I have realized that with all the advances in technology one can now flirt through text messages, no I’m not talking about sexting, which by definition of the Urban Dictionary is “the act of text messaging someone in the hopes of having a sexual encounter with them later; initially casual, transitioning into highly suggestive and even sexually explicit.” Wow, can you imagine setting up some blind date via sext message? I  mean geez what is this world coming to. I have been the victim of sext messages while being single and trying to get back into the dating scene, the majority of them came from people who I exchanged a few messages from online and then later gave my cell number to, needless to say most have been removed from my cell and some even were blocked, none of them ever had a chance of meeting me in person anywhere, anytime. Hey we live and learn, right?!

Okay back on track of my discussion about flirting via text messages …

I have found based on talking with other people and reading online articles from various places that many have turned to text messages as a quick way to let the love of your life know you are thinking about them during a busy work day or maybe even before the drive home. Just a simple “I miss you” or “I love you” via text message certainly makes this chick smile, so why wouldn’t it make others smile? Coming from a person of divorce who is now dating her ex husband, I know how hard it is to date a person or even be married to a person who is not so outspoken about their thoughts or feelings. My ex husband barely spoke a single flirtatious thing to me the four years we were together. That was one of our melting points. I love flirting and telling someone how you feel about them as well as showing them in unique little ways.

It’s so awesome that you no longer have to pick up the phone to quickly tell someone you love them or are thinking about them just to hurry off of the phone because you are on a short break at work. Now you can text message that special person and heck if you are even the owner of a cell phone with a camera and picture messaging service you may be able to send them a picture of you as a way to say hello.

Although texting is impersonal and should not take over the flirting completely, I am a firm believer that texting to flirt with your loved one during times away is a great new option to help further your bond and emotional connection with that special person in your life. If you are going to use text messages for flirting purposes, please remember to also flirt in person because nothing beats an in person flirting session … it could lead to good things later on that night, if you get what I’m saying!

If you read yesterdays post “Is There Such Thing as Soul Mates? Part 1“, you know that the story ended with my ex-husband professing his love so to speak via email to me.

Yes I read that email J sent me with tears forming in my eyes. The tears that formed were not that of happiness or anger, it seemed like they were more tears of sadness, simple wishes that he had sent such an email to me back before I had filed for the divorce, back when I was ready and willing to work on “us” without a question asked.

It’s just like J to come out and be open and honest at the last possible minute and sometimes way too late, but I read it and sat to cry a bit, ran outside to smoke a cigarette and clear my thoughts before replying to him. I will be honest, I wasn’t jumping for joy nor was I professing my love for him back on that first response. I simply told him how it was, that I had wish he said his feelings and fought for me back after our separation and before our divorce, now I am uncertain how I feel and if I would ever give him a chance to be a part of my life as my husband again.

I had to be honest, I wasn’t going to lie to him, after all we are divorced and yes I have feelings but I also am nervous because we spent nearly a year pushing each other away and there was a lot of hurt and deceit prior to that as well. I am the type of person that once you lie to me, I have a hard time gaining that trust back. It’s always best to be open & honest with me, because I can handle anything, and I mean anything, if you are a straight up & honest with me.

My ex husband wasn’t giving up that easily, he didn’t seem to give a crap what I replied on email, it’s like his mind was made up and he knew he had to win my love back. Mind you, this is a guy I never pictured to initiate a thing, he always seemed way laid back and a “go with the flow” kind of guy. So his pursuit of wining my love was sort of exiting and new. It made me feel really good about him and almost excited.

The reason for his first email professing his love and feelings? He had found an old poem I wrote him back in the day. It wasn’t necessarily the words of the poem that made this knowledge of his true feelings, it was the shape the poem was in. The piece of paper this poem was on had been wrinkled due to being moved so much and almost appeared to have gotten wet, so it was fading and weathered so to speak. Just the symbolism behind that poem and piece of paper it was on was enough for J to realize what I meant to him and it’s like all the love he ever had for me flowed into his veins and he knew that he had to give it his all for one last try to win my heart back.

Alright, so here’s the question some of you want answered:  Did my ex husband win my heart back?? Did the changes in him and his determined mind allow me to open my heart and fall madly in love again?

