Friends With Benefits, Otherwise Known as What the F@#$

I admit, I had a friends with benefits situation before and I loved every moment of it. I personally could not sleep with anyone but him but it worked for us and worked for me at that time in my life. Note it was a LONG time ago, many many moons ago. I have walked the path of being the friends with benefits, the friend, the girlfriend and eventually the wife – not all with the same person!

Here is what I am seeing from the friends with benefits during this day in age; it’s more about what that man wants and needs physically or sexually versus what both need/want in the friends with benefits world. Back in the day when I had an awesome friends with benefits situation going on, we were friends above all. I could go to him for anything and we had a chill time even just hanging out with mutual friends, it worked back then and I have zero regrets in having experienced that with this person. I enjoyed it. He enjoyed it. We were supportive of each other and a friend when needed plus we got to have amazing sex when needed too. A total win/win.

Personally, I could not do the friends with benefits thing now, I have moved on from that and although I may have needs not being met, I can not feel comfortable with the idea of friends with benefits now that I am where I am in life. Also, I have been offered friends with benefits situations during my online dating ventures and let me tell you what; friends with benefits these days seem to be not what I had many moons ago, it seems to be a what the F@#$ type situation just waiting for you to catch the next STD going around. Condoms do not protect you against all STD’s – remember that! (random fact I learned on Twitter)

These days Friends With Benefits appears to be not much more than a man who wants to have sex, back rubs, shoulder rubs, oral sex and whatever they freaking need at that moment without regards to what the woman needs or wants. The friends part? Oh gosh, why is the word friend even used in Friends With Benefits – the way some men have defined friends with benefits to me makes me cringe and has absolutely NOTHING to do with any form of friendship.  To me, if you are feeling 100% secure with where you are at in life as a single person and you are okay with the idea of friends with benefits simply because it gets your needs met and gives you someone cool to hang out with laughing, chatting and what not – then go for it, but make sure that friends with benefits is not just benefiting you or the only the other person. To me, friends with benefits is all about both people meeting the needs of each other without the commitment attached to it. Meaning, basically you do not have to answer to each other, you do not have to live with each other, you do not have to raise each others kids and what not. It takes the serious commitment out of it and is much like the Friends with Benefits movie or No Strings Attached movie.

If you do choose to go friends with benefits route, make sure it’s something you are seriously okay with because more often than not one of the people start to have feelings for that person when in all reality it was truly friends with benefits for that person only, meaning they will not be able to return the love you feel for them. Friends with benefits may sound fun but it can destroy a person emotionally in the long haul of things and you could end up with a disease if either of you or both of you are engaging in sexual activity with another person too.

 

 Friends With Benefits, Otherwise Known as What the F@#$

More than Just Personality Matters When Dating #dating #singleparents #onlinedating

Years and years ago when I met the person I ended up marrying, I was in a different mindset. I was a different person in general. So was he. Now, today, as I have sat back and engaged in conversations as well as meeting up for coffee or what not, I have realized that dating is not what it used to be to me. No longer do I feel that need of “oh my gosh I NEED A MAN”, nor can I just sit back and be comfortable with a man who can hold a fantastic conversation with me. For me, there needs to be a whole packaged deal – personality, communication, ability to be a family person and physical attraction. All of those things are very important to me and I flat out refuse to ever go without any of them, maybe you can go without some, but those are my special traits that are important, among a few others.

If you are a single parent looking to get out into the dating world there is so many things to think about before you meet a random online dating person. These days, with the Internet and online dating sites, the person you are speaking to could be anyone. They could be completely opposite from what they have portrayed to be online, both on their profile and in conversations with you. Do not give out your phone number too soon. Do not give out your email too soon. Do not do anything you are not feeling 100% comfortable with. Getting a background check completed on a potential online dating interest may be best too, in all honesty, but may not be feasible for all.

If you are a single parent looking to date and find that “right for you person” then you not only have your best interest at heart, but you have your children(s) interest at heart too. There may be times during your dating days when you meet the most amazing person but they just do not mesh well with your family life, meaning with the kid(s) and you. If that person you are highly interested in does not fit well with the kids then, no matter how hard this decision will be, you will have to double think whether the person you are highly interested in is a great fit for your life as a whole. I am not saying let the kid(s) rule your life, but this is reality and if your life revolves a lot around being a parent, but that person is not on par with the parent side of life or does not parent remotely close to the way you do, then it will eventually be a failed attempt at having a relationship.

