My Mom and I have always had this rocky, sister-like relationship. I wish it were different, but as I have grown older, I have come to realize that I need to be thankful that I have a Mom. I also know that I do love my Mom, I wouldn’t wish any harm upon her. I came to realize that my Mom is being and has been the best Mom she knows how.
To be honest, the moment I accepted and realized I DO LOVE my Mom for who she is, a weight was lifted. I feel much more relaxed around my Mom. I also try my best to keep a connection with my Mom. We both lead busy lives and often misunderstand each other in communications, but I think we are working on that or at least accepting that sometimes we don’t “get” each other and that’s okay!
Respect. Love. Both will go a long way when trying to simply show someone that you DO care about them.
This weekend I spent a few hours visiting my Mom on Saturday, I knew I would be heading out Sunday to have a BBQ and visit my sis, niece and Dad so I thought Saturday would have been a perfect day to stop by and give my Mom a Mother’s Day Gift. I never expected to sit and chat for a couple of hours with her. It was, dare I say, really great!
I learned a bit from that conversation; such as how hard it is to try to be in a relationship or meet that special one when you have children. There are so many factors that come into play when you are divorced and trying to make a relationship with a person who isn’t the parent of the children or who brings new children to the blended family unit; IS HARD.
For the first time in my life, I was seeing what I am hurting from and struggling with, in the eyes of my Mom who has been there and tried that.
I admired my Mom for her wisdom she shared and honesty; I found myself nodding, about how difficult it is to get someone else to accept you and your kids. How difficult it is to accept another person’s child(ren) coming into the picture with you and your children. It’s no easy task trying to blend a couple divorced families into one.
I won’t go on and on about our private conversation but I will say this, I left this conversation feeling confident that “I am normal” that the issues I am dealing with right now, things I am struggling with or questioning, are completely normal!
Like my Mom said, “Dating when you are trying to raise kids is very difficult!”
You see, she didn’t mean difficult for just the parents, it’s hard for both parents to accept and learn how to parent each others children, it’s hard for the two parents to step back and come down a middle ground to parent each set of children under one roof. It’s difficult. Very very much so. That’s not to say it’s impossible. Nothing is impossible if you have love and feel love for the other person … but I found myself saying that I simply just do better raising my three children alone, obviously with the help of their father’s, but I have to have life a certain way specifically for my special needs child and that doesn’t always mesh well with someone who hasn’t raised a special needs child or isn’t that personality type that can easily adapt.
Life is hard. Thanks to my Mom for making it feel a little more at ease this weekend. While I am still in a position in my life where I have a lot to think about, this conversation with my Mom made me realize that I actually have a lot more in common with my Mom than I had ever thought and it brought my heart/connection quite a few steps closer to her.
I Love you Mom.