What’s True Love? This is True Love.

True love is something different for everyone. For me, it’s all about showing love in actions and affection versus just speaking of such love. This true love stuff was proven to be real for me this past weekend when …

True Love at Work 2 1024x619 Whats True Love? This is True Love.

We have this counter in the home we bought this past July and the counter is awkward. The counter is one that is to your right upon walking into our home and has become a clutter fest of my second crock pot, a deep fryer, bills, paperwork, pocket book and so on. It’s a very large counter-top area because it covers what used to be an entrance to the basement. It sucks. To be honest.

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Now, normally the OCD of my fiance drives me up a wall. I am not joking when I say something and he jumps. This counter-top issue was no exception! I had been thinking for a while now that I needed some form of shelving on this counter-top to create a more organized space. I wanted a way to store our deep fryer and secondary crock pot as well as my large blender and smoothie blender. I literally had to say “hmm I really would love to have a couple of shelves in the kitchen, you know above that counter?!” and the man jumped. No kidding. He and I, at the same time, realized that we do have some lumber we could use to create such a shelf idea and the fiance went to work.

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This counter-top went from what you see on the left, which really doesn’t show the WHOLE area, to what yo see on the right. I am talking about one happy happy woman here. I honestly was reminded in this moment how my needs are also important to my fiance and he will do anything within his power to ensure that I am just as happy as he is …. together.

So there you have it, the way to this gal’s heart is by making her kitchen shelves. What is your one true love incident that made you swoon over the love of your life?

 Whats True Love? This is True Love.

Everyday Brings More Challenges

The past year has brought on so many changes as well as challenges, I survived another difficult winter season full of my own mood swings and sad times. It’s true, I suffer deeply in the Winter months from mood issues. With the lack of sunlight Winter brings upon us, I always find myself struggling. This scenario gets worse each year, based on what others say I think it’s called Seasonal Depression. You can imagine how difficult it is for a positive person to suffer from that, it’s like an extreme opposite of my norm and makes life hard especially while trying to remain to be a positive influence and example for my children.

Winter is over though. Each day I wake up to warmer days and the warmth fills my soul with happiness. I find each day I get happier and happier.

Then things happen. It’s like as the season changes my mood is better, more positive and I feel closer to who I really am. That part is wonderful, the part that is difficult is that each day I get closer to getting more work done, having a steady work schedule and seem to be making head way with life; my kids get sick. Like today, all three kids are home sick and I have a ton of work to do. Money is needed and today was my day to create a new website offering some unique business services and website content; a site selling myself and content in a way that I have always wanted to do – focus on marketing and content sales.

Instead I spend today sitting on my laptop trying to find some positive in today. The rain outside is making it dreary, the kids with fevers make me fear getting sick and I just wish I could curl up in bed to sleep. Winter was rough, I just would like to have a few weeks of Spring being happy with little to no stress, but that’s not how my life ever works. The reason I am strong is because I have to face new challenges every day, or at least every week brings a new challenge.

I will survive this, but I am struggling. I think time away will be beneficial for me. I long to have one night away, in a hotel or motel, away from the challenges life brings so I can just sit and be me. No one to answer to. No one to talk to. Just me. Alone. Reading a book. Singing to myself, sleeping. Whatever suits my fancy.

Cheers to getting some me time soon and kids getting better quick!

 Everyday Brings More Challenges

Let’s Get Real – Relationships are Hard Work #fiance #relationships

I was watching this documentary the other weekend called America Reframed After Happily Ever After and it opened my mind to some areas that I should be working on, while I was aware of the areas the show just helped my fiance and I sort of nod our head in an agreement with this show in more ways than one.

photo 2 Lets Get Real   Relationships are Hard Work #fiance #relationshipsMy fiance and I have always had pretty decent communication skills, let’s face it when you meet someone who has three kids and you have two almost teenagers, well it’s going to require a lot of preparation to see if the blended family scenario will work. While you can never crease out all wrinkles in a blended family, you can at least go into it resting assured your combined children are not going to kill each other. The biggest factor to us starting our world as a couple or not, was whether our children would combine together well, meaning that they actually “liked” each other. And they did/do.

That was our first step in relationship, okay well technically our first step was meeting over coffee and conversation to see if we even would hit it off as two adults together. And we did/do.

