Mama is a Dork …. Say What?

I was talking with my daughter, okay, back that up, I was bribing my daughter with a game on my old Droid cell phone if she would just freaking pick out an outfit and get dressed for the day when we started talking and laughing. It all started with me trying to find her one of her sarcastic shirts, one that says “recycle my brother” or maybe “Girls Rock” and that’s when it dawned on me, I was all ready to take a permanent marker & cross of “girls” and write “mama” so that the shirt clearly told the truth that “Mama Rocks”.

My daughter laughed and wasn’t too keen on that idea, apparently our sense of humor did not align during this conversation. So I thought well maybe I can cross it off and have it say “boys rock”, nope she did not like that idea either. Apparently Girls Rock is the best saying and so why not wear the shirt? No, she did not want to.

So we moved onto a shirt that says “Cheer 4 Life” and I did a little cheer saying “Ki will look beautiful. In this shirt. Because she is awesome” that went with cute little arm movements, you know like a real cheerleader. All that got me was Mama points for reminding her she is beautiful but then it happened, she said I am a dork. WHAT? Never.

She is wearing that shirt though, so my charm did her in.

Stand Strong, Stand Firm

When times get difficult and I wonder where I will find the strength to move forward, I turn to music.

When faced with a situation that I know needs to be adjusted yet I can’t seem to find my strength, I turn to music.

When my backbone disappears, as it often does, and I am found having to stand up tall and strong but can’t, I turn to music.

I am one of those people who spends most of her life making sure everyone around her is happy. I am happy within when I see my children happy and I will forever live to keep my children happy, healthy, safe and loved but I shouldn’t be spending my time avoiding confrontations because I know what needs to be done.

I am strong in many ways, weak in others. It seems my weakness gets the best of me at times and when I sit down to think about this weakness, it almost sounds like an excuse. Anyone how knows me knows how much I hate excuses and I don’t “hate” much of anything. Excuses get to me badly, yet here I am using them.

Sometimes when someone is looking into your situation and is not inside of that situation nor has never lived it, they may not “get it” and they may place judgement upon you for being where you are in life. When others do not understand your situation then they place judgement out of confusion, it’s only natural. I am used to do it, but have learned to not do such things because after going through the various things I have in life, I am one to know that sometimes humans do things that make no sense to anyone else.

All I need is my strength back. I need to not fear confrontation. I need to live my life to the fullest not only for myself but for my children. My children need to see that when times get tough, I don’t give in – I get it straightened out.

I am a go getter in many areas of my life. I don’t put up with shit on many levels, but on other levels in life …. I just can’t seem to stand tall and firm in what I know to be right in my heart and mind. I wonder why that is?

No Fear Three Year Old

My three year old has zero fear in his Mama or any other adult authority figure for that matter. He just goes on his merry little way all day long. Hanging from anything he can grasp with his hands or feet. Pulling and pushing on things he shouldn’t be touching. Running wild all day long.

I am thankful that usually once he hits his bed he goes to sleep, but lately he has been rough at bedtime too. Recently I made a personal pact with myself that this kid would start having some boundaries for once and for all. This little boy needs to know Mama is boss and means business.

SO my new getting back to meaning what I say to the three year old business started…. with no cartoons before bedtime routine unless he stops peeing in his pants and goes to bed in a timely fashion. I do understand that even adults need some time to settle their mind once they lay their heads down so I don’t expect my three year old to lay on his bed, get his song sung to him then get tucked in and be asleep instantly; although that would be ideal … it’s not realistic.

Lately my three year old son has gone from being potty trained, except overnight when he wore a pull up to peeing in his pants all day long. It’s the most frustrating part of my parenting, aside from some personal issues one of my kids is having, and I have no clue how to handle this situation. I am about ready to have him be inside half naked all day so he realizes peeing his pants all of a sudden is not so funny nor cool.

I think since I have started to enforce some rules and boundaries finally with my three year old that he is starting to test less limits and realizing that Mama means business. Now if I can get him to remember this without having to place him in a time out or take things away all day. I do assume it will get easier once he really truly believes I am not putting up with bad behavior anymore.

In The Long Haul, What’s Most Important?

It’s so funny watching people worry about me or assume things about me when in all reality I am as happy as they come. Of course I have my moments and sometimes days where I wonder who am I, who do I want to be and where am I going, but that’s to be expected. You see these years I am MOM but in the future I will have children out and about doing their own thing leaving me home with a lot of free time. I want to ensure that I am setting myself up for the best possible outcome for those days when the children are older and starting to move onto their own lives.

I am stubborn and extremely independent, have always been. This character trait is the perfect trait to have, however, it doesn’t always work well in a relationship. You see, I am perfectly fine not being in a long term, committed relationship. I am too busy to deal with the full time aspects of any relationship and the kids are so used to me being the main caregiver in my home for them that it’s difficult for them to even think about having another adult to turn to in the house. Heck even when I was married the kids would go to me 9 times out of 10. Kids just know who the primary caregiver is and since I work from home – I am primary. I am not “better than” I am “the only” but primary – and you will have a primary caregiver in every household, the one parent or adult who is home with the children more often than the other.

Raising children is no easy task and I will be damned if I put any personal relationship in the middle of that. I will also be damned if I let my kids grow up thinking that a fake relationship is a “good relationship”. I want my kids to see the ups, the downs and the parents working together to form an agreement or resolution to issues that arise in the household.¬† Someday¬† my children will see this and if they don’t, what they will see is parents who worked their butts off to raise em the best they knew how. Which in the long haul is what’s important, right?

Cough, Sneeze, Cough, Blow Nose, Sneeze

I had the pleasure of waking up a few days ago to a sneeze and itchy eyes. The weather here in NH has been extremely warm then cold then warm and cold again, now I stare at snow out my office window. Basically I thought maybe the weather had messed me up and my body was having some form of allergies, little did I know that a couple days later I would cough every time I breath in, not be able to blow my nose enough and look like a replacement for Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer.

So here I sit sick as sick can be and still I have my Mama duties and work to keep up with. Luckily I am able to get work done either first thing in morning or last thing at night. I am not feeling overwhelmed much by work, it’s more keeping up with the high energy three year old who thinks he needs to be loud and hyper because “you like it mama”. No child, my sweet son … Mama does not like your loud banging, ear piercing screams or high energy running through the house. Mama wants her son to come snuggle so that she can get better, but alas my sons are not the cuddling kind.

Off to cough, sneeze & blow nose some more while coughing up whatever is in my chest. I am a hot mess people.

**sigh**

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