Words of Wisdom – A Fantastic Conversation with my Mom

My Mom and I have always had this rocky, sister-like relationship. I wish it were different, but as I have grown older, I have come to realize that I need to be thankful that I have a Mom. I also know that I do love my Mom, I wouldn’t wish any harm upon her. I came to realize that my Mom is being and has been the best Mom she knows how.

To be honest, the moment I accepted and realized I DO LOVE my Mom for who she is, a weight was lifted. I feel much more relaxed around my Mom. I also try my best to keep a connection with my Mom. We both lead busy lives and often misunderstand each other in communications, but I think we are working on that or at least accepting that sometimes we don’t “get” each other and that’s okay!

Respect. Love. Both will go a long way when trying to simply show someone that you DO care about them.

This weekend I spent a few hours visiting my Mom on Saturday, I knew I would be heading out Sunday to have a BBQ and visit my sis, niece and Dad so I thought Saturday would have been a perfect day to stop by and give my Mom a Mother’s Day Gift. I never expected to sit and chat for a couple of hours with her. It was, dare I say, really great!

Wisdom from My Mom RE: Blending Families

“Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

I learned a bit from that conversation; such as how hard it is to try to be in a relationship or meet that special one when you have children. There are so many factors that come into play when you are divorced and trying to make a relationship with a person who isn’t the parent of the children or who brings new children to the blended family unit; IS HARD.

For the first time in my life, I was seeing what I am hurting from and struggling with, in the eyes of my Mom who has been there and tried that.

I admired my Mom for her wisdom she shared and honesty; I found myself nodding, about how difficult it is to get someone else to accept you and your kids. How difficult it is to accept another person’s child(ren) coming into the picture with you and your children. It’s no easy task trying to blend a couple divorced families into one.

I won’t go on and on about our private conversation but I will say this, I left this conversation feeling confident that “I am normal” that the issues I am dealing with right now, things I am struggling with or questioning, are completely normal!

Like my Mom said, “Dating when you are trying to raise kids is very difficult!”

You see, she didn’t mean difficult for just the parents, it’s hard for both parents to accept and learn how to parent each others children, it’s hard for the two parents to step back and come down a middle ground to parent each set of children under one roof. It’s difficult. Very very much so. That’s not to say it’s impossible. Nothing is impossible if you have love and feel love for the other person … but I found myself saying that I simply just do better raising my three children alone, obviously with the help of their father’s, but I have to have life a certain way specifically for my special needs child and that doesn’t always mesh well with someone who hasn’t raised a special needs child or isn’t that personality type that can easily adapt.

Life is hard. Thanks to my Mom for making it feel a little more at ease this weekend. While I am still in a position in my life where I have a lot to think about, this conversation with my Mom made me realize that I actually have a lot more in common with my Mom than I had ever thought and it brought my heart/connection quite a few steps closer to her.

I Love you Mom.

 

Sometimes You Just Have to …. LET IT GO

So many parents live in this fear of losing their child or children. I get it. I have anxiety that I cope and fight with often. I used to fear the world as it pertained to my children. I then woke up. I realized that if I fear the world then they are going to fear the world. Now what parent wants that for their child? Not me.

I have had some awful things happen to me; how my virginity was lost or almost lost is still a blur to me, but it was a scenario that made me more aware about the fact that bad things happen to good people. I was also made aware, looking back, of how lost I was as a child and in turn wanted to parent my children in a way that never left them feeling that empty. So empty that you would be okay and accept the love of a man who was way older than you. That happened to me more often than I can recall, but I often found myself being hit on and sexualized by older men from about age 13 or maybe 12 and forward. Never was it my parents, nor any blood relative, but it was people who I did trust or thought I could trust. Let’s just keep it at that.

You see, I could live my life as a parent in fear that the same things that happened to me would happen to my own children, I don’t wish to live that way. I much prefer teaching my children to have high self esteem, to have better decision making skills and to be able to have skills in conflict resolution. I also prefer to teach my children skills on trusting their gut; that whole “good touch vs bad touch” concept they teach in schools, I discussed with my kids long before the schools addressed it. I let my kids know that if a touch makes alarms go off in their head or even a person’s character makes an alarm, sick gut feeling happen within their own self that they need to listen to that.

