My life is so chaotic lately that I feel as if I am walking like a zombie. Maybe my day isn’t really happening, I feel as if it’s a daydream. You know that dream that occurs over and over and you can’t seem to get rid of it. I would rather call it a dream because it’s motherhood but sometimes I feel as if it’s close to a nightmare. Between the sleepless nights and the constant 100mph running of my two sons I can’t determine if this is real or fantasy some days.
I truly never thought raising kids would become such a battle. I never thought working from home would mean I would be doing a balance act every single day of my life. I feel as if I slept walked through most of my sons lives because it has been so hectic. A divorce, a few moves, everything is almost subliminal to me at times.
I sometimes wish I had a stronger person than me around to pick me up during those weak moments so that I no longer feel like a walking zombie, unable to feel emotions, unable to smile and unable to remember a simple memory such as what I had for breakfast that morning.
This Fall I will have two kids in school and only one home with me, I am hoping this will help slow me down a bit so that I can focus on catching up on sleep and work.
My sons are now officially three and five years old. They both had birthdays within a week of each other. That meant lots of frosting for Mama, forget the cake, give me frosting and I am a happy Mama!
My three year old only wanted cake and ice cream, no presents for his birthday.
My now five year old son wanted all sorts of things, mainly video games and video game consoles he saw at Walmart. I think the Wii and Nintendo Gamecube is enough for us! He received a 17″ bicycle with training wheels and has been going up and down the driveway like a pro!
I can’t believe how fast time flies, it seems just yesterday I was nursing these two over 9lb babies and giving them Mama love. Now they are growing more independent and don’t need their Mama as much.
My Mom has three English Mastiffs and they are big, sweet babies, however, they are not used to being around my wild children. They have done super well this past week with the kids and I have been trying to capture some images of them around the house. Basically when they are inside they are lazy and ready to sleep.
I feel bad because one of my moms dogs was the sweetest ever, her brindle looking English Mastiff but he went to another home and came back aggressive. The awesome thing is he is real sweet with the kids and me. Loveable pup for sure! Here he is trying to play Memory with us.
I love these dogs dearly but my mom will be home soon and taking at least one if not two with her back to where she is living. I am currently at her home so we had a blast spending the week with them while their Mommy was away!
Maybe it’s because I haven’t found the right man who mixes well with my work at home routine and crazy schedule of non-sleeping boys but over all I have found that after a period of time I get annoyed with any person I am around a lot. The person usually ends up being a male because in all honesty I don’t hang with too many females and usually it’s a boyfriend I would spend time with when not with kids. Although I am attempting to change that so I can have more friendships and less relationship issues, as I can’t do the relationship thing with my life at the moment.
I often am wondering why a person can make me smile and laugh one moment and then the next be on my nerves so bad that I want to wring their neck?! Is it a hormonal imbalance thing or maybe it’s because I have a hectic schedule and fitting another person into that almost stresses me out. I am quite content just taking care of the kids and working in between the chaos I call my life.
Although having friends is important to me, I don’t think I can focus on it as much as I want to right now at this time in my life.
The other day I was on my Swagbucks page when I realized that you can get Swagbucks by printing and redeeming coupons. I was game for that because after all I am saving up my Swagbucks for a cool prize or trade in for $100 PayPal cash!
So I was sitting around earlier today when it dawned on me that I could let the boys run around outside while I cut coupons on the patio table up on the deck where I would be able to keep an eye on the bike and dump truck racing kids.
Apparently the boys knew I had a plan and so I didn’t clip my coupons today but I plan to over the weekend and use them so I can get my Swagbucks account up higher than the 913 it is at now!
Love how the kids always seem to want the most of Mama when Mama is trying to accomplish something, you see when I am sitting around doing nothing and want to hang with them they would rather be away from me.
There is this country song that has been playing often on the radio and part of the lyrics go like this “When I think about cheating, I think about you leaving”. It’s funny because when I had thought about temptation in the past I always had a similar mindset, although I didn’t think about the person leaving, I thought about the pain I would be inflicted upon another human being.
I am a person who feels if you are not happy with the person you are with, then you need to be honest with them and move forward. I have seen all too often what having another person on the back burner does, usually the back burner person doesn’t last in a long term relationship with you because you are leaning on them to move forward from another broken relationship.
Believe me, I have needs, wants and desires just like the next person, however, I think it makes a person stronger when they fight that urge or temptation to stray. Having a bit of self control makes you a stronger, more trustworthy person and in turn your life will be a lot happier.
Karma comes to mind with cheating, you see I believe in “what goes around comes around” and I have had my fair share of karma; both good and bad. I wouldn’t wish negative karma on any single person in the world so please think before you act and if you have children; think about whether you want them to take the easy way out of things or the more, lesson learned difficult way out of things? Doing things the right way doesn’t always mean easier. The next time you think about cheating, just think about that person leaving….