Can Move So Fast

Published on September 17, 2010 by in Random

Lately while dealing with lack of sleep I find that I have little patience for life. I have become more outspoken, although usually polite but not always, about life and ideas and standing up for what I believe in. Usually I refer to this situation as growing a back bone, because really I have, but I think it has a lot to do with lack of sleep and getting older. I really have no patience for people who don’t use common sense and can’t appreciate another persons opinion. I don’t know how many blogs I read daily but there are a ton and I bet I don’t agree 100% with what they all have to say, but I still leave a comment and I still respect their opinion and open my eyes to understand their side.

Life is way too darn short to be sitting here dwelling on crap that happened yesterday let alone what happened years ago. I have let go of the anger I held for so long against some people in my life and have moved on to acceptance. The day I became a parent I realized that we all do the best we can with the life we have and now that I am pushing 30 years old I am an avid promoter of parenting how you want to parent, being who you want to be and not worrying about the rest of the world. When the day is over it’s you and your family in your home so make sure the decisions you are making will only make your family better not worse.

I feel like my children are growing up before my eyes and I can’t slow down the pace of life. My middle child will be in Kindergarten next year, seems like just yesterday he was the little baby we called Chunk. My daughter, first born child, is amazing and so smart, the girl can debate and actually make valid points no matter what come back you have! My youngest is still my baby but I do see that yes, he too, is growing up and trying to step out and find his true self.

All I wish for in my life is to spread happiness and optimistic thoughts to all in this world but most importantly to my children. I want my children to have a smile on their face as often as possible, respect others, and use common sense as they start heading off to school and away from their parents to be individuals.

Life Can Move So Fast
 
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My Walls, My House, My Rules

Published on September 16, 2010 by in Children

Well okay I have to share that statement with Justin, so our walls, our house and our rules! Either way it’s us and no one else that will tell our children what they can do, can’t do or should do inside of the walls we call our home. That includes a co-parent. I don’t care if that co-parent is super involved, an awesome parent and an amazing person to their child; they still have no right to come into my home and tell our child what they will or will not be allowed to do here, in my home!

Am I wrong or am I right? I love co-parenting, it works so wonderfully. My daughter has it great, or so it seems most times, she has two loving parents who can get along with each other and even attend events, appointments and similar together when it involves her. The only problem is; he apparently thinks it is okay to rule my house too. Nope, notta, sorry not happening!

I don’t care how much this dude helps me out, fathers our child or goes out of his way to be at everything that involves her. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate the help, I think it’s great that my child has a super involved father but mind you I do not take kindly to people coming into my home and telling a child what they can or can’t do. I would never go to this dude’s house and tell my daughter what she can or can’t do behind his walls; those are his walls, his house and his rules. I don’t like his rules in all honesty, there are many where I cringe and wonder if  my daughter will be able to be a child there?! Regardless of my personal feelings of the rules at the other home I feel I have no place to say a thing, why? For starters his rules are not harming my child, even though I have to question if sometimes it’s emotionally harming her having two completely different households, and for second it’s his house and I don’t care if we both have equal rights to her, we also have 100% rights to rule our homes the way we deem fit.

I have been really good at biting my tongue per the request of my daughter but it’s to the point where I want to call up a family meeting and stand my ground. No one other than, maybe, just maybe babysitter, is going to come inside my home and over step boundaries when it comes to my rules! If the rules do her no harm, then leave it be dude! Oh and if you have a problem with it make sure you take it up with me not her! It’s the adults that should be discussing “issues” not a child and parent.

Done … you can move on with your day or leave a comment below telling me what you think about this topic …

Side Note: I don’t mean to sound rude, my daughter has a very involved father who, for the most part, I get along with , but sometimes I swear I wonder where he thinks he has a right to rule my house too.

My Walls, My House, My Rules
 
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What is So Hard About Sleeping

Published on September 15, 2010 by in Children

I don’t get it. What is so difficult about hearing a bedtime story, getting some water and laying down to sleep? Seems like a pretty easy freaking process to me. For the past two years you would think it was the hardest chore in the whole wide world and according to the pediatrician I saw a few times it’s as easy as laying a mattress on the floor of a room and locking your young child in their bedroom with nothing else in the room.

