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She Loves me, She Really Loves Me

So the other day I was talking about shirts and my daughter, the conversation went on more that day about how she actually really does love her Mama because her Mama is the most amazing, awesome Mama in the world. I got an eye roll with that comment, but I expect the eye roll because she is heading into those tween moody years.

I went around the house pointing out pictures in photo frames of when she was little and smiling so cute on my lap and with her brother. I said “see there is proof that once upon a time you loved me so much and you loved your brother Aj too”.  My daughter replies with “ummm no I was just smiling a lot because back then I loved to smile”. I replied “ummm well why don’t you smile now?” She replied “I don’t know. I just don’t like to smile”. GASP …..

I could not believe that a daughter of mine would not like to smile, I mean seriously? How can it be. I went on to explain to my daughter that she should smile because a beautiful smile can go a long way. I also went to say I could weigh 400lbs and no one would notice as long as I had a beautiful smile. She rolled her eyes and said that’s not true, but I beg to differ.

I think that beauty holds no weight, holds no boundaries and is more than skin deep. I believe that true beauty is the willingness to simply love life and smile all of the time. That is why I think of others as beautiful or handsome, because of the happiness I feel radiating from their smile and attitude.

So I had to remind my daughter, yet again, what really counts in life – to be happy and let no one bring you down. Maybe, just maybe it sunk in today.

Mama is a Dork …. Say What?

I was talking with my daughter, okay, back that up, I was bribing my daughter with a game on my old Droid cell phone if she would just freaking pick out an outfit and get dressed for the day when we started talking and laughing. It all started with me trying to find her one of her sarcastic shirts, one that says “recycle my brother” or maybe “Girls Rock” and that’s when it dawned on me, I was all ready to take a permanent marker & cross of “girls” and write “mama” so that the shirt clearly told the truth that “Mama Rocks”.

My daughter laughed and wasn’t too keen on that idea, apparently our sense of humor did not align during this conversation. So I thought well maybe I can cross it off and have it say “boys rock”, nope she did not like that idea either. Apparently Girls Rock is the best saying and so why not wear the shirt? No, she did not want to.

So we moved onto a shirt that says “Cheer 4 Life” and I did a little cheer saying “Ki will look beautiful. In this shirt. Because she is awesome” that went with cute little arm movements, you know like a real cheerleader. All that got me was Mama points for reminding her she is beautiful but then it happened, she said I am a dork. WHAT? Never.

She is wearing that shirt though, so my charm did her in.

Stand Strong, Stand Firm

When times get difficult and I wonder where I will find the strength to move forward, I turn to music.

When faced with a situation that I know needs to be adjusted yet I can’t seem to find my strength, I turn to music.

When my backbone disappears, as it often does, and I am found having to stand up tall and strong but can’t, I turn to music.

I am one of those people who spends most of her life making sure everyone around her is happy. I am happy within when I see my children happy and I will forever live to keep my children happy, healthy, safe and loved but I shouldn’t be spending my time avoiding confrontations because I know what needs to be done.

I am strong in many ways, weak in others. It seems my weakness gets the best of me at times and when I sit down to think about this weakness, it almost sounds like an excuse. Anyone how knows me knows how much I hate excuses and I don’t “hate” much of anything. Excuses get to me badly, yet here I am using them.

Sometimes when someone is looking into your situation and is not inside of that situation nor has never lived it, they may not “get it” and they may place judgement upon you for being where you are in life. When others do not understand your situation then they place judgement out of confusion, it’s only natural. I am used to do it, but have learned to not do such things because after going through the various things I have in life, I am one to know that sometimes humans do things that make no sense to anyone else.

All I need is my strength back. I need to not fear confrontation. I need to live my life to the fullest not only for myself but for my children. My children need to see that when times get tough, I don’t give in – I get it straightened out.

I am a go getter in many areas of my life. I don’t put up with shit on many levels, but on other levels in life …. I just can’t seem to stand tall and firm in what I know to be right in my heart and mind. I wonder why that is?

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