Each night I sit down on my couch, thinking about the days events. Lately I have been facing a lot of challenging things, but in all reality I’m mostly feeling a tad weighed down because I hold the brunt of my children’s stress. While I do teach them to cope and handle as well as communicate their own stressers, I’m still Mom so I end up with the worrying stress of it all laid upon my shoulders.
The shoulders, that’s where my stress is held. Always has been. Always will be. Tight, tense shoulders that feel like boulders. As the tightness in the shoulders gets stronger, my neck gets weaker and on comes a headache. Thankfully a nice hard shoulder rub takes away all of the pain and weight so I can sleep better.
Lately when I sit down on the couch, at end of night, my mind wanders over to a place I try to avoid, that place where you question why you have who you have in your life. The kids, well you can’t pick them – they are yours always so never second guess having your awesome children around. The friends, the acquaintances, the users and the givers. In my line of work I have mostly acquaintances with a handful of people who are friends. It’s not unlike me to think of someone as a friend but in all reality we really are acquaintances. I need to start defining my relationship with people better so as to not get sucked into some major dilemma that could have been avoided if I had kept the boundaries of what the relationship really was or should have been.
I’m pretty good at reading who a person is, yes even virtually over the phone, internet or email. I am better at it in person but overall you can get a feel for who a person really is if you watch their daily talks; if you are at a point where you are questioning why you hang around to be pushed down by people who just can’t seem to realize it’s their own fault their lives are where they are at. If you are frustrated with trying to help people but all they do is want to point fingers and make excuses as to why they are the way they are, then just leave them.
I always say this; life is too short to be unhappy and life is also too short to be tied down into unhealthy relationships that should be more like acquaintances. If the person you care about is someone who really needs therapy, professional help and they just cannot seem to get their own head wrapped around that idea and instead wallow in self pity, then walk away. You cannot allow anyone; relationship, friendship or what not, to be a part of bringing you down too.
To me, I worked my ass off to be who I am today so I have zero pity and zero tolerance for those who don’t help themselves. I get it, it’s much like an addiction; you have to admit you need the help to move forward into a positive, happy place before you can get the help you need or even work to get to that place. Sadly, society makes it easy for us to be needy, greedy and loathe in self pity because we have been trained to be sheep, cowards and not think for our own self.
Stop that. Stand up. Be who you are. If you have issues, deep issues within, and you really are sick of struggling with them, get help. There are so many free programs, so many support groups out there that can assist you in getting away from the life you are being sucked dry of. You are not alone but you do need to first admit you want that positive change, because without you truly wanting it within your heart – the change will never happen.
It takes work to become a happier person, you will be challenged every single day of your life. Each day you will face something that tries to bring your mind down, do not allow anyone or anything to have such power over you. I just wish more people would realize they have deep issues and then take the step to get the help. I felt such a breath of fresh air when I released all that I needed to release and I would love to see more people release that and feel that relaxation that comes with getting emotional things sorted out. I love seeing people become better, happier and healthier within because they simply put a hand out to ask for help to be strong.
You can do it. Anyone can. You just have to want it bad enough and be able to admit the faults you have and issues you have within. Then move forward to Step 2…. seeking professional assistance to gain insight on how to deal with the issues that created the person you are today.