Little did she know there would be no white picket fence to hold her kids in the yard. No medium sized house with four bedrooms to host her three children in their own private quarters. There would be no fairytale happily ever after, but what there would be she would have never dreamed up.
Rena was a girl who loved everyone. Outgoing, bubbling, hard working and a high school graduate. The desire to continue her education beyond high school in a college wasn’t strong enough to set her off on the path of college but rather on a path of life. While growing up Rena could do nothing but crtique the parenting of her mother. The strained relationship between the two of them must have been derived from being the child of a teen mother. Rena never understood why she didn’t feel loved by her mother in the way she saw her friends being loved by their mothers. Rena had a little brother with whom she spent most of her time with, this little brother was a tag along annoyance, in her opinion. Mom was always busy working and going out on dates to be home to tend to the needs of REna and her brother, which left the child bearing up to Rena who was only a few years older than her brother. Being taught the responsiblity of a part time parent and full time student was one that Rena learned early enough to avoid the idea of ever getting pregnant as a teen.
Education was high on the priority list and so Rena would put her head into her high school studies all the way through until senior year when she was so sick of the constant battle of being a pretty girl in school. Rena was just another girl in school but it seemed the boys thought she was gorgeous and the girls were jealous. Being called a slut, a whore and a bitch among other names were a common factor in Rena’s daily life at school. It’s no wonder Rena couldn’t wait to get out of that school. Senior year came along and Rena started drinking more, smoking marijuana and hanging with the “bad crowd” that was either full of high school drop outs or men much too old to even be considered a real friend of Rena’s. These older men fashioned Rena and constantly provided beer so that Rena could get lost in the buzzed feeling while having the men take turns having sex with her. These men didn’t seem to give two shits about Rena, all they cared about was getting laid. Rena learned that love came through physical contact, even when she said NO, they continued and eventually this NO means YES idea came to be something that turned Rena on as an adult and led her down a few years of life where sex meant love and the rougher the sex the more love she felt.
Graduating high school and receiving a ton of money from her immediate and extended family members allowed Rena to go into a downward spiral full of drinking and marijuana. No one could speak to Rena, she had gone so angry and so withdrawn from reality that all she cared about was herself, her beer and her so called friends. These friends taught Rena to do what is called a pump-n-run, which is when you pull up to a gas station, pump gas and drive off as fast as possible. Pump-n-run’s became something most high school and bad young adults did as a way to get away with breaking the law. It was an adrenaline rush for Rena and thank goodness one time she was caught by a police officer and had to march her butt back to the gas station to pay the clerk properly and submit an apology letter. Ths taught Rena that maybe, just maybe her life wasn’t going in the direction she had dreamed of as a little girl. That thought only kept Rena at bay for a moment, she removed the crazy thought that she may be in a downward spiral and continued on with life attempting to hold onto the job she had in high school as an office clerk.
To be continued….
I am turning 30 on Friday and with that comes my needs of wanting ME time and getting out to celebrate. I think I will be getting my hair cut, layered and colored. You see I tried to do a home highlighting kit not that long ago and my hair turned out multiple colors. I want my color to be closer to the natural hair color of black so that I can work on growing my hair out to be healthy again.
Oh and the greys will show more I am sure. I can already see a ton on the top of my head.
I may get my first professional massage EVER which is cool. I really hope that @mommadjane can really get that for me as a gift, she has offered but it’s hard to figure out which local one to go to.
I love my life and I love my kids. I am looking forward to cake with the kids, my daughter is gone so it will be just the boys and me enjoying some cake together!
So in a few more days I will be heading into the 30 years…. and I am looking forward to it!
I know who I am, I am Brandy a workaholic and momacholic. I love to smile, laugh and make others happy. I am who I am, but when it comes to writing on my blogs who am I really, what message am I trying to send, is there a niche I should fall under and stick with?
These are questions I struggle with often because I know I want to spread happiness and smiles as well as positive thinking strategies others but I also love what my main blog has become. I get free products, I get to test out the latest and greatest sometimes even before it hits retail. My kids get a lot but not too much and because of my blog they have toys. Without my other blog they probably wouldn’t have many toys.
