101 Questions about my Aunt Robin from the Five Year Old

My five year old, the youngest around these parts, was all curious the other morning before school. I actually had time to take a shower, so in the shower I went to get ready for school drop offs when my son came in with a marble. This pretty glass green marble. I am not sure where this marble came from but all of a sudden my five year old says

Mama I think this came from your friend, that friend who died. That gave you those statues you have in your bedroom.

It took me a minute to determine what friend I have had that died, because no friends that I know of have passed away. I asked him again who he was talking about and what statues, then it dawned on me. My son was talking about my Aunt Robin. When I was about five years old my Mom’s sister passed away. Even though I was only five years old my Aunt Robin along with my Aunt Michele used to do a lot with me. I have many memories still close to my heart, bright as day in my mind of my Aunt Robin. Which is funny because I actually have a horrible memory.

The statues my son was referring to are the Raggedy Anne and Andy ceramic figurines that I have. I have a lot in my home that used to be my Aunt Robin’s because family has given so much to me that was her along the years and I cherish it, it is kept out of reach and is something my kids know not to ever touch.

I went on to tell my son that the “friend” is actually my Aunt Robin and is also his Great Aunt. My son nods his head and then the conversation goes on for at least twenty minutes. Question after question about my Aunt Robin, some of which I couldn’t answer. I told him all about how his sister and I used to go up to Aunt Robin’s grave every year to pay our respects. Then I had to explain what “pay your respects” means. I then had to answer questions about death and what happens after they die.

This little man is obsessed with King Tut, so he wondered if Aunt Robin was a mummy? What happens to her body? What happens to her bones?

I was happy that my child was showing such interest in a woman who may have passed away many years ago, but is still held close in my heart every day. I answered all of his questions to the best of my ability and the conversation ended with him wanting to go to my Aunt Robin’s grave and leave flowers.

I firmly believe my Aunt Robin is watching over me and is making sure I am safe. I feel her daily within my heart and I know she is there, somewhere, somehow watching me grow each day. Watching my children grow each day. It must have been a little piece of her in my son’s mind that morning to get him to engage in such an in depth conversation about her. I sometimes wonder what my world would have been like if she had been in our world just a bit longer, she was one amazing woman with many talents but I do believe she is a part of my every day life, even if only in spirit.

Why The Show Parenthood Makes me Both Happy and Sad

I remember while growing up that I would spend Summers with  my aunt and uncle, sister and my cousins. We would have such a great time spending time together, doing fun things and enjoy being a kid. I remember having Christmas dinner, I remember going to Gram’s on Thanksgiving because that is just what everyone did. I loved seeing all of my cousins and family during the holidays.

Recently the man of the house and I decided to start watching the series Parenthood, starting at Season 1 and currently into Season 3. As we watch we both have feelings of happiness and sadness. You see, I have a huge family togetherness  and family does anything for each other mentality. It’s how I think, and what I believe in. The issue is that while I believe in all of that and want it badly, ever since I became a grown up, the family get together’s for holidays no longer happen. Slowly they fade away for one valid reason or another and leave my heart with a deep sorrow.

I want so badly for my children to have the experiences I had growing up, going to relatives for sleep overs and getting together with family during the holidays and while my kids sort of have that on their Dad’s sides, they don’t have it on mine. I long to feel as if family is family, what is used to be. Why is that people use the excuse that they are too busy to get together? I know that my family is truly busy and with Gram who used to do Thanksgiving every year, she has so much on her plate. I wish she didn’t because she should be able to sit back and relax by now. I don’t like seeing her work so hard, but again that is how my family is. If they need to work, they do. They get things done.

I just think in my own mind, that taking a break for a family get together is so worth it. Have a pot luck, get the family to pitch in and help. Have everyone come together more than once a year and just see each other, talk with each other and enjoy the news each of us have to share. I miss so much having my family get together. I do. And While we watch Parenthood,  the man and I get sad that our children don’t really have that with our family, we then realize maybe – just maybe – our children will be that for us.

I hope so much to grow up and be that mom to adult children who come home for the holidays bringing their families with them. I hope so much to be the person who drops everything to entertain family; laughing, bickering, snickering and just enjoying the love that only family can offer. I just have such a missing piece in my heart for myself and my children because they don’t get to experience my family in the way I did growing up. It should not be that way. It should be different but we cannot change the times, and so I keep hoping for the future to be different.

