I think that humans are selfish, even for those of us who are super nice and help others, I think we are still selfish at times. That is why I think some relationships stop working, you need a partner who is going to stick by you during those selfish times. I had that partner, but I gave up on him and he wasn’t strong enough to deal with my “moments”.
You see, I think I have issues that week before my period, I become completely selfish. Nothing matters but what I am feeling, what I am thinking and what I want. I seriously feel like a teenager during the non-friend time of the month. It sucks, because I know this isn’t the real me.
What I haven’t told many is that I am now dating my ex husband, we are working on things and thinking about marriage counseling, even though we actually divorced like a year ago. I think that maybe I had a selfish moment in not thinking that counseling could help us. I think it could. Maybe it was the fact that I know what my faults are, I am open to admit them, but to have someone else tell me I have these faults, like a professional counselor, I am not sure I am ready to face that truth.
There are times where I feel like I do more than anyone else with my sons, they take up so much of my time. I act as if they are a burden on me, through thoughts to other people. I don’t think that of my sons in all reality but when you are with two children, ages 2 and 4 all day long for 7 days a week you tend to get a little on edge. These two boys are my double trouble team, I love them dearly but they do not sleep through the night on a regular basis, they are always with me and I never get a moment to refresh my brain.
This is when I turn to selfish mode, I don’t want to be the only one raising my sons and it always seemed to me the only break I could get was to not be with their father, silly thinking … I know, but that is what I thought. I turned myself against my ex husband and he stood there, waiting for me. Don’t get me wrong he tried to date someone, he tried to get out there and meet people, he didn’t sit here and beg for me back.
My ex husband is the only man I will ever trust, even though I don’t always understand the reasons why he can love me, even through the PMS period and selfish moments I appreciate him so much. I was able to go out and meet other men, date so to speak and guess what? My mind always went back to my ex husband, because no matter how much I try to fight it, we are soul mates, always have been, always will be so now it’s a matter of moving forward from selfish thoughts and making this work.