Call it Non-Confrontational, I Call it Being at Peace

I often tell people and people tell me that I am non-confrontational, it’s true. I am. Some like to say it as if it’s a bad thing, but honestly I do not think being non-confrontational is a bad thing. Due to my non-confrontational nature, I am at a place of inner peace. All battles worth fighting get fought … at the proper time. I don’t normally fly off the handle in someone’s face over an issue like I could have in the past when I was slightly more confrontational and hot headed. I truly feel as if I am at a place of inner peace, it’s calming to be non-confrontational.

I haven’t ever been the type to fight physically with someone, although I have had my battles with exes who will say I can be physical, that was way back in the day, and if they still look at me as that person well then they never got over it and came to a place of inner peace for their own self. People do change, not all of us, but many do grow. I have grown.

Why Being Non Confrontational Leads to Deep Inner Peace

Each day I work to better myself and each day I wake up feeling at peace because I no longer have any grudges, due to my non-confrontational nature I take more time to reflect upon topics that may get me heated. I think being more non-confrontational can assist others because;

  • it allows you to take time to reflect upon issues before addressing them.
  • it enables you to feel a deeper level of peace at the end of the day.
  • it teaches you to utilize your words in more successful ways.
  • it gives you a chance to make less mistakes when dealing with issues.

Overall I firmly believe that people who are non-confrontational can be more positive people, if only they learn how to hone in on that skill and utilize it to their own personal advantage. Not every conflict or issue needs to be addressed in the moment, not every situation needs to be addressed; life will go on if you just walk away from some confrontational situations. Believe me. I know if you can learn to be more non-confrontational like me that you will come to a deeper level of peace within.

At the end of the day all that matters is that you feel at peace, that you feel you have the closure you need and that you have let go of things you cannot control. Non-confrontational people can be self harming if they never solve the concerns they have, but if they learn to utilize words to come to peace and closure then they will honestly heal quicker than those who get hot headed and confrontational with others.

Random Happiness Thoughts and Pictures #familylife

I talk a lot about what brings me complete joy and anyone who is near me can feel the happiness radiate off of me when I am around all three of my children. I just adore my children, but not in the way that I am closed minded to their imperfections. We all have imperfections, we all have to work on our inner self each day. I feel that growing as a person, never stops.

With that being said, welcome to a glimpse into my true inner happiness….

Mom Loves Tats

The sun shined down and I was able to dress down a bit. Shown above is my first of three tattoos I have. This one is my first favorite because it’s a shamrock on my lower right ankle that is meant to be a tat for my first born. Some day, when money allows, I will add my daughter’s name to this tattoo. My daughter has requested that she be there when I have that done. Warm weather and the ability to show my tattoo side makes me happy.

Spending time with my Niece

No one could have ever explained to me the feeling you get when you hold your first born niece. I fell in love with this little bitty girl 15 months ago and she continues to amaze me. This is Livy, my niece, who is shown above grabbing my hair {gently} and turning to say MINE. I swear she was having hair envy in that moment. Spending time with my sister and her baby girl bring me happiness.

SPending time Outside

Watching my middle child, who rarely enjoys the great outdoors, play at the local playground while waiting for his sister the other day was such fun. I enjoy seeing this child happy because out of all three of my children, he is the one who doesn’t waste emotions. This son of mine is happy if he’s happy and sad if he’s sad, mad if he’s mad. Period. That’s it. There is always a pretty reasonable reason for his feelings too. Very simple and I love him for it. Spending time outside with my children, just being a kid with them brings me happiness.

Spending time with my Daughter

Last but not least, spending quality time with my children is important and nothing makes me happier than when my children jump up to sit on this counter top while I am doing dishes or dinner and chatting it up with me. The simple fact that I am still important to them, even my oldest, makes me smile from inside out. Spending time listening to my children speak about what is going on in their world, brings me happiness.

I suppose, you can gather from this post that most of what brings me happiness is a side of me with a main course in parenthood. I hope you find happiness in your world every day!