Heading into the second part of our year together, meaning we have survived two winters and one full year together, this is now marking one year and about four months time … we are noticing the need to have a greater level of communication and honestly can be found discussing a variety of topics til the wee hours of the morning. The topics that we usually get stuck on are;

  • Staying positive and confident we will get back on top of finances after our first Winter season in newly purchased home.
  • How we are going to work with and handle various tidbits of details with his two teenager children and his ex wife.
  • What we can do for each other to be kinder and show more gratitude for our relationship.
  • Calling our own selves out on our mistakes, faults and areas we feel we should work on as a couple as well as an individual.

Do not get me wrong, we spend a lot of hours discussing our positive areas living together with my three children and his two occasionally visiting us. We have found that for the first time in forever, we are two people who simply balance each other. I have to give my fiance props for hanging in there through our second Winter season together; Winter is a very difficult season for me and this years was even harder than the last in regards to mood stability. We hung in there though and now as the sunshine comes out from the sky, the birds chirp in the air and we see that Spring has finally come, things are getting kinder and more relaxed around here.

One thing that my fiance and I knew going into our relationship is that nothing is going to be easy, nothing is going to go by the book and with five combined children, nothing is ever going to shock us. There are times where we just shake our head, because we had a feeling certain things may happen. It’s like we have been so comfortable in our skin in our relationship that nothing surprises us anymore. We work as a team no matter what comes about, but that is not to say that he does things that drive me bonkers and vice versa.

A good friend of mine once told me that we all have things that irk us, but things that irk us a bit are not always deal breakers. Each of us has a subconscious list of deal breakers; things in a partner that just won’t work with us. I have to be honest, there isn’t any of those things with my fiance. We both were talking last night about how we never talk badly about each other, there have been times this Winter where I vented but the end result was me dealing with my own issues raising an autistic child, juggling three kids schedules and trying to work during the slow season. Basically, anytime that I felt I wanted to walk out that door on my fiance, the man I committed to marry within the next year, really didn’t come down to him as an individual, it came down to the fact that I am not so easy nor selfless all of the time in a relationship scenario.

I have been so completely used to being alone or living as if I was alone that it’s extremely difficult for me to step back and realize that not only is it a wonderful skill to be a selfless parent, but it’s a wonderful addition to any relationship when you can be just as selfless to your loving partner! There’s still a ways for us to go but at the end of the day, we are happy to be together, we want our future with each other in it, side by side and what sells me the most is how my children look up to him as Agent Waffle, aka Dad # 2.

 Lets Get Real   Relationships are Hard Work #fiance #relationships

How About your Deal with your Mess That you Created?

Nothing irks me more than parents who refuse to parent.

Okay, maybe I lied.

I am irked by parents who *think* they are parenting by allowing fits to determine if they say yes or no to their child.

Okay, I am sure I could elaborate, but pretty sure most parents and even non-parents, get what I am saying here.

If not …. Google it.

Let me back track here …. so what I don’t like is when parents, specifically co-parents, decide that they will create their own mess. The mess they created was one that they thought the co-parent would pick up the pieces from because, well, that’s what that co-parent was used to in the marriage.

Funny thing is with co-parenting … it means YOU ARE DIVORCED.

Once two people go through the divorce process, they may be guilty of waiting things out, keeping the kids schedules somewhat similar to what they were used to. This really is a bad idea, it leads the kids down a path of holding onto something that is no longer really valid. When two people get divorced, or start living apart, they really need to set up a schedule for the children regardless of how old the children are. Both adults and the children involved in a divorce have the right to feel the emotions, and cope with the changes as soon as possible after the divorce has happened.

If you allow the scenario to play out just as if the two parents were married .. you are only enabling your children to hang onto a life that honesty is no longer going to be life as they know it.

What’s so much fun about co-parenting is that you both have to get over yourselves. Both parents have to realize just because they are divorced doesn’t mean it is a “bring it on” competition between who is the better parent or not. It’s about two people, grown adults actually, working together for the mutual benefit to raise their children properly. Why then, do so many co-parents spend a majority of their children’s lives simply pushing the children away from one parent versus the other?

Earth to co-parents … you two adults already decided that you don’t work well together. That you don’t play well together. So why¬† make the kids pick sides, they are suppose to love you both unconditionally irregardless of the fact that you can’t stand each other, the children are allowed to love both parents, even if you personally feel you are the better one.

Nothing is worse though, than watching as your ex spouse does everything in their power to speak ill of your moving on in life so that the kids eventually just take that side. After all, the parent who has the children the most will ultimately end up with the most pull on their emotional state and opinions regarding anything in their world. Sad really. That we don’t teach children to think for themselves, rather use them as a pawn for making your own insecurities become true.

