Things I’ve Noticed Recently

When a situation you are done with isn’t able to be moved on from as quickly as you would like it, things can close in on you and you find yourself in a state of total moodiness with a side of sleepiness. Not wanting to sleep because you just want to work so hard to get the situation over with, not wanting to stop doing whatever it is you have to do to survive and move on.

Eyes are starting to be constantly blood shot, my head is starting to get headaches all of the time and in all reality all I want is one person to lean one, listen to me, be here for me. I have that someone I think but it’s not the same because when I am having issues where I really need someone, I want more and more. I need more and more. It’s hard because when life hits hard sometimes it is during my period, and well guess what? Life is 100% times more dramatic when I have my nonfriend {as I call my period}.

In all reality I don’t stress out or freak out, get all crazy bent out of shape about things. Normally, when not having my nonfriend, I am able to proactively think of a solution, keep the “I can do this” mindset and focus but put that nonfriend in and forget it. All hell has broken loose and I am sort of in this position that one of my children are in, at 31 years of age, I want my parents. Sometimes I yearn for my Mom, because we never really were all that close and now I feel like we won’t ever have that bond as a mother and daughter.

No matter how close I am starting to feel to my Mom, I still have this guard up because I love her dearly but feel I got hurt too many times. I just want love and acceptance for who I am. I want my Mom to listen to me, hug me and not have answers – just be there. Much like my oldest wants of me and I give to her. However, I am a grown adult and as much as running to my Mommy sounds perfect, this is real life and that’s not how real life works. I will settle for the fact that I am finally starting to have some form of a bond with my Mom, to the point where I actually will call her about things going on from time to time whereas a year ago we would barely communicate.

Everything in life is a work in progress and as I move onto another chapter in my life, writing, rambling and getting these thoughts out of my head are what helps me to move forward.

Thanks for listening my therapeutic rambling today!

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