Oh yes everyone, it worked … not immediately, not as slow as I had hoped either, but this man I once married in May of 2007 and had broken my heart numerous times, won my heart back. With a simple space apart of about six months plus, he was able to become the “man” I had wanted him to be and with all the changes between us from this space apart, it’s like we are truly meant to be. I am a believer in soul mates, my situation with J has proved to me that there is that one special person out there for everyone and only a lucky a few are able to find that love. The love that no matter how hard you try to escape it, it always comes flying back in your face and no matter how many times to try to escape this person who is your soul mate, something or someone will always return you to each other.

So today, take a look at your life …  I am now a firm believer in soul mates and the fact that opposites attract for the best! J keeps me grounded and I keep him moving forward. We truly interlock like a puzzle piece. Although we are unable to reverse our divorce, we are together and moving forward to the next chapter in our lives.

When my ex husband and I met we were convinced within a few short months that we were soul mates, expected to spend the rest of our lives together, no matter what. He is the quiet laid back type and I am the outgoing social butterfly and sometimes high strung type. Eventually the fact that we were opposites on many levels drove me crazy and made me push him further and further away, as I started pushing, he started pushing back. Oh it was a real fun situation for about a year or longer.

The pushing each other away came to a point where Miss Positive Me was focusing on every imperfection I could possibly focus on, right down to the not taking the trash out, which is something that never bugged me really at all. I feel in a relationship it is 50/50 and although I am more the old fashion kinda gal, I also know how to pull my own weight around the house, especially being a work at home Mom.

After a year of us debating what we would do, my ex-husband finally said “I will give you a separation but only because I feel once you get out there and meet other people you will realize that we truly are soul mates & are meant to be together forever”. I of course, at that time, laughed my butt off, saying, “yeah ok, whatever you say. Doubt it”.  I did say that to his face, I am outspoken and honest after all, which I think is the reason why this dude totally trusts me, I find it hard to lie & often tell people things most others wouldn’t imagine saying out loud.

Long story, sort of shortened; after six months or so separated I filed for divorce and he decided to not fight the decision. He once said to me, “I didn’t want a divorce but I didn’t want to be with you either”, and so we got officially divorced legally on May 25 ,2010. We got along just fine as friends, sharing our sons together, but something was missing in both of our lives. I honestly was happy and overall felt great and confident of my new found freedom of raising the kids & running my business. My ex, however, had felt like something was missing to a point that he could barely eat and felt just quite simply unhappy.

The end result? My ex husband sends me an email one Saturday night, of course it was the night of my “freedom from the kids” and as I laid down on my bed to go to sleep I read his email. Of course, what he said in detail is private information but I can tell you when I first read it … I cried because it was full of things I wanted him to say and do back when we first separated.

Did Brandy take her ex back? Are they truly soul mates? Read on tomorrow to find out some more of this story …

No matter how many times a person may feel they want out of their marriage, maybe they should take some time away and I say at most 6 months. The reason for this is that after time you may be able to move on from the anger and hurt that created the separation. Each person needs certain things to feel loved but after growing older together, raising kids, being financially strapped and of course every other stressful situation that comes into play when you are an adult you  may find yourself questioning the love you have for your partner.

Remember back to the silly days when you two joked, tickled, laughed and truly enjoyed the company of one another? Do you remember what it felt like when your partner held your hand walking down the street? Those days may have faded due to children and life. Once we have children usually our minds get so focused on raising the children that we lose track of the relationship. It’s not wrong to feel like you want time away, it’s not wrong to feel anger and bitterness towards your partner who may not have as many parenting responsibilities as you do. The feelings one can get while focusing on the negative aspects of a marriage or relationship are all normal. The problem is having these feelings and not opening up to your partner in a way that allows you two to determine if space is needed, counseling is needed or if you two truly have simply grown apart and changed too much to love one another in the way you both need.

Sometimes it can take a divorce for a person to realize the love they have for their ex partner. Sometimes it takes some space and sometimes it can take a cheating situation to make a couple grow back in love. This may sound super silly, but reality is it is how we handle the mistakes we made and how we accept and forgive those we love that make us a stronger person and make our relationships stronger for the future. I invite you to take a step back from your relationship, what is it you love about your partner, what is it that you can’t live without? Do they still make you feel warm and fuzzy? Have you both lost touch of who you are? Have you become one in such a way that you feel who you are as a person and individual is gone? No matter how you are feeling, good or bad, remember to take some time, some space before making a decision to finalize the relationship. Remember even if you divorce, a piece of paper can never tell your heart what is right or wrong. It is in y0ur heart where you will find truth and happiness. Follow your heart, open your eyes and love with all your might … you may be surprised what the outcome is!