Ever hear of the saying “you made your bed, now you can lie in it?” … well yeah that’s what happens when you work so hard to manipulate your children against the other parent. Eventually that parent realizes there isn’t anything they can do except sit back and watch this journey play out.

There is always hope that the children grow up, mature or what not and finally learn to think for their own self, but overall, there is nothing a co-parent can do to rectify the wrong decisions made by the primary parent. As with any parental situation, it takes two parents to be on the same page. Sadly many co-parents cannot suck up their pride and own internal issues for the sake of the children.

That means, the person who has created the wall between a co-parent and their children needs to deal with it, because sometimes the other parent simply cannot fix the damage one co-parent has done or continues to do.

It’s the-one-who-wrecked-havoc’s turn to step up and realize the mess they made. Hopefully they will choose the right direction to go from here.

 

 How About your Deal with your Mess That you Created?

The Woes of Home-buying

This is it! You found the home of your dreams, you have already been pre-approved for a line of credit and this home fits right into that budget you were allotted for a home. The excitement starts and you are ready to start your new adventure in this new home.

Then it hits you. All of the paperwork. The endless questions about where your money is going here and there. The endless questions of what money is coming into your accounts. The lender is watching your accounts like a hawk, because after all, they used to give loans to any Tom, Dick or Harry that walked in so now it’s this strict process to get a home, unless you have amazing credit. For those who have decent credit but are looking to buy a home for the first time, be forewarned that you will wish to give up on the process part way through it.

Once the home has been chosen. A price has been agreed upon. The lender is all set up and ready. You will attend a closing. At the closing you will sign your life away, so-to-speak, and walk away owning your home! An asset, something that you can do anything you want with, so as long as the town regulations allow you to do so. A place to call home without fear of being evicted because the landlord is no longer renting their property or wishes to sell the place to a new landlord person who then wishes to clean out the property to make room for upgrades or such. This is your home. All YOURS.

What people may not tell you, that I am going to tell you – the woes of home-buying:

  • You are now the maintenance guy, it’s up to you to pay for or handle all issues that arise in the new home.
  • You are now the man in charge, it’s up to you to ensure you are paying the mortgage, property taxes, water bill if applicable, town sewer bill if applicable, home owners insurance and other portions of your financial commitment.
  • You will have a couple of years trying to determine the budget for your new home; cost of heating, cost of water, cost of sewage, cost of anything else that is now your responsibility that wasn’t yours when you rented.
  • It has been said to take a good year or two to come up swinging after a home purchase, but after that first couple of years, you will be proud that you made it!

So while home-buying does have a lot of new responsibilities and issues that can arise as you work to figure out the new budget plan for a owned home versus a rental property, the end result is that as long as you work hard and stay focused, this will be a place where memories are made forever.

 The Woes of Home buying

We Seem to Always end up at Denny’s

It is rare that my fiance and I get a date night, meaning that while we don’t have kids every other weekend, we don’t spend money on dates. We spend much of our kid free hours at home organizing, cleaning and eating at home over a good movie. On occasion though, we like to try to save money to get out of the house for special date night.

Each time we decide we can spend a little money on a date night at a restaurant, we head to West Lebanon, NH where there are more restaurant style places to eat. Where we live there is mostly just the franchise chain restaurants and fast food. We wanted to go to Chilli’s or Applebees, but sadly their liens are always so long at this time of the evening when we decide to go out.

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We always end up at Denny’s. This is a place that offers breakfast all day round, yummy yummy! I don’t usually order a breakfast but still, it’s nice to have that option for the occasional visit with the kids who love breakfast menus.

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Denny’s never has a long line to wait in, while we have arrived with a few couples ahead of us from time to time, there isn’t ever that long of a wait to get seated and served. We decided to start with appetizers … zesty nachos sounded good.

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These happen to have jalapenos in them, and I happened to eat one. Wow, talk about my heart burning for a bit. It had a little kick but not too bad, as long as you don’t get a bite with a larger piece of jalapeno.

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For my dinner, I chose a prime rib type sandwich with yummy melted cheese, caramelized onions, mushrooms atop garlic bread of some sort. It was delicious. Oh my yummy yummy-ness, the taste buds were happy!

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Mister Lee, my fiance chose a burger that had swiss and mushroom and all sorts of stuff on it. He also asked for bacon to be added to this burger, sadly the waitress screwed up but she ended up giving him bacon for free, normally that was an extra $1 charge. Way to make up for her own mistake.

We had a great experience at Denny’s, as always. I am thankful for their delicious food, large servings (we always bring home food bagged) and their quick ways to get customers in to be seated and served!

 We Seem to Always end up at Dennys
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