The other day I was making breakfast for the boys, we had sausage links cooked in the microwave and I made scrambled eggs on the stove. When I took the sausage links out of the microwave I said “ew smells like a wet dog”, the sausage seriously smelled so gross, I could barely eat it. I did eat it and the scrambled eggs too.

I set up a plate of scrambled eggs with two sausage links for the boys and all of a sudden I hear AJ say “tastes like wet dog“. I died of laughter. Remember parents …. watch what you say because little ears are constantly listening to you!

They may not repeat it exactly like you said it but they will repeat it regardless of what it is that was said!

I have often wondered about siblings and if they grow closer the older they get? My sister and I never really got along, although I let her drive my cars I had, took her almost every where I went when I had my license and we spent a lot of time together one on one. We were all we had back then, we helped raise each other. Our parents divorced sometime around 1991 or so which put us at age 10 and about 6 probably. I don’t exactly recall the year as my parents went back and forth from what I remember.

We were essentially raised by a single Mom and saw our Dad every other weekend. I remember going to our Dad’s was like a special treat because he was like a kid himself. I recall sitting up on an old closet space, there was like this platform up there, eating bugles and throwing them down at our Dad and his friend, giggling the whole time. My sister and I had a connection, we were siblings, but we were not always that close.

As my sister grew older, she seemed to grow angry or distant, not sure which. Eventually our close sisterhood turned to spats and yes she even tried to beat me with my vacuum one time, oh and an empty soda bottle over a phone. We had quite the experiences together growing up and now that we are older, I am almost 29 and she is 25, we seem to have a respect for each other like never before. We don’t live our lives the same, I am a polite Mommy type most of the time and she is loud and very outspoken not afraid to tell you off if she feels you deserve it type of person, yet we both seem to have a love for each other that is incomparable to our childhood years.

Don’t tell her I said that! She will deny, deny, deny! Of course I realize that even if my sister doesn’t tell me she loves me that she does. We are blood and blood sticks together through it all. My Dad had it right one day;

My sister and I were talking about how my car didn’t like going to pick her up at The Mall of NH in Manchester. My sister pipes up and says “well you didn’t have to come get me”. My Dad interrupted and said “hell yeah she did. We are blood, that’s what we do. WE are there for each other no matter what, even if we don’t like it.” It is so true, in my opinion, whether you are blood related or consider yourself family with another person, you will be there for them when they need you regardless of whether it ticks you off or not. I will forever be there for my sister and I know she will be here for me too.

So I have to ask you …. are you and your sibling or siblings closer now that you are adults? Or were you closer as children?

Who said being a parent was easy? I think I did probably about the age of fourteen when I was babysitting two cute little boys. I loved babysitting, I loved children. I did everything I could do to be that fun babysitter and it was fun. I thought who couldn’t do this. Feed ‘em, wipe ‘em, play with ‘em, it all seemed relatively easy. I did get knocked out once by a set of boxing gloves on an eight year old but hey it was all in good fun!

I was the one person who would babysit any one’s children, when I had friends with younger siblings I would spend my time playing with them and being silly. There was always something about children that fascinated me, I don’t know if it was the fact that they haven’t seen the world and so they aren’t afraid to tell you that you look fat, smell funny or are wearing a horrible outfit. Children are born without fear and yet we instill fear in them. Of course it is good to have fear, but something about a young child who believes he or she can fly, truly fly makes you wonder when do we, as adults, lose that skill? The skill to have no fear, pursue your dreams and fly, truly fly.

Then one day when I was 20 years old I became a Mom, 20 days before I turned 21 years of age.  I will tell you I wasn’t worried about being legally of age to drink as I was a teen drinker, just check my record the underage DWI will tell ya I did drink. Of course I learned my lessons from the mistakes I have made and I feel all the little mistakes I made as a teen have helped me to be a good Mommy, to truly put them first.  What I wasn’t expecting back in the good ol’ babysitting days is to come to realize raising kids ain’t no easy task, not at all!

First off giving birth, although a beautiful experience, hurts like a {insert some profanity here} and carrying around extra weight for nine months with all the weird cravings and lack of sleep can totally make you not want another one. Yet, I had three, three beautiful children who I adore day in and day out. I am ready to be a Mommy, I was the first time I laid eyes on my sweet daughter, held her in my arms and nursed her for the first time. I absolutely love my children but some days I wonder … will this ever get easier?!

It occurred to me yesterday that we allow my almost 8 year old daughter to have a say in almost every thing that comes into her life. She has a choice as to when she wants to visit, call or text her father. My daughter has a choice on whether or not she wants to do an extra curricular activity, she has a say in her clothes shopping for school. Pretty much the girl has had it really easy because she has always been pretty respectful and mature for her age. Yesterday, rather over the weekend, while she was at her Dad’s house it dawned on me …. Miss Ki gets to make decisions most almost 8 year old don’t have a say in. The girl has a say in almost everything we do as a family because Justin and I feel that a family makes decisions together. Mind you, we allow our children to have a say, as in share their opinion, but we, the adults, make the final decision.

This is where it gets a bit cloudy for my daughter because she is the type of child who shares her opinion and expects us to go with what she feels we should do. Not anymore, she has had a say and still will continue to have a say but it’s time I stand up and be the adult around here with her. Miss Ki has been able to do a lot of extra curricular activities and this year it seems they are going to overlap causing quite a stressful situation for her. I made a parental decision to pull her from one of her normal activities she did last year, we loved doing it together but over the Summer and even during the start of this school year I have noticed something with my daughter; her self esteem is down, her anger is up and she isn’t the spunky little girl I always known and raised her to be.

