Raising a Child Who is Very Simple

It’s funny I spend a lot of time talking, writing and thinking about my seven year old son. I sometimes get frustrated that he is unlike my other two kids, or any other average human being out there in this world. Then, while on the phone or talking out loud about my son, I realize things …

I’m raising a very simple child.

Now that my seven year old has been off of any medications for nearly two months, I have noticed things about him. I have noticed how my middle child’s brain works. I realized that my son isn’t as complex as some have said he is. My son is actually quite simple.

I’m raising a child who calls it how he sees it.

My son sees the world in black and white. NO grey areas apply to my son, he cannot comprehend them. The world is this one way and that’s it. My son is simple in that 1+1=2. Period. Point blank. End of discussion. If you tell my son he can’t do something, that he very clearly is capable of doing, he will reply simply, “yes I can. I just did it.” or “yes I can. Watch.”

I’m raising a child who thrives on routine and structure.

I see so many parents talk about how they want their children to be on a routine, that this upside down crazy schedule of waking up at odd hours and having different things each day makes for chaos. My son is simple; he likes his structure and routine, and he thrives on it. The same thing for breakfast every single morning. The same after school routine every single day. The same bedtime preparation, every single day. My son is an amazing child when you structure his day to be simple and the same.

I’m raising a child who loves you because you does.

There is no explaining the whys or how comes when it comes to my son Aj. It’s pretty simple, you hit him, he hits back. You do this, he does it back. While that isn’t always the greatest way to be, that’s how he sees life. You give back what you get. You get what you give back. To be Aj’s friend, it simply takes you being there for him. Aj is a very matter of fact child, again there is no grey area.

Life for my son is black & white. It’s simple.

So why do I struggle sometimes? Well because I was trying to raise a child who sees only black n white ways of the world to see the grey parts. Aj’s brain doesn’t work like that. You work with Aj, he doesn’t mold to work with you. While I realize this can be a challenge in preparing him for the real world, for now it works and if he does end up with an autism diagnosis, well that will¬† make how his brain works even more clear to me as a parent, thus giving me more tools and resources to work to raise a child who sees the world in black n white.

 Raising a Child Who is Very Simple

To The Man Who Stole My Heart

Late on Christmas evening last year, 2013, my boyfriend of about one year knelt down on his knee and asked me to do him the monumental favor of becoming his wife, and asked for me to spend the rest of my life by his side as his wife. We recently purchased a home in the beginning of July 2013, we blended his two children with my three, we have gone through a lot more than most who are just starting out go through. We have already experienced marriage, children and divorce. We have already experienced holding a job to financially support our families who later became what some call a “broken home”. With all the baggage we carried into our relationship it still amazes me to this day how we can lay down to bed and wake up the same way every single day … in love with each other. To that man, I write this open letter, because I’m feeling a little sappy today.

Found my True Love To The Man Who Stole My Heart

To the man who stole my heart,

I’m not an easy person to live with, and I know that. I have spent far more years being a single parent than being a parent with another adult in a household. I have spent far too many years not being able to place responsibilities on other people’s shoulders, because it was me who ultimately had to ensure my household was financially secure. I spent far too many years being this independent woman, that it damaged me in some ways. While I may sometimes call myself damaged, you know that I truly, deeply love myself and that the term damaged simply means that I am guarded in some areas of financial security and parenting ways and a wee bit stubborn by nature due to my past experiences.

With that being said, you have opened my eyes and my heart to a whole new world, a life in which I can let go of some things. A life in which I can place some of the responsibilities I have held onto for so long, into your hands. You have opened my eyes and my heart to what a real relationship is, as it pertains to raising children and becoming a blended family. I thank you for giving me your patience each and every waking day. I thank you for loving me as I am and not trying to change me into a person you think I need to be. I thank you for understanding why sometimes I resort back to that guarded, I-have-to-handle-this-in-order-for-it-to-get-done-right meantality and just going with it.

I thank you for knowing and trusting that when I am hormonal, it will pass. I thank you for understanding that I am still a work in progress each day, that I will never be perfect, but in loving you, I have opened my heart in ways I haven’t been able to in many years. I thank you for snuggling up to me each night when we crawl into bed and expecting nothing more than to curl up and fall asleep together. I thank you for being that shoulder I need when raising my kids gets a little too much for me. I thank you for helping me see some things in a different light.

I thank you for being my partner, stepping up when need be, cleaning my car off for me, doing the dishes without complaint if I had a long day and didn’t get them done. I thank you for spending the hours while I am getting my kids tucked in, folding laundry instead of taking that time to relax after your long day at work.

Quite simply; I thank you for loving me and allowing me to love you back. I thank you for being mature, a real man in my eyes. I thank you for asking me to be that one special woman who gets to wake up and go to bed with you every night for the rest of your life.

