Being the first born child had always brought on, what I felt to be, more responsibilities. As I grew into a rebellious teen who still focused on studies and got good grades, I realized that I was simply expected to do these things. I was the first born, the leader, someone who succeeds no matter what. The average leadership position is usually held by the first born child, I wish I could remember where I found this out but I swear I did learn this when I was part of Future Business Leaders of America (FBLA) in school.
I always had a love for working, making money and knew that I wanted to move out of my mom’s house as soon as possible which ended up being my senior year. I was 17 years old when I first moved out of my mother’s house, although I say first because there were times I went back for a few months to pay low rent in order to get back on my feet & find another rental location when life went off path.
I recall once I started working that it was something that was expected of me, I was expected to always have a job and was simply expected to be among the best. Should I have failed a course I would have received major attention in my household but since I didn’t it seemed my success was often overlooked, at least that is my perspective.
As I grew older and became a mother I realized just how it is to be the oldest child, granted I had one younger sister and my daughter has two younger brothers, one of which has a mood disorder situation going on, but still, I can see how I hold my first born to a higher standard more often than not. I am working on this because I don’t think it’s okay to let her success be overlooked, remember I was that child who felt overlooked due to her success in school smarts & general ability to adapt to almost any situation. I often give praise to my daughter for her wonderful work in school and how well she does at home or maybe if she masters something new, she knows Mama will be right there to praise her efforts and/or success.
It’s so hard to be a parent, granted I have two young boys still and one daughter but I wonder some days where I gained my patience and how it takes me months to get to my “need a break” moment whereas it takes others only a day to deal with the kids full time to want to run away. Whatever the reason is, I am simply happy that I was born with this patience I have because without it I don’t know how I would get through a day let alone weeks as a full time Mom and virtual business owner.
My five year old enjoys spinning in circles for hours on end, I can’t understand why he enjoys doing this but he does. The spinning motion seems to calm him so I encourage spinning. This child never gets dizzy yet you place me on a kids swing in the middle of a playground and I get dizzy. Not sure where he gets this habit from.
Lately I have been spinning – as in so much to do and getting so much done that I couldn’t actually tell you what I did today. It’s like I know my inbox is relatively empty which means I completed a ton of crap this morning for work but I couldn’t actually sit down and tell you what I wrote, what I researched and so on & so forth.
My mind has been moving so fast and without any time for adult conversations – well meaning I don’t have anyone to chit chat with in person – it makes my life spin a lot more.
Some how, some way I need to get some local friends. It’s so difficult having lived in the same town for so long, many look at my face and I can just tell they are fake smiling OR just too intimidated to speak to me. I don’t get it. I am extremely nice and extremely giving so why not give me a chance at having some adult friendships? I can’t talk to kids 24/7 … there are some things reserved for girls night in or out!
Then again, I guess I am cautious about friendships around here because I don’t need my life on the gossip train. I like to keep some of my life private, yes – even the blogger in me doesn’t share some of the deeper personal things going on.
Someday I shall have a real life friend that I can trust and hang with. Someone who is willing to head out for a drink or a couple hours out just us girls for the fun of it and leave their significant other home with the kids. Won’t hurt ‘dad’ to take care of the kids once a month for a girls night out, I promise!
It is Friday everyone so you may finish up that last minute project and give yourself some free time this weekend. Me on the other hand? As much as I need to get away I think I might just be stuck at home missing my daughter and working to pass the time away.
The one positive about my weekends is that I don’t have to deal with bedtime with my sons … and if I don’t want to work I have an excuse, very few clients expect me to work weekends but when I do they totally appreciate it.
So .. what are your weekend plans? Please tell me so I have something to daydream about .. even if it’s just doing yard work