 

My Prayers Always Get Answered

The best job I have, is being a Mom. I adore being a Mommy and as I pray each night I feel God guiding me. I will listen to him and keep Faith for he has shown me signs that no other person will understand. I don’t always understand what God has in plan for me, but I feel his presence as I pray for guidance, strength and signs. Many of my friends who have Faith will understand, I am simply letting go and leaving my heart into God’s hands, he is guiding me and I believe there’s a positive reason for the direction I am being guided. I feel a weight lift off of me each time I let go and follow His signs. If I question his signs, guidance and strength, then I feel weighted again. Faith is an amazing tool that can question your world and heart. In all reality, it is super scary to follow what feels uplifting. I know many of the directions I am led through having Faith, don’t make sense to others, but all decisions make me feel very calm at the end of the day. I feel as if I am living with purpose now that I continue to pray and have become a believer in God.

Strength in Faith

I don’t pray for God to fix things. I don’t pray for God to make my life easier. I pray for strength, guidance and eyes to be open for the signs around me. I firmly believe that the signs I have seen have made this boulder lift off of my shoulder, I feel more confident in moving forward than I did before I started seeking guidance.  My brain was all over the board, if I spoke with a friend or relative who seemed to have that tone or look that they were not approving of my words or decisions, I would second guess myself. After all, my elders know best right?

I think God knows best. I believe He knows my heart better than anyone else. I believe my Aunt Robin watches over me too. I’m not saying you have to believe, I am simply sharing what I have seen happen for me.

I recently found myself questioning decisions I made a year ago and I was lost. I felt confused. I felt completely utterly hopeless for a bit. I blamed it on the Winter months, after all the long Winter with less sun really does play a key role in my moods but honestly, it’s something deeper than that for me. Or maybe it’s something more on the surface really. I am just not happy and in order to fully comprehend why and what I should do, I turned to my Faith.

I prayed. I Prayed hard. I Prayed every night. I prayed sometimes just to talk to God, just to speak aloud to him because I knew he understood. I knew he would guide me properly, with a clear head.

It’s scary letting go like that, but I will tell you I feel more confident and secure in some of the decisions I am about to make because I know He is leading me in the direction or at least he’s with me in my heart to keep me strong as I make my own decisions based on my deep belief in that each of us need to keep focus on our inner happy, even if that means being a Single Parent. I have seen myself as a single parent, and I am so much more confident, happier, and stronger. I think it’s time to let go and stop questioning where I have been guided, the signs are all around me. God has shown me many signs and it’s only when I question those signs that I feel that weight push down upon me. Whatever is going on, be it Faith or something else, I believe.

I believe. And I will follow.

“Image courtesy of franky242 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

Are Some People Simply Meant to be Alone?

This is a question I have pondered for quite a many years. Why? Well because no matter how many times I end up in a long term committed relationship, within a year something is always missing for me. I start to feel weighted, I start feeling alone. I look at my life and see that I am doing as much as I would be doing if I were living alone, but now I have to deal with another adult being in the house. That presence of another person just drives me bonkers – this goes for room mates, visitors and a partner. I just don’t like being around the same adult every single day. I enjoy having my space, my freedom to just sit in my house without anyone being around.

Are Some People Meant to be Alone?Take my kid free weekends. If I have been with someone for about a year, I start to wish they had somewhere else to be. I want them out of the home so that I can spend two solid days in complete utter silence. No other person’s energy, words or presence to agitate me. I enjoy my alone time, but see I enjoy my alone time much deeper than just needing more time to me. Get a hobby, some will say. Get out of the house, go have fun. You deserve me time, some will say. I do that. It doesn’t help anything. I slowly start to feel suffocated by the existence of another adult in my world.

The funny thing is? I never feel that way about my children. Although I do know I need that break I get every other weekend from my handful son’s, I never feel suffocated or as if they are too much to have around all of the time. I also feel that same way with my oldest, and only daughter, she is a joy to be around all of the time and even on her rough days, I don’t wish she wasn’t around. The presence of my children simply calms me, soothes me, makes me feel happy. There has yet to be another adult in this world that I can handle sharing my life with beyond one year. That’s just a fact.

