Whether you are looking to fix a relationship, solve a problem or deal with step parenting; communication is key to an amicable resolution. Blended families come in all different sizes, shapes and colors. A blended family may be that of a step mom or step dad with a birth mom or dad. A blended family may be adopted children with biological children or something in between those examples. No matter what type of blended family you are, challenges may arise.
It’s tough to raise children in a biological family setting but it can be even harder in a blended family environment. When you give birth to a child you are planning on loving that child and protecting that child no matter what, it can be hard to step back and allow a step parent to come into your life and implement your agreed upon discipline tactics. As a parent we tend to be very maternal or paternal with our children in some cases extremely so. Marrying another person who is not a biological parent of your child will make you rethink parenting, you will have to let go and realize that the step parent is in love with you and your child. The step parent wants the same thing you dream of; a happy, safe, loving environment that your child can flourish in and become a mature adult with good morals, attainable life goals and a well balanced emotional state of mind.
The child of a step parent may not be open to having this new “parent” come in and tell them what to do, give them time outs or take away special privaledges. It is up to the biological parent to work with both their child and the step parent to ensure both are aware of what is expected from each of them and assist in developing a level of respect between the two. It is normal and to be expected that a child will feel confused about the divorce or separation of their biological parents, during the transition process of welcoming a step parent into the picture each adult should tread lightly but firmly to crete an easy transition for the child but also allow the child to understand he/she must respect this new family member.
If you are at a loss for how to involve your new partner into your child’s life, seek counseling. A counselor will be able to provide an unbiased view of each adult in the household and evaluate the child’s emotional state of mind. A counselor will be able to guide you through this transition process in a way that will benefit all family members involved. If you are opposed to involving a “stranger” in your lives, maybe you can find a mutual friend or family member who will be willing to lend an ear and a helping hand for this sensitive situation.
Whatever method you choose to determine how this new family member will be involved in yours and your child’s life you must remember to keep the communication open in the household. Your child has a voice and needs to feel safe and secure expressing their opinions and concerns in a productive way. As the parents you must create an open communication environment which means leading by example. A step parent and a parent should communicate in the same way they expect the child involved to communicate or else the child will feed off of how the parents react to situations and this can create an eruptive situation which could cause the blended family to fail in the long haul.
Story continued from yesterday …
Within a month of graduated high school, Rena ended up losing her job, which meant she would lose the vehicle her family had co-signed for during her high school senior year. Rena was quickly disappointing her family and her mother pretty much disowned her and stated she wasn’t allowed on the property until she got her act in gear. Rena want on to get an underage DWI and had to attend a course that cost her around $500 total. Rena was also required to get an SR22 which cost around $1200 a year in order to get her license back after the 6 months suspension. Alone, without a job and watching as most of her so-called friends disappear as fast as her money, car and freedom did, Rena decided she would take this moment to make something better of herself. Rena would work hard and build her resume up so that she could have one hell of a job and get one hell of a life started for her.
One fine day during the Summer before her 19th birthday Rena started wanting a family, she really loved children and knew she would make a much better mom than her mom ever was. Working at a local gas station as a cashier she met someone and he was really cute. This person wasn’t from her town and she knew because he never grew up here that he just might fancy her and love her in the way a man should. They went out, and what do you know? This man took Rena to a party where there was lots of beer, Rena may have had an alcohol problem because back then she would drink until she threw up or past out, whichever happened first. The man was really good to Rena though, he took her home and tucked her in without even getting so much as a kiss from her. When Rena woke the next morning she had an awful hangover and thought she should have drank more water before bed after her night of binge drinking. Rena also recalled the man who took her out and wondered if he even liked. This man hadn’t tried to have sex with her, he hadn’t even tried to kiss her, surely this meant the man wouldn’t be stopping by to see her anytime soon.
Little did Rena know, this man was actually a true gentleman and she would fall in love with this man. This man would fall in love with her. They had amazing sex, he supported all of her decisions except her bad habit of smoking cigarettes. They worked together as a team and enjoyed the company of one another. He didn’t request too much of her and she accepted his love as is. The two started spending every waking moment together and within just a few months they signed on a lease for a one bedroom apartment together.
That is all I have written as of yet… what do you think? Critique my writing please!
Little did she know there would be no white picket fence to hold her kids in the yard. No medium sized house with four bedrooms to host her three children in their own private quarters. There would be no fairytale happily ever after, but what there would be she would have never dreamed up.
Rena was a girl who loved everyone. Outgoing, bubbling, hard working and a high school graduate. The desire to continue her education beyond high school in a college wasn’t strong enough to set her off on the path of college but rather on a path of life. While growing up Rena could do nothing but crtique the parenting of her mother. The strained relationship between the two of them must have been derived from being the child of a teen mother. Rena never understood why she didn’t feel loved by her mother in the way she saw her friends being loved by their mothers. Rena had a little brother with whom she spent most of her time with, this little brother was a tag along annoyance, in her opinion. Mom was always busy working and going out on dates to be home to tend to the needs of REna and her brother, which left the child bearing up to Rena who was only a few years older than her brother. Being taught the responsiblity of a part time parent and full time student was one that Rena learned early enough to avoid the idea of ever getting pregnant as a teen.
