Thinking Out Loud on Motherhood, Parntership and Life

I am someone who does it all. When I say that I do it all, I do not mean the house is clean or the dishes are always done, but you can rest assure that the kids are clean, fed and taken well care of. You can rest assure knowing that my work is done daily as a means to add income into the home. You can rest assure knowing the groceries will be purchased, dinner will be cooked and all of the household bills will be written on the calendar. I may not do it all by the standard definition, but I sure do a hell of a lot.

I am the shoulder to cry on, the ears to listen and I am the mouth that speaks positive advice. I am the understanding Mommy, ready to hold back the giggles when something needs to be heard even if I cannot fully grasp why this is a big deal. I am the cooker. I am the worker. I am the goodnight tucker inner. I am everything that a Mom is suppose to be and more. I have a partner, so I help around the home too. He works many hours during the week to compensate for any lost time I get from work due to the children’s needs. We are a team. Or so I think we are.

Some days, I just cannot even fathom hearing a word come out of his mouth. I do not want to see his face, hear his voice nor be anywhere near him. My children adore him, but the oldest does sometimes get frustrated with him. He gets the dishes done and folds laundry almost on a regular; two things I do not seem to keep up with except that one week he went on a business trip, I kept up with everything, even vaccuming that week.

Something about having a partner, makes me not keep up with certain tasks around the home, because I feel he can pick up those areas. I do not need to do everything, in my opinion, I work my butt off working from home and taking care of our combined four children in this house. He can do some of the other little tasks. I tell ya, working from home isn’t hard work really, because it’s what I love, but that parenting gig? That is tough work. It can be extremely rewarding at times yet extremely emotionally draining at times. When their hearts break mine does too. It’s a mother thing, many fathers may feel that same way. When we have this bond with our children; whether they are blood children or not is irrelevant, we feel what they feel.

So today, I am at my limit of frustrations with the partner of the home not being able to multi-task like me, but then again, even talking to most of the Moms I know there is only one other person that is a work from home mother that can handle as much as I do at once. It’s a rare skill to have; the ability to multi-task everything and still be genuinely happy. I have written before about how I am better off single and most days I know that I am a strong independent self assured woman, which makes it difficult to be in a relationship. It’s hard for me to allow someone else to help or to have them do things, because nine times out of ten I feel they are not doing it quick enough, not doing it correctly or not trying hard enough.

I am working to get out of that mindset, but some days I wonder if that is simply who I am. I cannot rely on someone else, but I would enjoy the help without stress. Here’s to hoping a nice long chat over the kid-free weekend will assist in alleviating some of my negative thoughts I have had lately.

I forgot My Son’s Snack for First Time Ever

There is so much going on at my household these days, that for the first time in four years, I forgot to pack my son’s snack in his bag. This is my son who is high functioning autistic, so he is in that habit of at snack time the snack is in the front of his bag with a drink. Every. Single. Day. I have not missed a day yet. It’s not something I forget as I always get lunches and snacks packed up the night before.

I get this phone call, from the school guidance counselor, and here I see the number on the caller ID thinking “oh dear Lord please do not be my youngest crying and having a hard time after he went to school so fine this morning” and nope. It wasn’t about my youngest. It was about Aj who was starting to or having a meltdown over the fact that his snack was not in his bag where it was suppose to be. Combine that with the late night bedtime due to soccer last night and you have one child who is not in a good state of mind.

Luckily for Aj, this is why I work strictly from home. To be there for my kids. Times like this, when my son does need a snack to hold him over until lunch or else he would be a bear. Times like this when the school knows my son is autistic and we need to do something to alleviate his frustration/sadness over something.

So I did what any work at home mom would do, I ran inside, noticed his snack was ON THE COUNTER and said “oh my gosh, it’s on the counter, I have never ever forgotten his snack. I will be right there.” It took me all of five minutes to get down there, I met the guidance counselor at the door to the school and handed off the snack and drink. I felt so bad about that and I am sure after school I will hear all about the “why did you forget my snack, Mama. You never forget my snack” from my honest Aj who can never hold back his questions or matter of fact points.

Thank God I am blessed to work from home and Thank God I am getting better at not giving myself a hard time for something as little as this happening … because otherwise I would be a wreck right now crying. I do pray that things slow down around here so that my mind is not so full I forget the little things like a snack for school packed in the bag.

Have you ever forgotten to pack something for your child’s day at school?

The Overwhelming Feeling That Comes with Lack in Writing

I have told many people; writing is my therapy. It’s no joke. Even back in the day when my Mom made me mad or upset, she would literally get this long letter. I recall many a moments when my mother would tell me “you should write a book”. Of course, back then I was a bit better with grammar and punctuation than I seem to be these days. I laugh because I am still that way, to this day, writing has become an outlet for me. Between writing and walking I am able to function with a positive attitude, take either of those away and it’s a disaster.

I find my thoughts racing. My world overwhelming and as of late, my anxiety started picking up again. It’s difficult to live life when you are not doing things that help you live it fully. Writing is my outlet and I haven’t been writing. I am active, after all I have four kids here at the home, two really active boys and two teen/tween girls who keep me busy on my feet most days. It’s the lack in writing that has allowed my brain to be consumed with all of the changes in our household. The lack in writing that has allowed me to have a cloudy brain.

Today, I am thankful to be back into writing. School is back in session, no more full days of being Mom. While I miss Summer dearly, we had such fun around here, I do enjoy having these days to write and I love that my work revolves around writing. I firmly believe that everyone can help their own self if only they keep an open mind and become aware of what makes them tick. For me, writing makes me tick. Even if I click delete after type something up, I feel better. I feel relieved and I feel the anxiety slipping away. That doesn’t make me unable to discuss my issues, because anything that is fully bothering me, is able to be discussed in a proper tone and proper way when I get it out in words through writing before approaching the person directly.