I love you, more and more each passing day.

xoxo,

The woman who will marry you in 2015

 

 To The Man Who Stole My Heart

The Time I had The Most Blog Traffic

Since blogging is what I do for a living, there are times I revisit my traffic analytics. I like to see when I had the most traffic on my blogs, for what reason and make business decisions on what topics I may address based on the data I collect. With that being said, the one time in all my five years of blogging, that I had the most insane traffic was … during my divorce.

Seriously.

It’s no surprise to me that with today’s hit television series being that of reality based life, with a tad bit of insane drama added in to make the plot a bit more entertaining, that my divorce scenario fed so many interested souls. The funny thing is? My divorce wasn’t really dramatic, my feelings and rationalization of whether it was the best decision or not was a bit to read and follow along with. I can say it wasn’t an easy decision by any means.

But my divorce had no drama.

So what in the world compels people to read about other people’s sorrows? I can get insane traffic during a so-to-speak hardship time in my life but when I am sharing utter happiness and spreading joy, it’s as if I can hear crickets on my blogs. Don’t get me wrong, I still have good traffic stats, I enjoy the readers who stop by to comment or click an ad here and there. I love seeing those in my analytic stats, but I am left wondering …

Sorry you are grounded The Time I had The Most Blog Traffic

What is it that people thrive to read on blogs?

I read blogs. What compels me to continue to read on a site or an article I clicked over to? Is it drama? No, not really. Is it personal stories? Yes, usually. Is it giveaways? Well, duh, I like to win.

What keeps me reading a blog?

The passion behind the words. You know and I know when someone is writing fluff just to get a rise out of someone and gain some traffic to their site to earn some ad revenue and negative exposure to “keep em talking” and in turn, keep that blog running financially. You know and I know when someone is writing from the heart. Words that speak to you. When you read their blog posts, you can just feel their passion in the words and the rhythm that they publish their posts.

Passion is what sells people. I am convinced. It’s not drama, not negative scenarios; it’s plain and simple – passionate bloggers who write during their most emotional time of a situation are what bring readers in.

We are humans, we enjoy feeling something when interacting with others – that goes for reading blogs, talking in person or over the phone.

So there you have it, I am convinced readers keep coming to blogs because they can feel something when reading that person’s blog post, whether good or bad is irrelevant, we simply like to feel that passion & emotion behind the written words.

 The Time I had The Most Blog Traffic

Having Less Tolerance for Environmental or Self Induced Situations

I was talking with one of my best friends the other day and she hit the nail on the head with how I’ve been feeling lately. Due to my son Aj having special needs, who will soon undergo autism evaluation but has always had special needs regardless of whatever future diagnosis he receives, I have found myself with zero tolerance for behaviors that are stemmed from environmental aspects.

Allow me to explain; raising a child that has special needs has opened my eyes to realize far too many adults place their children into unnecessary drama filled lies and in turn ruin their children. It’s an uphill battle every day for me, for the past seven years, to raise my son Aj who was first diagnosed ADHD, then later mood disorder with anxiety and now being evaluated for autism instead. I have had a long many of years working with my son to ensure he thrives at life, always has a positive home environment and the structure of his home is one he can thrive and grow in. I do not have any control on outside influences so I am sure to raise him in a way that allows him to blossom to the best of his abilities. I also raise my other two children the same.

ID 10016833 Having Less Tolerance for Environmental or Self Induced Situations

I have zero tolerance for children or even adults who know better. My son Aj doesn’t always know better in some areas of life. Aj struggles to understand social ques, that life doesn’t happen the same way every day and he struggles in ways that most of us take for granted. That means when my own children or other people’s children act amuck, I have zero tolerance for that behavior. I guess raising a child with special needs really opens your eyes to other families and people who create such drama upon their own self and their own children and it makes you sick to your stomach.

I have no time for the excess drama. I have no time for people who wish to live in a way that belittles their children, that brings their children down and confuses them thus creating a very negative childhood. I much prefer seeing adults who can lead their family by example, sucking up issues they have within their own self, or better yet adults getting help for their issues. Sadly, most adults won’t acknowledge their inner deep issues so therefore they “have none and it’s all you”. I beg to differ.

I am the strength for my children. I have always been and I will always be. That won’t ever change. I am who I am and I worked damn hard to get here today. I worked on my inner demons, I accepted things I couldn’t change and I sucked things up to be the parent and co-parent I needed to be and still need to be for my children. With that being said, it doesn’t mean my life is full of awesomeness and great days, happiness is not about always feeling happy. Happiness is a place you get to within your own self, a place of inner peace and with that comes the ability to work out any challenges.

