Making Sure Insecurities Don’t Play out in a Relationship

No one is perfect. Everyone carries some form of baggage from one relationship into another. It’s a matter of fact. Whether that baggage is harmful or productive; that’s another story. I think that we spend a lot of years as youngsters being prepared to know that we must commit to someone. A relationship is necessary so they seem to push, but is it really necessary before you are ready?

While I have a boat load of mishaps in relationships, including one divorce, I learned something from all of the situations I have been in my life; that I am to be happy because as long as I am happy then my children are happy. I spent a lot of years thinking happiness was something I could gain from an external source but that isn’t the case. I spent time being that insecure girlfriend and even now at times, usually that week before my menstrual cycle arrives, I get a little insecure. Hormones are no fun to play with.

I am a firm advocate for listening to your gut instincts, but it’s not always easy to determine if your gut instincts are being driven by insecurities or a rational feeling. If you are a secure individual and have a decent self esteem then usually your gut instinct is correct. I had a scenario way back in the day where my gut was telling me something wasn’t right yet I didn’t listen because “I had to have proof”. I couldn’t walk away from the relationship with just a simple gut feeling.

That scenario taught me to always listen to my gut. I have spent many years since that moment ensuring that I understand how I work and who I am to the fullest. Being that in tune with yourself allows you to think clearly and acknowledge what may be insecurity driven feelings or justified feelings. I personally would advise people to spend at least a year single, getting to know who they are before committing to another human being but let’s face it, few people do that these days.


If you don’t spend time, even during your relationship, getting to a place where you are secure and self assured then you are carrying excess baggage that will ultimately ruin your relationship. If you do spend time getting to know who you are and what makes you tick, then eventually you will find that “one for you” that understands when you are hormonal vs thinking logically. Someone who gets you completely and loves you completely for who you are. That will happen, but only once you are secure with your own self.

People who don’t get their securities in check and their self esteem to a healthy level, will probably keep repeating the same relationship mistakes. That is not something I would advise you to do, check out Charles Orlando, he has a lot of great tips for both woman and men to move forward and demand a better relationship; one full of love, compassion and understanding.

The Beauty of a Good Mother/Daughter Relationship

I don’t have to even explain how close my daughter and I are. My daughter is 11 and was born 10 days before I turned 21 years old. I knew from day one the type of relationship I wanted to have with my daughter …

Beauty of a mother and daughter relationship

I could go on and on about our relationship and closeness but it really comes down to the fact that I AM A PARENT. My daughter can look to me as a true guidance in life, I am the shoulder to lean on, the ear to listen and the hug to fall into when having a bad day. I am the one who holds her accountable and teaches her to learn from mistakes.

MOther daughter necklaces

You could almost simply say; I am her guiding light in this challenging world she is growing up in. In all reality, I don’t have to explain because the image above is the gift my daughter gave me this Christmas … I think that speaks volumes for our closeness.

Everything has a New Perspective #rambling #specialneeds

When you are raising a child with any special needs, it seems your world becomes quite a different place. You are usually less apt to judge another child or parent for what appears to be an ill behaved child. You are more open minded to the idea that children can have special needs without having a physical appearance the world has known to be what happens when a child is special needs.

Special needs or disabilities come in all shapes in sizes, they affect anyone healthy or not. Disabilities have no prejudice.

The only thing I have found is that those parents who have a special needs child tend to be more loving, more patient and more compassionate. I also find these parents of special needs children to be stronger, you would be amazed at what a parent who raises a special needs child can handle.

I would also have to say that those who have a special needs child has less tolerance for children who do not have special needs. With that being said, I simply mean that you may expect children to be more tolerable and have different expectations for those who are a part of your special need child’s life.

I am at the point where I just have a different perspective on things, life and other children involved in my child’s life. This is because I have gone through hell and back with my child and so has his siblings. This means, I have little tolerance for much beyond that. If you are without special needs and you still want to be ignorant than I get to that “I don’t give a crap about you” mentality. If I have spent countless days and hours trying to educate you on what my son has and how is best to play with him, work with him, interact with him and you just flat out ignore that? Well that’s your loss.

At this point, I just don’t let those who can’t learn get to me, but I will be damned sure that no one affects the growth of my children. My children have always lived in a happy environment with a positive lifestyle – that will not ever change. No matter What.

You Made Your Bed, But you Hurt Your Kids

On a somewhat wacko mission to hurt the relationship between a father and his children, a mother took the initiative to say and do bad things in front of her children. The mission of an ex, especially one who made the decision to leave the marriage, to break up a relationship between her children and their father due to her own insecurities and issues is so completely immoral and wrong. The problem is that television reality shows and social media accounts like Facebook seem to breed lack of common sense and good character. Sure you can blame society for the reason many people have started to enjoy drama over peaceful bliss, but in all reality we are human beings not sheep. We have the voice of reason inside of our brains and we have the ability to be better than what society may push upon us; be strong, stand up and be something more than what society portrays as the next big reality show.

Co-Parenting Gone Bad

I’m a blogger. I love attention. I personally prefer positive attention, but just like my five year old son, some people simply prefer negative attention or any attention they can get. This is fine, as an individual, but when you have become divorced and are to raise children together with your ex amicably so as to not ruin the children …. then that is where you suck it the hell up and grow up, bite your tongue and be the positive influence your children need during this time of confusion. It may be difficult, but it’s not impossible to do.

There are many woman out there, men too, that when they get divorced they seem to think it’s best to have the children pick a side. This constant battle of Mom versus Dad is more common when the parental unit has moved onto greener pastures. The ex will say anything he/she can to make it so the children feel obligated to be unhappy at the other parents home and in turn choose to side with the parent mouthing the most flack about the other parent. There are situations where the parent being a wacko and causing a ruckus actually ends up having the pages turned on him/her and then the children choose the more “sane” parent.