Going into relationships or even upon meeting someone at first; I am honest in that I say I am a free spirit, I like change. I am that type of person who usually has a different new-to-me vehicle every year if possible. I also have moved a lot since losing my first home, prior to that home ownership, I moved at least once a year for various reasons. I remember when I signed the papers to my home and moved in, I started to question why did I even buy a home? I was a single Mom of one back then and knew I didn’t do well with being in the same place for too long. It’s just who I am and maybe has to to do with me needing more alone time to learn why I am that way. I enjoy analyzing myself and learning why I do the things I do. I then work on making it better, but I can’t make it better when I am feeling constantly drained of all happy energy.

I think the ultimate point I am trying to make here is that sometimes, some people are simply meant to be alone. I don’t mean forever. I am sure that each of us may have a special person out there, but I honestly enjoy being alone. I don’t mind it one bit. It gets lonely, sure. But what I am realizing, as I gain more female friendships, is that being alone isn’t all that rough. I would rather live alone than live with someone. I just don’t like sharing my world for long term.

Being in the same house with another adult is just too much for me. It brings on this feeling as if I am having the life choked out of me. The other odd fact I have found is that when I am a single Mom, living alone with three kids, I am better with finances than when I reside with another adult who has another income coming into the home. Go figure that one out? I haven’t figured it out.

I think time is necessary for me to truly come to a determination of what’s going on. I have spoken to a counselor and well he is pretty much in agreeance that due to me having a special needs child, it is going to be vitally important I have a partner {if I have one} that can fit into that. My middle child is going to require a lot of my attention and energy for the rest of my life. I need to be fully aware that I HAVE TO BE AT THE BEST OF ME in order to raise all three children, but specifically my special needs child. That is okay with me. I love my three children to the center of the Earth and back, I will always be their rock and love them unconditionally. Sadly, I just can’t ever feel that way for long term about another adult. I love people and I care for them but I am simply better off doing things alone. The rhythm gets messed up with another adult in the house, it really does and then I get off balanced which them makes the kids act amuck and then my life just spirals downward.

I refuse to do this. I need to rise above. I need to stop worrying about others and realize what is ultimately best for ME. For what is best for ME will be best for my KIDS and while change is always difficult, if it’s a positive change and I remind myself I JUST DO BETTER LIVING ALONE, then things will look up eventually. I don’t feel like I am broken, but maybe I do still have some things to work on with myself, and need time alone, living alone to work through them. I am okay with that, every day is about building on yourself …. and I can’t let my fear of hurting someone’s feelings keep me from being the best I can be and doing what I need to do to keep the best of me.

Many won’t understand, honestly most never do. But I believe that’s because most people I know don’t live life to ensure they are meeting their deepest inner happiness OR they were blessed to have met their perfect soul mate and couldn’t imagine life without them. I haven’t been there yet. I thought it was so, but again, after a year, it never sticks. And that says I need to work on me again, but first I need to place myself in a positive parenting position to ensure all of my hard work as a parent is going to continue to pay off. I have to be honest though, this time around, I am witnessing that a comfort zone has been approached and so I am seeing the person I am with in a whole new light, while I’ve tried to explain it to him, he doesn’t fully see where I am coming from. I do feel it’s not a 100% my issue, I think that I am me from day one and sometimes the people I meet end up being a far off version of who they portrayed themselves to be and since we moved in together at about six months of dating, this happened quicker than later.

I think most people need to follow that two year rule, 1 year to get to know each other and a 2nd year to figure out if that real version of the person works for your world. I don’t ever take enough time to remember that rule …. but I can’t live in sadness, anger and fear because I don’t want to hurt anyone, don’t want to be judged. I don’t mean judged by outsiders, either, I mean by family members. I have yet to live an adult life they seem to support EVER, except for a couple super close family members. I have to let go that I am not the person they want me to be and if they truly love me then being here, supporting me and my kids would be in the best interest of things. I can’t change others and others can’t change me – let’s learn to love and accept people for their honesty and commitment to being 100% whole inside and happy, whether you “approve” or not.

 

“Image courtesy of moggara12 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

What’s the Key to Great Relations? Using your Heart Felt Words

Something that I am guilty of doing, quite frequently, is broadcasting things. It seems a lot of the times, mainly when life is getting more challenging for me, I speak out in this tone of broadcast journalist, versus a human being with feelings. That’s not to say journalists don’t have feelings, but they tend to report versus feel and report. In our personal lives we need to feel and report. Not just report.