So today, I say cheers to writing again and I live you with a question …

What makes you tick? What is it that gets you through tough times and rough days?

{Wordless Wednesday} My Niece Came for a Visit {LINKY} #ww #wordless

niece came for visit



Strawberry Yogurt Blueberry Frozen Treat Recipe

I was sitting there at my son’s OT appointment, looking through magazines* when I happened upon a fun snack idea that I could use the blueberries from our bushes for ….  so I took it upon myself to create the snack idea on my own and see what it would taste like! {don’t mind the happilyblended.com watermark, I was originally going to post this on my other blog}

Strawberry Yogurt Blueberry Frozen Treat #recipe

What you Will Need

  • Strawberry Yogurt
  • Blueberries
  • Toothpicks
  • Container that you can freeze the yogurt blueberries in
  • a Freezer

What you Will Need to Do

  • Use one toothpick to pick up a blueberry, dip this blueberry into any flavor yogurt you choose (we used strawberry).
  • Once blueberry is covered in yogurt, use another toothpick to slide yogurt covered blueberry off of that first toothpick onto a container you can freeze them in.
  • Continue this until you have as many blueberries covered in yogurt as you want.

What your Mouth Will Say

This is a superb frozen treat for the family during the Summer time, I absolutely love this snack idea and it tastes as though you are eating frozen yogurt that has a blueberry in it. Seriously delicious!

 *I believe this recipe was shown with slightly different options/instructions in the Family Fun magazine.

This entry was posted in Random.

I Will Always Choose Family First

Most families are working to make ends meet, we live paycheck to paycheck, but how difficult is it when one makes their income net 30, 60 and sometimes 120 days? That’s the story of my life, most of my income is set to pay out to me within a 30 day time-frame versus the traditional weekly pay. I am an independent contractor and freelance writer; this means I have to work harder to budget income for my family. One day, I happened upon a job that would have been a great fit, the hours were perfect. I would be working two hours a day, five days a week and the subject matter was regarding motherhood. I felt that was such a perfect fit for both my family schedule and my mindset; I love talking about motherhood and I am extremely passionate about helping other Moms at all stages of motherhood.

The position was pretty decent, I enjoyed it a lot, I was happy and I was getting a paycheck weekly on top of my already pretty decent freelancing income. The extra income helped our household feel a little bit more comfortable financially, sure we didn’t have tons extra but it was a nice help. Then it happened, they changed some things around, the way things were changing were not sitting well with me. Some really great people got fired, I didn’t get fired. I loved that I still had a job there, but I was concerned slightly about my scheduled hours change. I would be required to work a five hour shift two days a week.

I thought, this will be okay, give it a try, see how it goes. well, I neglected to remember that my son has autism and with that stems this need for routine and things going on par with what they have been. To boot, my boyfriend’s daughter moved in with us, so we had a few changes for my autistic son and he wasn’t handling the changes very well. The five hour shifts meant that my son with autism would be in front of electronics more often, which is never a good thing for his addictive personality with technology. I really did my best to setup my work space at the dining room table and have craft things around for them to do, I was extremely proactive to ensure my five hours could get done each of the two days, I kept my part as an independent contractor for this firm, but with that came a neglect so to speak with my family obligations.

The biggest, and quite possibly only, reason I work from home is to have more time with my children, to be there to raise them and to be there for them anytime they need someone. I want to always be that go-to person for my children, my new step daughter included, working in a way that takes away from that was stressing me out. My son who was used to Mama working two hour days five days a week was struggling having me in front of a computer for such long periods for the day; granted I could have split up the hours and I did try that, but this setup really just wasn’t working. No matter how I split up my work load for that five hours, the time the work had to be completed within was stepping on the toes of what is most important to me – my children and family obligations.

I had to say bye to this job, never-mind the fact that the site wasn’t working for me in some way for the last two weeks of shift work, the overall schedule wasn’t a fit and they had no way or interest in going back to a different schedule, even though another independent contractor was allowed to work that way. That is normal, every business is setup to make profit and to do whatever they feel is best for their firm. I have no hard feelings towards this company, I simply had to decide to pick between my family or an extra weekly paycheck. I chose my family, because their mental health well being is more important to me than anything else in this world. I make enough with what I was doing before to survive, sure it’s not as comfortable but I have been less off with income in my past and survived, with happy healthy children!

WAHM - I Choose Family First

My ideal addition to any work I do has to be something I can fit within my children’s world; and during the Summer break it’s difficult to work more than a couple of hours each morning or more hours after the kids are asleep. Those are my only choices during Summer break as a means to keep on par with the schedule my autistic son got used to and keep on par with my beliefs in what family is and why I work from home to begin with. When I told my daughter about me no longer working this schedule, she was happy because she said “this job was changing you” and when I told my autistic son I would go back to working my freelance work 9-11am each morning, he said “like before?” and I said “yes, like it was when summer started” and he smiled a big smile and gave me a HUGE hug. The happy responses from just those two children told me, that they realized this new schedule was a bad fit, but they were sucking it up the best they could as a means to be supportive of their Mom’s work.

While it is a shame that that companies new setup means I couldn’t have a schedule change, I understand that they need to do what’s best for their company, just as I need to do what’s best for my family. Never again, will I be so blinded by income that I give up on my main mission in life – to work from home in a way that allows me to continue being the supportive, positive mother I have always been for my children.

 “Image courtesy of marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

 

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