For me it’s all about trying to be consistent so my children have had the same routine ever since we’ve started having troubles with AJ, which was about two years ago. The routine is really strict for the boys but not so strict with my daughter as she is older and has her own bedroom.  Basically my night starts with rounding up the kids so they know it’s time to chill out and get ready for bed. Most nights it’s bath time, followed by pajama’s being put on. Next AJ takes his melatonin and we head off to the bathroom to brush teeth. The boys sometimes are tricksters during teeth brushing but we keep them on focus because if they get too hyper it’s hard to settle them down for the next step which is story time.

We read anywhere from two to four storybooks depending upon if the boys have picked out one each or two each. After books are read sippy cups are full with water for AJ and milk for baby K. I tuck both boys in after they give all the hugs and kisses to sissy, Daddy, each other and me. Then the battle starts …. it’s one thing after another, they need more drink, AJ wants to tell me something, AJ wants to know if he can do this and that tomorrow and AJ wants everything all of a sudden at bedtime.

I do not get it … I am losing my mind … I try to remain positive but this bedtime routine taking two hours or more and then with at least one of them waking up every couple of hours all night long … you tend to start losing sleep and your mind really can’t focus on anything but the idea of sleep.

I wish … I wish .. there was a sleep study or some testing that they would do on AJ so he can start getting sleep and his brother can start getting sleep and not to mention Justin and me … lack of sleep is dangerous! Seriously .. one night I laid on the couch and passed out for like three hours or more after I tended to the boys for the 100th time!

What is So Hard About Sleeping
 
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Conversation With a Two Year Old

Published on September 14, 2010 by in Children, Humor

Yesterday I had another silly conversation with my now two year old, it went something like this …

Mama – K did you poop?

Baby K – no {with the roll of the eyes}

Mama – Are you sure you didn’t poop?

Baby K – no Daddy poop {with a grin}

Mama – oh, Daddy pooped his pants?

Baby K – yeah … no …. yeah

Mama – Daddy is bad then if he pooped his pants.

Baby K – no … Mama bad … no Daddy bad.

Mama – {laughing at this point} Ok then …. did you poop? I can smell it.

Baby K - no … A did …

Mama - A pooped?

Baby K – noooooo {with a giggle}

Mama – ok .. you pooped buddy lets go change your diaper you trickster.

So I changed his diaper and wiped him up. After that was done he stood up half naked and says “all clean, all done” and ran off half naked.

I just love the two’s.

2 year old 248x300 Conversation With a Two Year Old

He has trickster written all over his face

Conversation With a Two Year Old
 
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You Must Be Joking

Published on September 13, 2010 by in Random, Relationships

I woke up this morning to find yet again my trust has been broken, not that I am all that surprised but seriously …. really? The one person who broke my trust is a person I thought I could seriously trust. This is a person who always seemed to be that one person I could speak to and they would treat me with respect.

This person was the kind of person who I could talk to and they could politely disagree with me. We could share opinions, they could tell me I was acting stupid and I would take their opinion into consideration because they said it in the most respectful way. Today I have lost that person, it has been brought to my attention that this person is not someone who can be trusted any longer and that my friends makes today a slightly sad day.

I haven’t lost my man, I haven’t lost my children and so that makes this a great day! My man hasn’t betrayed my trust, my children haven’t done much more than make me smile today and for that I must say thanks for. My heart was only slightly broken today. Today was the day I found out those few people I thought I could trust can no longer be trusted. So sad, but hey, at least I found out now rather than later.

Once again I must remind myself to not be so open with my personal business that I usually share pretty openly with family and friends. Once again I have to train myself to zip my lips and only share that type of personal information with those I know I can love and trust. Loving and trusting a person doesn’t mean always agreeing, it simply means when something is stated to you that you will not and I repeat WILL NOT speak that to another person without telling me that you told another person or asking my permission prior to doing so.

Honesty is something I can respect, being deceitful and non-trusting is something I have no respect for.

Note – don’t mind how this article flows, wrote it in the moment of aggravation.

 
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