I get stuck in the report area. All. The. Time.

Far too often I can be found ranting and raving about something and then pause to realize, “wait, I don’t feel anything with what  I am saying”. Thankfully I am getting better at noticing the difference between an overwhelmed version of me and the heartfelt me. There is a lot of things in life and relations that I am trying to evaluate if they are from the heart issues, deal breakers or just simply me taking something out on a person who is right there ready to be the venting box.

I firmly believe the key to any good relationship or friendship lies in the ability to speak with emotion backing the words.

For someone who knows who they are inside and out. For someone who knows deeply right versus wrong. Gut instinct versus hormonal imbalance. Then they will be more apt to speak with emotions versus just broadcasting, yet no one is perfect. It is so much easier just to rant and spout off the mouth about something that is bugging you, instead of sitting down and having a heart to heart moment.

If more people would simply follow their gut instincts, there would be less divorce and more love.

I think the biggest area people can benefit from working on within their own self is the ability to speak with gut instinct emotions based words rather than hormonal imbalance spoken words or words that are just broadcasted out there with no emotions behind them. I believe this with all of my heart, sadly life isn’t all black & white though, we have a lot of grey areas to think about. This means when you do finally realize that maybe your words did have valid emotions somewhere underneath, that you have to face reality with the decisions that you made.

Life isn’t easy, it’s a long journey of trials and tribulations. If you follow your gut instincts, mind, soul and body as often as you possibly can, you will see that life doesn’t’ have to be as confusing as you make it out to be.

People Close to me Know this, So Why the Shock?

You first start dating someone. It’s fresh. It’s new. It’s exciting! I call this the honey moon phase, okay I don’t call it that, everyone calls it that. The term was created long before my little heart was born, I am sure.  The thing about me though is that I don’t really go through a full honey moon phase with people. I tend to be pretty outspoken in a private setting, I am very aware of who I am and how I work. This means that I am also fully aware of what I need to stay happy in a relationship and I am not afraid to let the person know before we venture any further into a commitment.

With that being said, I also observe anyone I am dating to ensure I get how they work and what makes them feel happiness and love as a means to ensure I could be a good match for them. I am not totally selfish.

All too often I find that the people I meet love to portray a different person than who they are. So a year later or so, it all comes out and you are all like WTF. Sorry for the language, but seriously, that is the only way to describe the way it feels. You are told that certain things apply or the person is a certain way but after a year of being around them, you realize, something isn’t clicking right. This isn’t the person who you thought you were getting serious with.

I didn’t change, okay maybe I got more confident in my world and became a bit more outspoken, but other than that? I am still the same person being the same way, I just am a wee bit more outspoken, but that’s not something the person wasn’t aware of. I think maybe they just didn’t realize the full extent of my outspoken nature, especially during highly challenging times. I just get into those no-tolerance moods where I am so sick of the ignorance. I can’t help but open mouth and not insert foot.

I love it when I tell people, privately but openly, about things I need to stay happy in a relationship and they are all like yeah totally I want and need that too. Or they say yeah that’s me, I am that person. I wish more adults were truly aware of their inner self, what it is about them that is worthy of being with another person. I wish more adults took the time off from relationships to really know who they are and own who they are, no exceptions.

I am not saying there is no such thing as give and take as well as negotiations in relationships; of course there needs to be that. I am simply saying that the core of a person needs to be there and the person needs to realize that part of them. The part that matters most in life and relationships.

I am at that point of frustration. So many things have been made aware to me that I am struggling with looking back and wondering if there were signs before. Did I realize this and just ignored it based on the scenario I was in? Because for me, I seem to make similar mistakes in relationships. Every. Single. Time.

Like I tell everyone, “I am great at parenting and being self employed, but this relationship stuff gets me flustered”. So why is it a shock that I am here, contemplating what the F happened?! You shouldn’t be shocked. Nor should I.  Truth be told: I have been single as a parent far longer than in a relationship. That truth in itself lends a lot of insight into why it’s difficult for me to share my family with another human being, beyond co-parents.

I firmly believe in the two year rule – it takes one year to really get to know the true person and it takes another year to determine if you both can live with each other. Follow it. Embrace it.

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