I am someone who does it all. When I say that I do it all, I do not mean the house is clean or the dishes are always done, but you can rest assure that the kids are clean, fed and taken well care of. You can rest assure knowing that my work is done daily as a means to add income into the home. You can rest assure knowing the groceries will be purchased, dinner will be cooked and all of the household bills will be written on the calendar. I may not do it all by the standard definition, but I sure do a hell of a lot.
I am the shoulder to cry on, the ears to listen and I am the mouth that speaks positive advice. I am the understanding Mommy, ready to hold back the giggles when something needs to be heard even if I cannot fully grasp why this is a big deal. I am the cooker. I am the worker. I am the goodnight tucker inner. I am everything that a Mom is suppose to be and more. I have a partner, so I help around the home too. He works many hours during the week to compensate for any lost time I get from work due to the children’s needs. We are a team. Or so I think we are.
Some days, I just cannot even fathom hearing a word come out of his mouth. I do not want to see his face, hear his voice nor be anywhere near him. My children adore him, but the oldest does sometimes get frustrated with him. He gets the dishes done and folds laundry almost on a regular; two things I do not seem to keep up with except that one week he went on a business trip, I kept up with everything, even vaccuming that week.
Something about having a partner, makes me not keep up with certain tasks around the home, because I feel he can pick up those areas. I do not need to do everything, in my opinion, I work my butt off working from home and taking care of our combined four children in this house. He can do some of the other little tasks. I tell ya, working from home isn’t hard work really, because it’s what I love, but that parenting gig? That is tough work. It can be extremely rewarding at times yet extremely emotionally draining at times. When their hearts break mine does too. It’s a mother thing, many fathers may feel that same way. When we have this bond with our children; whether they are blood children or not is irrelevant, we feel what they feel.
So today, I am at my limit of frustrations with the partner of the home not being able to multi-task like me, but then again, even talking to most of the Moms I know there is only one other person that is a work from home mother that can handle as much as I do at once. It’s a rare skill to have; the ability to multi-task everything and still be genuinely happy. I have written before about how I am better off single and most days I know that I am a strong independent self assured woman, which makes it difficult to be in a relationship. It’s hard for me to allow someone else to help or to have them do things, because nine times out of ten I feel they are not doing it quick enough, not doing it correctly or not trying hard enough.
I am working to get out of that mindset, but some days I wonder if that is simply who I am. I cannot rely on someone else, but I would enjoy the help without stress. Here’s to hoping a nice long chat over the kid-free weekend will assist in alleviating some of my negative thoughts I have had lately.