Like my best friend always told me, never waste your time or their time. To me, I never understood when she would say she didn’t want to waste the time of her own self or another person for various  reasons when it came to her dating ventures. I also remember laughing, thinking “oh my gosh, this girl is so funny and crazy”. I seriously thought that my best friend was wasting her time with dating because, after all, she wasn’t doing what I had done in the past {with failed relationships} – changing who she is, how she lives or clinging to the wrong man just to be with someone, she was doing it the right way. Now that I have found myself completely comfortable with being single, I totally 100% get where she was coming from and have to laugh at myself for thinking she was a bit crazy. Shhh don’t tell her.

Dating is serious business, it’s like having another job, so if you are not ready to take dating seriously then that’s fine, but if you are ready to take dating seriously please remember to hold your ground, compromise when compromising is okay and pick that “right for you” person, do not settle for anything less than what you deserve. The choice of person you make is  going to be a part of your life, hopefully forever, so make that decision with a knowledge of who you are, what you need and if they meet all of the criteria you have set for your “needs” in another person.  Sure that may mean many years of random dates with the wrong person and being single for many years, but if you hold tight and be patient, one day that “right for you” person will walk into your life and make you realize why you held out for so long.

Good luck with your ventures in online dating, I will keep sharing thoughts, tips and advice based on my dating ventures from time to time with you all and eventually share that “meeting my true love” story when the time comes. Hang on for this ride, it’s going to be an adventure!

 More than Just Personality Matters When Dating #dating #singleparents #onlinedating

Attention Woman Gain Control of your Finances

DailyWorth is a free daily personal email for woman, helping them to gain financial freedom, so to speak. DailyWorth provides to woman a daily email full of useful information that will help you take control of your finances. It’s a New Year and I am sure many of you made the New Year’s Resolution to be better with money, it seems the DailyWorth may be a great option to sign up for as part of ensuring that you complete your New Year’s Resolution to be more successful in your finances.

DW300x250retirement Attention Woman Gain Control of your Finances Attention Woman Gain Control of your Finances

DailyWorth is something I can back up because I am all about empowering woman and helping them realize their true self-worth. No, we  no longer need a man, even if it’s nice to have one. The joy in life is to be self sufficient and realize that you are with a partner in life because you want to be, love to be and like to be not because you feel the need to be for emotional and/or financial reasons.

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 Attention Woman Gain Control of your Finances

My Freckles are Showing

When I was little my Dad always called me Freckles Mumphrey. I have so many freckles and they are far worse in the Summer time, however, I have this love hate relationship with them.

Woman with lots of freckles 300x240 My Freckles are Showing

Sometimes I think they are super cute then other times I would be happy to not have them. Can you tell how I am feeling about them today? Combine my freckles with my bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep {which you can not really see in this pic I don’t think} … I am thinking a week long vacation is in order …… soon icon wink My Freckles are Showing

 My Freckles are Showing

Things I’ve Noticed Recently

When a situation you are done with isn’t able to be moved on from as quickly as you would like it, things can close in on you and you find yourself in a state of total moodiness with a side of sleepiness. Not wanting to sleep because you just want to work so hard to get the situation over with, not wanting to stop doing whatever it is you have to do to survive and move on.

Eyes are starting to be constantly blood shot, my head is starting to get headaches all of the time and in all reality all I want is one person to lean one, listen to me, be here for me. I have that someone I think but it’s not the same because when I am having issues where I really need someone, I want more and more. I need more and more. It’s hard because when life hits hard sometimes it is during my period, and well guess what? Life is 100% times more dramatic when I have my nonfriend {as I call my period}.

In all reality I don’t stress out or freak out, get all crazy bent out of shape about things. Normally, when not having my nonfriend, I am able to proactively think of a solution, keep the “I can do this” mindset and focus but put that nonfriend in and forget it. All hell has broken loose and I am sort of in this position that one of my children are in, at 31 years of age, I want my parents. Sometimes I yearn for my Mom, because we never really were all that close and now I feel like we won’t ever have that bond as a mother and daughter.

No matter how close I am starting to feel to my Mom, I still have this guard up because I love her dearly but feel I got hurt too many times. I just want love and acceptance for who I am. I want my Mom to listen to me, hug me and not have answers – just be there. Much like my oldest wants of me and I give to her. However, I am a grown adult and as much as running to my Mommy sounds perfect, this is real life and that’s not how real life works. I will settle for the fact that I am finally starting to have some form of a bond with my Mom, to the point where I actually will call her about things going on from time to time whereas a year ago we would barely communicate.

Everything in life is a work in progress and as I move onto another chapter in my life, writing, rambling and getting these thoughts out of my head are what helps me to move forward.

Thanks for listening my therapeutic rambling today!

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