I was on the telephone with my father having one our many normal conversations about how I am going to lose my mind one of these days and joking about all of the wonderfully challenging, but semi-funny, things my children have done that day when a Jeep pulled into my driveway. Mind you, I don’t ever have visitors so for someone to be pulling into my yard it’s either a delivery person, mail carrier or someone for the neighbors who pulled into my driveway quite by accident.
SO I am outside on the deck having a cigarette chatting away with my father, laughing and just making fun of my stressful moments that hit me daily when I forget I am even on the telephone with my father and start cursing and freaking out. Quite literally, freaking out verbally. I put my cigarette out in the butt can and proceeded to drop F bombs like I was a sailor and it continued on for a moment until sanity must have come into my mind and I said “oh I ordered dinner”.
Just like that I made my dad crack up and I cracked up at the same time. I was shaking, scared that some stranger was in my driveway, totally forgot I had ordered delivery food. I don’t like random people showing up, it drives me bonkers. My life is too hectic for pop in visits and so I usually do freak out when someone pulls in, but nothing like I did this particular day.
It came at a time when I was just telling my Dad that one of these days the boys Dad is going to come home with me sitting on a chair going “coo-coo, coo-coo”, apparently I proved that the mind is a bit frazzled these days, but thankfully it’s only me and my adult acquaintances and family that realize this for my children think I am always happy and never stressed out. The kids may think I am a tad bit coo-coo but that’s just because I am a silly sort of Mama.
Needless to say, I need to start realizing and taking action when I need time away, so I am resolving now to ensure I get ME TIME more often so my mind can come back down to Earth and not climb so far up into the clouds that I do silly things such as freaking out on a delivery person.
No delivery person was hurt nor verbally harassed during this situation, they were still well inside of their vehicle pulling into a parking place in my driveway during my memory lapse.
Turn on the television and you are sure to see a reality tv show about what life should be like or is supposedly like, a commercial that pushes you to lose weight or look a specific way. Media is an outlet that society uses to push a specific view of what people should be and look like. It takes a strong person to overcome that media push to be a certain way, it takes dedication to figure out who you are and to just be yourself.
Now not only do parents need to teach their children to be individuals, this is best taught through being an individual your own self, we now have to teach our children that reality TV is not the way to go. That reality TV is fake, it’s highly dramatized because the drama antics sell the show. The best way to teach your children that reality TV is fake is to not let them watch it but what if when they get older they start seeing these shows and think that’s the real world?
I am a firm believer that you must teach your child about everything in this world; the good, the bad and the ugly. For you don’t want your child looking to their peers for answers on what reality TV is, what alcohol and drugs are or what a real relationship is. Peers are great to turn to but we need to teach our children to have a mind of their own, we are their full time caregivers. The best way to teach your children what their normal is, is to teach them that the word normal is defined by our own self, not by our environmental factors.
I am a firm believer that every parent needs a break from their children, it’s healthy for both child and adult. What happens when you are a parent who never gets a break? There’s that child that no family will take, there’s that one child not yet in school all day and so it’s you and them all day long, 24/7 and you never seem to get more than a moments break when you go to the grocery store for a rare trip without this child.
Being around hyperactive children or moody children 24/7 means that you could in turn start to feel their symptoms too. Becoming ADD is something I swear has happened with me having to keep up with the boys who have extremely high energy levels. My three year and and I are always together and he is on high speed from the moment he crawls out of bed until the moment he falls asleep.
I can’t seem to keep my mind on one subject at a time, if I don’t speak when a thought enters my mind then that thought disappears forever. This means I tend to interrupt people and I don’t mean to be rude it’s just that if i don’t either speak or write that thought down then it will be forever lost in space. I am trying to find ways to keep my head on track but honestly the only thing that seems to help at any level is writing about my life, spreading positive thoughts and writing about ways I work to keep my mindset in a positive direction.
The weeks I can’t seem to get a moment to write make me even worse with ADD like symptoms where I can’t focus, I get sad, I start sulking and lose my positive mindset. Writing has become something that assists in keeping my bad thoughts at bay and believe me with all I have gone through and all I do go through on a daily basis, anger does appear in my feelings here and there.
Although I’ve learned ways to cope with my bitter feelings towards certain people who have come and gone in my life, when writing isn’t possible I can feel the symptoms of lack of focus, bitterness and anger as well as the question of “what if” or “why” enter my brain. The problem is my questions regarding what ifs or whys will never fully be answered so there’s no reason in thinking about them. So I have to wonder, is it truly possible for a parent to have the symptoms of a child diagnosis when they spend 24/7 with that child? I say yes.
I start looking at my belly fat and realizing my stress sticks to the belly and makes me thicker in the belly area. My shoulders become boulders, rock hard and my head can’t seem to get rid of this ongoing headache.
I never walk around saying I am stressed out, I do use the term overwhelmed at times for I do have a lot going on but sitting here thinking about what is overwhelming me is just not possible nor how I wish to live my life.
The problem is, more and more keeps getting added slowly each day. As each day passes I feel my health fading more and more. I don’t have health insurance so to go to the doctor is something I rarely ever do. I keep up with my OBGYN stuff through a place I can go for free but other than that I have zero clue if my high blood pressure is back, if my cholesterol is okay or even if my lower abdomen cramping that has been getting worse is a sign of anything bad.
I can apply for a grant through the county, maybe I should, but I feel my income wouldn’t qualify me for much of a break on health care costs. I just wish I had stayed married for health insurance reasons, haha! So while my body is telling me I am stressed, I can’t seemed to get my mind wrapped around that. I’ve been stuffing my head into my Kindle Fire at night reading books and not getting much sleep as we are weaning the five year old off of one med so that he can get on risperdal.
With every med change there’s a very stressful situation at home for my five year old is either extremely hyper happy or extremely angry aggressive hyper. This med change has proven to bring out my five year old’s happy hyper, so while it’s a wonderful happy thing, it’s also extremely difficult to deal with along side a 3 and 9 yr old who need their Mama just as much. School break has been spent mainly outdoors to avoid indoor conflicts with my five year old’s change during this med switch but I am so ready for a vacation because no matter how many times my brain doesn’t seem to realize I am stressed… my body and health is telling me I can’t handle one more thing right now for I may break down.