Sometimes two people get lucky. After divorcing the parent to their children they happen upon their perfect partner and his & hers kids match up well. The family is united without much issue. The ex spouse is amazingly supportive and works together to help keep the blended family an encouraged addition to the children’s lives.
Then… you have the other types of blended family scenarios, which sadly are far more common to every day life for divorced couples.
You meet. You fall in love. You realize it’s time to introduce the kids. You are nervous, you talk together about how you will work with any bumps along the road and you get your plan together. Then the kids meet. The kids love each other. Yours and theirs, they get along as if they had been around each other for years. It makes you and your partner stop blinking for fear this is a dream that will end upon that next blink. It’s bliss. Pure blended family bliss!
Then … it happens… the ex gets jealous or insecure that the other “new parent figure” will take their place and in turn passes their insecurities down to the kids by pushing them away from the other parent as well as the other parents partner and by default, the children from the new partner.
This is where blending a family becomes near impossible. I don’t often use the term impossible, and maybe blending a family when an ex pushes their own insecurities onto a child can work if the child realizes what is going on. Sadly, this is not the case at this moment in time. Teenagers. Teenagers not raised to have this family bond, the sense of family togetherness, the sense of what’s right versus what’s wrong. Teenagers living primarily in an environment that breeds drugs, alcoholics and parents not wishing to parent their children. Teenagers left to be able to do whatever they want without many boundaries set because the other parent feels that “they are teenagers and you compromise with them”.
Shakes my head.
What do you do when your own flesh and blood cannot see the self destructive path they are going down? What do you do to help them blend well with your happy, positive home environment that promotes boundaries, rules and a sense of family unity? What do you do when the ex has made it so completely impossible for you to do anything and if you did try, the few days a month you see these teens, you are not able to get them to get on a better path.
It’s not easy to parent kids these days, so many negative temptations out there at their finger tips. Parents not being parents. Children raising children. This day and age has lost the sense of family unity but a few people still promote such a sense of pride in their family. When teenagers have slipped to the other side of things and you have no way of getting them off of that path, what do you do? Do you continue to have them around those few days a month when you can see they are clearly completely miserable and imposing their negative attitude onto others in the blended family? Do you continue to dread seeing your children because you want to see them as they were just under a year ago? Up until eight months ago life was great. Blending the family unit worked, there were some bumps that came up but overall it was good. We had little, if any, complaints.
Now … we sit here. We watch.
Teenagers falling down a path that they cannot even seem to realize. Kids who need guidance, love and boundaries. Kids who need to realize the path they are going down isn’t going to lead to a successful hard working mentality as adults. A life that can lead down a path that has disastrous results. It’s sad really, that a person would do such a thing to their own children. It’s sad that the children do not see how they were turned against their new blended family unit instead of encouraged to be happy in both households, encouraged to have a relationship with both households. It’s just sad. It is also very wrong. Maybe one day, the hope is, that these children will mature enough to realize the wrong, hurtful things their other parent has done to them. That’s a big hope that is out of our control, we are doing the best we can and living life to the best of our abilities. One hard decision is that we cannot have that negativity be imposed upon our household that has a happy & positive tone as well as a family united mentality. We are doing all we can do. Just living each day to the fullest and keeping hope!
“Image courtesy of jesadaphorn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.