I am not poor by any means but I am your average person in the US today, living pay check to pay check and since I am self employed if money is short or an extra expense comes up I am online working to get in some extra income. I stay positive and focused and move forward it’s all anyone can do.
So what is it that I want to be online, what message do I want to spread and how can I use a blog platform to spread that message?
These are things I am working on and by January 2012 I will hope to be finished with my thoughts and taking real action. My biggest mission in life is to teach our children, the next generation, to live their life to the fullest, to smile more and laugh often. I want our children to not focus on the negative and get sucked into what media says or pushes us to be .. I want to help children be individual and unique and above all .. Happy!
What is your mission in life?
Being the first born child had always brought on, what I felt to be, more responsibilities. As I grew into a rebellious teen who still focused on studies and got good grades, I realized that I was simply expected to do these things. I was the first born, the leader, someone who succeeds no matter what. The average leadership position is usually held by the first born child, I wish I could remember where I found this out but I swear I did learn this when I was part of Future Business Leaders of America (FBLA) in school.
I always had a love for working, making money and knew that I wanted to move out of my mom’s house as soon as possible which ended up being my senior year. I was 17 years old when I first moved out of my mother’s house, although I say first because there were times I went back for a few months to pay low rent in order to get back on my feet & find another rental location when life went off path.
I recall once I started working that it was something that was expected of me, I was expected to always have a job and was simply expected to be among the best. Should I have failed a course I would have received major attention in my household but since I didn’t it seemed my success was often overlooked, at least that is my perspective.
As I grew older and became a mother I realized just how it is to be the oldest child, granted I had one younger sister and my daughter has two younger brothers, one of which has a mood disorder situation going on, but still, I can see how I hold my first born to a higher standard more often than not. I am working on this because I don’t think it’s okay to let her success be overlooked, remember I was that child who felt overlooked due to her success in school smarts & general ability to adapt to almost any situation. I often give praise to my daughter for her wonderful work in school and how well she does at home or maybe if she masters something new, she knows Mama will be right there to praise her efforts and/or success.
It’s so hard to be a parent, granted I have two young boys still and one daughter but I wonder some days where I gained my patience and how it takes me months to get to my “need a break” moment whereas it takes others only a day to deal with the kids full time to want to run away. Whatever the reason is, I am simply happy that I was born with this patience I have because without it I don’t know how I would get through a day let alone weeks as a full time Mom and virtual business owner.
My five year old enjoys spinning in circles for hours on end, I can’t understand why he enjoys doing this but he does. The spinning motion seems to calm him so I encourage spinning. This child never gets dizzy yet you place me on a kids swing in the middle of a playground and I get dizzy. Not sure where he gets this habit from.
Lately I have been spinning – as in so much to do and getting so much done that I couldn’t actually tell you what I did today. It’s like I know my inbox is relatively empty which means I completed a ton of crap this morning for work but I couldn’t actually sit down and tell you what I wrote, what I researched and so on & so forth.
My mind has been moving so fast and without any time for adult conversations – well meaning I don’t have anyone to chit chat with in person – it makes my life spin a lot more.
Some how, some way I need to get some local friends. It’s so difficult having lived in the same town for so long, many look at my face and I can just tell they are fake smiling OR just too intimidated to speak to me. I don’t get it. I am extremely nice and extremely giving so why not give me a chance at having some adult friendships? I can’t talk to kids 24/7 … there are some things reserved for girls night in or out!
Then again, I guess I am cautious about friendships around here because I don’t need my life on the gossip train. I like to keep some of my life private, yes – even the blogger in me doesn’t share some of the deeper personal things going on.
Someday I shall have a real life friend that I can trust and hang with. Someone who is willing to head out for a drink or a couple hours out just us girls for the fun of it and leave their significant other home with the kids. Won’t hurt ‘dad’ to take care of the kids once a month for a girls night out, I promise!