I, however, also know when to back away from something that is out of my control. I also know when enough is enough and I realize this isn’t benefiting my children nor myself. One thing that my bestest of friends will remind me is this; no matter what happens in your life, no matter how much you may love certain people, if those people and their situations bring you down and change who you are, then it’s time to rethink and find a way to resolve and/or move on from the situation. I am not scared to do what needs to be done in order to continue living a fulfilled life of happiness. I will not allow myself nor my children to fall prey to those who wish to stem more drama in their lives. I don’t do drama, it literally makes me sick to my stomach.

What I do do, is raise my children and keep myself moving forward. My children are very important to the future and so should yours be.¬† I have a zero tolerance policy for lack in parenting that has resulted in a display of ill behaved children later in life. I cannot say my children are perfect but I can say they learn from their mistakes, always, because I have raised them and parented them – not been their best friend. Being a parent is all about balancing the treatment of children as individuals, teaching them consequences will happen for their actions and that they are respected, trusted and loved regardless of whether they don’t think so in the moment of a parent having to discipline them. I have heard it all, but at the end of the day, my children no matter how upset from a decision I make, love and respect me and still to this day come to me when they need a shoulder to lean on and an ear to vent to.

“Image courtesy of jscreationzs / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

Why is it So Hard for Many to Just Be Happy?

What others do is none of my business. In all reality, whether another person chooses to lead a life of happiness or sadness really shouldn’t bother me. The thing is, that it DOES.

I have had so many bad things happen to me, when I have been asked to share my story with others. The story of where I have been and come from based on my own experiences of life, my view of it. I am often praised for not having such a bitter, negative taste in my mouth about all of the crap I have been through. Some crap was my own fault, other crap was the result of my bad choices and other crap was just because of how I happen to view the scenario.

I make a conscious choice to be happy each day.

I make a conscious choice to live my life happy.

I make a conscious effort to ensure no one else can bring me down.

I make a conscious effort to uplift and help others when I can.

I make a conscious effort to walk away from those who have such deep wounds that I can’t help them.

You see, I love being happy and of course that means I want to do all I can to help others be happy. The truth is, just like I recently told someone close to my world – you cannot help others who won’t help themselves. It’s not our place to fix anyone else. We can simply be here for them but make a conscious choice to walk away if the situation calls for it.

There are so many of my online friends who make similar choices to me; to lead a happy life, to be happy based on our own person. Happiness is found within and so many of my online friends agree. Yet, there are a small few who don’t see it that way. It’s like they say they are trying to be happy but “everything goes wrong” or they are trying to be happy but “everyone doesn’t get them”.

I mean seriously …. if you are honestly trying to work on yourself, then like a close friend on Facebook stated the other day, you cannot be completely happy until you work to heal wounds deep within yourself. It’s one thing to choose to be positive and lead a happy life, its another thing to be completely, deeply, spiritually happy within. To be completely positive and happy you must face demons within, move forward from the hurt inside and YES a lot of times this means therapy.

If you cannot face your past hurts then you are not going to be able to fully move on in life. Make a concsious effort to work to heal those wounds, you won’t regret it! It will be difficult and you will shed a lot of tears but the end result will be so worth it ….

 Why is it So Hard for Many to Just Be Happy?

Jenny the Pug – Love her Like a Child

I never thought I could love a pet as much as I love my sweet Pug. I always wanted to have a pug and a few years ago I was able to adopt this sweet Jenny the Pug. Jenny was five years old then and is now about to turn eight this April.

Jenny the Pug is Family Moms Vaction Land 2 1024x581 Jenny the Pug   Love her Like a Child

Jenny has such a big personality and we often call her Diva Dog. I love how Jenny has figured out that her human Mama has a memory issue. You see, my kids learned a long time ago I am extremely forgetful, I can blame it on being older or having Mommy brain, whatever the reason I can forget what i ate this morning, nevermind what I fed my kids last night. Jenny the Pug likes to take full advantage of this and is found begging for food as if I forgot to feed her breakfast or dinner. It drives me crazy because the family will remind me “yes you fed her” but Jenny makes me second guess myself.

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My children adore Jenny. With my middle child, who is not shown in pictures today, he uses Jenny the Pug as a way to help him relax down to sleep. Petting Jenny until he falls asleep is part of his normal bedtime routine while I sing lullabies and read books to my youngest son (shown in image above to the right). Everyone loves Jenny, the kids refer to themselves as “brother” and “sissy” to our dog, it just goes to show that a dog can truly be like one of your children!

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Jenny is our only pet, we had a cat but he sadly was hit by a vehicle and died. That was so sad because we couldn’t keep this particular cat inside, but now we have this orange kitty shown above. I don’t know who owns this orange kitty, if anyone, but he/she is very well groomed and plump as ever so I know he/she must have a home or at least someone is taking care of him/her. This kitty would be a cute addition, we could essentially have a Milo & Otis, right?!

What pet(s) do you have, if any? If none, what is one pet you hope to have some day?

 Jenny the Pug   Love her Like a Child
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