Instilling fear into my children wouldn’t allow them to experience the world as fully as I want them to. Sure there are bad people out there and in all honesty, some are those we entrust with our children. That was me, I was entrusted with someone or at least to be around this someone and well, sadly it worked out that shit happened. Had I been more self confident, felt more loved and whole I bet that wouldn’t have happened. Who knows though, hindsight is always 20/20.

I have raised, specifically my oldest at this point in time, that if she feels a touch hurts, is bad or is unacceptable then it may just be that. It doesn’t matter if it’s a caregiver or a family member, we do not have to ever put ourselves into a situation that we are not comfortable with. I also encourage my children to overcome their anxious feelings with new situations and to learn what is a gut feeling versus hormones or anxiety. These concepts are not easy to teach through words, you have to lead by example when it comes to the kids.

I live my life free spirited, confident and happy. I live this way because I know I am giving my children a good role model to look up to. Note: I never said perfect role model. I prefer to be a real life human role model that leads her life for complete happiness within. I can only hope and pray these lessons are taught to my children through my example.

I think parenting is difficult, it isn’t easy to let go, knowing that there are so many harmful people in this world, believe me, I am aware of just how harmful people can be. I went through a lot that no family member knows about, because I didn’t have anyone to turn to back then, but as an adult, I have forgiven and moved on to better myself. Harmful people can hurt others but they cannot break them forever.  I just hope my children grow up to realize that bad things may happen to them, but if they keep their heart free of bitterness and open to faith and love then they can overcome any bad that happens to them, so as long as they want to move forward.

My Oldest & Youngest Do a Cover of Demons by Imagine Dragons

I love these two, as a parent I encourage the kids to enjoy all areas of life. This includes focusing on skills they love whether you feel they are talented or not is irrelevant, even to them. These two are just happy kids and I loved watching them do a cover of Demons by Imagine Dragons. Singing is my 11 year old daughter and on the ukelele is my  year old son ….

Don’t they look like they are just having fun?! I love them!

Call it Non-Confrontational, I Call it Being at Peace

I often tell people and people tell me that I am non-confrontational, it’s true. I am. Some like to say it as if it’s a bad thing, but honestly I do not think being non-confrontational is a bad thing. Due to my non-confrontational nature, I am at a place of inner peace. All battles worth fighting get fought … at the proper time. I don’t normally fly off the handle in someone’s face over an issue like I could have in the past when I was slightly more confrontational and hot headed. I truly feel as if I am at a place of inner peace, it’s calming to be non-confrontational.

I haven’t ever been the type to fight physically with someone, although I have had my battles with exes who will say I can be physical, that was way back in the day, and if they still look at me as that person well then they never got over it and came to a place of inner peace for their own self. People do change, not all of us, but many do grow. I have grown.

Why Being Non Confrontational Leads to Deep Inner Peace

Each day I work to better myself and each day I wake up feeling at peace because I no longer have any grudges, due to my non-confrontational nature I take more time to reflect upon topics that may get me heated. I think being more non-confrontational can assist others because;

  • it allows you to take time to reflect upon issues before addressing them.
  • it enables you to feel a deeper level of peace at the end of the day.
  • it teaches you to utilize your words in more successful ways.
  • it gives you a chance to make less mistakes when dealing with issues.

Overall I firmly believe that people who are non-confrontational can be more positive people, if only they learn how to hone in on that skill and utilize it to their own personal advantage. Not every conflict or issue needs to be addressed in the moment, not every situation needs to be addressed; life will go on if you just walk away from some confrontational situations. Believe me. I know if you can learn to be more non-confrontational like me that you will come to a deeper level of peace within.

At the end of the day all that matters is that you feel at peace, that you feel you have the closure you need and that you have let go of things you cannot control. Non-confrontational people can be self harming if they never solve the concerns they have, but if they learn to utilize words to come to peace and closure then they will honestly heal quicker than those who get hot headed and confrontational with others.

Random Happiness Thoughts and Pictures #familylife

I talk a lot about what brings me complete joy and anyone who is near me can feel the happiness radiate off of me when I am around all three of my children. I just adore my children, but not in the way that I am closed minded to their imperfections. We all have imperfections, we all have to work on our inner self each day. I feel that growing as a person, never stops.

With that being said, welcome to a glimpse into my true inner happiness….