In New Hampshire, you are obligated to take a Child Impact Seminar when divorcing, separating or breaking up and have children together. This Child Impact Seminar is slightly messed up in some ways, because just like the NH “pro family” mentality, the Child Impact Seminar simply covers the “how things should go” when co-parenting, rather than covering the major percent of divorcees situations. That means, the Child Impact Seminar can assist those who have a positive mindset to move forward for the benefit of their children, but those who are Drama Kings or Queens won’t benefit from this course at all.

Sadly, with the children who are pushed away from one of the parents leaves that parent to make harsh, tough love type decisions. Always try to work things out without stooping to the other parents level, but if all fails and you are unable to get the children to see that Dad/Mom is happy and that you want them happy with you and their other parent – then you have some tough decisions to make. If you are a parent who has your children half of the time, correcting a wacko parent’s mistakes is easily done. If you are someone who doesn’t have the children half of the time or more often than just a few days a month, then you are going to have an extremely difficult time correcting the methods of your ex spouse.

In times when the ex has made a pretty comfy bed for your children to pretty much disown anything to do with you, yet the children still come to visit because they have no choice but to do so, it’s time to rethink what’s the best to do for the children in the long haul of life. If you have moved on and are in a serious relationship, that maybe also involves children beyond your own, it’s also time to rethink what is best for them. Sadly, when an ex spouse turns your child(ren) against you and all that makes you happy, you have to do whatever is necessary to ensure your sanity. If children don’t see a parent for years because they have decided to protect the evil ex spouse, their other parent, then there is nothing that you can do to change that. A child is only going to see the world and their parents, as the remainder of the world sees them, when they are mature enough to understand life in a whole new light.

So if you are one of those ex spouses who thought it would be totally cool to turn the children against their other parent because you are not mature enough to handle your own insecurities in life, then that makes you pure evil. A child is innocent, and should never, ever have to feel that they cannot be happy for both of their parents and with both of their parents. Do me a favor, now that you have made your bed, lie in it for a while and see for your own self just how much damage you did to your children. Then, take a moment and look in the mirror – do you see a good person or a downright evil person? If you still can see a good person and think all of the crap you put your kids through was okay, then you may just be more messed up than anyone else ever thought you to be.

Moral of the story is this; just because a marriage failed does not mean co-parenting has to fail!

“Image courtesy of smarnad/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

Planning a Spring/Summer 2015 Wedding

It’s official, I am engaged and with that comes the planning a wedding stage. Right now, all I long for is to celebrate my engagement. We want to have time to simply be happy and enjoy this wonderful time in our life, but other life responsibilities are keeping us rather busy. Originally we wanted to have a Spring/Summer 2014 Wedding but since we really want to ensure our special day is a reflection of things we didn’t have our first time around as well as a way to showcase who we are as individuals and a couple; the time is needed to ensure we have time to free plan. We don’t want to get stuck into this time crunch, after all, if we love each other we can wait.

IMG_2549

Both of us have been married once then divorced once, this time around we have all of the time in the world. We aren’t having any children together biologically, we have my three and his two that will join as one blended family in 2015 and we want it to be a special day!

For starters, we have no clue what the “wedding party” at a normal wedding entails; sure we know flower girl, best man, maid of honor and bridesmaids, etc but is that all? I guess we have to do some research. Hoping for time this weekend to get my tax prep done and then sit together viewing various wedding planning ideas so we can get a feel for the style of wedding we long for.

Of course we have a small budget, at the moment there is no “number” to it other than cheap as cheap can be while still keeping it special. I’m super excited but still think it’s sinking in, like I said, we have so many other external things going on to deal with that the engagement has been really something that we are happy about but haven’t had a chance to really breath and take in the reality of it!

Cheers to a wonderful 2014 with planning of  the joining of our families in 2015 as two people who deeply love each other unite under wedlock.

15 Hours Without Power

Last night our family was getting ready for our bedtime routine with the boys when BAM, flash, BOOM … the power went out.

My children do not sleep when the power goes out. I have emergency lights that are plugged into outlets so wen the power goes off they go flashing and allow for quick lighting, I have a ton of candles, which I quickly lit over the mantle. It doesn’t matter though, my children DO NOT sleep in their own bedrooms when there is no power. It simply doesn’t happen and it’s not worth the fight.

We had no power, no heat and barely any access to food because we had no way of cooking. Thank goodness most of us had already eaten something for dinner and we have a ton of water jugs for drinking water.

The kids realized that, while there was no internet, that my laptop worked and Minecraft was able to be used in creative mode without internet. The three kids bundled up on the couch and proceeded to just be silly having fun on Minecraft.

We laughed so hard, we smiled, we had fun.

Then it was time to wrap up for bed. I made a neat little bed on the floor of our bedroom for all three kids. With about 6-7 blankets the three kids snuggled up on our bedroom floor and kept warm overnight, when we woke up there was still no power.

Finally about 10am we got power back on. It was a long 15 hours but we made it and the house only got down to about  52 degrees which isn’t all that bad. Thank goodness it wasn’t below 0 outside or something, it is afterall Winter in New Hampshire – anything is possible.

In the morning, our neighbors brought us coffee and donuts from dunkin donuts, it was a pleasant surprise and really sweet gesture. I am thankful in times like these that we have the most wonderful neighbors ever and that we have each other – a very close knit happy family!

Nothing beats having power though … thank the Lord it’s back on!

Page 10 of 102« First...89101112...203040...Last »