Sitting around wondering what it is that I feel I am missing, am I missing a person, a situation or what? Something is weighing on my heart and mind but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Sitting here wondering why some days I feel lost, lonely and anxious about my life.
It finally hit me one night while I was sitting around by myself watching a movie .. I am missing a lifestyle. The lifestyle I was used to living, a family … I wouldn’t go so far as to say a happy family but it was a semi-content family, living together as friends but nothing more than that. Some days the friendship seemed not worthy of my time, I felt like I was wasting my life and that persons life.
What could I possibly be missing? I have three wonderful children and a business as well as two blogs that keep my body busy and usually my mind as well. It seems those late nights sitting all alone is what gets my mind wandering. My mind wanders into the land of what ifs and questioning the actions I have taken in life. It is hard to not think thoughts of what ifs sometimes, but I hate admitting that.
I am content in my life, I am truly happy with the decisions that have been made to place myself in the situation I am in today, but I am a person who is hard on herself. It could be because so many do not understand my way of thinking or living. So many can not be the positive person I am and as much as I don’t want to let other peoples opinions bring me down … sometimes it does get to me.
So today I am reminded that I am not missing a person, I am missing a lifestyle, I am missing the life we are all brought up to be “right” but reality is … no other person can tell you what is right for you. All you can do is knock those what ifs out of your head, come to grip with today and remember that mistakes are meant to be learned by, not to keep reliving. Today I invite you to not allow those questions to consume your mind, remember that you made decisions for a valid reason, loneliness is hard but that does not mean you need another person to keep you from being lonely. If you open your mind and get creative you will soon find a way to occupy your mind with something more useful than thoughts of the past.
Keep moving forward …. I know I am.