Mom Loves Tats

The sun shined down and I was able to dress down a bit. Shown above is my first of three tattoos I have. This one is my first favorite because it’s a shamrock on my lower right ankle that is meant to be a tat for my first born. Some day, when money allows, I will add my daughter’s name to this tattoo. My daughter has requested that she be there when I have that done. Warm weather and the ability to show my tattoo side makes me happy.

Spending time with my Niece

No one could have ever explained to me the feeling you get when you hold your first born niece. I fell in love with this little bitty girl 15 months ago and she continues to amaze me. This is Livy, my niece, who is shown above grabbing my hair {gently} and turning to say MINE. I swear she was having hair envy in that moment. Spending time with my sister and her baby girl bring me happiness.

SPending time Outside

Watching my middle child, who rarely enjoys the great outdoors, play at the local playground while waiting for his sister the other day was such fun. I enjoy seeing this child happy because out of all three of my children, he is the one who doesn’t waste emotions. This son of mine is happy if he’s happy and sad if he’s sad, mad if he’s mad. Period. That’s it. There is always a pretty reasonable reason for his feelings too. Very simple and I love him for it. Spending time outside with my children, just being a kid with them brings me happiness.

Spending time with my Daughter

Last but not least, spending quality time with my children is important and nothing makes me happier than when my children jump up to sit on this counter top while I am doing dishes or dinner and chatting it up with me. The simple fact that I am still important to them, even my oldest, makes me smile from inside out. Spending time listening to my children speak about what is going on in their world, brings me happiness.

I suppose, you can gather from this post that most of what brings me happiness is a side of me with a main course in parenthood. I hope you find happiness in your world every day!

 

My Prayers Always Get Answered

The best job I have, is being a Mom. I adore being a Mommy and as I pray each night I feel God guiding me. I will listen to him and keep Faith for he has shown me signs that no other person will understand. I don’t always understand what God has in plan for me, but I feel his presence as I pray for guidance, strength and signs. Many of my friends who have Faith will understand, I am simply letting go and leaving my heart into God’s hands, he is guiding me and I believe there’s a positive reason for the direction I am being guided. I feel a weight lift off of me each time I let go and follow His signs. If I question his signs, guidance and strength, then I feel weighted again. Faith is an amazing tool that can question your world and heart. In all reality, it is super scary to follow what feels uplifting. I know many of the directions I am led through having Faith, don’t make sense to others, but all decisions make me feel very calm at the end of the day. I feel as if I am living with purpose now that I continue to pray and have become a believer in God.

Strength in Faith

I don’t pray for God to fix things. I don’t pray for God to make my life easier. I pray for strength, guidance and eyes to be open for the signs around me. I firmly believe that the signs I have seen have made this boulder lift off of my shoulder, I feel more confident in moving forward than I did before I started seeking guidance.  My brain was all over the board, if I spoke with a friend or relative who seemed to have that tone or look that they were not approving of my words or decisions, I would second guess myself. After all, my elders know best right?

I think God knows best. I believe He knows my heart better than anyone else. I believe my Aunt Robin watches over me too. I’m not saying you have to believe, I am simply sharing what I have seen happen for me.

I recently found myself questioning decisions I made a year ago and I was lost. I felt confused. I felt completely utterly hopeless for a bit. I blamed it on the Winter months, after all the long Winter with less sun really does play a key role in my moods but honestly, it’s something deeper than that for me. Or maybe it’s something more on the surface really. I am just not happy and in order to fully comprehend why and what I should do, I turned to my Faith.

I prayed. I Prayed hard. I Prayed every night. I prayed sometimes just to talk to God, just to speak aloud to him because I knew he understood. I knew he would guide me properly, with a clear head.

It’s scary letting go like that, but I will tell you I feel more confident and secure in some of the decisions I am about to make because I know He is leading me in the direction or at least he’s with me in my heart to keep me strong as I make my own decisions based on my deep belief in that each of us need to keep focus on our inner happy, even if that means being a Single Parent. I have seen myself as a single parent, and I am so much more confident, happier, and stronger. I think it’s time to let go and stop questioning where I have been guided, the signs are all around me. God has shown me many signs and it’s only when I question those signs that I feel that weight push down upon me. Whatever is going on, be it Faith or something else, I believe.

I believe. And I will follow.

“Image courtesy of franky242 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

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