How frustrating is the dating scene for others? For me, it’s a nightmare sometimes. It seems all men are physically attracted to me and feel it’s love at first site. I try to explain to them they are simply thinking with their “other head” and I’m sure you know what I mean but they are convinced we are meant to be and in love. I will admit there is one or two people I have feelings for in a way that I wonder what the future holds, if I am meant to be with one of them or not, but I don’t feel in love with either of them like that.

I don’t understand why men think they have to tell a woman they love them to try to get them in bed?! I would prefer if someone wanted to try to sleep with me that they be honest and upfront. I am a big girl and I can handle my self and handle the honesty. I will admit there have been a couple of guys I have talked to that are straight up about wanting “no strings attached” and they are good friends of mine but I won’t sleep with them.

Here’s the deal; growing up I always looked to men for sex to feel loved or whatever I needed back years and years ago. I got my need to sleep with people stage out of my system. I am now a happy, single mother of three who always puts her children and business first. That is what my life revolves around at this time; children and business. I don’t have time to play games, I barely have time for dinner dates and I quite simply just don’t need the smooth talking jerks to come into my life and waste any of my time or theirs.

Dating is fun, it’s great getting to talk to a ton of new people and with text messages it’s even easier to get to know someone virtually before ever meeting for a dinner date. Text messages have saved me from meeting a lot of dumb men since I’ve been back on the dating bandwagon! As much as I feel texts or even emails can be very impersonal I love that they have opened the doors to getting to know someone a little bit better before spending hours upon hours on the phone away from my busy life just to find out they are complete jerks!

Dating can just plain suck, especially when you do not need anyone else in your life but simply want companionship, someone to cuddle up with to watch a movie every other weekend when the munchkins are gone. That my friends is exactly what I need a good friend that I can snuggle up to watching a movie on the couch, trust with me when I have a few beers and someone who I can call if having a bad day. I know there is a man out there who would love to be that person for me, it’s just weeding out all the jerks before I find him.

If you are dating you really should read this:

Have you ever passed someone and brushed up against them on accident? I have plenty of times of course because I am clumsy and I am also a touchy kind of person, otherwise known as a “hugging type of person”. This incident sticks out in my mind because it will not leave my dreams and my thoughts. I brushed hands against this person on accident and well I had this feeling of butterflies in my stomach, and the thought of this person will not leave my mind. I don’t know why I am thinking like this, I don’t know what type of connection that is when you simply brush hands with someone and then lock eyes and run off as fast as you can to hide from the feeling it appears both of you just felt.

I had to ignore the feeling, it was the right thing to do. I was dating someone at the time and this person is very much so taken by a bad relationship, they want out but isn’t sure how to get out of it. Recently I found out that the person felt that same weird butterfly feeling when our hands brushed in passing on accident and apparently he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about me either. This is all so weird to me, I am not ready for any relationship, I tried dating a person and my heart isn’t ready to be in a serious relationship, or so I thought.

This person consumes my mind and consumes my soul. Apart from my children he is on my mind all the time and appears in my dreams at night. Is this feeling infatuation? Is this simply just a crush? I feel like it must be more, it has to be more. Never had I once touched this friend before, we have never hugged, we have never shook hands, nothing and the first time we accidentally brush by each other in passing we have sparks or something felt between us? We both felt the same thing, we both locked eyes and quickly moved in opposite directions. This is such a weird thing for me, I am a huge fan of ‘follow your heart’ but really is this a follow your heart sort of thing?

I can’t say I wasn’t ever attracted to the sight of this person before, he is an attractive person but I never and I mean never thought of him as more than a friend. I honestly can’t think of him as more than a friend, it’s trouble. He is a great guy don’t get me wrong but there is a huge, long story as to why I feel like he is off limits to anything but a friendship. Yet he contacted me to tell me his feelings, took a chance on me feeling the same way and now here I sit wondering what it is we felt that day and why it is we both can’t stop thinking about each other having never been anything more than friends.

I have no clue what to make of this and in all honesty it’s weird but a good weird feeling. Have you ever had this happen or know someone who has? What did they do, what did you do? I could use your advice this time around!