Miss Ki still has her soccer, after all her father is the coach and I feel I can’t make a decision on that without talking with him. Soccer is only a seasonal sport and not a full year thing that she is doing so much better at after playing since Kindergarten. Soccer is something she can play no matter where we move as she plays for a rec center and non-residents can play with just an extra non-resident fee. Which means should we move out of this town we live in, she and her father can continue doing their “soccer thing” no matter what.

I have been questioning myself and making myself  feel like I am making a mean decision to pull her from all other activities until further notice. I didn’t just do it on a whim, I actually sat down and spoke with my daughter expressing my concerns with her self esteem, her mood changes and how she seems to be unhappy about some things in her life. I told her I feel like her and I should work on building her self esteem back up and getting her emotionally okay as well as focusing on school. Miss Ki does great in school, however, we haven’t had a parent/teacher conference as of yet so I don’t know if her emotional behavior is playing out in school at any level yet.

What I do know is that my daughter is easily put to tears, easily throwing something and raising her voice at a whim to her family. In our house, we are a family and we do not speak to each other in such a tone, we take time outs and then come back to discuss any issues together as a family, yes my chidlren have a say, they have the right to speak up and tell me or their father/step father if we are doing something they feel is not okay, hurting their feelings or what have you. We are the type of parents our children can say something to us, in a respectful, polite way if they feel unhappy with a decision we made or with how we handled a situation.

No matter how much we let our children have a say in our family routine, the end result is that Justin and I are the adults and we are taking back some of our “adult rights” one of which includes the decision to pull children from activities should their emotional well being need to be worked on. Counseling services is next … because if I watch my little girl fall apart and do nothing to stop it, I fear for the worse! I feel like no one interfered when I was younger to get me counseling or anything and my teen life went spiraling downhill along with my grades. One thing I refuse to do, is let my daughter follow in my foot steps of low self esteem as a child, I will do everything in my power to build that girl right back up so she knows that she is the best and most loved little girl in the world.

My daughter says to me the other day “well Mama I would love for us to talk but I do want a counselor because after all, your expertise is not in that area”. Now do you all see what I am dealing with? An advanced, big word speaking, too big for her britches, almost 8 year old! Need I say more?!

I am a firm believer that if you enable a person then you are setting them up for failure. This goes with addictions, living life and raising children. Enabling almost seems to me to be a form of denial, the decision a person has made to ignore the fact that a particular person has a problem. Sometimes I swear I sound like a mean Mama who would rather my child fall down and get back up than have them live in a bubble or world with padded walkways.

I have seen from friends to family how people grow up to be when they have been enabled all of their life or even a portion of their life. I wasn’t enabled by my parents, I fell hard many times, I have failed, I have tripped and I have not always been free and clear of trouble. The reason I am who I am today is because no body enabled me to do the things I did, no one made excuses for my behavior and no one allowed me to make excuses for my behavior or actions. I have always had to face the consequences of my actions, due to this I have learned to have morals and common sense.

I feel that enabling a friend or child is easier than actually stepping back and telling them you love them dearly but can not help them. It is very hard to simply say no to a loved one no matter if blood related or friend, but sometimes doing that will create a better person in the end. This person may dislike you, they may not speak to you forever or many years but when all is said and done that person will look back and thank you for what you did for them.

When you make a decision to allow a person to pick up their own mess and simply be an ear to listen, you are creating a stronger individual person and that my friends is the best thing anyone can do for a person. Thank you to everyone in my life who told me how it was, let me fall on my face and pick myself back up and for those who listened when I needed someone to vent to. Without those people who have come and gone in my life, I would not be the person I am today!

Well okay I have to share that statement with Justin, so our walls, our house and our rules! Either way it’s us and no one else that will tell our children what they can do, can’t do or should do inside of the walls we call our home. That includes a co-parent. I don’t care if that co-parent is super involved, an awesome parent and an amazing person to their child; they still have no right to come into my home and tell our child what they will or will not be allowed to do here, in my home!

Am I wrong or am I right? I love co-parenting, it works so wonderfully. My daughter has it great, or so it seems most times, she has two loving parents who can get along with each other and even attend events, appointments and similar together when it involves her. The only problem is; he apparently thinks it is okay to rule my house too. Nope, notta, sorry not happening!

I don’t care how much this dude helps me out, fathers our child or goes out of his way to be at everything that involves her. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate the help, I think it’s great that my child has a super involved father but mind you I do not take kindly to people coming into my home and telling a child what they can or can’t do. I would never go to this dude’s house and tell my daughter what she can or can’t do behind his walls; those are his walls, his house and his rules. I don’t like his rules in all honesty, there are many where I cringe and wonder if  my daughter will be able to be a child there?! Regardless of my personal feelings of the rules at the other home I feel I have no place to say a thing, why? For starters his rules are not harming my child, even though I have to question if sometimes it’s emotionally harming her having two completely different households, and for second it’s his house and I don’t care if we both have equal rights to her, we also have 100% rights to rule our homes the way we deem fit.

I have been really good at biting my tongue per the request of my daughter but it’s to the point where I want to call up a family meeting and stand my ground. No one other than, maybe, just maybe babysitter, is going to come inside my home and over step boundaries when it comes to my rules! If the rules do her no harm, then leave it be dude! Oh and if you have a problem with it make sure you take it up with me not her! It’s the adults that should be discussing “issues” not a child and parent.

Done … you can move on with your day or leave a comment below telling me what you think about this topic …

Side Note: I don’t mean to sound rude, my daughter has a very involved father who, for the most part, I get along with , but sometimes I swear I wonder where he thinks he has a right to rule my house too.