Random Thoughts Spinning in my Head Turned to Blog Post

Each night I sit down on my couch, thinking about the days events. Lately I have been facing a lot of challenging things, but in all reality I’m mostly feeling a tad weighed down because I hold the brunt of my children’s stress. While I do teach them to cope and handle as well as communicate their own stressers, I’m still Mom so I end up with the worrying stress of it all laid upon my shoulders.

The shoulders, that’s where my stress is held. Always has been. Always will be. Tight, tense shoulders that feel like boulders. As the tightness in the shoulders gets stronger, my neck gets weaker and on comes a headache. Thankfully a nice hard shoulder rub takes away all of the pain and weight so I can sleep better.

Lately when I sit down on the couch, at end of night, my mind wanders over to a place I try to avoid, that place where you question why you have who you have in your life. The kids, well you can’t pick them – they are yours always so never second guess having your awesome children around. The friends, the acquaintances, the users and the givers. In my line of work I have mostly acquaintances with a handful of people who are friends. It’s not unlike me to think of someone as a friend but in all reality we really are acquaintances. I need to start defining my relationship with people better so as to not get sucked into some major dilemma that could have been avoided if I had kept the boundaries of what the relationship really was or should have been.

I’m pretty good at reading who a person is, yes even virtually over the phone, internet or email. I am better at it in person but overall you can get a feel for who a person really is if you watch their daily talks; if you are at a point where you are questioning why you hang around to be pushed down by people who just can’t seem to realize it’s their own fault their lives are where they are at. If you are frustrated with trying to help people but all they do is want to point fingers and make excuses as to why they are the way they are, then just leave them.

I always say this; life is too short to be unhappy and life is also too short to be tied down into unhealthy relationships  that should be more like acquaintances. If the person you care about is someone who really needs therapy, professional help and they just cannot seem to get their own head wrapped around that idea and instead wallow in self pity, then walk away. You cannot allow anyone; relationship, friendship or what not,  to be a part of bringing you down too.

To me, I worked my ass off to be who I am today so I have zero pity and zero tolerance for those who don’t help themselves. I get it, it’s much like an addiction; you have to admit you need the help to move forward into a positive, happy place before you can get the help you need or even work to get to that place. Sadly, society makes it easy for us to be needy, greedy and loathe in self pity because we have been trained to be sheep, cowards and not think for our own self.

Stop that. Stand up. Be who you are. If you have issues, deep issues within, and you really are sick of struggling with them, get help. There are so many free programs, so many support groups out there that can assist you in getting away from the life you are being sucked dry of. You are not alone but you do need to first admit you want that positive change, because without you truly wanting it within your heart – the change will never happen.

It takes work to become a happier person, you will be challenged every single day of your life. Each day you will face something that tries to bring your mind down, do not allow anyone or anything to have such power over you. I just wish more people would realize they have deep issues and then take the step to get the help. I felt such a breath of fresh air when I released all that I needed to release and I would love to see more people release that and feel that relaxation that comes with getting emotional things sorted out. I love seeing people become better, happier and healthier within because they simply put a hand out to ask for help to be strong.

You can do it. Anyone can. You just have to want it bad enough and be able to admit the faults you have and issues you have within. Then move forward to Step 2…. seeking professional assistance to gain insight on how to deal with the issues that created the person you are today.

 

Cupcakes for the Birthday Girl

On October 8th my daughter turned 11 years old. On October 7th and the weekend prior she was with me but on October 8th and the weekend following her birthday it was her time with her Dad based on our visitation schedule. Over the weekend prior to October 8th my daughter went grocery shopping with me and saw this …

Funfetti Pink

My daughter wanted me to buy this and make cupcakes or a cake on Monday for her since she wouldn’t be home on her birthday. I said I would try to get back to Market Basket on Monday during day and hopefully be able to make cupcakes or a cake for her.

I never made it back to Market Basket. I wasn’t financially prepared to buy frosting and cake mix. That’s just how it is sometimes in our life.

funfetti cupcakes

Then the following weekend that my daughter was expected to be at my home and have a birthday party on that Saturday, I had the extra to buy this 99 cent frosting (I thought it was MORE than that in price before) and some funfetti cake mix.

I surprised my daughter on that weekend she was with me with cupcakes as she returned home from school. This was my way to say “I didn’t forget” and to make up for not being able to do this the week prior. Having cupcakes Friday night was also a great way to start off the birthday party celebration weekend!

Cupcakes for the Princess

You have to have fun sometimes and splurge a little on the yummies in life … that was what this was all about! Well, that and making my daughter smile big for her birthday weekend.

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