I am a firm believer that if you enable a person then you are setting them up for failure. This goes with addictions, living life and raising children. Enabling almost seems to me to be a form of denial, the decision a person has made to ignore the fact that a particular person has a problem. Sometimes I swear I sound like a mean Mama who would rather my child fall down and get back up than have them live in a bubble or world with padded walkways.
I have seen from friends to family how people grow up to be when they have been enabled all of their life or even a portion of their life. I wasn’t enabled by my parents, I fell hard many times, I have failed, I have tripped and I have not always been free and clear of trouble. The reason I am who I am today is because no body enabled me to do the things I did, no one made excuses for my behavior and no one allowed me to make excuses for my behavior or actions. I have always had to face the consequences of my actions, due to this I have learned to have morals and common sense.
I feel that enabling a friend or child is easier than actually stepping back and telling them you love them dearly but can not help them. It is very hard to simply say no to a loved one no matter if blood related or friend, but sometimes doing that will create a better person in the end. This person may dislike you, they may not speak to you forever or many years but when all is said and done that person will look back and thank you for what you did for them.
When you make a decision to allow a person to pick up their own mess and simply be an ear to listen, you are creating a stronger individual person and that my friends is the best thing anyone can do for a person. Thank you to everyone in my life who told me how it was, let me fall on my face and pick myself back up and for those who listened when I needed someone to vent to. Without those people who have come and gone in my life, I would not be the person I am today!
RT @momsvactionland: Enabling … Good or Bad? http://bit.ly/ajcvvz What do you think?
Was just helping a client w that very issue. RT @brandyellen: RT @momsvactionland: Enabling … Good or Bad? http://bit.ly/ajcvvz
I just put you in my nest of fab @momsvactionland Great blog post on enabling. Love your work. http://bit.ly/ajcvvz Welcome!
Enabling … Good or Bad? | @momsvacationland http://ow.ly/2H1qq
I could not agree more. I have had a hard life, but it has mostly been due to choices I have made. The difference is that now I have the skills I need to deal with horrible situations when they arise and handle them without freaking out. I also make better choices now and it is all because I was not enabled as a child.
When my ex-husband became a drug addict, it would have been simple for me to give in and become one as well. Instead, I never even touched the stuff and made his life a living hell until he finally got help.I did not enable him. We got divorced, he moved away and his family and friends enabled him. He is now dead in part because of their choice to do so.
I try to give my children guidance and encouragement, but I never enable them. How else are they to learn to stand on their own some day?
Kathleen B.´s last [type] ..30 Day Shred Day 1 – There Went Breakfast!
Wow, what a hard thing to deal with! I am glad you agree and have a story to share as to why you know it’s best not to enable your children so that they too can grow up to be strong adults and learn that you are responsible for your own actions. Thanks for the comment girl!
What do you think about those who have been enabled all through their life? Good or Bad? http://ow.ly/2J72K
[...] “home” Moms Vacation Land, I discussed some interesting topics as well such as whether enabling is good or bad and I talked about how I found out my county has the highest level of teen pregnancies in NH. I [...]