Education was high on the priority list and so Rena would put her head into her high school studies all the way through until senior year when she was so sick of the constant battle of being a pretty girl in school. Rena was just another girl in school but it seemed the boys thought she was gorgeous and the girls were jealous. Being called a slut, a whore and a bitch among other names were a common factor in Rena’s daily life at school. It’s no wonder Rena couldn’t wait to get out of that school. Senior year came along and Rena started drinking more, smoking marijuana and hanging with the “bad crowd” that was either full of high school drop outs or men much too old to even be considered a real friend of Rena’s. These older men fashioned Rena and constantly provided beer so that Rena could get lost in the buzzed feeling while having the men take turns having sex with her. These men didn’t seem to give two shits about Rena, all they cared about was getting laid. Rena learned that love came through physical contact, even when she said NO, they continued and eventually this NO means YES idea came to be something that turned Rena on as an adult and led her down a few years of life where sex meant love and the rougher the sex the more love she felt.
Graduating high school and receiving a ton of money from her immediate and extended family members allowed Rena to go into a downward spiral full of drinking and marijuana. No one could speak to Rena, she had gone so angry and so withdrawn from reality that all she cared about was herself, her beer and her so called friends. These friends taught Rena to do what is called a pump-n-run, which is when you pull up to a gas station, pump gas and drive off as fast as possible. Pump-n-run’s became something most high school and bad young adults did as a way to get away with breaking the law. It was an adrenaline rush for Rena and thank goodness one time she was caught by a police officer and had to march her butt back to the gas station to pay the clerk properly and submit an apology letter. Ths taught Rena that maybe, just maybe her life wasn’t going in the direction she had dreamed of as a little girl. That thought only kept Rena at bay for a moment, she removed the crazy thought that she may be in a downward spiral and continued on with life attempting to hold onto the job she had in high school as an office clerk.
To be continued….
I am turning 30 on Friday and with that comes my needs of wanting ME time and getting out to celebrate. I think I will be getting my hair cut, layered and colored. You see I tried to do a home highlighting kit not that long ago and my hair turned out multiple colors. I want my color to be closer to the natural hair color of black so that I can work on growing my hair out to be healthy again.
Oh and the greys will show more I am sure. I can already see a ton on the top of my head.
I may get my first professional massage EVER which is cool. I really hope that @mommadjane can really get that for me as a gift, she has offered but it’s hard to figure out which local one to go to.
I love my life and I love my kids. I am looking forward to cake with the kids, my daughter is gone so it will be just the boys and me enjoying some cake together!
So in a few more days I will be heading into the 30 years…. and I am looking forward to it!
I know who I am, I am Brandy a workaholic and momacholic. I love to smile, laugh and make others happy. I am who I am, but when it comes to writing on my blogs who am I really, what message am I trying to send, is there a niche I should fall under and stick with?
These are questions I struggle with often because I know I want to spread happiness and smiles as well as positive thinking strategies others but I also love what my main blog has become. I get free products, I get to test out the latest and greatest sometimes even before it hits retail. My kids get a lot but not too much and because of my blog they have toys. Without my other blog they probably wouldn’t have many toys.
I am not poor by any means but I am your average person in the US today, living pay check to pay check and since I am self employed if money is short or an extra expense comes up I am online working to get in some extra income. I stay positive and focused and move forward it’s all anyone can do.
So what is it that I want to be online, what message do I want to spread and how can I use a blog platform to spread that message?
These are things I am working on and by January 2012 I will hope to be finished with my thoughts and taking real action. My biggest mission in life is to teach our children, the next generation, to live their life to the fullest, to smile more and laugh often. I want our children to not focus on the negative and get sucked into what media says or pushes us to be .. I want to help children be individual and unique and above all .. Happy!
What is your mission in life?
Being the first born child had always brought on, what I felt to be, more responsibilities. As I grew into a rebellious teen who still focused on studies and got good grades, I realized that I was simply expected to do these things. I was the first born, the leader, someone who succeeds no matter what. The average leadership position is usually held by the first born child, I wish I could remember where I found this out but I swear I did learn this when I was part of Future Business Leaders of America (FBLA) in school.
I always had a love for working, making money and knew that I wanted to move out of my mom’s house as soon as possible which ended up being my senior year. I was 17 years old when I first moved out of my mother’s house, although I say first because there were times I went back for a few months to pay low rent in order to get back on my feet & find another rental location when life went off path.
I recall once I started working that it was something that was expected of me, I was expected to always have a job and was simply expected to be among the best. Should I have failed a course I would have received major attention in my household but since I didn’t it seemed my success was often overlooked, at least that is my perspective.
As I grew older and became a mother I realized just how it is to be the oldest child, granted I had one younger sister and my daughter has two younger brothers, one of which has a mood disorder situation going on, but still, I can see how I hold my first born to a higher standard more often than not. I am working on this because I don’t think it’s okay to let her success be overlooked, remember I was that child who felt overlooked due to her success in school smarts & general ability to adapt to almost any situation. I often give praise to my daughter for her wonderful work in school and how well she does at home or maybe if she masters something new, she knows Mama will be right there to praise her efforts and/or success.
It’s so hard to be a parent, granted I have two young boys still and one daughter but I wonder some days where I gained my patience and how it takes me months to get to my “need a break” moment whereas it takes others only a day to deal with the kids full time to want to run away. Whatever the reason is, I am simply happy that I was born with this patience I have because without it I don’t know how I would get through a day let alone weeks as a full time Mom and virtual business owner.